


The (Acting) Alpha Wolf

by captainangua



Series: as we go [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abusive John Winchester, Action/Adventure, Alpha Castiel, Alpha Dean, Alpha Sam, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Norse Religion & Lore, Alternate Universe - Post-Apocalypse, Alternate Universe - Shapeshifters, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Dean, Bottom Castiel, Bottom Dean, Crowley Being an Asshole, Dirty Talk, Drinking to Cope, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Knotting, M/M, Magic, Magic-Users, Mating, Mating Bond, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Minor Character Death, Minor Violence, Multi, Mutual Pining, Omega Dean, Omega Verse, Rutting, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Soul Bond, Suicidal Thoughts, Switching, Time Travel, Top Castiel, Top Dean Winchester, True Mates, Werewolves, Werewolves Turn Into Actual Wolves, Werewolves in Heat, Whump, Witch Ruby, Witch Sam, Wolves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-21
Updated: 2016-11-01
Packaged: 2018-04-05 12:45:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 52
Words: 133,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4180359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainangua/pseuds/captainangua
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Life is already hard enough on Dean just keeping his position as the first omega to run a pack as its Alpha. </p><p>Hearing that the world is due another apocalypse and finding an apparent True Mate he's not sure he'll be able to bring himself to even like are exactly the kinds of complications Dean doesn't deserve to start happening to him.</p><p>It's a shame destiny doesn't seem to be listening to any of Dean's concerns.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Rogue

**Author's Note:**

> So I need to do WIP and DCBB work. But I got bored at work today and I've been reading a load of great werewolf AUs and this has kinda happened so...  
> *flings this into the void*  
> Forgive me, I'm severely sleep deprived.
> 
>  
> 
> *Later note* Tags to be added as I go, but there will not be any major character death or non-con included within the time-span of this fic. Also mpreg will be mentioned within span of fic but probably not included... *coughs* timestamps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time that Castiel met Dean Winchester he hadn’t taken human form in six months. Six months of hunting, sleeping, dreaming and thinking as a wolf.

The first time that Castiel met Dean Winchester he hadn’t taken human form in six months. Six months of hunting, sleeping, dreaming and thinking as a wolf.

It couldn’t be healthy. Their kind had always walked on the fine line between one animal and the other, and to give up half of oneself for a long stretch of time was seen in their culture as something close to suicidal. At the very least it was regarded as poor self-care.

If he’d been with his pack they would have intervened long before he’d gone six days. But Cas had no pack now – he had nothing – he was the outcast alpha, the lone wolf, the scum of the earth: with no purpose, no home and no family. Why would he choose to face up to that in the form forced to spend so much time weeping and dwelling on the past? Not to mention the fact that on two-legs he was far worse at dealing with the cold, and disease, and appearing as a threat to the other things out there in the forest.

But even as a wolf sometimes Cas could not help but think back at times and mourn all he’d lost. The frost crunching beneath his paws as he wandered aimlessly into the territory of an unfamiliar pack was a harsh trigger of that. Because the wolf knew what he would have had, what he _should_ have had guaranteed for him even in winter: a prime space by the fire, treated to the first choice of the meat, the warmth of his pack’s bodies surrounding him at night. But now the wolf, stripped of those certainties, knew fear. And it knew hunger, and a hunger that had nothing to do with food…

Going through a rut while living as part of a pack could be unpleasant, and lonely at times, but it was nothing next to what it was to go through it alone. A small part of Castiel had always resented what his ruts did to him – he liked to feel in control of himself. Now, that part of him had been almost entirely silenced from shame. He was truly now everything he had ever feared becoming. He was on his third day of it, and though it was almost gone, he knew that even the real wolves he’d passed that had smelt him earlier that day - a people naturally deferent and subservient to his own kind -had growled at him to leave their territory. They feared him, but they were far more disgusted by him, by the depths he had sunk to, whining, howling, growling at everything that passed him, unable to stop himself.

Just a small step away from foaming at the mouth.

Perhaps he was mad, he mused as he wandered through to the stream and paused to take a long drink. His rut had almost finished, but the fever was still on him, and he desperately needed hydration. His mind had not gone so badly that he did not understand that…

A growl that came from a rock across the stream from him made Cas slowly raise his head to see the claws curled down onto the rock. A Wolf. One of his kind and a large one, with dirty blond fur which was well-groomed. A wolf that was snarling at Cas, ready to jump at his neck.

His latent instincts were screaming at him to do something to show submission and a willingness to leave the others’ territory; while his rut still wanted to attack something if it wasn’t allowed to fuck anything… And his new death wish told him that what he should do was to start wagging his tail, as though pleased to see the other, but in a way that could not be seen as anything other than mocking.

After very little deliberation Cas went with option three. He knew how this would go. The Alpha – the wind was blowing in the wrong direction for him to scent the other wolf, but he knew that stance, that arrogant assurance of _this is my land, my kingdom_ – would leap at him. Cas would fight back, because his instincts would allow him to do nothing else.

And then either he would die - and probably quickly because although this Alpha struck him as powerful, and maybe a little overly dominant, he did not seem sadistic, he did not seem cruel. He would not make him beg for it. He might even first offer him the chance to get out first, before Castiel forced him into continuing.

…But there was the slight sliver of a chance that Castiel might win this fight. That he could walk away from this having claimed himself a new home.

That he could emerge for the second time from a fight an alpha not only by assignation, but an Alpha by position.

But he didn’t really dare to hope, to want. All Cas really yearned for now was for some kind of judgement, some form of resolution.

The hackles of the Alpha looking down at him raised up further as he lowered its upper back and snarled again. This time Cas took a step back. He couldn’t help it. He felt that even Raphael would have flinched, and that helped to cheer him, make him stand his ground once more. He even felt resolve rush through him once more as he stared back determinedly at the other alpha, the mantra of _no more running no more running_ pounding through his blood.

The Alpha seemed to recognise this and a fraction of a second later he had snorted and launched himself at Castiel.

The Alpha was larger than Cas, and better fed. But Cas was desperate and rut-crazed and had nothing to lose. So for a few moments they seemed evenly matched. But even with Cas’ fiery determination to bite, to scratch, to _fight back this time_ , it did nothing to help him in the end, and it wasn’t long before the Alpha had him on his back.

Cas braced himself for death.

But in the moment of the Alpha’s hesitation he smelt the last thing he was expecting to – it was faint, residual, assumedly, but very much there.

You would know it when you smelt it, the elders lucky enough to grow old with their fabled ‘True Mate’ had always told him. Personally, Cas had always held back some scepticism for the archaic belief. It seemed almost cruel, wrong, for the fates to bind two souls together like that. What if they didn’t like each other? What if one would never live to see thirty? What if they never met?

But now Castiel had smelt his Mate, his omega. And he believed. And for the first time in a long time, he wanted.

But why did this Alpha smell so strongly of his omega? He had to be pack with them, but how close they were remained to be discerned… Something cold gripped at him even as he felt the Alpha begin to release him. Could he have already have claimed Castiel’s mate as his own?

Perhaps if Cas had been more himself, he would have reacted better to the thought, would have realised that the Alpha was giving him one last chance to get up and run. But he wasn’t, and he lunged for the Alpha, only to have his front paw caught in the iron clasp of the Alpha’s jaw.

He yelped at the pain, bent his neck down at last. But the Alpha, surprising him once more, released him again, and, growling at Cas fiercely in warning, ran off deeper into his woods.

The Alpha had won, and yet he had fled.

Castiel had a Mate out there somewhere, and yet still he was alone.

It was too much for the wolf to handle. Remaining bested on the floor, Cas threw back his head and howled mournfully into the uncaring sky.

*


	2. Leader of the Pack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was nobody’s bitch. That was important.

For the rest of the day, most of his pack made the effort to stay out of Dean’s way. He could still feel that simmering _rage_ bubbling beneath his skin, and even walking on two legs again, it was making him incapable of doing much more than snapping at everyone who dared approached him. But bad day or not, he still had responsibilities to consider. He wasn’t his brother, he didn’t run from the jobs he didn’t want to do, he damn well got them done.

Which meant that when Benny wanted to give him a report on how the electricity was playing up again, or when Krissy and Kate came over to him, sullenly, and demanded help on improving their aim (because Dean wasn’t an idiot, he didn’t want his pack ignoring their more vicious side, the human part, for the sake of tradition and niceties. These woods weren’t always kind, and they shouldn’t be either.) or when Ellen  reminded him that he was supposed to be delivering a talk in the school the next day… Dean dealt.

Admittedly he dealt with his Daddy’s old hipflask in hand most of the day, but he stayed on his feet and acted the part. And that was what mattered.

“So what’s tugging at your tail, Dean?” Garth asked, when they were halfway done with getting their new deliveries packed into the storehouse. Technically, Dean didn’t need to be doing this, should have probably got someone else to do this while he did something more important. But he’d wanted the chance to have something to do with his hands before he ended up punching at walls.

Garth was the first on to think to ask after the source of the bad mood, and Dean suspected that this was largely because the beta didn’t always do a lot of thinking. Well, that could be unfair. It was more that Garth didn’t do much thinking that accommodated for self-preservation as a priority.

“Leave it, Garth,” Dean warned him as he packed up another box of blankets. That should be them alright to see the winter through, now, so long as the boiler held up…

“No, really, I’m worried about you, man. Is this about Cole coming of age soon? ‘Cause you know he’s all talk, right?”

Dean snorted and folded his arms, leaning back on the crates behind him. “That overgrown pup? Challenge me for the Alpha role? Nah. If any of the young alphas decide they want to try that, it’ll be Tracy, just you wait.” Dean smirked. “And you know what? I’d probably just give her the damn position, if she ever felt ready enough to ask.”

Garth smiled. “We’re never going to have a conventional Alpha around here, are we?”

Dean rolled his eyes, but without any malice, because Garth, as always, was being completely genuine with that smile. He really was happy to be part of Dean’s pack, weirdness and all.

It wasn’t really all that unusual these days to see female Alpha leaders – Hel, everyone had heard now about Abbadon, and knew the worry that she’d decide to move her wandering pack closer to them one day. It was about as common now as seeing a male beta Alpha. The key seemed to be the ability to impregnate something.

So by those laws, a male _omega_ Alpha shouldn’t be anything objectionable.

Dean supposed that it was less that the idea was opposed, and more that it was never considered. It certainly wasn’t a possibility that had ever crossed his Dad’s mind.

“So what’s upsetting you so bad then?” Garth asked persistently, as he pulled himself up onto one of the boxes to make himself taller than his Alpha. “This has something to do with the rogue alpha out there, doesn’t it?”

Dean froze. “What?” he growled, as soon as he forced his jaw to move.

“Ash told me he smelt one out on the outskirts today, and that you went to deal with it.” The beta’s face had turned into a mushy pile of sentiment. “Did you think it might be Sam, again?”

Dean stood up straight and turned away again, determinedly getting back to work. “It’s never gonna be him, Garth. Believe me, I know that.”

Which was a lie, and Dean knew that Garth knew it. But he hadn’t gone down there with hope that what he smelt was his brother. Only fear. How was he supposed to bring that story back to his Mom? That the prodigal son had come home at last, but afraid and half-wild, with a matted coat and a seemingly non-existent sense of direction.

But of course what he’d found might have been even worse.

Apparently it was just that sort of day.

His Mom waited to ask him about the stranger until just before Dean was about to drag his aching body into his bed.

“I already know it wasn’t Sam,” she said quietly, indicating that she wanted him to sit by the fire with her just a little longer. No one else would have dared to even imply an order at him.

But this was Dean’s mother, and so he sat.

“But Dean, why didn’t you talk to me about it?”

Dean shrugged and looked at the floor. “What was there to talk about? Like you say, wasn’t him. Never is.”

“It will be one day,” she stated easily, and with confidence. Much as he loved his Mom more than anything, Dean couldn’t help hating her a little for that, for that unquenchable fire of faith she’d never let die. It was almost as though she hadn’t been there through all the bad times, like Dean had been imagining everything. How could she remember and still hold onto so much hope?

But Dean knew that it was better not to argue.

“Well, today it wasn’t,” Dean reiterated as he slapped his hands to his knees and made to stand up. “Just some crazy loner.”

“How did you deal with him?”

…and this was where Mary’s faith always brought her. She’d had faith that Dean would be able to _deal_ with whatever he’d found out there and, of course, she was wrong.

“Well, Mom, he got away,” Dean told her as he stood up, fighting to keep sarcasm out of his voice.

“They never just ‘get away’ from _you_.”

Dean had to smile: it was true. The fact that he’d been the pack’s best fighter, even if he was an omega, had been about the only thing in his favour when he’d moved to take pack leadership. It was just something that he’d made sure everyone _knew_ , years before his Dad had died even. Dean Winchester – he was one scary asshole, even if he was an omega.

He was nobody’s bitch. That was important.

“Well, uh, speaking honestly, I let him run off. Figured he might go mend his ways.”

Mary smiled. “You’re a bleeding heart. But you’re also lying. And I’d know your scent anywhere, and I know when it’s changed, Dean. So talk to me.”

Dean closed his eyes, briefly, trying hard to keep his breathing even. His scent had changed. So it was true. Even that minimal amount of contact had apparently been enough to seal the deal…

“ _No,_ ” Dean growled under his breath. He didn’t deserve this.

“No what?” Mary stood up in front of him and laid a hand on his shoulder. “What’s wrong, Dean?”

“What does it feel like,” Dean blurted out, voice cracking slightly, “when you meet them, your Mate? What did it feel like when you met Dad?”

“I smelt him,” Mary said, clearly picking her words with care. “And I knew that my life was no longer all my own.”

Dean snorted and turned away from her. “Right. And I saw how well that turned out for you both. A broken marriage with one kid MIA and the other one a freak.”

“If I thought you meant that…”

“You’d what, Mom?”

He heard his mother sigh, but still didn’t look around to see it.

“So you met them?”

“Oh yes I did. You know the Rogue we were talking about? The one about a step down from a dog half-dead of rabies?  The one that made a good go of trying to kill me today? Yeah, that’d be Mr one and only for me, according to the fates’ design.” Dean let his head loll forwards as he shook it. After everything he’d worked for, built up, for himself and for the pack… now he was supposed to just play the devoted bitch to a hyper-aggressive… _thing_ that not even its own pack had wanted anything to do with, to essentially cede control of the pack to him, to put everything they had in danger – and for what? So that everyone could point, and tell him that he was exactly what they’d feared when they let an omega take charge?

Dean didn’t move as he felt his mother’s arms wrap around him. “Oh Dean,” she murmured. “What will you do?”

Dean raised his head again and gently extricated himself from Mary’s embrace. “I’m going to patrol tomorrow. And if he comes at me again, then this time I’m going to kill him.”

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to everyone taking an interest in this! I probably won't usually be able to update so quickly, but I do have a load of ideas for this, so we'll see...


	3. Meeting Your Mate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Alpha’s jaw clenched. “You wanna know something about your Mate, huh knotbrain?”

Cas didn’t even consider running. He had nothing to live for outside of this patch of territory, hostile as it had proven to be. Here, there was the possibility of Mate. And though his rut had finished with him now, that idea refused to leave him alone. That maybe he wouldn’t have to be anymore – alone.

And all that was keeping him from that possible, last-hope of a future was the Alpha in these hills, who’d made it plain that Cas was to leave.

Cas thought that they might have to have a talk about that.

It was excruciatingly painful making the change back to human form after spending so long as a wolf. He could hear the crunch of his bones as he made his change, felt as though his skin was on fire as all over his body hair retracted, his muzzle shortened. It seemed to take forever, and Cas found himself worrying that he would end up stuck in some grotesque half-way place for the rest of his life. But eventually he was slumped on the ground as a human, shivering as he lay there naked in the cold, and trying to move each of his fingers and toes one after the other, to check that they were all still there. Ten of each… he was sure that was right…

And then before he even had a chance to get his breath back the feelings started to hit him, everything that remaining as a wolf had largely shielded him from.

_Oh gods._

Images flashed through his mind of the faces of his pack, the people who’d been counting on him, the people who’d believed in him, the people he’d let down, been forced to abandon them… How they must _hate_ him now… To have offered them that brief glimmer of hope that they might know freedom only to fail to win it for them…

Cas curled himself up into a ball, and leant against a tree, whining as he licked at his injured paw… wrist. His injured wrist. Wrists. Hands. No Tail.

Legs that could stand.

…And he would try that. In a minute. Standing. It couldn’t be as hard as right now he felt it must be. But for now all Cas felt able to do was lay down and sob.

*

Tracking the Alpha, even in human form, was not difficult for him now. His sense of smell had been heightened after so long as a wolf, and now as a human, he was more difficult to sense walking near to their camp. He set himself up in a tree above them, having stolen some clothes he’d spotted in a window. He didn’t plan to be up here long enough to freeze to death, or be spotted – it was not a large village, and Cas felt certain that as soon as his mate walked by him, he would know them.

But as the hours began to drag on and there was still no sign of his mate, Cas began to worry. Many omegas were kept almost captive by their pack Alpha if they had been chosen as a favourite – Cas had seen it happen many times. His mother… but no, that hurt to think of too. Better to focus, like the wolf would, and not dwell on what was gone that he could not change.

But if his omega was hard to spot, the Alpha he had already met was not, even in his human form now. It was a handsome one, Cas was objectively able to decide as he saw the man pass by him several times. Like the Alpha’s wolf form did, his human form cut an imposing figure, and there was that same unmistakeable look of constant vigilance, and almost anxiety as he looked around at his pack that made Castiel recognise him as… sympathetic. If nothing else, he clearly cared about his pack.

It was starting to grow dark now and still there was no sign, no scent of Cas’ Mate – nothing at all to suggest that they might live there but for the faint smell given off from the Alpha, who had moved near to his tree again. Too close.

Cas tried his best to not even breathe as he watched the Alpha below him sniff at the air. Surely, any moment now, he would leave… But no, now the Alpha was taking off his shirt… It revealed a nice body to look at, Castiel caught himself thinking before realising what the Alpha was doing. He was about to Change, to go wolf, and as soon as he did he’d be capable of scenting Castiel hiding above him. And then it would all be over.

Cas couldn’t let that happen.

As quietly as possible, Cas lowered himself slowly down through the tree, his fingers that were feeling steadily more frostbitten clutching determinedly at every branch. By some miracle, the Alpha still hadn’t noticed, and had his back turned to Castiel by the time he was at a jump away from ground level.

Right. Now what was he supposed to do?

Instinct decided for him before Cas had the chance to mull that over as the Alpha turned around and looked at him, bright green eyes widening briefly in surprise before they quickly narrowed. “You again,” he grunted, and Castiel leapt at him, pinning him to the ground in almost a single movement. It was almost intimidating at how _calm_ the Alpha seemed, and resistance to Cas’ hold on him felt conspicuous in its blatant absence. All he seemed interested in moving were his eyes, which scanned coldly over Castiel’s face as though trying to assess him.

That stare only served to make Cas’ first attempt at speech in six months even more of a disaster. At first all that he was able to force out of his mouth was a low growl. The Alpha raised an eyebrow in obvious amusement.

“Having trouble there, mutt?”

Cas cleared his throat, feeling his face burn with humiliation even as he did so. “My… people skills… are rusty,” he managed, slowly, before digging his untrimmed nails into the skin of the Alpha’s wrists.  “But I assure you, I am perfectly capable in all other areas.”

“I shout, whole pack comes running, genius.”

“I don’t imagine you really want to do that. I know something about what it means to be the pack Alpha. And looking weak is never something you can afford to do, no matter the pack.”

The Alpha sighed in exasperation, but did not deny the truth in Castiel’s statement. “So. What in Helheim do you want then? More of our clothes?” He grinned, and Cas felt briefly annoyed at himself at how charmed he felt by it. “Hey, are those Benny’s? Wow. They look fucking ridiculous on you…”

Cas tightened his grip. “I want you to answer some questions for me, and I don’t want to ask more than once.”

The Alpha’s jaw clenched. “You wanna know something about your Mate, huh knotbrain?”

Cas froze. “How did you know that?”

The Alpha stared at him blankly for a few moments, as though he’d never in his life heard anything so ridiculous. Then he lay his head down on the ground and started to laugh. He was pinned to the ground by his wrists and he was _laughing._

“You actually don’t know! You don’t get it at all! Fuck…” He caught Cas’ suspicious eyes again, and seemed to force his laughter to subside. “Well uh, your Mate… As their Alpha I can tell you with authority that you’re uh… you ain’t their type. His actually. His type.”

“Don’t presume to speak for him,” Cas snapped, protective instincts flaring, and memories beginning to hit at him. Recent memories, of Raphael, and the way he had never seen omegas as anything more than things; memories of Balthazar, who’d trusted him, believed in him to make things right… yes, his past was making his temper worse too, now.

 _With authority,_ the Alpha had said. But no one Wolf could ever claim such power over another like that…

But this one did, and he’d started laughing again. “Oh, believe me, Rover, I really am the _only_ one who can presume to speak for him, like _really._ ”

Cas lashed out without thinking, slamming his fist down only to find that the Alpha was suddenly very interested in moving – and that he was fast. After dodging the punch he managed to knee Cas in the crotch, and as Cas was forced to double up in pain, the Alpha rolled out from under in. Determined that he could not fail this time, that the stakes were too high, Cas forced himself to his feet… only to find himself looking down a barrel of a gun once he’d done so.

But Wolves didn’t use weapons like that.

“That’s cheating.”

The Alpha shrugged, “So’s spying on me from a tree. But I’m feeling generous today,” he said, balancing the gun carelessly in his hand, “so before I make you beg for your pathetic excuse of a life, I’m gonna give you the chance to figure it out. You get, I dunno, let’s say ten seconds. Ok, nine…”

Cas narrowed his eyes. Figure what out? The Alpha was still smiling as he counted, like he knew everything that Cas was thinking, just like he’d somehow known what and who Cas had turned up looking for.  

How had he known about Cas’ Mate?

The Alpha had been the only Wolf of this pack that Cas had been given the chance to meet…

“It’s you… but how? You’re, you’re…”

“You know,” the Alpha said, moving closer towards him, his movements lazy and assured. Entirely Alpha. But apparently not. “It’s kind of adorable, having my honour defended for me _from_ me, even if it is coming from a complete stranger.”

“We’re not strangers,” Cas croaked, his mouth dry.

“What else are we? I don’t even know your name, and this is the second time you’ve tried to attack me on my land. And, like you just pointed out for me, an Alpha’s rep, well, that’s everything, ain’t it? So I should get round to killing you right about now…” He raised the arm holding the gun, pointing it straight as Cas’ head.

Cas had never in his life felt more of a fool. He had indeed found his mate – his True Mate. After so long, he’d found the one person biologically _programmed_ to care for him, to want to twine their fate together with his own, to be his family even where he had none.

Yet even he was disgusted by Castiel.

Accepting death for the second time in as many days, Cas closed his eyes. And moments later, he heard a shot.

Cautiously, Cas opened his eyes, one by one. The Alpha, his _Mate_ , was already walking away from him.

“Better not hang around here too long, mutt,” he called back over his shoulder, with an easy, and impossibly attractive, wink, which contrasted so strangely to the cold expression on his face. “Next time I won’t miss.”

Cas believed him.

But that didn’t mean he felt ready to move on yet.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to everyone already encouraging this along :D  
> Also, to the people familiar with things I've written already maaaay be noticing a slight theme of Dean holding Cas at gunpoint. I'm not sure what that's about, I'm sorry. Really not sure what that's all about.  
> I have another short chapter (I mean they're all short, but) written but not typed yet, so that'll get posted as soon as I get some time to type that, which should be tomorrow :)


	4. A Night In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You chose this, Dean,” she reminded him.

Dean drank almost constantly, but Jo had rarely seen him drunk – never, since becoming Alpha. She hadn’t even been all that sure that he still _could_ get drunk, not with all that alcohol pumped around his system already. But the Alpha made a habit of proving people wrong, she thought as she looked down at her friend where he lay with his legs sprawled out haphazardly over his bed, his back propped up against the wall of his room.

“You ever know someone our generation who found themselves a True Mate, Jo?” he asked.

“It’s a little late to be trying those moves on me now,” she pointed out as she gently coaxed the half-drunk bottle of whiskey from his hand. “Thought we figured that this was a bad idea, you and me,” she reminded him as she forced her own heart-rate to slow. She didn’t even _want_ a mate.

Dean however did not seem to be needing the self-pep talk. “Not _you._ I mean, at least that’d make some sort of sense…”

Jo sighed heavily as she watched her Alpha space out and stare at a spot on his ceiling. “Look, Dean,” she said, sitting down beside him, “you need to sober up, or at least get some rest. You don’t want the pack seeing you like this.”

Dean rolled his eyes with great melodrama and led his head thud back against his wall. “Right. Gotta remember the _pack_ and how much they hate it when I quit acting like my Dad for more than a few minutes.”

“You’re ten times the Alpha that John Winchester was, Dean,” Jo said quietly. “And I don’t think that there’s a person here that would say any different.”

“Yeah? Well I know that we all _know_ that that’s still only _half_ the Alpha Sam woulda been. But he ain’t here, is he?” Dean muttered bitterly as he reached for the bottle, only for Jo to hold it further away from him. Right now, more to drink was definitely not in the other omega’s best interest.

“Dean,” she snapped, “quit wallowing already. If your brother was here he’d tell you the same. And I know that he’d also tell you what a great job you’ve been doing. Hel, Dean, you know that this was everything he was ever fighting for…”

“Yeah, well, if this is what he wanted, then he shoulda fucking asked me,” Dean roared, that unmistakeable _Alpha_ tone briefly holding Jo paralysed where she sat. It was something she’d never heard of another non-alpha being able to master so well.

Dean held here gaze for a tense moment before looking down, in obvious shame, which was about as close to an apology as the Alpha was ever able to muster.

“You _chose_ this, Dean,” she reminded him, keeping her voice stern but not harsh. “Long after Sam was gone and your Dad was dead, you _fought_ to have this. And so far you’re killing it, you are. Just… no more drunken breakdowns, alright? You don’t wanna scare people.”

“Right,” Dean snorted. “Can’t scare my Pack. Game face on now – you got it,” he said, clenching his jaw and raising his chin in his best impression of his sober self. Strong, powerful, authoritarian even… but gods, so tired.

Gently, Jo pushed her friend backwards onto his bed. “But first, sleeping. Then impress the world over how serious you can make yourself look hungover, alright?”

“Alright,” Dean murmured, reluctant smile creeping over his face. “I’ll get some sleep. _Ma’am_.”

He did seem to make the best effort to do so almost immediately after he made his promise, that is, until Jo creaked open his door and heard him talking again, with a voice that seemed to ache with the weight of all the years he hadn’t lived yet, and yet somehow made him sound twenty years younger.

“It’s just… he was so damn pretty, Jo.”

She squinted at him in the dark. “Are we still talking about Sam?”

But the Alpha was already snoring.

She closed the door, thinking that this was the first time since his brother had left that she’d heard Dean say his name.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for all the feedback on this so far - I really won't usually be able to promise such a quick posting schedule, but I'm getting bored on buses a lot at the moment and doing a lot of scribbling, so...


	5. Foundling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There wasn’t much a dying alpha would be able to do in the way of making trouble.

There wasn’t a whole lot that Benny enjoyed more than taking a run with his Mate. There was just something special about that ultimate rush of freedom of feeling familiar ground beneath his paws, of the knowledge that the woods belonged to them and only to them that was always best shared. Of course, someone did own the land over them – their own Alpha, but that had never been something to bother Benny. Having grown up with Dean, and Sam, he felt only pride in what his friend had grown up to achieve.

There were many in the Pack, and Andrea was one of them, who’d expected Benny to take on the Alpha role following John Winchester’s death. In many ways it made sense – their pack had no healthy adult alphas, and Benny was the largest and strongest of the betas. But that kind of responsibility had never really been his style – whereas Dean had always taken to it like duty was a way of life, and not just a four-letter word. So Benny had made it clear from the off that he backed Dean, reminding everyone that he was the best damn fighter they had, and the only kid of their last Alpha still around. And Hel, it seemed to make his friend happy. Or, gave him something to do with his day, at least.

Yeah, Benny’d always much rather have time to _enjoy_ himself than worry over anything important like leadership…

Andrea yelped as Benny snapped at her tail and ran off deeper into the woods, smiling inside as he listened to the snap of frosted twigs beneath his paws, the growl of his Mate as she followed him. He could _hear_ her frustration with him, with his ignoring of the job they had to be doing, but Benny figured that that was their Alpha’s fault for letting them out to patrol together. Which, come to think of it, was odd. Dean usually remembered that sort of thing – but then he had seemed distracted lately…

Benny stumbled and started to roll down the snowy hillside as Andrea slammed into him, and together they fell down towards the stream. Eventually, he let his Mate pin him to the ground as he smirked inside. Looking at her like this he was always over-awed by just how _incredible_ she was, and feeling sappy, he licked at her face. In response, she nipped at his ear, drawing a little blood. Benny could smell it. Man, she always did like to play things rough…

But not _that_ rough.

He was smelling a lot more blood than his own. Something on the hill above them was injured, maybe even dying. This could save them the trouble of going hunting if nothing was infected…

Benny could tell that his Mate had smelt it too when she let him up and started wandering across the iced over stream, then _pointed_ with her entire body to a spot up the hillside on the opposite bank. There was a small cave up there – Benny remembered it well from his childhood. He and Dean and Ash and sometimes other young Wolves, like Sam, or Jo, had claimed it as a hideout for themselves. Come to think of it, they’d probably left a lot of mouldering supplies up there too… enough to interest to any trespasser…

Cursing the idiocy of pups, Benny started quietly padding his way up the hill towards it, hearing his Mate follow close behind him. Whatever was up there, it was injured, he reminded himself. Few animals were ever a threat to Wolves, but this was a human, a hunter perhaps, lost and in pain and carrying a gun… well, Benny was glad that Andrea was behind him and not going in first.

There was an old smell of burnt wood as they entered the cave and Benny became more cautious still – nothing animal could have made a fire, even if they hadn’t been successful in feeding it into the evening gloom. In the darkness of the cave it took Benny a few moments to find what he was looking for, but eventually he was able to spot it – a tousled dark head of hair peaking out from under a blanket Benny recognised well – Dean had used to carry it around everywhere with him when they were pups, usually using it as a cape. His Mom had made it for him, Benny remembered. This injured… person had assumedly taken it to find some kind of warmth in the absence of their fire.  Warily, Benny approached the blanket and nudged at the figure wrapped inside. It was a man – a Wolf, and an alpha by the smell of him too.

The Pack policy on strange alphas was clear. There could be no risk of a strong, angry Wolf from far away wreaking havoc near their camp – or worse, defeating their own Alpha and forcing the Pack into a near-thrall relationship with a stranger – and so the protocol was always to have them chased out, tail between their legs by either the Alpha, or by whoever else was on duty.

But this one wasn’t making any trouble. This one was looking almost as pale as the snow, seemed to have a fever, and by the smell of him, was bleeding badly. There wasn’t much a dying alpha would be able to do in the way of making trouble. Especially since Benny would go so far as to call this one suicidal – because what Wolf, upon facing death by the cold, wouldn’t Change? It was like falling into water – your body would always try to keep you floating, or in this case, provide you with a warm coat to survive the elements a little better. This guy had basically managed to stop himself from treading water while he drowned.

Benny nudged at him with his nose again, curious as to whether anything would wake the alpha up when Andrea whined behind him. She wanted to leave.

Benny growled.

_No. Go get help._

She frowned at him, not moving. Andrea sometimes saw things very simply, and Benny knew that from her perspective they had done their jobs. They were supposed to patrol, to hunt, to watch for threats that needed stopped. This threat was putting a stop to himself.

But Benny growled again, all his playfulness from only a few moments ago now vanished, and Andrea ran. As soon as she was out of the cave mouth, Benny curled up beside the other Wolf, who apparently owned the same shirt as he did, hoping to warm the other even a little.

Rogue alpha or not, no Wolf deserved to die in the snow like this, and he knew that Dean would agree with him.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for all of the super short chapters, but I'm working a lot and not feeling all that great and I feel bad not putting something up after so much lovely feedback - more will be following soon though!


	6. Choices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean sat up a little straighter. “Could we not do this out here?”

It was almost dark now, and still Dean was nursing the hangover from the night before, still feeling that dull throbbing ache at his temples every time some poor soul tried to speak with him. He’d thought he knew his limits these days, to drink to excess and still be able to function through it, but apparently not. And Jo… she’d been there, he was pretty sure about that – so why by Hel hadn’t she stopped him? It was hard to discourage drunken behaviour among his pack when he was acting such a great poster boy for it…

Gods, he needed a drink. Oh, and his blockers still hadn’t arrived, and he always got antsy without them.

But hey. At least now he’d had knocked into him just what the consequences of thinking too much about stuff were. In this case, letting his mind dwell more than could be healthy on the idiot with the _stupid_ blue eyes and the unkempt bush of facial fuzz just led him to humiliation and a really bad headache. And having to listen to all the reports a complaints from everyone when said headache made him want to rip all their throats out again. So he’d be trying not to do that again. The thinking thing.

He wasn’t his Dad, in a load of ways. He didn’t really practice the whole stick practice of governance. But on himself it seemed to be working alright so far.

“So from what we were able to tell, there might be another pack planning to migrate through here soon. We think they’re from up the mountain, which could be bad for us if it’s the weather driving them downhill.”

“We don’t wanna see any more avalanches,” Dean finished for Kevin with a sigh. Kevin nodded seriously. But then, the kid was often serious. He was a good tracker, and a good thinker, but yeah, a serious one. His Mom still hadn’t made up her mind about how much she like Dean as their Alpha yet, even after almost three years, but Dean could respect that since her distrust of him didn’t seem to have anything to do with his sex. He needed more of those sorts of critics around.

Dean sighed. “Right. Thanks, Kevin. You done good.”

The kid beamed before bobbing his head down in respect and walking away. Bad weather and a new pack hunting out territory in the area were new problems they really didn’t need, Dean thought with an internal groan as he slapped a hand to his head and leaned back into his chair. They liked to say in the Pack that the chair was so old as to predate Ragnarok – Sam of course had managed to disprove that when he was only ten, but John had _discouraged_ him from talking about that to anyone else. And obviously Dean had never told anyone.

Victor was next in the short queue to speak with Dean, and his face was looking grim. That wasn’t a good sign. Probably more bad news…

But before he was able to say anything, he was interrupted by Andrea running naked into the square clearing. They might not be humans who went making such a big deal of nudity, but in this winter seeing anyone choosing to _not_ take the time to put on more clothes was still extremely alarming. Paired with the fact that she sounded hugely out of breath, it was clear that something had gone wrong out on her run.

“What happened?” Dean asked her, standing up before anyone else could speak.

Andrea put both hands down on her knees and breathed in deeply. “Benny… wants help. We… we found a strange alpha in the woods: I think he’s dying. He wants to have him brought here.”

 _There. This was what you wanted,_ a small, traitorous voice in the back of Dean’s head reminded him snidely, while an unfamiliar, but much louder voice roared something incoherent about _Mate_ and _hurt_ and _mine_ …

Dean forced himself to breathe, to look calm. If his… if this alpha was alone and dying of course he would have to be brought back. Someone could feed him, heal him up. Then when he was feeling able to get out of there, he’d be out. And the idiot better not say _anything_ to _anyone._

Because no one could be allowed to know.

Throat dry, Dean found his words. “Sure. Bring him in.”

Of course, there was always the chance it wasn’t him, but Dean scoffed at that idea. When had his luck ever been anything but weird and terrible?

*

He’d been alone, Cas could remember that. And there’d been the faint scent of Mate that was almost comforting, but was also making him feel so much worse because it _wasn’t really him_ , would never be him. Cas had missed his chance.

Some part of him had been aware that the cold was killing him, but he couldn’t allow himself to Change, he couldn’t. He’d barely made it through two days in human form, after so long as a wolf, and the Change had been so hard this time… Cas was frightened that if he Changed he might never be able to turn himself human again. He didn’t really want to die, but he didn’t want to live a crazed half-life like that either.

But then there were other people, other Wolves all around… and they brought him somewhere where there was everywhere the smell of his Mate, and there was a woman with long blonde hair dabbing at his forehead with something cool, trying to ask him questions as she looked over his wounds. Some of them had been from his Mate, some from his own carelessness, Cas wanted to tell her, this woman who seemed so much like she must be a mother.

Cas liked to imagine, growing up, that his own mother might have shown this kind of genuine affection, if she’d ever had the chance for it. After he’d presented he’d barely caught a glimpse of her, but when he’d heard of her death he hadn’t been able to be around the Pack for a whole day, feeling more than ever the need for escape… She’d had kind eyes, much like this woman’s, he remembered.

There were surely worse ways of dying, he thought sleepily as he started to drift out of consciousness again, than to be tended gently out of the world by such a lovely stranger. But still, there were the regrets keeping him grounded, making him want to keep fighting. For the chance to return home one day, for the chance to find his Mate and tell him how sorry he was, to prove that he could do and be better…

Cas fell asleep again still clutching his blanket from the woods.

*

“So this is gonna be an awkward one if he wakes up,” Charlie said as placed down a plate of food in front of Dean and sat herself down across from him. He grunted at her in greeting, eyes still fixed on the notes in front of him. This new Alpha from the south wanted some kind of conference… or something. He’d kind of stopped reading after the first few lines.

“I mean, what’s gonna happen, we’re like hey, we’re the nice folks who came and rescued you. Now get out of our territory because we really don’t want a new alpha around here?”

Dean shrugged, every part of him concentrating hard on betraying nothing of his thoughts. Because Charlie knew him well. And if she noticed anything at all then that was it, it was over. “He’ll get out,” he said, turning his attention to his food.

 _If he wakes up, that is,_ his brain whispered at him. “It’s not exactly a strange policy,” he said aloud, and took a large bite out of his sandwich.

“Oh believe me, I am so not down with a new weirdo alpha Alpha coming in and trying to make me his bitch,” she agreed with a theatrical shudder. “But it just seems kinda weird, doesn’t it? The whole kicking him out thing? I mean, he might be an alright guy just fallen on hard times or whatever.”

Dean snorted. “Don’t exactly find a lot of those out here.”

“Well sure, if they’re alphas, they’re dangerous, and if they’re out here wandering on their own, then their packs kicked ‘em out. But what if they’re coming from really crappy packs…”

Dean didn’t need any more of that kind of thinking. He glared at her. “What, so you want us to start giving the crazy loners handouts and hugs?”

Charlie looked at him strangely. “We don’t know they’re crazy, Dean. This one just seems unconscious.”

Fuck. He was slipping up. But before he tried to rush into saying something to cover himself Charlie shrugged. “But yeah, I guess you’re right. Charity only goes so far and all that. Anyway. I should go see Ash, he said he had some sort of computer issue.”

Dean raised an eyebrow as she got to her feet. “He’s asking you for help now?”

“Well, Jo told me. And I like being able to walk in on him when he’s floundering,” she said with a grin, and walked off, a sadistic spring back in her step.

Dean got to finish the rest of his sandwich in peace – it seemed like the rest of his pack had finally stopped asking him about the stranger. Everywhere he’d gone that evening there’d been someone like Frank or Linda asking why he’d let the guy enter the camp in the first place - even if he wasn’t properly conscious, or able to stand – or other people asking after the alpha with sympathy in their tones, wanting to know how he was doing. Like Dean didn’t have more important things to be doing than hovering over the sickbeds of strangers or something. Bizarre that no one seemed to think to go up to the infirmary and ask Dean’s Mom, who was actually doing the care part. Not Dean.

No, Dean had been staying squarely on the other side of the camp from the alpha since he’d been brought in.

As though just thinking of his Mom was enough to summon her there, Dean looked down at the crumbs on his plate for just a moment and there she was when he looked up again, standing above him with her arms folded and a fire in her eyes Dean hadn’t seen there since she’d moved herself out of the cabin she’d shared with his Dad. That had been just after Sam left, and so far as Dean knew that was the last time she’d exchanged anything more than perfunctory words with John. Even when the Alpha had been dying in his bed and calling out for her.

“Evening,” Dean tried.

“It’s him, isn’t it?”

Sam had used to do that too, Dean remembered, just come out bluntly with questions that no one wanted to answer.

Dean sat up a little straighter. “Could we not do this out here?”

Out here, in public, where anyone might hear them. But Mary didn’t seem to care.

“Fine. Come in with me to the infirmary.”

Dean gritted his teeth and started to hiss through them as he spoke. “You know I can’t do that.”

“Why not? Because your Mate is in there and he needs you?”

“The guy who’s now twice tried to kill me is in there, yeah. And I’d like it if his being here and getting treated or whatever doesn’t end up complicating the way the pack sees me, so I’m staying over here.”

“Oh no you’re not.”

Dean narrowed his eyes, and only the knowledge that his was his Mom kept him from full on growling at her. So instead he went for her where he knew it would hurt. “I get it, this is still about Sam, isn’t it? You just don’t wanna think that wherever he turned up that people turned him away…”

But her voice remained eerily steady when she answered him. “This has nothing to do with me, or Sam. It has everything to do with you and your Mate, who will _die_ if you don’t go to him.”

“So all that bullshit about True Mates…”

“You remember how difficult Sam’s birth went for me? I would have died that night if it hadn’t been for having your father there, and being able to smell him there beside me. It calms you,” she finished stubbornly.

 Dean stared back at her as he clenched his jaw, feeling equally stubborn. “And if the Pack smells _me_ after I come out of there?”

“Fuck the Pack. You’re their Alpha, and Alphas make choices. So choose, Dean. Do you want your Mate to live, or do you want him to die?”

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the slightly later-than-intended update. I'm thinking that working around stuff for my 21st I should have another chapter out by Saturday, but after that I won't be able to promise anything for two weeks since I'm off on holiday :(


	7. Sickbed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Castiel.”
> 
> “And that’s supposed to be…?”
> 
> “My name. I thought you should know it, since I don’t think we’re strangers anymore.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Found some wifi here, so have an unexpected (tiny) update with Dean and Cas being in the same room together *gasp* :D

Cas had been in and out of consciousness for some time – perhaps a day, but it was so difficult to tell – when he smelt him, even through the pain, the crushing heat all about him…

Cas tried to raise himself from the bed. Though he could scarcely remember _what_ it was he was sorry for, he was certain that he was, and that it was important to say so. But the weight of two strong hands splayed over his chest pushed him down again.

“Hey,” he heard, “enough of that.” The voice was firm, gruff even, but it was much softer in tone than Cas remembered it being.

“You just lie down now.”

Cas narrowed his eyes, wanting to trust, feeling almost desperate to trust and let himself be cared for, but feeling suspicion gnaw at him despite himself. “Look, I’ll even lie down with you – alright? Just no more sitting up, you’re too weak for that.”

Cas reluctantly started to let his eyes close again, but just as he began slipping back into his previous restless stupor he felt his Mate’s arms wrap around him, and smelt what it was they were together. No one had ever held him like that before, Cas thought briefly before sleep could take him. Almost as though he were a child – something small and fragile which needed to be protected…

*

It was way, way too easy a thing to just lie down next to the stranger, unprompted, and stay there holding him all night. He didn’t even know this Wolf, this alpha, and everything he did know of him should only be making Dean dislike him. Even now he was dying or whatever there seemed every practical reason to keep staying away from him – for just a start he could be contagious. And if the Pack got a whiff of that sated fucking awesome scent they were forming together… well there’d be a whole load of questions, with a whole load of terrible answers to give them.

Dean still wasn’t even sure why he’d come in to see the guy in the first place, even after his Mom’s scaremongering. After all, he really didn’t think he believed in any of that stuff. Sure, it could make you feel a little comforted when your Mom or whoever walked in whenever you were feeling down, and you could smell them there next to you, but this was taking it to fairytale heights of stupid.

But whatever the reason he’d walked in there, he was here now, and relaxing in a way he couldn’t remember letting himself do in… a hell of a long time anyway. And though he knew that the illusion would later be shattered when the alpha in his arms awoke, for now he was still as weak as a kitten and pliant, needy even, so Dean could stay content in his fantasies. That maybe he wouldn’t have to find a nice beta girl or an omega to stay feeling like an Alpha…

It could never be true in real, waking life though, and Dean got that. This alpha had already shown that he had an aggressive streak a mile wide. But right now? Dean could let himself forget that. Maybe even sleep, for a few hours, at least…

When Dean woke up the alpha was already awake, and the sight of those piercing blue eyes staring into him like that was enough to send him leaping from the bed and scrambling to his feet with an unnecessary degree of panic. Because obviously Dean knew that in this state the alpha could pose no threat to him… yet still he felt almost too choked up with fear to speak.

Then the alpha muttered something and Dean managed to find his voice. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Castiel.”

“And that’s supposed to be…?”

“My name. I thought you should know it, since I don’t think we’re strangers anymore.”

For a moment Dean felt biting regret to have his own words tossed back at him so sadly.

“Nuh-uh. No guilt-tripping from you,” he said, moving backwards towards the door. Meanwhile the eyes that sat beneath that _fantastic_ head of sex hair followed him, and blinked once. For some reason it made Dean feel kinda petty. He sighed heavily. “It’s Dean. Since you’re probably gonna hear it thrown it around while you’re here. But the minute you can walk again you’re out of here – you hear me?”

“I hear you. Thank you.”

“For throwing you out?”

“For saving my life. I was going to die there, wasn’t I?”

“Yeah. Since you were a fucking idiot who didn’t know when to make his Change. Why by Hel didn’t you anyway?”

“You saw me,” the alpha – _Castiel_ – said simply. “I didn’t want to feel like that again, like I’d lost that much control of myself… it was unpleasant.”

“And not losing control of yourself, that’s worth you dying for?”

Castiel raised his head up slightly off the bed and nodded. “I didn’t make any such conscious choice, but yes, I believe so.”

“Well how long had you been wolf for?”

“About half a year, I think.”

Dean gaped. Changing was as simple, and almost as necessary, as breathing for their kind. No one ever _chose_ to stay stuck in one form or the other for more than a few days at most, but there were stories about those who did. The kind of stories you told around a campfire when you were thirteen, and didn’t stint on the gore. Stories about werewolf-like beasts that were left trapped between forms and unable to function properly after they tried, too late, to Change. And they were always completely mad. All the stories agreed on that last part.

And those were the stories they told about the Wolves who didn’t Change for a couple of months. Not _six._

And yet this alpha still seemed despite everything… lucid. Reasonable. Appropriately human. No crazy big teeth or noticeably hairy back. Just a little feverish, with a fucked up leg.

“Well that’s… weird,” Dean managed eventually. “There a why to that?”

“I was upset.”

Sam had been ‘upset’ when he’d left.

“Uh-huh, well that’s pretty fucking upset. What happened?”

The alpha didn’t speak. It wasn’t in a stubborn, _fuck off already_ kind of way though. More an _I’m not talking about this right now and that’s got nothing to do with you but please don’t ask me again_ thing _._

“Alright,” Dean said, breaking the silence by trying to pretend it hadn’t been there. “I’ll send someone in to see you. Like I said, when you’re better, you’re out.”

Dean meant the words too, he reminded himself as he left the room, breathed in the cold morning air, fresh and free from any of the alpha’s scent. Not that he should have said anything to him at all. He shouldn’t even have gone in there in the first place never mind _slept next to him._

But Castiel… he’d been pretty well behaved, Dean couldn’t help noticing. No mentioning the whole omega Alpha thing, or the Mates thing. He’d just sorta let both topics drop - which Dean could admit to himself was… nice.

*


	8. Apologies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Dean?”
> 
> The door creaked open a little wider. “What?”
> 
> “Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if updates are going to continue to be kinda sporadic till the end of the month (ahahaha of course I left like all of the dcbb until like now) but here, have another short :)

The Alpha, Dean, he came back the next day to see him. It was strange, Cas hadn’t really expected him to come back, and yet his appearance didn’t feel exactly surprising either. But that probably had something to do with the smell of him. Wonderful as its assault on his nostrils was, Cas couldn’t help finding something… familiar, comforting in it. And it allowed him to think for just a moment that yes, his Mate would always come back. Which made him feel… _important_ again. He couldn’t help it – it was bolstering, knowing that the fates had seen him as important enough in his way to be granted the rare gift of a soulmate, a lifemate. Few ever had that chance.

Fantasies, obviously. In reality he could never expect things ever to pass much beyond the civil between them. He hadn’t even recognised his Mate for what he was, not at first – even if now it was hard to understand how he ever could have been so mistaken. And though Cas knew it was hypocritical in a way to have such a turnabout of feelings towards one person in such a short space of time, far harder for him to understand was Dean’s determination _not_ to give into that most basest and simplest need to claim your own Mate, who was clearly there for the claiming. But then there was so much which was difficult to understand about Dean.

It was the scent of him walking in as much as the cold air blasting through from the outside which had woken Cas. He’d been doing a lot of sleeping over the day, more out of boredom than exhaustion or any need for it. They’d been very good to him since he’d been brought there, but they hadn’t thought to leave him to do in his sickbed – or perhaps they didn’t want to do anything which might make him more likely to extend his stay.

“Hey,” Dean grunted out as he walked in and leaned down on the work surface. He was still barely looking at Cas - if he hadn’t been the only one there with him in the room he might have wondered if the Alpha was addressing someone else.

The _omega_ Alpha. Cas had never even heard of such a situation before. It wasn’t that the personalities of omegas were naturally subservient, necessarily, but through a mixture of inclination and circumstance few chose to speak up much, to assert themselves in any way. They were the quiet caregivers in a pack –

But then perhaps Cas should be careful in assuming that his experience of pack hierarchy should be taken as anything like an average. He hadn’t been out in the world away from his pack for long, but already he could see that it held far less of the strict binaries and boundaries that he’d been used to. Perhaps in _civilised_ areas, Cas thought bitterly, such as he’d _obviously_ never known, omega Alphas were even _common._

He sat up in his bed before he answered, wincing slightly at the pain in his leg as he did so. “Hello, again.”

“Figured that since the rest of ‘em were all in a Pack Meet I’d come see how you were doing.” The Alpha’s tone was easy, controlled, but he smelt nervous.

“What’s a Pack Meet?”

“Pack Meet,” Dean repeated irritably, “y’know, when they all get together and bitch behind my back.”

Cas narrowed his eyes. “And this is… an official event?”

“You’re seriously saying you don’t have those where you come from?”

“No,” Cas confirmed, and left it primly at that.

“Well it’s kind of the only way the Pack ever tries for some democracy so… seriously? Ok. Well it’s something they do whenever they all wanna have a _discussion_ about where I’m taking the Pack, how they think I’m doing. If they need to gang up on me over anything.” Dean rolled his eyes. “They do one ‘bout every six months on a schedule, but sometimes they hold a few more in between if something comes up.”

Cas breathed out slowly. “ _I_ came up.”

“Yup. They smelled you on me, people started talking, like they’re always bound to, and suddenly the big question of what happens if I ever mated starts getting brought up. Or. Could be something else I guess.” The Alpha smiled dryly and folded his arms. “I don’t get to know. Kinda the whole point, I guess.”

Then he must have seen something of the guilt on Cas’ face, because then he added. “And it’s not your fault – Fenrir, quit getting so fucking narcissistic on me.”

Cas almost smiled, mainly for the cursing, which was so unfamiliar to him. “I’m not, I just-” he deflated slightly. “I’m sorry anyway. You don’t deserve this. Can’t you just go down and stop them?”

Dean gave him a strange look that made the Alpha’s eyebrows scrunch in something between puzzlement and scorn. “Yeah, I _could_ , but I’m not gonna. Then what kinda Alpha’d I be?” He cocked his head to the side, and smiled, his eyes gleaming now. “You made it sound like you had a go of being one, once.”

Shame squirmed in the pit of Cas’ stomach, but he managed to keep his voice his steady as he replied, “Yes, I was.”

“So what kind of Alpha were you?!

Cas lay back against the wall. “I never really got the chance to find out. I wasn’t one for long enough.”

“Oh yeah, how long was that?”

Cas thought for a moment. “About an hour, I think,” he answered honestly.

Dean’s jaw dropped a little before he snapped his mouth shut again with a pout. “And then you got… chased out.”

“Yes.”

Dean was clearly making an effort to crack a smile as he said, “You were that bad, huh?”

Cas looked down at the bed. He felt too tired for telling stories that would only make him feel bitter, and he couldn’t stand to see the apathy on his Mate’s face as he told it.

“Someone thought so. And then they did something about it.” He looked up again and met the Alpha’s eyes, which didn’t look uncomfortable exactly but… wary. “Being ‘chased out’ wasn’t something I’d want anyone else to suffer through. If my presence here is upsetting your leadership, I can leave early,” he said, even as the thought of voluntarily parting himself from his omega, from the strong arms that held him all through the previous night, launched spikes of something like terror at his heart.

Dean snorted at his offer. “Buddy, my leadership ain’t ‘upset’ that easy. Anyway, we’re already making you leave early. Any sooner and you’d end up dead. And then what was all our hard work for, huh?” Dean shrugged, then tightened his folded arms around himself. “You might be kind of a dick who keeps trying to kill me but you don’t deserve that.”

“Neither do you, on my account,” Cas said quietly. “And I am very sorry.”

Dean snorted and looked away, while Cas earnestly continued to try and catch his eyes again. “I will find some way to redeem myself to you.”

“Oh yeah?” The Alpha looked back at him. “Well you can start with leaving when I ask you to. Not before or after.” He winked, but his mouth remained a flat line. “I _am_ the Alpha around here,” he said, and walked out of the room – building – Cas wasn’t quite sure where he was.

As Cas started lying down under the covers again, he realised that Dean hadn’t once asked how well he was feeling despite that being the Alpha’s stated intention. Then just as Cas was beginning to feel warm and settled again, the door swung open.

“Oh, hey, d’you want any books brought through or something?”

Cas blinked at Dean in surprise. “You mean… to amuse myself.”

“Fenrir, you make it sound like I’m talking about bringing you through porn or something.” He raised one finger and pointed it at Cas in warning “Which I’m not. Mine are staying with me only.” He smirked slightly and inched his boot a little more over the threshold. “Anything else I can probably do for you. If, y’know, we have it.”

“Thank you. Well… what do you have? I’m not exactly a, a big reader.”

“Why not? You seem like a nerd.”

Cas shrugged, uncertain if that was meant as an insult or a compliment. “My Pack was not exactly encouraging of that kind of behaviour.”

“Right.” Dean gave him another one of those searching looks, like he believed that if he stared for long enough he’d be able to understand most of the unanswered questions he had of life. “You’re from Cultsville. Got it. Well, I’ll pick something out,” he said, and made a move to close the door again.

“Dean?”

The door creaked open a little wider. “What?”

“Thank you.”

Dean’s eyes narrowed in suspicion, and if Cas had to describe his scent in that moment he would go with… uncertain.

“Don’t mention it,” he grumbled, and closed the door behind him.

*


	9. Pack Meet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “But what if our Alpha doesn’t want him to leave?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a (late) chapter about pack politics *throws glitter over chapter to make it look more attractive*
> 
> Warning for disability slur.

It bothered Jo that Dean had had more Pack Meets called in discussion of his leadership than his father probably had in his entire term as Alpha. Technically John Winchester hadn’t been an _awful_ Alpha – he’d been efficient, and he’d known how to delegate well, and how to make the Pack appear strong enough to ward off threats instead of ever needing to deal with any.

But man had he been a dick.

Dean’s problem, Jo decided, was that despite appearances, he was just too damn nice. So though he generally had the Pack’s respect and fear, he just… didn’t always. At some bone deep level it had to be because of the sex he was – but of course they’d all argue that, Jo thought grumpily as she stared over at Crowley standing across the bonfire from her, who smiled. She never liked seeing the beta happy. He was one of those fucking irritating _pillars of the community_ that had managed to keep themselves damn near indispensable to John, and now to Dean, but were always the first to stab their Alpha in the back if the wind looked like it might be blowing somewhere different.

Sometimes Jo kinda wished that they could hold these meets as wolves. Most communication would have to be done via growling, teeth baring, and maybe even full-on scrapping if things got intense – which didn’t sound like it would end up any _less_ productive. The great thing was that she knew her Mom felt the exact same way by the frustrated smell coming off of Ellen in waves as she got to her feet, still hopping from foot to foot to avoid staying still long in the snow she hated.

“Right, Frank. You called this meet and dragged us all out in the goddamn snow. Mind telling us why now?”

Ellen knew – _everyone_ in the goddamn pack knew by now – but it sounded better to act like Dean smelling like a strange alpha wasn’t something that needed to be worthy of notice, much less have a Pack Meet held over it.

Frank stepped forward anyway. “Alright. I’m just saying what everyone here’s thinking, leastways everyone who’s caught a whiff of our Alpha in the last couple days anyway.”

“I haven’t,” Tracy spoke up. Behind her Josephine and Krissy nodded in mutual confusion. Usually Wolves so young weren’t encouraged to speak up in Meets, but Tracy had presented as Alpha recently, and her words carried new weight now – more than Jo’s ever had, or would. So the fact that she genuinely hadn’t noticed could only be a good thing, Jo thought as she nodded her own head along with them, more to aggravate Frank than anything else.

He wasn’t that bad, Frank, but he had a kind of arrogant self-assurance about _everything_ which he seemed to base mainly on being older than most of the rest of the Pack, and a male. He never _said_ anything like that, but it always felt like it was there – though her Mom would probably tell her she was just too sensitive if Jo ever said something like that.

“Right, Frank here has his tail all twisted over Dean visiting the alpha brought in the other night,” Bobby said, snorting in disgust as he firmly folded his arms. He didn’t always think much of Frank either. “Like our Alpha needs to be reporting back to us every time he asks a damn question of the strangers we bring in.”

There was muttering which swept through everyone assembled at that. Some, Jo knew, were more commenting about the stranger himself – an alpha, on their land and at least temporarily accepted there making him an interesting enough topic all on his own.

“This isn’t about what questions he was asking,” Frank sneered.

“This is about whether our Alpha has found himself a mate and what that would mean for the Pack if he has,” Linda cut in, folding her arms. Jo mostly liked Linda, but she didn’t like the expression on her face now. Because she could be tough, sure, but Linda was usually an important voice of reason. And if what was reasonable was questioning Dean already…

Jo just wished she’d had a chance to _talk_ to Dean – she’d known there’d been something up since the night he’d got himself pass-out drunk, but he’d had her out on patrols all day and she hadn’t had the chance.

“We can’t know that without asking them,” Donna pointed out, from behind the large barbeque. She didn’t think it was right having a Meet out in the cold with no food to keep them warm and had been serving up burgers since the Wolves started assembling. Unsurprisingly, she was one of the most universally loved Wolves of the pack.

“Well so far the Alpha’s been very conspicuous in his lack of comment on that,” Frank said.

And it was hard to tell where it started, but suddenly all the heads had turned to look at Mary. She hadn’t positioned herself very near the middle of the rough circle they’d all formed – she preferred to remain quiet as often as possible, to avoid risking sounding too ridiculously biased – so this was not easy.

Jo found herself holding her breath as Mary opened her mouth. Would she confirm anything…?

“I expect that if my son has anything new to say to his Pack on the subject, he will say it,” she said, her voice as cold as the snow. Jo wasn’t sure whether she felt like cheering or rolling her eyes at the pure _politician_ there in her answer.

“Look, what does it even _matter_ if he smells different?” Benny asked loudly. Jo noticed Andrea beside him looked as though she thought it might matter.

“It _matters,_ because every fucking decision he makes affects us, even if he wasn’t what he is,” Frank snapped.

“ _The pups_ , Frank,” Ellen hissed at him, ignoring the fact that none of the pups present seemed interested enough to have even noticed what he’d said. But it wasn’t the way he’d said what he’d said that was bothering Jo.

“What’s that supposed to mean, _if he wasn’t what he is_?”

Ash gave her a wide-eyed warning glance to tell her to stop, to remember that it wasn’t normal for _normal_ omegas to speak much during Meets, but she was too angry to take heed of him. Dean was the _Alpha,_ her Alpha. And if Frank was forgetting that then he was no Pack to her.

But Frank only acted as though he hadn’t even noticed her rage, which made the whole thing even more infuriating, especially when he gave that sigh like he was about to have to explain something to a child that they could never hope to understand. “Our Alpha is an omega, Joanna, I’m guessing you noticed.”

Jo fumed as there was some bubbling of nervous laughter rolling through the Pack.

“And that’s been working well enough up until now, I’m not saying it hasn’t. But if he found a Mate able to naturally coerce him into submission, then we’re all at the mercy of a stranger.”

“I can’t believe I’m _hearing_ this,” Jo started, her voice sounding more shrill than she’d meant it to as her Mom, suddenly at her side, shushed her. But she didn’t want to be quiet. Wasn’t that the problem, the assumption that she, that _Dean,_ was supposed to be?

Ellie sighed and folded her arms. “Look we don’t even know if that’s what’s going on-”

“There isn’t really another way to explain the smell,” Kevin pointed out with a shrug.

“And isn’t that the point? That we don’t know this guy?”

“What if this is basically our new Alpha and we don’t even know him…”

“ _No one’s saying_ he’s that-”

“Well why not?” Crowley asked quietly, with a little smile, and Jo took interest in the circling debate again. “We could have a real Alpha now. So why not?” His lip stayed quirked up as though it had frozen in the cold. “I’m sure Dean could still act as head Omega, if these rumours we’re spouting prove true…”

“What about your Alpha isn’t saying _real_ Alpha to you, Fergus?” Bobby growled, stepping across the circle closer towards Crowley, who rolled his eyes theatrically at the threatening pose.

“Down boy. I’m just saying… isn’t that what alphas are supposed to be _for_?”

“If it’s an alpha you’re all looking for, why are you looking at crippled strangers?”

“Fenrir’s fucking jaw,” Jo muttered under her breath at the onerous sound of Trenton’s voice, earning herself a sharp dig in the ribs from her mother. Cole was alright, a good little fighter and not too full of himself for an alpha – sure, he got on her nerves sometimes, but only in the way that everyone in the pack who couldn’t bring themselves to call Dean anything but ‘Alpha’ did. But his _Dad._ It was like since the moment his son had presented he started strutting around the camp like he expected someone to hand him over a deed to the Pack’s land any day.

“Dad…” Cole started warningly, but he really didn’t have that whole alpha tone down yet.

“We have a perfectly good contender for Alpha, who _would_ make a _real_ Alpha-”

Tracy scoffed and raised her perfect eyebrows, placing her mittened hands gently down on her hips. “Uh, I think we have more than one of those…”

Jo hugged her arms tighter towards her and breathed out mist into the cold air. It always came back to a pissing match in the end. Dean might be moping about not getting to be there, but he really didn’t know how damn lucky he was.

“Why can’t we just agree we want the guy to leave,” Rufus said, thrusting his hands deeper into his pockets and scowling. “He’s got us all scrapping like pups.”

“Yeah let’s just make sure he leaves soon,” Ash agreed, as though that was the only obvious solution available to them and that _finally_ someone was talking sense.

Tamara looked up thoughtfully. “But what if our Alpha doesn’t want him to leave?”

“Then I guess we hold another one of these,” Bobby said, and took another swig of his hip flask.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates are going to continue to be kinda sporadic, because dcbb is still a thing which I have neglected too long to not be biting me now as deadline time approaches. Thank you so much again to everyone still reading and commenting despite the delays, you guys always make my day <3


	10. Communication

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If that shipment of blockers had just turned up when it was supposed to have, Dean was certain he’d be feeling a lot better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok... so this is ridiculously small, but it's been sitting here unposted and I won't be able to (I AM GOING TO STOP PROCRASTINATING) do much writing outside the dcbb for the last wee leg of it, so here's what I have, at least! Thank you again to everyone providing the awesome feedback/support on this fic.

 

If Dean had been having doubts about bringing through the books, they vanished when he saw his – when he saw _Cas’_ s - face lighting up at the sight of them. “Thank you,” the alpha breathed, like Dean had just carried him through a bunch of edible gold bars instead of a small pile of books.

Dean gave him a look he hoped seemed exasperated instead of bashful and set them down on Cas’ bedside table, next to a small glass of water. This was where a guest should get to leave their possessions, Dean realised with a pang, except that this alpha didn’t have any.

“Yeah, you got your classics there. Even got a few with stories we got held from memory from back before Ragnarok…”

Dean trailed off as he watched the alpha hungrily stare at the books, then slowly pick them all up one by one, inhaling their scent as he flicked through them. Then he choked on a laugh that might have been part sob. “I never came near anything like these at home,” he breathed, a hollow smile spreading over his face.

“Your pack didn’t have a lot of books then?”

Cas shrugged and set the books back down in their pile. “If we did they weren’t for my hands, my eyes. These are incredible, Dean.”

Dean swallowed. He almost thought he sensed the unsaid end to Cas’ sentence, telling him that _you are incredible, Dean_. That was another one of those True Mate things people talked, or more, didn’t talk about. The almost mind-reading levels of understanding. Dean had never really given the idea a load of weight – his parents had barely ever seemed to have _any_ communication, never mind some of the unspoken kind.

Dean tried to stop himself licking his lips when he leant against the table, but couldn’t quite manage it. Charlie was always teasing him about that, he really needed to quit that. It didn’t exactly give off the most _Alpha_ impression in the world. “Yeah, well. They’re alright when you’re stuck in here with a busted leg.”

Cas’ smile flickered a little brighter before disappearing again. “I had hoped I’d be walking by now…”

Dean shrugged. “You don’t wanna push it I guess.” That wasn’t… _relief_ he was feeling about this guy not leaving yet. He was still just… ambivalent about the whole thing.

 _Right_ , Dean thought sarcastically at himself as he felt his heart swoop round in circles at the sight of Cas looking down forlornly at the blankets covering his flattened legs.

 _If he’d been an alpha there’d just be no point on him going on,_ John had said to Dean dismissively once when it looked as though Bobby might have lost his ability to walk. _Since he’s a beta… I guess he’ll deal with it, won’t he?_ Dean had often wondered if Bobby had managed to force himself through the physiotherapy more out of a determination to spite his Alpha than anything else.

When Cas looked up again, it was with a weary smile. “So. Do you know how the Pack Meet went?”

“They don’t exactly mail me the minutes. But they’re not chasing either one of us out yet so it can’t have been too dramatic,” Dean said, scratching at the back of his head.

Something dramatic had happened, he was sure about that much. The Pack was tense, and even if they weren’t saying why yet, Dean got it. They depended on him; they needed to know that their Alpha was a rock-hard certainty, their stone number one. Not knowing what he was doing, what he was planning, wasn’t something they were going to like.

But then, Dean didn’t like it either.

“Anyway. I’ll come back tomorrow, see how you’re doing then. And I think you might have company later today from your dedicated healing staff,” Dean said, standing up with a roll of his eyes. The smell of the alpha was stronger the straighter he stood, and Fenrir, that made it fucking difficult to remember what he wanted to say. If that shipment of blockers had just turned up when it was supposed to have, Dean was certain he’d be feeling a lot better.

“Thank you, again,” Cas said, and started to adjust himself so that he was sitting up straighter in the bed, almost as though he was trying to lean up to Dean… Dean didn’t even think through what he did next – it felt like a motion as natural as breathing to lean down and touch his lips gently and briefly against the alpha’s. And then he blinked, saw Cas staring up at him, those blue eyes wide and confused but so fucking _hopeful_ …

Oh, fuck that.

Dean needed to get out of there, away from that intoxicating scent that was making him act like an idiot _pup_ , away from the Wolf that made him remember what he was in a way that nothing else ever managed to, away from Cas, who might have thought for a moment there that Dean was ‘incredible’.

And Dean did get away. But he just wished his walk out the door had been more purposeful instead of scrambling.

*


	11. Stubbornness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Dean, no offence meant, but I can smell him on you even now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More baby-sized chapters, but since I have written more of it that I just haven't typed yet, and I've handed in the dcbb draft, I'm in the clear for quick regular updates again. Thanks so much again to everyone keeping me motivated on this!

Cas touched his fingers lightly to his lips several times after Dean left him alone again. Dean had tried to kiss him.

Dean _had_ kissed him.

Cas just wished he’d been ready, been _capable_ of being ready to do anything about it while it was actually happening instead of just sitting there limply until the Alpha had inevitably recognised his mistake and fled, visibly disgusted.

Cas wondered whether he should try and leave now – he’d prefer to avoid any kind of _scene_ that might be caused by Dean forcing him out. Even if that wasn’t exactly what they’d been discussing in their ‘meet’, it was still Dean’s ultimatum – that as soon as Cas was ready to be out, he was out.

Whenever Cas was able to walk that was.

Right, he thought, gritting his teeth together stubbornly. He could do this. Just one foot in front of the other, he could hear Anna saying to him, whenever he’d just taken another bad hit. Just one foot…

Pain seared up through his injured leg as he put his hands, only narrowly preventing his face from hitting the floor.

He felt a little like crying as he pushed his leg along so that at least it was lying straight again. Alphas didn’t cry.

But he wasn’t the Alpha of his pack anymore, he didn’t even _have_ a pack, so what did any of that old dogma even matter?

“Hey! What did I tell you about pushing yourself too hard?”

Cas looked up, feeling more certain than ever that his watcher, the woman now staring sternly down at him, was Dean’s mother. There was something about the steel in her voice, the steel in her eyes, that had nothing to do with assurance of pack position…

“Not to,” he grumbled, as he felt an arm supporting his back, allowing him to get back on the bed while he noticed the other female face looking down at him, a beta, he judged.

The dark-haired beta smiled widely as she remarked, “Well, aren’t you the sleeping beauty?”

“Pam…” Dean’s mother warned.

“I know, I know. Check up only,” ‘Pam’ said with a roll of her eyes as she bent down to press a hand against his forehead. “Well I think the fever’s gone anyways. Now let’s have a look at this leg…” She grinned again, but Cas only stared back at her warily. He could smell the worry on her already. And it was definitely worry _for_ him, and not caused _by_ him - which was terrifying.

 “Alright, handsome. I’m gonna need you to strip for me.”

*

Benny caught up with Dean by knocking on his door, and Dean knew it was Benny instantly by the sound of it alone. Few people would try and approach their Alpha in his own cabin, and of that small circle, only one was polite enough to knock.

“Come in,” Dean shouted without looking up from his desk. He wanted to rework the rota for patrols, make sure that some of the people who were going to be wanting to ask him questions he wouldn’t want to be answer would be out of his hair more often than not over the next few days.

People exactly like Benny.

The beta walked in without greeting him, and put his hands in his pockets. “How’re things treating you, chief?”

Usually, such an informal way of talking to him wasn’t something that Dean could allow, especially not from a beta as imposing as this one, but this beta was also Benny, and they were inside, away from the Pack’s listening ears. So Dean put down his pen and looked up at him, folding his arms loosely to lay them on the desk.

“Could be worse, I guess. How’d you find the meet?”

Instantly, Benny crossed the room and sat down in the chair across from Dean. “See, now that’s just what I wanted to talk to you about. I just wanted you to know that I’m gonna stick by you whatever you figure you want to do. And that I ain’t the only one feeling that way. You’re our Alpha, and the good ones of us’ll fight your corner however bad things get.”

“However bad things… Benny, how bad did things get _last night_?”

The beta shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “Wasn’t nothing unusual that we couldn’t handle. Usual suspects makin’ noise in a bad way about that alpha and what you’re meaning to do with him.”

“Benny, I don’t mean to do _anything_ with him,” Dean insisted, even as he started to feel his heart beating a little faster as Benny gave him that pointed look.

“Dean, no offence meant, but I can smell him on you even now.”

Dean took a deep breath in. “Look, all I was doing was getting him in some supplies…”

“You’re not getting any judgements here. Not from me, Dean.”

“Dammit Benny, you’re not listening to me,” Dean snapped, injecting a little of the _Alpha_ into his voice. _“Nothing_ is going on with us, ok? And nothing’s gonna.”

“Brother, I don’t think anything needs to go on for there to be something there anyway,” Benny said softly. “He’s your mate, isn’t he? Your _true_ mate?”

“What difference would it make?”

“What difference – Dean, you gotta allow yourself _something_ every now and then. And this guy is yours, he’s been all packaged up by destiny for you – gods, Dean, when we found him, he was clinging to any old scrap of your scent he could get a hold of out there – he found the old cave, Dean.”

“Wait – he _what_?”

Benny nodded. “Yeah. He was pretty delirious… but that’s what I think he was trying to do. Feel closer to you.”

Dean swallowed. “That still doesn’t mean I owe him shit.”

“Of course you don’t _owe_ him. But if you _want_ him, then I just want you to know that I’m one of them who’d fight for your right to keep him here. Because this doesn’t need to be a choice between your Mate and your position, not while you’ve still got us at your back.”

Dean looked into the earnest sincerity of his friend’s face and he understood. Cas – _the alpha_ – staying, would only cause all out civil war in his very large, very vocal pack. He could cause harm to them all in a way his Dad never had and tear all their lives apart. Tear apart the unit that had secured this entire _region_ back in Samuel Campbell’s early days as Alpha.

A legacy that his namesake should have inherited one day…

And over what? One strange alpha from nowhere who’d been stupid enough to stay a wolf for _months_?

Pushing away the memory of the look in those blue eyes after that kiss, Dean tightened his jaw and met Benny’s eye. “Thanks, man. But… there’s no choice. He’s gonna leave today.”

Benny gave him that _look_ again that Sam had always managed so well – that, oh gods, you’re so screwed up you and don’t even know why – and Dean raised a finger in frustration.

“And quit looking at me like that!”

“Like what?”

“Like I’m some kinda diseased puppy. Now get out, would’ja? I’m busy.”

Benny raised an eyebrow as he looked down at the paper strewn over the desk. “You got me out tonight, really? C’mon, Dean, it’s miserable out there.”

 _“Out_.”

*


	12. New Ventures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I’ve just ran a long ass way to get here, and I’d like to talk to Dean Winchester. That alright with you?”

Cas had wondered if the Alpha would come back in to see him that day, and the only way he’d imagined it was exactly like this – with Dean coming storming in, evidently having finally decided that he’d had enough of trying to understand his own feelings and that he was kicking the enemy alpha out of his land.

Well, he was about to get a fun surprise. Cas wondered with some amusement as to how he might deal with it.

“Right. Soon as you can get to your feet today, someone’ll get you through a rucksack with some provisions or whatever, and a map showing you how to get into the town closest from here. And then you’re off on your merry way, y’hear me?”

Cas snorted, eyes not looking up yet from his _useless_ leg. “Oh, I hear you. Not sure my leg does yet.”

“What?” The Alpha’s tone remained hard, but something in his scent had changed subtly. Cas looked up at him.

“My leg. If you want me to leave you’ll need to send me out on sticks – according to your dedicated team of healers, that is.”

“Wait, was this the leg that I-”

“This wasn’t your fault,”Cas snapped, harsher than he’d meant to. And then he sighed and looked away. “It was mine. I wasn’t steady on two leg and I… I tripped,” he finished, feeling disgusted with himself. He knew better than to heed mindless old pieces of dogma, but he still couldn’t shake the knowledge that a _real_ alpha would rather have sliced his own throat open rather than have survived to allow anyone to see him like this – weak as a pup, dependent for the foreseeable future on the kindnesses of strangers and utterly, completely _useless._ And not even for any good _alpha_ reason like protecting his family or pack – in fact almost the opposite.

Gabriel probably would have found this hilarious.

“How bad is it?” the Alpha asked, his voice a low growl.

“Oh, pretty bad,” Cas said dryly. “They’ve told me that in a few weeks they hope to have me walking again, in some form. Running’s probably out entirely.”

Dean watched him, his face betraying nothing of what he thought of that. “But that’s on two legs, right?”

“What?”

“The not walking thing. As a wolf you’d have four legs – the other three could hold you up fine, right?”

“If you want me to leave, I will. The state I’ll be in as I’m doing so doesn’t change that.”

“That’s not what I’m saying,” Dean snapped. “I’m asking if you’ve tried walking on it as a wolf yet.”

Cas held his stare for a few moments before eventually dropping his head in submission. “No,” he muttered. “I haven’t changed since…”

Dean’s eyes narrowed. “In _four days_? Didn’t you learn anything?”

“ _Yes, I did_ , which is why… I need to give it time. I can’t just force my body back into normalcy.”

“Oh, you’d be amazed the kinds of thing you can force your body into,” Dean told him, smiling darkly. “Now c’mon, I wanna see you try this – and that’s an order.”

An _order_? Cas mentally felt his hackles rise at the word. The alpha had no right, no claim like that to him, and Cas would, he would –

Do nothing, of course, because he couldn’t even walk on his own and this wasn’t just an Alpha here – this was also supposed to be Cas’ mate, who was likely again thinking less of him by the second.

Cas dropped his eyes. Dean nodded smartly, before Cas admitted, “I’m afraid of getting stuck,” he said, sure that his shame could be heard dripping off of his every word. “It was… difficult the last time.”

Something in Dean’s face softened and hardened all at the same time. “That’s not gonna happen.”

“And if it does?”

“Well then I guess I’ll just have to scream for help against the terrifying beast I’ll be trapped in here with,” Dean  said flatly, though Cas thought he smelt something like concern on him too.

“I mean it,” Dean said, folding his arms up and raising an eyebrow. “Start stripping. When you manage it, I’ll go out with you, see how you go on it. Can’t have you not leaving just because you’re pulling a convincing sick day.”

Cas glared at him. So much for concern. Even and especially from his mate, the only reason anyone wanted to talk to him was to find out how soon he’d be leaving. Obviously.

But obediently, he started taking off his shirt, and though the Alpha winked lewdly at him at that, he quickly turned his back and allowed Cas his privacy. It wasn’t like there was much to look at, Cas reminded himself. After all those months alone in the forest there wasn’t much clinging over his bones but skin.

Cas didn’t start trying to change immediately – for a moment all he did was to sit and try to steady his breathing, which at that moment, felt as though it was becoming more and more difficult to manage.

He couldn’t do this.

He was going to die broken, weak, pathetic and apparently physically and mentally incapable of even shifting himself, while his Mate looked on, disgusted.

_Oh, you’d be amazed the kinds of thing you can force your body into…_

If his not-Mate could make himself an Alpha, Cas could at the very least make himself the least of what he was supposed to be. And what that was right now involved a tail, and more hair, and a longer snout, and larger teeth…

The change was still painful, but it was nothing like it had been last time. Nothing like the pain in his leg.

His leg… which was now only one of four…

Gingerly, Cas brought himself unsteadily to his feet and tilted his head to look up at his Mate who still had his back turned. 

If the human had been confused by how he should regard this man, the wolf, for once, was almost as confused. This was _Mate -_ this Wolf would one day bring him pups, and must be protected with all he had in him. But this Wolf was a rival and a threat and currently vulnerable to him… but he was also Alpha, and demanded Cas’ utmost respect and obedience.

Slowly, Dean turned as Cas started to whine, and saw the man put a hand on the gun nestled in his thigh holster. But much as the presence of the gun made Cas deeply uneasy, the wide smile that the Alpha couldn’t seem to stop from spreading across his face calmed him again completely.

Made him preen, even. Made him want to lap up praise from his Alpha, and wait for orders, for more chances to prove himself worthy of any scrap of affection…

Fenrir, but he was pathetic.

The Alpha crouched down with one hand still hovering lightly over the gun, but the other hand stretched out towards Cas’ nose. “Well, aren’t you looking a load better now somebody’s fed you?” Dean said, as Cas cautiously started sniffing at the back of his hand.

“You’re actually kind of a handsome boy now, huh?”

Cas huffed, fighting the urge to start wagging his tail, before impulsively licking at the back of Dean’s hand.

The Alpha’s eyes widened slightly, then he cleared his throat. “Right,” he said. “Can you walk, then?”

Cas looked down at his injured leg, with his paw dangling in the air. He didn’t want to put it down, didn’t want to put any weight on it, didn’t want to have to feel the pain that the action would bring.

But the other legs…

As Cas began to take his first halting, tentative steps, he heard the Alpha cheer him on with words of encouragement, which should have been humiliating, but Cas only felt as though they spurred him on as he completed a circuit of the room.

“See? Told ya,” Dean said, beaming, when Cas stopped walking again. “Now what do you say about trying this outside and me joining you? You’ve been holed up in here too long, you’re gonna need some air. I mean _really_. It kinda stinks in here.”

Cas rolled his eyes, but he felt like smiling. Because he wasn’t being kicked out – at least not yet.

*

Dean had been having Jo out on patrol for most of the day – and she _knew_ what he was doing there – his tactics to avoid talking were beyond not-subtle on a good day. But this felt low, she thought as she snarled at the rabbits that dared to cross her pass, but then felt too lazy to chase them. Dean should know she was always gonna have his back – which meant that she might call him an idiot at times, but she wanted to hear whatever stupid decision it was he was about to make before she inevitably supported it. But if he wanted to put himself up on this untouchable _Alpha_ high horse whenever he didn’t want to talk something over, then he was more of an idiot than even Jo gave him credit for.

A snapping of twigs alerted her to the other’s presence before she smelt anything.

It was a… beta. And not a familiar one.

Jo started a low growl in her throat, sure that she was being watched, and resenting that she couldn’t yet see anyone there. Desperately, her eyes skated over the forest floor for signs of paws padding down on the snow which had been dissipating slowly in the rain.

But instead the foot she saw was human. Jo looked up, confused as to why any Wolf would turn up on another’s land without even their own natural defences to protect them. It was a woman – a beautiful woman, Jo noted – and she was naked – she certainly didn’t have a gun on her. No, unless she was still playing some other game, she’d just changed in order to speak to Jo properly.

“Hello,” the stranger said, pushing back her long blonde hair and looking down at Jo with a smile. Incredible. She didn’t even seem nervous by Jo’s circling of her – it was almost insulting.

“So if you’ve finished giving me the official side-eye, I’ve just ran a long ass way to get here, and I’d like to talk to Dean Winchester. That alright with you?”

Jo continued to glare, and growl warningly, knowing there was _something_ there that wasn’t quite right, when eventually it hit her. The beta hadn’t asked, as a normal messenger from another pack sometimes might, to be taken to see the Alpha – or at least, she didn’t seem to know she had. Either that or she was being really very disrespectful.

Because she’d asked to see _Dean._

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yay for more regular updates now that I'm basically finished up with the dcbb madness (I am completely over the moon with my artist) - thank you so much again to everyone being so patient with me :D


	13. The Messenger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I think I could take you alone with my eyes closed.”

Jo debated with herself fiercely for a few moments before making the decision to change. The beta couldn’t be much taller than Jo, so she couldn’t be all that much of a threat, especially since she definitely wasn’t carrying any weapons…

None except her eyes, Jo corrected herself as the beta gave her an appraising look up and down which made Jo want to blush all over. She was hardly shy, but something about that look was disarming all the same.

“What do you want with my Alpha?” Jo asked warily as she stood up slowly.

“Your _Alpha_?” the stranger repeated, frowning. “I got told the guy I’m looking for’s an omega.”

“You consider that relevant?” Jo asked dryly. After the last few days, she’d more than had enough of people questioning Dean’s leadership, and, by extension, her own legitimacy as one of his right hands.

To Jo’s relief, the stranger’s expression softened, but oddly, as though she was still figuring out what to make of Jo. “Not necessarily. But from all I’ve heard about it your Pack lived pretty straight by the old ways.”

“So who were you hearing all this off, exactly?”

The beta smiled crookedly. “From a reliable source. So if Dean is your Alpha now, can I assume that John Winchester is dead?”

“Yes.”

The stranger sighed in exaggerated relief as her smile broadened. “ _Good._ He sounded like a dick.”

He was, Jo agreed inwardly, but her eyes narrowed anyway. The beta was just being rude now – you didn’t go around talking about other people’s dead Alphas like that. “You still haven’t answered my question,” Jo reminded the stranger as she place her hands lightly on her hips. “Why do you want to speak to Dean?”

“Well, if you bring me to him I’ll tell him.”

“Who sent you?” Jo asked again, adding a slight growl to her voice.

“Well, that’d be _my_ Alpha, genius.”

“ _Why.”_

The beta rolled her eyes. “Because I’m the most expendable _and_ loyal Wolf he had all in one and all ready to go,” she said, and though Jo knew now that the stranger was deliberately dodging her questions, she couldn’t help feeling a twinge of empathy for the beta. There was real sadness, or bitterness there. And Jo knew something of how that could feel…

It wasn’t exactly an _active_ thing, the feelings she had for Dean, more like a constant dulled ache mixed in with what she felt for him anyway as someone she’d grown up with and now served under, which only occasionally turned into something noticeably frustrating. She didn’t expect him to look up one day and start seeing her differently than he always had, but…

Well. Their pack was large but it wasn’t huge, so there weren’t exactly a load of other distractions around to ever succeed in taking her mind off him.

“Why don’t you just take me into your camp?” The stranger suggested slowly, smiling at Jo like she was might be an idiot. “C’mon, I bet all you guys together could probably take me on.”

“I think I could take you alone with my eyes closed.”

The beta grinned at her again. “I think I like you,” she announced, and held out a hand. “I’m Ruby.”

“Jo.”

“Cute name,” Ruby said, retracting her hand as Jo didn’t take it and only turned around to start walking them back home.

“Cuter ass.”

Without looking back, mainly because she didn’t want the strange Wolf seeing her blushing, Jo changed again and started padding ahead of Ruby more quickly. The sooner she could get the beta to Dean, the sooner she could find out what this _infuriating_ Wolf wanted to tell him…

She paused and sniffed the air, and then huffed out a breath of frustration. If she’d been in her human form she would have groaned. Dean wasn’t even in camp. It smelt like he’d just gone in the opposite direction, but at first she almost hadn’t recognised the scent.

Because the Alpha actually, for once, smelt _happy._

And he was with someone.

Jo hoped that what Ruby had to say was going to be interesting, because if that was the injured alpha Dean was out walking with then the Pack were going to need _something_ to distract them.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the bite-sized chapter again, but I had it typed, and people really wanted to know who it was, so...


	14. The Exception

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The scents filling the room changed so sharply that it almost had Cas feeling faint.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Life keeps getting in the way of my super-fast updating intentions, but here's another smallish portion :)

Dean probably should have been more careful. Changing with a potentially still dangerous alpha left able to make a jump on him was a stupid idea. And getting the door open and walking out with said alpha for all his pack to see was reaching new galaxies of stupid.

He was just checking the guy could walk again, he reminded himself. Nothing more interesting than that…

But that couldn’t explain away how painfully on edge his protective instincts were feeling as he watched Cas hobble over the snow beside him. He’d taken out some of the pups a few weeks ago to do a walk around their perimeter and that hadn’t felt even half as scary – and this time he even knew that there wouldn’t be any angry parents awaiting him at home. But in some way that was also what was making Dean feel worse – if anything happened to Cas out here, no one would really care.

Nobody but - and he wished it wasn’t true - Dean.

Now _that_ was terrifying.

He wasn’t leading the alpha far, but he genuinely did want to see how well Cas was able to hold himself up on that leg, so he was taking him on a wide circle of the camp. And from what he’d observed so far… well, Cas was definitely _moving_ , and he didn’t seem to be in enough pain to be complaining about it at all, but he hadn’t put any weight down on that foot even once. But other than that he seemed alright… He didn’t smell distressed. He mainly just smelt _amazing_ …

But then that was probably showed more that Cas had one of those ‘tough alpha complexes’ that Jo always claimed  Dean suffered from than that he was actually feeling any better. Yeah, Dean should probably bring them back in…

But before Dean could think of turning them back he suddenly stopped in his tracks. The wind was blowing an unfamiliar scent back towards them. Another rogue?

Any other day, finding out would be Dean’s priority, but today he was out with Cas, who was depending on Dean to defend him. Cas, who, Dean only realised after he relaxed his muscles again, had obeyed his silent order perfectly and had kept still and behind Dean. Sure, the guy was injured and had a whole host of reasons to stay on Dean’s good side. But even with Tracey and Cole these days, who’d grown up listening to Dean’s orders, it could be hard getting them to obey him immediately – at least when they were in their wolf forms, where having _anything_ trying to order them to do something, never mind an omega, was almost impossible for their instincts to take.

But Cas had just rolled with it immediately – Cas, who had a better reason than _anyone_ to remember what Dean was…

 Huh.

As Dean started leading them back home, Cas followed behind him without a sound.

*

It was strange, walking into this camp that so far he’d only caught a glimpse of, Cas thought as he followed Dean stiltedly back into the camp. His leg was starting to feel worse now with the strain of being held up in one place, but he’d better mastered the rhythm of how to accommodate it now. Despite not having any such reason to remain a wolf, Dean made no move to change, which Cas suspected had about as much to do with avoiding answering any questions his pack might have for him as it was about keeping warm.

But unspoken questions or not, the smell, the atmosphere of this camp was somehow already far more appealing than that of his own home, Cas thought. This one felt more _friendly_ , a feeling not necessarily aimed towards him, but it nevertheless affected him. Because this whole pack was so close knit, almost disregarding the sex of its members, in a way that made it feel almost utopian for Cas, who’d never been a part of a community that wasn’t strictly separated, strictly controlled.

Although it was beginning to grow dark people were still milling around, standing and sitting in different groups, mainly in their human form, but there too they mixed. There were even a small group of pups running riot through the camp in their wolf forms, but no one seemed to pay them any mind beyond the occasional mild scolding as they almost knocked over the pots people were presumably about to start using to cook dinner.

But Cas, Cas people were starting to pay a great deal of mind to.

Different though this pack seemed to him, he knew something of what they had to be feeling when they looked at him. Cas’ old alpha would have never in a million years allowed a strange rogue alpha access to his camp, allowed him to see their pups...

Not, of course, that his caution had done him any good in the end.

Of all the alphas he’d been wary of in their camp, he hadn’t expected Cas to be the one to turn on him, and that thought still gave Cas some satisfaction. And though he knew it was wrong, though it gave him horrible flashbacks to his time alone, so did the memory of tearing out Lucifer’s throat.

And that inherent bloodlust was something everyone _knew_ about alphas. So although there was pity when Dean’s people looked down at him and watched him limping along, there was fear there too, and it couldn’t help make Cas feel uncomfortable. Dean of course was pointedly still not dealing with it by remaining as a wolf, in a way that Cas was beginning to think of as characteristic. Right up until a small beta walked up to him, and crouched down in front of Dean respectfully so that he wouldn’t be talking down to his Alpha.

“Dean, there’s a messenger come to talk to you. We put her in your cabin. Jo’s with her – she leant her some clothes already.”

Cas heard Dean huff out what sounded a very human sigh before he changed back. “Tell her I’ll deal with it after I’ve got Cas back in his room. He might need some painkillers.”

Cas wasn’t sure whether he felt pleased at the apparent concern or irritated by what sounded like Dean patronising him. Either way, he decided it wasn’t worth changing back to try and express.

The beta made a face. “She’s saying it’s like, _urgent_ , Dean, and she won’t tell anyone else what it’s about.” The beta started wringing his hat between his hands. “If you could just… y’know, go find out why she’s here you’d kinda be settling a load of bets, Dean…”

Dean rolled his eyes. “How much you got riding on this already, Garth?”

“Oh, I just owe Benny three days of favours if she’s _not_ come because of those avalanches up north. His bets are on Abbaddon.” Garth gave a smug laugh. “But _clearly_ , that’s-”

“Alright, I’ll go see her,” Dean grunted. “You guys really need some better entertainment on something… C’mon, hoppy,” he said to Cas, who bared his teeth, but only superficially. He was glad he was being trusted enough to follow Dean into a meeting. But as what. His prisoner? His trophy? His guest? His friend?

His Mate?

Cas had only a little trouble getting up the steps to Dean’s cabin, but felt the climb was worth it after he’d reached the warmth of the cabin. Cas instantly felt comfortable here, more than he usually would indoors in his wolf form, and he suspected that had as much to do with the all-encompassing scent of _Dean_ the room held as much as it was about the minimal amount of furniture. What decoration Dean had here were interesting – there were lots of old pieces of human weaponry lining the wall over the single bed. Cas liked that part, although it made him a little sad that Dean didn’t put himself above his pack even to this extent – he was a single Wolf, he would have a single bed, no matter his station.

Everything in the room was neat, even the desk, which despite being covered in a mountain of paper and parchment seemed to regardless have some sort of system which could be followed. And lounging in the chair behind the desk, in what had to be _Dean’s_ chair, was a woman, a beta.

“Hi,” she said, standing up, apparently remembering her manners enough for that at least. “I’m Ruby.”

Dean didn’t make any sign that her ease in his cabin bothered him as he slung on the robe hung up behind his door. “Alright,” he said, “so what is it you wanna tell me, _Ruby_?”

The omega beside Ruby, who Cas assumed must be Jo, looked down at Cas with a puzzled smile before turning her own attention back to the messenger. Ruby shook her head slightly, making her long matted mane of hair almost hit Jo in the face as she did so. “Wow, I see it now,” she said, still staring at Dean.

“Oh yeah, and what’s that?” Dean asked, raising his voice slightly.

She took a deep breath, and suddenly there was no laughter left in her face. Mostly now she looked curious, as though she had no idea what response her words might inspire.

“My Pack were one of the one affected by the recent avalanches which have gone on north from here – we’ve been forced to migrate.”

Behind him, Cas heard Garth hiss, “nailed it,” softly.

“Garth,” Dean snapped before turning back to Ruby. “Alright, so what, you’re requesting passage through?”

She opened and shut her mouth several times before eventually managing a “No,” which she didn’t sound all that sure about. Then before Dean could say anything, she continued on, her voice hitching on what felt like every other word. “Look, my Alpha wasn’t expecting things to be the… the way they are here,” she said, her eyes flicking meaningfully up at Dean. “He wants to… to negotiate, I guess.”

“On territory?” Dean raised his eyebrows. “No. You might not have noticed, but its winter, and we need all the hunting-”

“Believe me, the season hasn’t exactly escaped my notice,” she growled. “And we have pups on the way to deal with.”

“Well, no offence, but your issues ain’t exactly my pack’s problem to put up with,” Dean told her flatly. “Look, we could maybe work out some kinda arrangement over the winter for your pups and your elderly but-”

“What if I said that one of the pup’s on the way was your brother’s?”

The scents filling the room changed so sharply that it almost had Cas feeling faint.

“What?” Dean said eventually, his voice a low warning growl which had Ruby taking a step back. But she was brave – Cas wasn’t sure he could have kept standing at Dean’s eyelevel after such a statement which _clearly_ wasn’t something Dean wasn’t reacting to well.

“Your – your brother,” Ruby continued in a smaller voice as Jo’s eyes darted desperately between her Alpha and the messenger she’d brought in as though she expected one of them to spontaneously combust at any moment.

“Sam,” Ruby said, and seemed to draw strength from that one word. “He’s my Alpha, and he sent me to find you because he needs your help.”

*


	15. Leather Jacket

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m fine,” Dean insisted, sounding more distracted than Cas had ever heard him as he tossed a small vial of liquid painkiller down onto the bed.   
> “No, you’re not.”

“I tracked you with an old jacket of yours that Sam let me smell,” Ruby said softly, as she looked down at the desk.

_“To keep you warm whenever you don’t have fur,” Dean had said as he’d thrust the old lump of leather at his brother as he watched him push the few things he was taking with him into a bag. “And… and I guess so you can remember what I smell like or whatever and find your way home again,” Dean had finished, looking away as Sam stopped his packing to stare at him, his eyes wide and shining slightly. But he took the jacket._

_“’Course,” Sam said eventually, his grip around the leather tightening, his voice hoarse. For a moment, neither of them spoke. Dean had always appreciated that, that his little, not-so-little-anymore brother was one of those few people he could be around without always feeling the need to fill every silence. But now the quiet in the room felt gaping and loud and wrong._

_“You could come with me,” Sam said, clearly also finding the silence uncomfortable. “Dad doesn’t treat you right – he doesn’t treat any of this the right way-”_

_“Yeah, well, sorry Sammy, but I don’t run out on my family,” Dean said, harsher than he’d meant to, he realised after he watched Sam’s face fall with a heartbreak that might have been funny under other circumstances._

_But even though this was all about putting the Pack over Sam – Sam, who was a big, strong alpha now, Sam who didn’t need him anymore – Dean knew he couldn’t consider leaving, not in the way Sam could. He didn’t have that crazy sort of bravery in him to go out into the world, up against the world, and carve something new out of it, with no guarantee that that something would be any better than this, the only life he’d ever known. At least being his Dad’s disappointment omega son wasn’t being the world’s pariah. It wasn’t **hard** …_

Dean shook himself out of the memory of that last time he’d seen his brother, aware that the room was still waiting for him to say something.

His jacket. That had to prove it then. The beta had come from Sam and he was _alive_ … he was an Alpha, somewhere else – he was _alright…_

He’d left them with John and he’d done _well_ out of it.

Not sure if he was elated or infuriated, Dean did his best to hold everything in. If any moment was ever not the moment to start turning into an emotional sap of an omega in front of this snarky messenger and… and whatever it was that Cas was now, then this was it.

“Still doesn’t prove you’ve come from my brother,” Dean told Ruby, keeping his voice level.

“You’re right,” Ruby agreed, some of her earlier attitude returning.

“But, Dean…” Jo choked out. “This is still way more than any of us ever expected to hear - I should get your Mom, right?”

“ _No_ ,” Dean snapped immediately.

“ _Dean._ ”

Dean flinched slightly at the horror on her face. What _was_ he saying? If there was even the _chance_ that his brother was alive then his Mom _obviously_ had to know…

“I mean… yeah. Yeah, sure, go find her.” Alphas were always supposed to be certain, Dean remembered bleakly. No matter how ridiculous his order, John Winchester had never gone back on one.

Dean didn’t know where to look. He hated that he wasn’t sure about any of this, hated that Cas had to see him like this – Cas who, in his wolf form, would instinctively respond better to an Alpha only if they were _strong_ – but here he still was anyway…

“Right,” Dean said, biting down on his lip and hating himself for theat. “Jo you go find my Mom, Garth, you stay here with this one. I don’t want the whole Pack talking about this yet, y’get me?”

“Sure, Dean,” Garth said, sounding uneasy. “Uh – what are _you_ gonna do?”

What was he going to do?

“I’m doing what I was supposed to be doing in the first place,” Dean grunted, starting to turn toward the door. “I’m making sure that Cas gets his damn painkillers already.”

But even as he held open the door for the wolf behind him, Dean couldn’t help feeling as though he was being driven out of his own space. Driven out by the ghost of the Alpha _supposed_ to be living here…

*

As soon as Cas was able to reach his bed he became human again, as eager to talk to Dean at last as he was to rest his leg. Ignoring the pain, Cas only allowed himself to wince slightly as he pulled his leg up onto the bed with him, glad that at least his changes were beginning to feel more natural again – becoming less of an ordeal, and gradually something more mundane.

Or, it was getting there anyway…

“Dean,” Cas said as he started pulling his shirt back over his head. He liked the shirt they’d given him – it was a pale blue, and the woollen material scratched comfortingly against his skin.

At the sound of his name the Alpha ceased his pacing and heaved in a long breath, and it occurred to Cas that Dean was still here with him was because his own room, full of his own scents, his own things, had been taken over, and this was the place he was retreating back to for recharging, and calming himself down again. Cas wasn’t sure yet how he felt about that.

“I’m fine,” Dean insisted, sounding more distracted than Cas had ever heard him as he tossed a small vial of liquid painkiller down onto the bed.

“No, you’re not.”

Dean shot him a look full of cold fire, warning Cas to stop talking _now._ But apparently Cas hadn’t quite managed to squash the arrant death wish buried in him, because something forced him to continue. “I mean – you don’t have to be. Not here. Not with me.”

For a moment, Cas almost thought he saw the Alpha allow himself to relax, to let his shoulders slump down in something like defeat. But then the moment passed and Dean was sneering at him again.

“And why’s that, huh, Cas? Because we’ve got this fucking magical connection keeping us _destined_ to stay stuck with each other? Because to you it doesn’t matter if I can’t keep it together as the Alpha because I’m just the omega bitch you’re supposed to be breeding up?”

The words stung, but Cas didn’t allow them to affect him as he said bluntly, “No. Because I’m no pack to you. You don’t need to pretend to ‘keep’ anything ‘together’ with me.” He quirked his mouth up into a smile that was more bitter than he’d meant it to be. “Who would I tell?”

Dean looked like he was trying to snarl at him for that, though Cas couldn’t help wondering if that had more to do with masking his quivering lip than it was a show of his anger.

“It’s just…” Dean licked his lower lip over and eventually looked up at the ceiling after apparently having difficulty keeping his eyes trained on any one spot at his eye level. “He was supposed to have this gig, alright?”

Cas waited as he watched Dean grit his teeth together and hiss out a heavy sigh through them. “Our Dad, and our Grandpappy before him had been the Alphas here – and growing up, everyone thought’d be me coming up next…”

Dean’s mouth spasmed into a strange smile. “Well. They turned out to be right about that in the end. But then it was just Sam who’d gone and presented as alpha – and Dad was relieved but… oh, he was mad.” Dean took a deep breath in, and had Cas been able to trust himself to get to his own feet he would have rushed over to help hold his Mate up.

“See, he wanted it to be me. He liked me – most days. But Sam… Sam never took any of his shit, Sam was always ‘soft’, Sam didn’t know when to keep his damn mouth closed. And then one day Dad had enough, and Sam just…” Dean was blinking furiously now as he started to pace over the floorboards again. “Sam just couldn’t keep his fucking head down for just a little longer. And that was it. Either Sam got out, or he took on his Alpha.” Dean shook his head. “So he picks that moment to go losing his nerve and he gets out quick.” Dean snorted and leant back against the door. “And apparently landed on his feet, too.”

Cas opened his mouth to speak, but Dean cut him off before he could start, almost as though he couldn’t stop himself, as though this long confession had broken some kind of a dam in Dean.

“And what was the sonovabitch even gonna _do_ once he heard from me?”

 _Now_ he seemed to expect a response.

“I-”

“You heard her back there. The _circumstances_ are _different_. Meaning Dad’s dead so he can’t bring his conquering army home and fight him for the land.”

“Would he… would he fight _you_ for it? For your position here?”

At first Dean looked stricken, but then his face hardened and, sharply, he shook his head. “No… Hel, I haven’t seen the kid in years – I haven’t any fucking idea what he’d do now… But I can’t-” He coughed out a laugh. “Gods, I _taught_ him how to fight in the fucking first place.”

“Do you still wish he had stayed? That he’d fought your father back then?”

“It’s still what he godsdamn should have done,” Dean said, speaking more quietly. “But I guess nothing’s the same anymore.”

“I don’t know if I would, still,” Cas mused to himself.

“What?”

“If I could go back and stop myself taking on my Alpha. I think I’d still do it again. But the problem is I don’t know what came of my actions, in the end. I wasn’t around to see it.”

Almost reluctantly, Dean started to stand independently of the door again and move closer to Cas. “What _happened_ with you, man?”

Cas shrugged, sure that Dean’s interest was mostly about trying to keep his mind from his own problems. “I didn’t like our Alpha. He wasn’t… kind,” Cas explained, unable to keep the rage out of his voice even now. “So I challenged him and won.”

“And then someone challenged you and they won while you were down.”

“Yes. So I understand your anxiety to seem… strong. Perhaps if I had managed that I wouldn’t be here.”

Dean sat down on the end of the bed. “I guess that would have been a whole lot better than being stuck here.”

 _With me,_ Cas thought he heard Dean finish, but then realised that the Alpha hadn’t said anything like that aloud.

“I don’t know,” Cas said honestly. “Those months alone in the woods were not… pleasant. But being here is interesting, it’s new – and you’re here.” Cas slowly shook his head. “I’m not sure I would go back on that.”

A small smile ghosted over Dean’s lips. “Oh yeah? Even the part where I threatened you at gunpoint and now you can’t stand up on two legs?”

“Both were certainly both interesting and new.”

Dean started laughing. A real, genuine laugh that made him bend over slightly in the effort to keep himself upright and slap a hand down on Cas’ shoulder.

Cas certainly didn’t think that anything he’d said merited such an enthusiastic response, but if nothing else, it warmed him to know that something he’d done had finally put a smile on the Alpha’s face.

“You’re, you’re something, you know that, Cas?” Dean informed him, fingers gripping at Cas’ shirt.

Cas smiled at him. “As are you. And you should know that whatever you decide to do now, you will have my support. I know that doesn’t matter, but-”

“No, it matters,” Dean told him, his voice low. And then before Cas even had a moment to process that the Alpha was leaning in towards him, closing their lips together as his hand snaked possessively around Cas’ back. And the feeling was _wonderful_ , but it was too much, to feel the warm wetness of Dean’s tongue, and the roughness Dean’s hand raking its way up through his hair, and Dean’s scent all around him which was… _wrong_.

Cas pushed away and Dean let go of him sharply. And much as he already mourned the loss of what it felt like to be consciously held in someone’s arms for the first time in… in a long time, Cas was still relieved, and still _angry,_

 _“No_ ,” he said.

Dean flinched visibly as he roughly wiped at his lips with the back of his hand. “Was that – was that an _order?_ ”

“No…” Dean raised an eyebrow at him and Cas let his shoulders drop as he admitted, “yes. I’m sorry. But I can’t help what I am – and I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Oh yeah? How did you mean it, _alpha_?”

“I meant that I don’t want you to use me – or yourself like this, and however I have to stop you doing that I will.”

“And what by Hel does that-”

“It means that you don’t want this – not really. This is your self-destruct mission because you’re afraid of what keeping your position is going to mean for you now.”

“That’s-”

“The truth, and we both know it,” Cas said, fighting to keep the hurt out of his voice. “You think you know they’ll judge you unfit to stay their Alpha if they smell me on you, and you’re happy to use me to achieve that goal, even if you don’t know it.”

“Oh – well that’s fucking ace - now we’re back to the psychobabble.”

“Please, Dean,” Cas said, suddenly feeling exhausted. “Just…”

Dean didn’t even look at him again as he stalked out of the room and closed the door, leaving Cas alone again. But much as Cas felt sad for himself, alone again and unable to move, he felt worse about Dean. He wasn’t, now he thought of it, as sure as he had been a moment ago about Dean’s reasons for kissing him. Maybe the Alpha genuinely had just been seeking comfort.

And now Cas had driven him away, where did Dean have to go now?

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much again to everyone who keeps giving me such lovely feedback - really helping to spur this on...  
> Now I should go back to dcbb work. Because apparently this is how I use my days off.


	16. Leadership

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean could feel the eyes of the camp on them now. Dean wasn’t the kind of Alpha who generally went around shouting at his pack trying to intimidate them, but apparently he was today. And as Frank had said, it was in their best interests to watch Dean – because whatever kind of Alpha he decided to be affected all of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a fillery set-up chapter - sorry it took a wee while, life keeps on getting in the way of writing time :/

“Don’t be ridiculous – of _course_ I’m going, Dean.”

There were the pack Alpha reflexes, Dean mused as he leant back in the Alpha’s chair and gritted his teeth together, and then there were the far older instincts of a son trying to avoid pissing his mother off at any cost. Sighing heavily, Dean forced himself to look at her again.

“This could still turn out to be some kind of trap,” Dean reminded her coolly, ignoring the face he could tell the Ruby was making at him for that. “And I’m not risking you. I’m sending Jo, and I’m sending Cole, and that’s it.”

“Are you implying I wouldn’t be able to capably defend myself,” she asked, a warning hiss to her voice. “You?”

Dean had learnt to fight as a pup, obviously, and everyone had taken charge of that – the whole Pack had taught him how to do that. But it had been his Mom who’d been the one to keep teaching him after he’d presented, making sure he knew how to fight like an omega – how to use other people’s assumptions against them, how, when against an enemy likely to be larger or stronger than he was, to use their strength against them too, if he could make sure he was moving fast enough – and he’d always been grateful to her for that.

“That’s not what I’m saying.”

“Isn’t it?” Mary raised an eyebrow at him before continuing on in a lower voice, like she hoped that everyone watching this would lose interest if she started talking quieter. “Dean, you know what this means to me. I don’t think this is nothing – I believe Ruby’s story, but even if I didn’t I’d be willing to take the risk at the chance of seeing Sam alive again.”

…which was exactly why he didn’t want her to go.

Jo wanted to see Sam again, but Dean trusted her to go in to all this warily. She’d be the brains to balance out Cole’s brawn – and besides, it always looked good to send out an alpha, just to prove that he _had_ them to send out, to prove that he was a powerful enough Alpha to command his loyalty and live without any fear of him. And then there was also the tempting thought that having Cole away might just make the kid’s Dad shut up for about half a minute.

“If you’re not going to order me there then I will just have to leave.”

“Oh no you _won’t_ ,” Dean said, struggling to sit up and look more intimidating, but his voice was getting higher with every word and he hated that – though the problem was probably that he just hadn’t gotten enough sleep. After he’s seen Ruby made it into the guest quarters and made sure said quarters were even still habitable, he’d had to sit up with his Mom who’d looked happier than Dean could ever remember her being. After that, he hadn’t felt all that much like sleeping, so he’d ended up sitting up in Garth’s cabin playing poker with him and Benny and Ash for most of the night. He’d considered dropping in on Cas again, maybe to offer some kind of peace gesture… but he’d stopped himself. He didn’t know what was going on with them but he knew it was turning into a distraction he didn’t need, and he was grateful that none of the guys mentioned it.

“Dean. I would, I will. But if you just tell me I can go – if you order me to go, then I won’t have to,” she said softly before smiling. “In any case, who do you have as a more experienced negotiator than me?”

No one, Dean answered glumly in his head, and wondered if, had Cas been out there with him, he would have heard him. As the daughter, mate and mother to three successive generations of Alphas, Mary had perfected the art of political niceties better than any other Wolf Dean had ever known. Even after his parents no longer spoke to one another, it would still be Mary John would send out on his behalf, trusting her to do what was best for the Pack, if not for him.

“Fine,” Dean said. “You’re going. But _with_ Cole and Jo.”

Which was going to be tough, taking two of his best hunters out of the equation with winter coming on, Dean let himself think for a moment, but only for a moment. They’d get through, they always did. And if Ruby wasn’t lying, then they should be able to make the journey out to Sam and his people in just a few days, maybe less if they’d moved much in the time since Ruby had left them.

He could be seeing his brother again in under a week, Dean allowed himself to realise, before squashing the thought down fiercely. He couldn’t afford to let himself think that far ahead – not yet.

For now… He had people finding out what was going on away from him. He just needed to figure out what was going on here with himself. And his… not-Mate.

Who, as usual, it didn’t take long into the day to be brought up in conversation.

This time the subject was being raised by Frank. Frank… well, Dean got the impression that Frank liked him better than he had his Dad, but that wasn’t saying a whole lot – Frank didn’t seem to like anyone a whole lot. But he was indispensable, so people generally allowed for that. It was thanks to him they had electricity in the first place (which he was in the habit of routinely reminding everyone) but at least he had Charlie and Ash to help him with that now, and Kevin was apparently getting pretty good too.

Dean himself was wary of the electrics, even if he was happy enough finding his way around an engine, and getting the few trucks they ever had coming up near them for supplies moving again, but outwith that…

The trucks, which hadn’t come by in too long now, meaning that the Pack was missing too many essentials. They needed more candles for the cabins not hooked up to the electric, fresh food supplies of whatever they weren’t able to grow or hunt for themselves, and… well. Knowing the blockers and suppressants deliveries were on their way’d be nice too.

It wasn’t that Dean hadn’t gone a while without them before – he had, Hel, growing up, his Dad had hated paying for them so they’d barely ever had any in – and it usually wasn’t too much of a big deal. Well, aside from the whole hating it thing and the whole making him hate himself thing, it wasn’t such a big deal. He left clear instructions to all his seconds, and didn’t come out of his cabin unless someone let him know there was some kind of emergency going on. It was survivable. He growled a lot after it just to let everyone know how much of an inconvenience it was too, and things quickly went back to normal, he could be the Alpha again.

But he never asked for anyone to join him, to help him through. Jo had, at times. He knew his Mom had before. There wasn’t any shame in it, if the heat was bad, which it usually would be after suppressing it for any length of time… but for Dean, there was, he knew there would be. Even the thought of it was… impossible.

“So. Heard you were sending the rogue away again.”

Dean paused in his vegetable chopping, before continuing, slower this time. It was the one ‘omega’ type activity he allowed himself, cooking, and he knew a big reason for that was how much he enjoyed using his knives even for domestic purposes. And also because he was fucking good at it.

“I tried testing him yesterday,” Dean said, starting to chop again, but more slowly. “He can’t walk well enough yet. And he ain’t faking. So for now, he’ll stay where he is.”

“And what’s happening then? Lot of people starting to say he means more to you than he should, that maybe he won’t leave at all.”

Dean didn’t look up, as he suppressed the urge to snap, to growl a warning. “What’s happening then, is I’ll decide what’s happening. In case ‘people’ were forgetting, I’m the one who makes decisions around here, and I make damn good ones.”

“Oh, stop raising your hackles at me. No one’s saying you don’t. But you gotta get, Dean, that a few days ago we didn’t have _any_ alphas around that could potentially start taking the helm tomorrow. Now we start hearing there’s two, and that you ain’t chasing either one of ‘em off.”

“In case you’re forgetting, Frank, one of those potentials can’t walk, and the other’s _my brother_ , who may not even exist. It’s personal, and I’m dealing with it alright?” He let his knife hover over the last plant, as his eyes met Frank’s.

“Yeah, well you should know by now that what’s personal to you ends up political for the rest of us,” Frank muttered, a slight growl in his voice.

Dean put down his knife and got to his feet. “I’m sorry, what?”

The beta said nothing, but Dean could still smell the frustration coming off him in waves.

“You think I don’t _know_ about that? You think I’m not tying myself in knots trying to do the fucking _right thing_ here, huh?”

Dean could feel the eyes of the camp on them now. Dean wasn’t the kind of Alpha who generally went around shouting at his pack trying to intimidate them, but apparently he was today. And as Frank had said, it was in their best interests to watch Dean – because whatever kind of Alpha he decided to be affected all of them.

“I’m going for a run,” Dean grunted. Usually he wasn’t one for the melodramatic exits either, but today he was a wolf as soon as he’d wrestled his clothes off, and he was running.

Oh, he’d needed this.

Now with every bound he took over the snow, he was getting further away from it all – from the pack looking at him to guide them, from his alpha, today learning to move himself on crutches that Pam had brought in for him, away from the reminders that he could never run as far as he wanted to. Because every part of him, he could admit to himself now, in this form, wanted to be the one to go out and see if Ruby’s story was true, to be the one running to his brother, to bring him home. But running away from the Pack, even for a few days, just wasn’t what an Alpha did.

So it wasn’t what Dean was doing either.

*


	17. Power Plays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do I need a reason to offer to help a fellow Wolf fallen on hard times?”
> 
> Yes, Cas thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a bit later than intended (y'know, as per) and this time I'm blaming it on the unexplainable need to write unrelated smut mid-week.

There was a lot Cas was still learning about of the way this pack was able to work, he thought again as he got to his feet, giving Pamela a nervous smile as he leant down on his crutches for the first time. To spare the wood, the resources, the _time_ for this, Pam had not been required to consult any authority higher than her own, so far as Cas could tell – she’d simply gone and done it for him.

And although he hoped desperately that this was not the only way he’d be walking as a human for the rest of his life, he appreciated her actions more than he could easily express. But he tried anyway.

“Thank you.”

She smiled broadly at him, and leant back against the cabin wall with her arms folded. “No need to thank me, big boy. I’m sure Dean’d have my head if I let his mate stay all bedbound.” She pouted slightly in consideration. “Though then again, that might actually be working out alright for him…”

“Oh. We’re – we’re not -”

She shrugged, as though it made no difference. “Right. Wouldn’t be the first time that the pack gossip got it wrong.”

“I don’t imagine Dean would be too pleased if he knew about the ‘gossip’,” Cas stated as he looked down at his feet, at the boots he’d been informed had up until recently belonged to a Wolf named Ash. Everyone, though they found him a confusing, even disturbing presence in their camp, were still being so generous.

“Doesn’t mean he doesn’t know about it. He didn’t get where he is by being an idiot.”

“I’m not trying to insult his intelligence. I’m saying-”

Pam looked at him with an expression which seemed torn between pity and curiosity. “You don’t think he’d want you,” she said.

Cas coughed out a bitter laugh and glanced down meaningfully at himself, taking in the busted leg, the borrowed clothing, his frame, which was currently far too skinny for an alpha…

“What?” she asked. “He’s got a working pair of eyes, hasn’t he? And you’re still pretty, whatever else you might be. Now are you wanting to take a walk around the camp now or has that been enough effort put out for the day already?”

Cas smiled slightly. “I’d like to try walking outside.”

And even if it did make him feel something like an exhibit on display, he was happy he managed it. Even if he still couldn’t walk properly, he didn’t feel _ashamed_ of that fact, not when he was out in the cold air, and putting all his concentration into staying upright.

In the background he could hear Dean, his low voice talking to his pack one by one as they came to him. The sound was soothing, knowing how much this Alpha cared about these people, but that didn’t mean Cas wasn’t glad that they couldn’t see each other. The fact was that the night before Dean had – or at least _seemed_ to – want him and Cas had pushed him away, and, what he realised now was probably the greater evil, accused him of not putting his responsibilities first, not putting his pack first.

For that, at least, Cas was ashamed, even if he wasn’t still certain of what Dean’s intentions had been.

A beta who introduced himself briefly as Bobby came over to them before they finished circling back to the medical cabin, the cabin Cas had too quickly begun to think of as his own. He’d never had his own space like that in his old pack. There’d been the communal space for the alphas and betas, and that was where he had lived ever since he’d presented, having to assert himself every night just to have enough space to sleep, to lie down. Perhaps that was another reason he looked forward so Dean’s visits. He still wasn’t used to spending so much time alone, and maybe it even frightened him a little, after seeing what his solitude had driven him to before.

“Look like those are holding up alright for you,” the beta said, nodding at the crutches before looking directly at him. Cas liked that. Everyone seemed determined to ignore any traditional hierarchical behaviour here, and they all looked at him without needing to look at the floor first. They were not afraid of him here.

“Working a treat, Bobby, you were right,” Pam said by Cas’ arm. “But hey, if you’ve still got the chair around and you wanted to do some donating to the medical bay…”

Bobby nodded. “Sure thing.” He gave Cas a small smile. “You’ll probably have your bad days where you don’t wanna tough it out, and for that we got you covered. I’ll bring the chair around later. Though this time ‘a year you might find it more useful if we turned it into something more like a sledge.” The beta got a thoughtful look in his eye at that.

“Uh, thank you…” Cas said, not certain what he was thanking the beta for yet, as Pam pushed at his arm.

“We’ll leave the tinkering over that in your capable hands, Bobby,” she said with a laugh, and led Cas back to the cabin. “You tired out yet?” she asked as he sat down with some relief back on the bed. “You wanna come to lunch or you want me to bring you something?”

Cas opened his mouth but didn’t say anything. Going outside would likely mean seeing Dean again, and he wasn’t sure he could take that rejection yet.

“I’ll bring you back something,” Pam answered for him with a smile. “You done good today.  And don’t you worry – I got Bobby back on his feet, and they all said he’d never be up and walking again. We can do this just fine, you and me,” she said firmly, and for a moment Cas smiled briefly back, allowing himself to believe, and still feeling overwhelmed at the amount that these people all _cared_ so much.

When she was gone, Cas lay back with his head against the wall. Did that mean Pam was essentially offering him the chance to stay then? Surely it was not her place to make that kind of decision, and yet there was no way she could have him walking quickly…

Trying to stop his mind from racing, Cas leant over and picked up one of the books Dean had left him. It was old, maybe dating back to when the humans had first started making them again, not long after Ragnarok. Cas was a little hazy on his history, but he was certain at least that this couldn’t be new, he thought as he blew the dust off of the pages and opened the cover. The front page displayed the title, which Cas was pleased to find he had no issues in reading despite his lack of practice, but below the printed words were two sets of initials, scrawled out in different hands. Small hands, Cas imagined as he stroked the letters with his fingers.

_D.W._

_S.W._

He hadn’t been alone long left thinking on that, wondering what age Dean and his brother had been when they’d scrawled their names into the paper together, when he heard the knock on his door. For a moment Cas felt his heart rate speed up slightly as he sat up straighter, but a quick sniff of the air was enough to allow him to confirm that it was not his Mate waiting for Cas to tell him to come in – and in any case, it would be strange for him not to simply walk in without knocking – but another unfamiliar beta.

“Come in,” Cas called.

The Wolf who entered was dressed in a strangely formal manner, more than any other in Dean’s pack. Cas wondered if he was more important somehow than the other Wolves he’d met so far – or if he merely thought that he was.

“Came to see how our invalid’s been doing,” he said by way of explanation as he took a seat in the chair Pam had left out. There was a certain posturing kind of confidence to him which reminded Cas of the messenger, Ruby, from the day before – a kind of determination to _own_ whatever room they’d just walked into. But for some reason it was something which had seemed much more endearing in Ruby.

“The name’s Crowley,” the beta said when Cas continued to say nothing in greeting.

“I thought I’d come by to find out how I might be able to help you out.”

“Why?”

“Do I need a reason to offer to help a fellow Wolf fallen on hard times?”

 _Yes_ , Cas thought. The Wolf didn’t give much away other than amusement in either his scent or expression, and that alone was enough to make Cas wary of him.

“Well, love, it’s like this,” he started, and Cas felt himself no longer finding the equal way everyone spoke to one another here so likeable. Something about this Wolf _grated_ at him, and he didn’t like that this beta was able to talk down to him.

“Pam’s a good lass, but she can only do so much for you and that leg of yours. But in that department, I’m a little more… special.”

Despite himself, Cas felt his interest rise. “Special?”

A smile creeped at the edge of the beta’s lips as he continued. “Before she left, years ago, now, my dear old Mum imparted a few juicy little pieces of knowledge on to me. And sometimes, when my Alpha asks nicely, I can put them to good uses.” Crowley shifter in his seat, self-importantly. “Takes a lot out of me of course, so I don’t tend to use them unless I’ve been given a very tempting incentive.”

“You could fix my leg?”

“I could.”

“And what would be your… incentive to do that?”

Crowley stared at him for what felt like a long hard minute, trying to make him stew, make him wait, Cas gathered. It was a sort of power play. But Cas had grown up in a pack which was all about finding out where the power lay, and it had never been a game, never just a ‘play’.

“I’m willing to bet that you aren’t enjoying this much, are you? Being the new pack ‘pet’ when you’re the strongest Wolf here, and you _know_ that in any other situation we’d all be looking to follow you. But now that omega of yours has you exactly where he wants you, doesn’t he? He can keep toying about with you while you’re too incapacitated to do a thing about it and show him who’s boss.”

Cas hated himself for the part of himself that sang out in agreement to everything Crowley was saying. He _was_ the only alpha old enough to present as a serious, and the natural, contender for the Alpha role in this territory, and since he’d arrived he’d barely done anything but almost freezing to death and then mouldering away in the same cabin, with that only temporarily gifted at him by an omega’s mercy – by _his_ omega, who held no respect for him, and certainly no regard…

Cas shook his head and added a growl into his voice as he answered. “Your point?”

“My point is that if you could walk, could fight, then you could start to change things around here – _we_ could make a big difference in this pack. You’d have a large pack at you beck and call, you’d have that Mate of yours finally brought in to heel, and -”

“And you, Crowley? What would _you_ have?”

The beta shifted some more in his seat. “I’d be part of a pack that was back in order again. And I imagine, your gratitude, for getting you back on your feet.”

“And how exactly do you plan to manage that?” Cas asked, wishing now more than ever that he was able to stand over Crowley, looking imposing, making the other Wolf cower. He’d heard of the Wolves able to harness Chaos magic before. A sinister legacy, that, and it always demanded a cost.

“How dare you,” Cas growled when Crowley didn’t answer him. “You _ass_. You insult your Alpha, you insult _me_ by imagining I’d want to throw the kindness he’s shown me back in his face like that -”

“Oh – _has_ he been kind?” Crowley asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Kinder than I deserved,” Cas said without hesitating. “And though I may still be useless in this form, as a wolf I’m sure that I could still tear you head from your neck, so I suggest that you start leaving _now._ ”

The beta’s eyes narrowed, and Cas thought that he smelt rage coming off of him now, but he stood up. “I’m sorry I can’t be of any assistance to you,” he said stiffly. “Some folk are beyond help, apparently.”

Cas kept his eyes fixed on Crowley as the beta walked towards the door, but became distracted once the door was opened, and they saw that the doorframe was already filled. A large wolf that neither of them had smelt the approach of was standing outside waiting for Crowley and baring its teeth.

 _Dean_.

Dean, who had apparently heard enough of the conversation to gather that he should no longer consider Crowley a friend.

“Alpha,” Crowley said, with only a slight quaver to his voice, as he nodded his head down at the large wolf.

For a moment it looked as though Dean had no intention of letting Crowley through. But then his body shifted slightly as he continued his snarling, allowing the beta enough room to exit the cabin. Cas admired the Alpha’s self-restraint as Crowley only just stopped himself from breaking into a run – he only snapped _slightly_ at the other Wolf’s ankles as he passed him by.

But as soon as the beta had gone, Dean stopped snarling, and looked up defensively at Cas with eyes that were… tired. Tired, and very sad.

Cas didn’t say anything. He was sure that the Alpha had heard everything he’d needed to. And perhaps they both still had apologies to make, but with Dean stubbornly remaining in his wolf form it felt redundant to start one-sidedly making them, so Cas only stared back into the wolf’s green eyes, as both of their scents began to calm and soften.

Dean trotted over the threshold more hesitantly than Cas was sure he would have as a man, but he seemed more certain when he nosed the door closed. He didn’t look directly again at Cas as he walked across the room and leapt up on to the bed beside him, and then curled his body up small, and closed his eyes.

At first the wolf started when Cas began to stroke at his fur, and for a moment Cas was worried his hand was about to be snapped at, that he’d gone too far and crossed some kind of line. But then Dean huffed out a breath, and Cas continued, letting his fingers bury deeper into Dean’s thick winter pelage, only just restraining himself from stopping and simply clutching onto the warmth he found there.

Crowley had asked whether Dean had been kind, and Cas knew that he hadn’t, not really. But he’d been _Dean_ and helped anyway, and Cas was beginning to wonder if he would ever figure what it was that made the omega mean so much to him, mean so much in a way that had nothing to do with how much he smelt like _Mate_ and _Home._ Maybe once Cas could understand that part he’d be able to work out how he planned to ever live without it again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this leaves things a bit better for everyone getting frustrated over the lack of DeanCas interaction! I am starting to get into that better from now... And if anyone wants to hear what I sound like edited, and with pretty pictures from the amazing purgatoryjar, my DCBB is getting posted on October 21st.  
> Y'know. If I actually ever finish fiddling with it...


	18. Witches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That was unmistakeably Sam. Sure, he looked like he’d grown taller, and his hair had certainly grown itself out – he was thinner around the face, too, none of that puppy fat which had clung to his cheeks before. But that was him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *warnings for bleeding and I guess minor self-mutilation*
> 
> Getting slightly behind where I want to be with writing thanks to guests being round all week and uni term getting started again, but hey, here's another short set-up chapter :)

Dean let Crowley stew for a good few hours to wonder how he was reacting before he came and found the beta in his cabin.

“Alpha,” Crowley said hesitantly as Dean walked in.

“Yeah, I am,” Dean said mildly, with a meaningful glare at the other Wolf, who gulped before he could catch himself.

“Alpha, you _know_ that yesterday-”

“What?” Dean asked, smiling now. “Know what?”

Crowley looked torn between fear and frustration at Dean’s continued taunting of him, and Dean figured that it was a look he could appreciate on the beta – who he’d always stayed wary of, at the advice of his parents. It was always good to keep that way with any magic-users, who purposely kept themselves with only one foot in the world they actually lived in. And Crowley, though undoubtedly useful to have around at times, was, as John Winchester had once put it, ‘one slippery son of a bitch’. His mother had been too by all accounts, before Dean’s grandfather had chased her out following the deaths of several Pack members, caused by her increasingly reckless use of the magic.

“Look,” Dean started, trying to appear lazy and relaxed as he leant back on Crowley’s wall and looked down at him. “I might just be alright with forgetting what went on yesterday for you if you get something done for me.”

“I’m at your command.”

Dean narrowed his eyes at the sarcasm creeping into the magic-user’s tone but he let it pass, for now. “Yes. You are,” Dean said quietly. “I want you to show me my brother – if he’s still alive.”

The beta blinked in surprise. “What, you don’t want me fixing up your boyfriend’s leg, you just want a scrying session?”

“I don’t think anyone I know is comfortable paying whatever price your healing is gonna cost ‘em, Crowley,” Dean  told him, deciding to let the ‘boyfriend’ comment slide for now.

But the beta still didn’t move. “Why now? Why not years ago, when your giant baby of a brother disappeared in the first place? Why not before you sent your mother out into the storm after him?”

 _Because I didn’t think of it then, and because I need to know now that I’m not sending her and Jo off into some kind of trap,_ Dean answered in his head, as he said aloud, “Oh, that really ain’t your problem, Crowley. All I need from you is confirmation, I don’t need you to know why.”

Crowley succeeded in holding his gaze for a moment before looking away and standing up to pick up his clay scrying bowl. Dean noticed that the beta didn’t seem so nervous around him anymore – perhaps because now he was doing the sort of task he was comfortable with, or perhaps because he knew now that Dean wasn’t about to give him a harder time.

Probably, anyway. He was still considering it.

But though hearing his fears confirmed - that at least one Wolf in his Pack was looking at Cas, who they didn’t even know, and who couldn’t even walk properly, as a better candidate for Dean’s position than he was on the sole virtue of his biology – was like a kick to the gut to take, it didn’t stop the fact that hearing them refuted by Cas himself had been incredible. Cas had stood up to Crowley on Dean’s behalf. He might have simply smelled Dean arriving outside and started to change his tune, but Dean just couldn’t let himself believe that.

There wasn’t a lot Dean respected more than loyalty, and clearly Cas already had that in spades, and he didn’t even seem to be trying to use that to get anything from Dean. Amazingly the alpha really did seem to respect him – Dean _and_ his authority here, and apparently better than some of Dean’s own pack – and genuinely cared about him. Dean just wasn’t sure what to do with that information yet.

“You know I can’t do freebies, Alpha.”

“Just get on with it already Crowley,” Dean growled, already feeling claustrophobic, and was fighting the urge to start pacing across the room. “What do you need from me?”

“Blood.”

Dean’s eyes flicked to him, waiting for an explanation. Crowley wasn’t the kind of Wolf you ever gave a ‘yes’ up to immediately.

“Your brother: your blood I need to get a look at him.” Crowley rolled his eyes as Dean remained silent. “It’s not like I need _much_ from you. Just a few finger-pricks should do nicely. Now would you please -”

Keeping his eyes on the beta, Dean let his canine teeth slowly grow long and sharp. It was a rare skill, to change yourself only part of the way, and it took a lot of control, meaning it was often used as part of displays of dominance within packs.

Dean pushed his teeth down lightly on each of the fingertips of his left hands, and squeezed them out into the bowl one by one as he retracted the fangs. The beta snorted as the blood began to mix with the grey mixture nearly filling the bowl. “Showy,” he remarked, but Dean noticed that interested look in his eye.

Alright,” the beta said with gritted teeth as he looked down at his bowl, “here we go.” Then he broke into rapid muttering in the old language, in a tone which wasn’t Alpha, but it did still contain a kind of power which held Dean’s attention against his will, and despite the fact that he didn’t understand a word of what Crowley was saying.

“What happens now?” Dean started, needing to fill the silence. But then Crowley shushed him, and he watched a face come into focus in the red liquid.

 _Sam_.

That was unmistakeably Sam. Sure, he looked like he’d grown taller, and his hair had certainly grown itself out – he was thinner around the face, too, none of that puppy fat which had clung to his cheeks before. But that was him.

Dean’s baby brother really was still alive. Dean felt himself breathe out a long sigh of relief that he hadn’t realised he was holding as he watched the image widen its focus. Sam was with someone – a blonde woman almost as tall as he was, and Dean watched as the dimples he’d remembered vividly creased his brother’s face as he laid a hand lightly down on her rounded stomach. Pregnant. She was pregnant.

Ruby had been telling the truth, Dean registered numbly as he watched the two of them smile, watched her make Sam bow his head down from laughter.

And then the image was gone as quickly as it had materialised.

“Hey,” Dean exclaimed, his voice hoarse.

“Don’t ‘hey’ me,” Crowley grumbled. “That lasted longer than I expected it to. I’m thinking it’s because that channel had already been used before.”

Dean blinked. “What does that mean?”

“It means this might be the first time you looked in on him, but he’s looked back at you. And from the feel of things he didn’t need the help to do it.”

*

“You’re a _witch_?” Cole growled, backing quickly away from the fire Ruby had just formed seemingly with only a wave of her hand.

Mary, who was still sitting next to the flames with Jo, narrowed her eyes at him. “I know that at least _one_ of your fathers taught you better than to be using that slur, Cole,” she said sternly.

“But-” Cole looked lost for words before turning his attention back to Ruby, who continued to stare calmly back at him. But Jo had started to notice that she did that a lot when she was frustrated with someone. And no wonder. If she was the only magic-user in Sam’s pack, she probably got that kind of attitude a lot. Not that Jo herself felt all that happy with the idea, if she was honest. She’d just started to let herself trust Ruby…

“But she just summoned chaos magic here without us even knowing she had that kind of power – and we’ve been running with her all day!”

“Well, it is the end of the day,” Ruby pointed out, “and now you know, short bus.”

“You should have let our _Alpha_ know,” Cole insisted, glancing down at Jo and Mary in turn for support. When they said nothing, Ruby sighed, and continued.

“Well, he’ll get to know soon enough after you bring him home the news that it ain’t such an uncommon thing where I’m from.”

 _Now_ Jo noticed a reaction from Mary, who gripped a hand into the log she was sat on. “Sam?” she asked, her voice sounding shaken.

Ruby met her gaze for a few long moments before nodding. “Yes. I taught him a lot of what he knows, but Mary, your son, he’s _good._ ”

Mary nodded and smiled stiffly to herself, and it was unclear whether they were talking about Sam’s talents or his morals when she said firmly, “yes. He is.”

Cole looked down at them all like he was the only one not suffering amnesia. “This is bullshit!”

“Which part?” Jo asked Cole without looking up. She could feel a headache coming on.

“You’re telling me we’re walking into a pack filled with magic-users with a storm coming on hoping to be welcomed with open arms and not used as their creepy-ass sacrifices? I’m sorry, but I don’t like it, and I don’t think the Alpha would either.”

“We’re not walking into just any pack,” Mary reminded him. “This is my son we’re trying to reach.”

“Yeah, well no offence, but we really don’t have any idea what he’s like these days. And the only reason we think it’s _his_ Pack is because of her.”

“By all means, if the information and the orders we have are not enough for you, Cole, return home to retrieve new ones,” Mary said before Ruby could open her mouth. “But I intend to travel on, and I believe Jo does as well,” Mary never raised her voice, but Jo could smell how much her hackles would be raised if she was still in the wolf form she’d been running in all day. The wolf form she’d likely need to return to before the night was over – although they’d packed clothes for themselves to run with Cole was right, it did feel as though the storm was coming on fast now.

After a tense few more minutes of challenges issued, Cole retreated back to his wolf form and left to patrol their perimeter, officially for sentry duty. They didn’t see him for the rest of the night, and so Jo didn’t have to remember to feel uneasy about the fire or what they were travelling towards. All she felt as she snuggled her body close between the other two wolves left with her, was grateful that its warmth was there at all.

*


	19. Surrounded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Now there’s a sight I could get used to waking up to.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trying to keep the chapters quick-and-coming with the new term about to start swamping me - so here's a quick chapter on the ladies :D

Cole still hadn’t come back when Jo woke up. It was hard to tell what time it was when the large pines they’d been sleeping under were shielding them from the sun, but Ruby’s fire had gone out, and the air _smelt_ like morning. So she was worrying slightly about the alpha, despite herself, as she untangled herself from the pile of fur they’d been sleeping in before _stretching_ herself back into her human form. If she was going to be spending the rest of the day running as a wolf, she wanted to snatch at least a few moments spent like this, to brush her hair, maybe cook them some food and hold a conversation. To feel human.

“Now there’s a sight I could get used to waking up to.”

Jo waited until she felt her cheeks stop burning before turning to see Ruby staring up at her, now human, wearing an impish sort of smirk on her face.

“Well, don’t,” Jo said roughly as she pulled the woollen dress she’d packed with her over her head. “It’s too fucking cold for this.”

As a wolf, Mary yawned widely before joining them in human form. “Yes it is,” she agreed. “Although I expected the storm to have hit us by now…”

“Well good thing it hasn’t,” Ruby said, rubbing at her limbs. “I want us to find them first. It’ll be much easier to track them if the winds aren’t blowing from every damn direction.”

“How far do you think we are from them now?”

Ruby sniffed and shrugged. “Jess couldn’t be going all that fast, and we have some old ones with us too… So probably still another day or so.”

She had a nervous tick, Jo had noticed. A slight downward curve of her mouth, twitching whenever something upset her to think on.

“Jess, is she…?”

“Sam’s mate, yeah,” Ruby said without looking up. “My cousin.”

So she was probably beautiful as well, Jo thought.

“Would you tell us about them? About your pack?” Mary asked cautiously.

“Yeah, I guess you oughta hear something,” Ruby said, her eyes flicking up to Jo, who slowly sat down again, hugging her knees to her chest. She remembered the look that had flashed through Ruby’s eyes when she’d first mentioned her Alpha, and Jo would hedge any bet that she still cared for him greatly. The fact that he was mated to her cousin had to _sting._

Ruby took a deep breath. “Well, our Sam, he’s been a good Alpha for us, these past few years. But the guy we had before…” She smiled slightly and glanced between them both. “You ever hear anything about the Wolf they called Yellow Eyes?”

“No,” Jo said.

“Yes,” said Mary.

Ruby snorted. “Figured. Yeah… we knew we’d made ourselves quite a rep. And a lot of us were involved in it with him. They – _we_ – we were torturers, hunters, in the old-fashioned sense of the world, we made wars happen – and we got power out of all that. It was…” Ruby didn’t seem to have any words. “We forgot, most of us, what it meant to be wolves, what it meant to be humans. We were…”

“The Witch Pack of the Mountains,” Mary finished. “My father tried to lead an attack against them once. It was the one defeat he ever suffered. But that was-”

“A long ass time ago,” Ruby finished bitterly. “Yeah, Azazel kept himself going a long time. And the ones of us he pulled into it with him were the lucky ones, I suppose. The worse off were the ones he kept back at the camp for himself.” She breathed out heavily. “Jess was going to be one of those omegas. And I…” Again the words seemed to stick in the betas throat as she curled her slim fingers into the pine needles. “I couldn’t do anything to help her. And she didn’t like that.” Ruby smiled slightly. “I think she really was going to try running the day she found Sam.”

“What happened?” Jo asked eventually, when it looked as though Ruby was considering whether or not to continue.

Ruby shrugged. “Oh, you know. The poor travelling alpha meets his princess to rescue from her cage. And I know he was still young, and he still had all these doubts about leading anyone, but it just wasn’t in him to walk away and leave her in trouble.” Ruby snorted and a fond expression briefly crossed her face. “He knew he was the only one who would dare to help and he didn’t feel like he had anything to lose. So Jess started making plans – she got me involved early to teach him the basics of what he was going to need to know if he was even going to try challenging our Alpha. I was only doing it for Jess then. I thought the whole thing was dumber than Jormungadr, I thought we were all gonna _die_ – but then about the same time I realised that this kid really did have a knack for what I was teaching him, he turns around to tell me that he’ll happily support _me_ if I wanted to try for Alpha after he killed Azazel.”

She smiled and shook her head. “He really couldn’t see why anyone would want to follow him, and it was the first time anyone had looked at me and thought, this is one of the Witch Wolf’s best betas, she’s awesome – she’s a _threat._ It was… weird.” She smiled again, weakly. “I mean I said no. I mean, duh, I’m here. But it was nice to have someone _see_ me like that.”

“What happened then?”

Ruby shrugged and moved to stand up. “He beat the old ogre: he got his happy ending. Knocked up the girl, did his best to show the rest of the Pack who was the new boss, and now we’re all in trouble again. These things go around.”

She sniffed at the air. “Now where did that alpha pup go getting to? Kinda hoped he’d be coming back with a better attitude and some food by now…” Then she froze.

“What?” Jo asked, standing up as well. “What do you smell?”

“Quiet,” Ruby hissed, and crouched to take her wolf dorm. Exchanging glances, the other two quickly followed her in that. Heart pounding, Jo sniffed at the ground. They were in unclaimed territory, true. It could be dangerous here. But they hadn’t been expecting any… _Oh._

Jo had almost forgotten what an _alpha_ Alpha smelt like – and she hated herself for thinking for just a moment that what she smelt was a _real_ Alpha. But there were other scents too, now, and all Wolves, and all of them drawing nearer…

They were about to surround them.

Jo couldn’t help the small growl of frustration escaping her mouth now. Where was Cole when they needed him?

Not that he’d be much of a help against an entire pack…

In unspoken agreement, the Wolves moved in closer together, keeping their tails just touch in the centre of the clearing as they waited to see something emerge from the trees. To Jo’s surprise, the first figure she caught a glimpse of was in human form. This Alpha wanted to talk, she thought, a knot twisting in her gut as she looked up at the tall, smiling redhead. It wasn’t a friendly smile.

“Aw,” the Alpha said cloyingly, as two beta wolves appeared at her heels. “Look, boys. We’ve found some strays.”

Jo huffed in a breath apprehensively before changing. Dean had put her in charge. He was counting on her to keep them all safe.

As Jo straightened her knees and stood up to look the Alpha in the eye, she watched the other Wolf’s eyes glimmer with amusement. “I wasn’t expecting an omega to be the one taking charge of your little group. Too small to be a pack – and not all of you are pack, are you?” she said with a shark-like smile as she glanced briefly down at Ruby. Ruby snarled slightly and put a foot forwards, while Jo was busy trying to edge back. If only she could reach their bags…

“This is neutral territory,” Jo stated, more confidently than she felt. “And we aren’t causing any trouble.”

“No. _You_ weren’t. But I’m afraid, sweetheart, that we rather like trouble, and we haven’t seen enough of it lately… and you smell like a sweet new pet to me,” the Alpha said, moving forwards.

This time Jo was certain that her movements back didn’t seem at all calculated. “Who are you?”

The Alpha pouted. “Am I not recognisable? My name is Abaddon, and I don’t keep territory. I run where I please and hunt what I choose. And last night we chose to hunt an alpha pup… he was a brave boy.”

Mary growled loudly at Jo’s ankles as Jo felt her blood run cold. Cole might have been an idiot but he really was scarcely more than a pup - and he’d been frightened, thinking of what they were running towards, not being able to remember Sam well. Now it sounded like he’d never reach it.

“You killed him?” Jo asked, fighting to keep her voice steady as she took another step back.

Abaddon smiled again. “Eventually. But we promise to be careful with you ladies, if you give up now.” She wiped at her nails before letting them grow into claws. _“Or_ , if you want to run we could have fun with that too…”

Jo bent down slowly, as Abaddon and Ruby both watched her in confusion. She took a steadying breath as she kept her eyes on Abaddon, knowing that she couldn’t expect to get more than one shot in.

“Sorry, fun’s over,” she managed as she gripped the handgun tightly and aimed it at the Alpha’s chest, before firing it.

Jo tightened her grip on the gun and kept it trained on the Alpha’s head, dimly registering Abaddon’s screams of pain and rage as she hoped she looked like she was capable of making the shot. “Let us through,” she said, trying desperately to keep the tremors out of her voice. “Or the next one’s going through your Alpha’s skull!”

*


	20. Sheltered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m still alive,” Cas pointed out, feeling bile rise in his throat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a little longer - working out the work/uni split is pushing typing down the priorities list, which is frustrating when I usually have it written already...  
> So this is getting back to the Dean etc side of things, with some more backstory times, and also other times I'm finally starting to deliver on...

By the time the storm hit the Pack Dean had made more than sure they were ready for it. He’d had them all out for the whole day clearing the camp of snow and building up a barricade of ice and wood. It was just about tall and strong enough to keep them sheltered, Dean guessed, as he looked up at it with some satisfaction.

“It’s a tough looking thing, Dean,” Ellen said appraisingly, suddenly appearing by his shoulder. “Should keep out the worst this bitch of a storm plans on throwing at us.”

“Here’s hoping.”

“And my baby girl out there in it, too.”

Dean risked a quick look sideways at the beta, who huffed out a laugh at the obvious fear that had to be written all over his face. “Oh, I’m not planning on laying into you today,” she told him with a small smile. “But you don’t even want to know what kind of torment you’ll be looking at if she don’t make it back safe.”

“No, I don’t,” Dean agreed easily. Much as the prospect of Ellen’s wrath terrified him, he feared losing Jo, or his Mom, or even Cole, who was his Pack, who was still so damn young and eager about everything, far more. And what about Sam? He apparently had no settled territory left for his pack, with him the one sworn to defend them all, and a pup of his own on the way…

For maybe the first time in a long while, Dean felt sure that he didn’t envy his brother.

“And good we found that alpha when we did, hmm? He’d have been out there in that all on his own.”

“Yup.” Dean sighed out a breath which he watched turn to mist in the air, keeping his face carefully blank.

Ellen sighed heavily at him. “You know you don’t need to put that on for me, boy.”

Dean flinched a little at the ‘boy’, but he let it pass. This, after all, was Ellen. And he _had_ just sent her only kid out there into the storm.

“I just want to know if we’re keeping him around – and if we are, when we’ll be welcoming him officially.”

“Ellen, I really don’t have time to think about that now -”

“But you want him to stay, don’t you?” But before he had a chance to think of a reply she kept going with, “Dean, you _know_ the Pack ain’t gonna stop asking questions until we all know how to think about him, one way or another. And it ain’t fair on him either, keeping him hanging like that.”

“He’s been ill,” Dean countered weakly. “And anyway, we still don’t know anything about the guy.”

“Well don’t you think it’s past the time to start finding that out? Of course I wouldn’t _dream_ of suggesting how you should go spending your time, Alpha…”

“You’re a real comedienne, y’know that, Ellen?”

“So I’ve been told.”

Dean watched her walk away with a small smile before turning his eyes back to the barriers, wondering what it was he _did_ know about the alpha who’d been trying to do his best to help build it all day, despite not being able to walk properly - the dumb son of a bitch. He knew that Cas had been an Alpha once, for one hot minute at least, before being thrown out on his ass. He knew that he’d survived with his mind pretty well intact after spending far longer than should be possible in one form. He knew that he’d defended Dean’s position over any concerns for his own ambition or health.

And Dean had known from that first moment that he was his True Mate or whatever, because there wasn’t any disguising it. For all the good that did anything.

Dean chewed at his lip as he turned back to regard the camp. He also knew that he was fast running out of reasons not to just let the guy stay.

*

Cas had almost finished the second of the books Dean had left for him when Dean came in, looking a little less sure of himself than he usually did.

“I like this one,” Cas announced before the Alpha could say anything, and then watched with pleasure as his words tugged a smile across Dean’s lips.

“Oh yeah? Which one you on there?”

Cas flashed the cover at him. “The book of stories for pups. They’re… charming. The pack I came from was not so interested in passing on stories like these, about heroic endeavours and quests.”

“I’ll bet. I uh, that’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about,” Dean said, as he took a seat uneasily at the end of Cas’ bed.

“The books?” Cas asked, playing dumb. He wanted to draw this out, to hold onto this unexpected moment and pretend that they were mates completely, in every way that mattered – comfortable in one another’s space, exchanging idle conversation on mundane topics, and eased instantly by the other’s scent. It was already half true, Cas thought. Even just being this close to Dean, despite the way it made him ache so painfully, it was still soothing to smell him there. It felt like… like the opposite of being abandoned, as though someone was _seeing_ him.

“No. Your Pack. Where you came from. I want -” Dean seemed to catch himself. “I’m gonna need to start knowing more about you.”

Cas cocked his head to one side. “What would you like to know?”

Dean opened and closed his mouth rapidly, seeming at a loss for something else to say for once as he scratched at his hair with a hand. “I’ll be honest and say that I ain’t all that sure either,” he admitted. “It’s just that someone just pointed out to me that if I’m considering letting you stay then I should know something more about you than that you’re a  rogue with a busted leg.”

Cas felt his eyes widen. “You’d consider letting me stay? Making me Pack?”

Dean squirmed slightly and looked away. “Don’t like, read into anything. But like… _talk_ , and then we’ll, y’know. Talk. About that.”

Cas nodded slowly, feeling like if he moved any quicker then he’d scare the omega off again.

“Well,” Cas tried, “My pack is somewhere… west from here, I believe. And it wasn’t ever terribly steady in its leadership, though it did largely remain consistent in its policies. Omegas were kept separated from the rest of the pack as a general rule, and the official take on that was that it was for their own protection. But they were there to fulfil their allotted roles, and they were there to, to…”

“To be fucked,” Dean finished for him, bluntly.

Cas met Dean’s eye and nodded. “Suffice to say that I like how things are run here much better.”

Dean snorted at Cas continued on, trying not to feel anxious. His Mate deserved to know the basics about him and where he had come from, at the very least.

“When I was born, my father was Pack Alpha, and by most accounts he was a better one than any that followed him. But he disappeared when I was still a small pup, and his cousin Michael took on the role. His authority seemed relatively unquestioned for years – he was a firm leader, and fairer than some. He wasn’t unnecessarily cruel, and though he mistrusted humans deeply, he allowed for some of their education to be spread and seep through.”

“So asshole numero one wasn’t the worst in the batch then?”

“No. His brother, Lucifer, gained control not long before I presented. His orders were erratic, and he actively despised humans. I’m not sure he was too cruel with the omegas first either… but he didn’t take well to being disobeyed.” Cas looked down at the floor. “He killed my mother,” he said flatly.

“Gods, Cas…”

“I didn’t ever really know her,” Cas explained.

“But…”

“She was your Mom.”

Cas nodded, daring to look back into Dean’s bright eyes, now narrowed with pity, and managed to clear his throat. “Yes. I was a hunter, a guard, and I spent most of my time keeping my head down. But I took up teaching the adolescent pups, something which Lucifer generally allowed for. And there was a kid there…” Cas smiled slightly. “You remind me a little of him. He was… snarky.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yes. But then he – Balthazar - he presented as an omega, just as I knew he was fearing he would, and I -”

“Didn’t want to keep your head down any longer?”

“No. I couldn’t let…” Cas breathed deeply and let his shoulders drop. “Well. You know the rest. I challenged Lucifer. To the surprise of most everyone, I came out of that alive.”

“But then you got challenged.”

“Yes, Raphael. And I was… I was so _arrogant._ I thought I knew him. I didn’t consider him enough of a threat, and now… Well.”

Cas appreciated that Dean let him have his moment of morose reflection before speaking up again.

“What’ll he be like, d’you think? Is this an upgrade or downgrade of douchebag?”

Cas shook his head. “I don’t know. I think that’s the worst part. He won’t be as bad as Lucifer, I think – I hope. But I was supposed to… I was supposed to protect them. For a moment there I’d done it, I’d won their trust, their faith, and then…”

“Hey,” Dean said roughly as Cas became aware of strong hands gripping tightly around his shoulders. “You did everything you could.”

“I’m still alive,” Cas pointed out, feeling bile rise in his throat. “So I couldn’t have tried my best. I -”

“Cas, listen to me,” Dean said, and Cas almost smiled at the sound of the Alpha tone creeping into the order. “You’re a godsdamn hero, alright? So you need to quit punishing yourself for it. Besides - if you’d died back there, then I never would have got to meet you.”

“And what difference does that make?” Cas almost whined, and of course Dean had nothing to say in response. His Mate was likely already thinking differently about letting him stay, this needy, broken failure…

“Cas,” Dean said, his voice low and commanding. “Close your eyes. And quit thinking, for like, two fucking seconds”

Cas sought to meet Dean’s eyes as though they were beacons blazing out in the storm before reluctantly letting his eyelids drop.

“Just - just relax already,” Cas heard the Alpha say before Cas felt those lips close softly over his own.

It wasn’t like the last time – desperate and hungry and searching for something which they weren’t even sure would be there for them. Now Dean held Cas’ jaw calmly and firmly in his hand – there was no doubt in that, and everything felt measured and deliberate. Like this was no longer the result of something uncontrollable – this was a feeling they’d had a choice in.

Cas kept his eyes closed as eagerly he tried to return everything, to let Dean know that he’d chosen, and that he would keep making the same choice - no matter how many times he was asked to.

*


	21. Ice and Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Ok, but if the world ended, then what by Hel are we still doing here at all?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit later than I meant it to be, but dcbb complications are a-happening, and I'm trying to get started on my femslash bingo card and I needed to spend some of writing this chapter solidifying in my head where I was going next with all the slowly gathering plotlines...  
> Usual apologies for poor-performance on the sleep-deprived levels of spelling and grammar, and pity my lecturers subjected to my essays, and thank you again to anyone who attempts to help me spot said mistakes :D

After she snatched up one bag in her jaws, Jo didn’t once look back as they put as many miles behind them as they were able to between them and Abaddon’s hoard. The only time she looked anywhere but forward was in her occasional glances sideways to ensure that Ruby and Mary were keeping pace with her. But then, wolves generally didn’t look back.

It was the human part of her she would have to worry about.

It was only when she noticed the sun starting to drop in the sky that Jo allowed them to start slowing their pace, and by the time they found a sheltered area that looked safe to stop in it was almost dark. Although that, Jo suspected as she changed form, still heaving for breath, likely had far more to do with the storm coming in than it did the earlier nights.

As soon as she trusted herself to stand and saw that Ruby was able to do the same, Jo turned her complete attention on the beta. She would think about what they could do to stay human, if possible, in the unforgiving night, in a moment, for now, she had things she needed to be sure of.

“What even _was_ that back there?” Ruby asked, laughing, while staring at Jo with some awe. “You forgot to fucking mention that you had that kind of power _literally_ at your fingertips -”

But Jo didn’t give her the chance to finish her sentence, and instead backed the beta into a tree, aware of Mary behind her, watching, for now.

“How did they find us?” Jo growled, feeling the shift from the wolf more awkward than usual. She was human now, but she longed even more now to not have to speak, and only to keep running, to tear something to shreds, to howl in pain and rage at the sky above.

“Are you out of your goddsdamn mind? Why by Hel should I know?”

The run had taken its toll on the beta, as Jo had no doubt it had on her own body, and Ruby, though cold, was flushed bright red, her hair a mess, and beads of sweat dripping down her face. Assumedly from the day’s exertion, and not from nerves.

Frustratingly, the overall effect didn’t actually make the beta smell or look _bad._

“I just want you to answer me one thing,” Jo said, calmer now. “Were you leading us into some kind of trap?”

 _“No,_ ” Ruby growled, really growled, her eyes not leaving Jo’s.

“She has to be telling the truth,” Jo heard Mary say. “Nothing else makes sense.”

“Well it doesn’t exactly make a whole load of sense that we’re sitting bait for the most dangerous fucking pack still out running almost the minute we put our noses out of the den.”

“Jo, the storms – the avalanches – they’ve driven everyone south.”

Ruby raised an eyebrow, some of her old cockiness returning to her. “See, honey? Not a coincidence, and also not my fault.”

Slowly, Jo released her grip on Ruby’s arms, because she knew that none of it would have been the beta’s fault.

 _Dean put_ me _in charge and now Cole’s dead._

And it must have been minutes now since she’d Changed but _godsdammit_ her hands still wouldn’t stop _shaking_ …

Ruby gently moved forward and closed them with her own. “This ain’t your fault either,” she said softly, “y’know that right?”

“I could have stopped him – I should have known – I should have… fuck, I should have _thought…_ ”

“Jo, listen to me,” Mary said, now looking at her too. “Dean isn’t going to blame you for this. He knew this could be dangerous. And that’s why he put you in charge. He trusted that your best would be better than anyone else’s he had there, alright?”

_Well, then he’d been wrong._

Ruby nodded, smiling encouragingly at Jo. “She’s right. That trick with the firepower? I’d never even _seen_ magic like that!”

Jo mustered a snort. “Magic? Ruby that was just human technology Dean bought in.”

“ _Oh_.” Ruby’s face sobered immediately. “Well… it was still cool. Is it like a small version of the radioactive guns they used to fuck the world up?”

Dimly, Jo was aware that Ruby was probably still only trying to distract her, but it was definitely working. “You mean like… pre-Ragnarok?”

“Ragnarok – that still the story you guys stick with?”

“Well _yes_ , because that’s what _happened,_ ” Jo said, growing irritated despite herself.

“Giant snake and everything?”

“Ruby, you use _chaos magic._ How do you stay sceptical about _anything_?”

“How do you stick to something like its gospel when it doesn’t make any sense?”

Jo wrested her hands free of Ruby’s and waved them up in the air at her sides. “Of _course_ it makes sense, _look_ at us – you didn’t exactly see Wolves walking around and talking _before_ the apocalypse -”

“Ok, but if the world ended, then what by Hel are we still doing here at all?”

Now Jo noticed that Mary was smiling. “She has you there, Jo.”

“But, Mary, the _stories_ - _”_

Mary shrugged. “Different people tell different stories. Now maybe if we can keep ourselves safe enough to last the night we’ll be able to share more of them.”

Jo and Ruby exchanged glances, Ruby’s being rather more amused than Jo’s, who was feeling too exhausted to process – after all, she was apparently too serious, but she wasn’t a serious enough to remember anything practical to keep them from dying out in the storm. Dying just like Cole…

*

Dean woke in the night feeling… wrong. That was about as much as he was capable of processing when he woke up in the sick bay’s one bed next to Cas. Cas, with his dark hair looking even more mussed up than usual.

 _Mate,_ something in Dean nudged in him in possessive reminder, and for once Dean was slow to dismiss it. Then he felt more alarmed – what _were_ they now?

Feeling out of it in a way that had nothing to do with only being half-awake, Dean calculated what had gone on between them before they’d gone to sleep, the storm raging loud outside the cabin. They’d been kissing, and Dean had started that so he was probably… well, he _was,_ ok with that part at least. And then… well then they’d kinda talked, hadn’t they?

Not like a Talk, but like a… well, baby it’s cold outside kinda discussion in which Dean hadn’t left and instead they’d kinda… snuggled. Dean’s feverish brain searched for a better word for it than that and was coming up with nothing. Just an unplanned disgustingly domestic -

Wait, _feverish_?

*


	22. Waking Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas was awake, and alone in a cold bed again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Apologies to anyone who read the first version of this, which for sleep-deprived reasons also included the previous chapter as a bonus~

 

Cas woke up slowly, desperately trying to cling to his dream. It had strangely involved his cousin Gabriel, and though the details were already becoming hazy for Cas, he felt oddly certain that remembering them was _important…_

But it was no good. Cas was awake now, and with no idea as to what his brain had been trying to tell him.

Cas was awake, and alone in a cold bed again.

He was determined not to feel hurt over that. Dean was important here, and thought it hadn’t felt like it at the time, with their limbs entangled, and Dean’s finger’s clutching at the fabric of Cas’ shirt as they’d drifted off, it had no doubt been a one-time episode for them. Or, if it hadn’t been, it still likely wasn’t something Dean wanted advertised to the rest of his pack. And that was fine, Cas could understand that.

What he wasn’t able to understand was the smell filling the room – in Cas’ first detection of it he’d thought it had smelt amazing, enticing, enrapturing – even now that the aftertaste of it was leaving such a _wrong_ taste in his mouth, as though someone had aggressively sprayed the room with something harsh and artificial to cover up the good smell.

Since the strange mixture of scents was starting to give him a headache, Cas decided to venture outside. He’d need his crutches, but he expected he’d be fine making it to the large communal food hut without any other help. And he was _not_ going because he wanted to look around for Dean, but definitely because he wanted food, and to see if he might be helpful. And maybe also to see the rest of the pack again. A strange beta named Garth had seemed to grow rather attached to him the day before, maybe he’d see him again.

But even all the good intentions driving him couldn’t get him out of the door on the first attempt. This storm was _strong_ and the winds blew him back inside like he was nothing more than paper. Closing the door again, Cas leant back against it, desperately heaving in breaths.

 _C’mon,_ he told himself, in a voice which sounded a suspicious amount like Anna’s, _it’s only a storm. You can handle a little wind, can’t you, little alpha?_

Taking a deep breath in and a stronger grip on his crutches, Cas tried again. Although it still took him far longer than it should have for him to reach the communal hut, he did make it there eventually with enough strength left in him to wrench the door open.

He could smell immediately that Dean wasn’t among the pack members gathered there, but obviously there was nothing wrong with that.

“Hey there, alpha, you feeling ok?”

Cas inhaled raggedly before mustering up a smile for the omega now at his side. “Just… quite a storm out there.”

“Yeah, I think the barricades kept the worst of it out, but…” She shrugged, her red hair bouncing lightly against her shoulders. “How’s that leg of yours doing anyway?”

“Better now, with these… things,” Cas told her, as he raised his crutches up in the air one at a time, feeling bizarrely like some kind of bird.

“Round here I think we usually just call them crutches.”

“I’m still mainly at the stage of referring to them as frustrating. But I will bear that in mind.”

The omega laughed aloud, and bit down on her lip. She smelled good – warm, accepting – but nothing about her smell was enticing to Cas in the same way that Dean’s was.

“Ah, an alpha with a sense of humour.”

“Where I’m from they usually just called me Cas.”

She smirked and winked at him. “I’ll bear that in mind, dork. I’m Charlie. And I thought I’d like you. Whenever I finally got the chance to say hi, y’know,” she continued alongside Cas at his pace over to the long table where they took a seat. Thanks to the crutches he could now stand as well as sit, but the transitioning from one to the other was still proving awkward.

“’Course our dear Alpha seems to have been mainly keeping you to himself since you got here…”

“Do…do you know where he is? The Alpha?”

Charlie looked at him in some confusion. “Don’t you know? He’s holed up in his cabin, he’s -”

“He’s not feeling well,” a burly beta sitting across from them put in. Benny, Cas remembered, from their brief introduction the day before.

The beta smiled briefly at Cas before continuing. “I’ll be looking after things for him for a couple of days,” he said easily, but with a definite warning buried in his tone.

Cas had rarely heard of an Alpha admitting enough weakness as to take a sick day for themselves, and Cas certainly hadn’t seen Dean as one would ever allow himself one.

“Is he alright?” Cas asked cautiously. Unless Dean was _seriously_ ill, he felt certain that the beta was lying to him. Either possibility worried him.

“He’s fine. Nothing he can’t handle,” Benny assured him. His tone was soft, but everything in his eyes, his body language, his scent, suggested that this was a beta fighting his instincts to take charge and keep it. And he obviously didn’t trust Cas, the strange alpha here on his territory.

“Alright,” Cas said, backing down, as much because he remembered far too well what had happened the last time he’d attempted to take up a challenge as out of instinct to keep peace.

“So,” Benny said, eyes lowering again to his bowl, “that leg of yours holding up?”

*

Jo woke up to Ruby shaking her.

“Oh thank _fuck_ ,” Ruby breathed as she slumped back on her knees. In an instant, Jo was human again, and sitting up.

“Uh… what by Hel, Ruby?”

“Don’t you start on me like that,” Ruby snarled. “I’ve been sitting here alone and freaked out and freezing my ass off just trying to get either of you to open your godsdamn eyes, and _of course_ this is the thanks I end up with.”

“What’s been the rush?” Jo asked, rubbing at her cold arms.

“What’s the _rush_? Oh I’m sorry, Sleeping Beauty, only that it’s been a whole half a day, and not two minutes ago _that_ was the most I’d been able to get out of you,” Ruby shouted as she inclined a hand sharply towards Mary, still sleeping in her wolf form. But no, sleeping felt like the wrong term – it implied some kind of rest was being involved.

Mary was thrashing wildly in her sleep – sometimes whining, sometimes growling – looking almost possessed.

“What… what’s wrong with her,” Jo asked slowly as she moved over towards her, earning herself a _how fucking stupid_ are _you_ look from Ruby.

“Haven’t you been listening to a word I’ve been saying? I. Don’t. Know. But at a wild guess, it’s got something to do with that storm out there.” She looked down at the floor, her blonde hair whipping itself over her face like a veil. “Azazel used to use the weather to… to fuck people up,” she said quietly, bitterly, before spitting at the floor.

“Is that why you’re not affected?”

“Well, it’s one theory that makes half a bit of sense. Another’s the fact that I wasn’t really sleeping all that well… but I do have protection against a few things. But I’m sure I’ve never seen something like this before – you have to believe me.”

“I do,” Jo assure her after a beat as she stroked a hand down Mary’s fur, which quivered under her touch.

Ruby blinked back at her. “You trust me now? What’s changed since yesterday then, Princess?”

Jo met her gaze before shrugging and looking down at Mary again. “I’m not sure,” she said honestly. “But I didn’t really believe you betrayed us yesterday either, I was just…”

“Lashing out.”

“Yeah.”

Ruby snorted quietly. “S’cool. I get that. How you holding up anyway?”

Jo almost smiled. “What do you think?”

Mercifully, Ruby let things remain quiet between them for a moment, with nothing but the crackle of the fire she’d formed for them breaking that.

“Y’know,” she said eventually, “Abaddon might have lied about… y’know, killing the little alpha. He might still be…”

“Alive?” Jo raised her eyebrows. “Out alone in this storm?”

“He seemed pretty plucky to me.” But then Ruby frowned and looked out of the cave mouth into the darkness of the blizzard, which seemed, the longer Jo stared at it, less like it was simply hurtling snow and more like it was trying to form… shapes.

Then one shape seemed to become rapidly more sharp and solid than any of the others, with the shadow it was already casting into the cave looking _long_.

“ _Ruby_ …”

“I see, Princess,” Ruby murmured cautiously, before her eyes widened out of their suspicious glaring into obvious surprise. “Wait…”

“Ruby?” The voice attached to the shape asked as it stepped into the light.

Jo stood slowly as she watched Ruby stand to greet the long-haired Alpha with a smile. “Took your time finding us, Chief,” she said, and punched him on his well-toned bicep as he hastily started to wrap the lower half of his body up in the cloth he’d managed to carry with him. But nothing he did to make himself look smaller did anything to hide all that muscle – muscle which certainly hadn’t been there before, Jo registered dimly as she continued to give Sam a once, twice, thrice over. Yes, he seemed to have muscles _everywhere_ now.

Muscles… and scars.  It looked as though every inch of the Wolf in front of her was covered in carefully cut scars. It was almost too much to look at – though they’d almost all healed, the thought of the amount that had to have taken out of him…

But he still smiled the same way, this alpha she’d grown up with, Jo noticed with relief. It helped, knowing that whatever happened to the rest of his body, Sam Winchester’s dimples weren’t ever going to budge.

“Hey, Jo.”

*

“You’ve never cooked a day in your life before, have you Cas?” the omega  beside him asked as he struggled to flip the pancake as she’d showing him while leaning on only one leg. Donna – that was her name – as Donna had been showing him. It was getting harder to focus on remembering all the new names when he felt so consumed with the _wrongness_ of being apart from Dean that day.

Which was ridiculous, and needy, but Cas couldn’t shake that niggling feeling that went straight to the alpha part of his brain that his mate needed him, and that all these other wolves were only here to purposefully prevent Cas from giving his omega whatever it happened to be that he needed…

“Hey, Mr. Sous Chef. You’re seeming kinda zoned out for pancakes – you feeling alright?”

Cas forced his lips up into a strangled smile. “I’m fine, thank you Donna.”

Apparently his smile hadn’t worked, because Donna continued to look concerned. “Y’know if you’d just like to _eat_ the pancakes and go have a sit down somewhere that’d be alright too. I mean, Fenrir’s favourite party hat, but you’ve had a nightmare of a time lately…”

“Actually…” Cas started to say, his mind nurturing the germ of an idea. “That might help me a lot. Thank you, Donna.”

He walked out of the communal hut again with a veritable _pile_ of pancakes and other assorted sweets Donna had been certain would make him feel better. Cas _was_ feeling a little guilty for deceiving her, he realised as he battle his way back out through the snow, with one arm now carrying a large bowl of food, but he felt he could justify it to himself by remembering that he was still intending for the food to make _someone_ feel better. The someone just wasn’t him.

He was probably crossing some kind of line with this, Cas thought, as he navigated his way up to the door to Dean’s cabin. Dean certainly hadn’t invited him here, and his Beta had made it perfectly clear that the Alpha was to be left alone today.

But Cas needed… he needed to know what the night before had meant for Dean. And he also couldn’t stand to be useless another moment more, not when his mate was apparently hurting and had done so much for less cause to help Cas when he’d been in the depths of illness.

Yes, Cas decided as he rapped his knuckles against the frosted door. This was the right risk to take.

It was hard to tell what noises were being made beneath the roar of the wind all around him, but Cas was _almost_ sure he heard a nose sniffing for him at the other side of the door, followed by a soft whining noise that almost broke Cas’ heart to hear. But before he had time to wonder at that, the door had been flung open for him.

And that marvellous scent made him forget all about how cold he was.

_In heat._

Dean wasn’t in ill – he was in heat. And Cas had to be the biggest godsdamn idiot that ever lived.

“I – I’m sorry,” Cas managed to stutter, as he tried not to inhale any more of that scent that was making him feel almost drunk. “Dean – I’m – I’m sorry – I’ll… I mean… I  can _go_ ,” Cas assured the red-faced Wolf who still hadn’t done anything but stare at him and lick his tongue over his lips.

His _perfect_ lips –

But whatever Cas was saying, he was getting less certain that he’d be _able_ to move in the direction away from Dean.

“Cas,” Dean snapped, his voice hoarse, but the Alpha tone was definitely still present in it. “Just… just stop talking, get in here already and fuck me, ok?”

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm finally getting to the smut next chapter, shockingly... 
> 
> Also, as a heads-up and extended invitation, the amazing burningtea (like seriously, for anyone who was complaining at me for Cas whump, go check her out) and ExpatGirl (whose stories have been on my to-read list for too long) are working on setting up a Christmas exchange. Christmas Eve posting, Destiel, 3000 words at least, and the're all GHOST STORIES.
> 
> I have been urged to tell anyone else wanting to get involved to go contact via saying hi to humanformdragon@gmail.com.


	23. Ropes Have Been Unbound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What’s that, alpha? You want me?” Dean murmured as he straddled Cas’ waist and began teasing his shirt up over his head with fingers that Cas noticed were trembling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone's wondering about the chapter title, I had Florence + the Machine's 'Howl' on repeat for the writing of this one, so anyone who fancies is welcome to consider that a soundtrack.
> 
> I still need to catch up on the new season - I've been saving it for AFTER I finished writing this, because I figured I'd be less of a writing mood if I watched tv first...
> 
> And there are some SLIGHT consent issues running through this one, but the issues are dealt with/going to be dealt with, although I'm not entirely sure I know how to describe them, so, just generally, warning.

Cas stood frozen on his spot, not daring to move a muscle.

“Well?” Dean snapped, his voice sounding unfamiliarly raw and _needy_ over the wind’s howls. “Come in already, you’re here now.”

And that was almost a sneer, Cas realised. The sound made him feel even more uncomfortable.

“I – Dean,” Cas was struggling to keep a hold of all his food and crutches, to even stay upright. “You, you don’t want this. Not – not really. I’ll, I’ll go -”

But trying to move rapidly backwards over the icy steps was not practically a sensible plan. Cas felt his whole body lurch backwards, but to his shock, Dean caught him with a firm grip around his wrist.

“Don’t you _dare_ tell me what I want,” Dean growled, and without any more warning, lifted Cas up into his arms, letting the crutches clatter to the ground. The food, though, Cas still kept clutched safely to his chest as he stared up at Dean in some amazement.

Even in heat, even with the smell of him making Cas feel almost drunk, pounding into his head that this was an omega, _his_ omega, who needed him, everything else was still telling his brain that this was the Pack Alpha almost cradling Cas now. And with the protective instincts pulsing through Cas now, that mostly only made him feel a strange kind of pride. Because he suddenly felt more certain than ever that there was _nothing_ out there in the world that was half the incredible contradiction as Dean was.

“Too many clothes,” Dean muttered as he laid Cas down – gently, despite his feverish, frantic motions – on the bed. Small bed to belong to an Alpha, Cas noted again as he forced himself up on his elbows, realising that Dean must have been addressing him, because the omega himself was already naked.

“Dean _please_ …”

“What’s that, alpha? You want me?” Dean murmured as he straddled Cas’ waist and began teasing his shirt up over his head with fingers that Cas noticed were trembling. And for a few moments Cas found himself incapable of answering because _yes_ was the only answer naturally able to occur to him, and his brain wouldn’t let his mouth form the words. Not when there was something inside of himself still crying out a desperate reminder that something about this situation wasn’t right, for reasons he’d be able to remember if only he tried harder…

“You _left,_ ” Cas managed as the tips of Dean’s fingers skated over his body, even that much touch allowing Cas to feel just how hot the omega was – Dean really was burning up.

“I did,” Dean admitted. “I haven’t had to go through a heat in a long while, and I freaked out. Had to lock myself in here to try and stop myself jumping you, if I’m honest,” Dean said with a low chuckle as he crouched down on the floor to start tugging at the boots Cas had painstakingly taken so much time getting on that morning.

“Yes – Dean – you, you didn’t _want_ that. So this -”

“Is something I haven’t been able to get out of my fucking head all day, no matter what toy I’ve been using,” Dean said, cutting him off as he stood up to start pulling down Cas’ pants –

“Dean, _no_ ,” Cas burst, barely even able to think from the intoxicating smell around him, so didn’t realise that he’d broken into an Alpha tone until after he’d spoken. On top of him again, Dean stilled at last, making Cas immediately start longing for him to move again.

“No?” Dean asked, eyebrow raised, his mouth kept impassive even while the smell of him still screamed _need_ , his body almost vibrating with the effort it was clearly exacting from him to hold himself back.

“Dean, _please_ , I can’t _…”_

“Well, you want this, don’t you? You want me?” As he spoke, Dean almost thoughtlessly started massaging his fist slowly over his own hardening cock, and Cas couldn’t help feeling like there was bait being dangled in front of him.

“I know how you smell when you look at me – I know what your face looks like when you’re staring at me. I know you want me, Cas. So godsdammit I want you to _have_ me already,” Dean finished on a growl.

Cas felt something hot from Dean drip down onto his own leg and wanted to moan.

“I can’t… I can’t hurt you again, Dean. I can’t do that.”

“Gods, alpha, I ain’t gonna let you,” Dean said, his voice low as he bent down to take Cas’ lips in his own as he cradled Cas’ face, as though he was something precious Dean worried he might break.

“ _Please_ , Cas,” Dean continued, his voice cracking as he pulled up from the kiss. “I need you.”

And suddenly Cas couldn’t remember any of the objections he had holding him back from this anymore. Pulling Dean’s head roughly back towards him, Cas kissed the omega back, thinking _need you too,_ and wondering if he’d thought it loud enough for Dean to hear it.

That was a true mates thing, right?

He felt the pressure of Dean’s hips jarringly work themselves down against his crotch and he groaned, his mouth still pressed up against his Mate’s.

Dean pulled away again with a sharp tug on Cas’ lower lip. “We doing this then? You’re gonna help me?”

Cas smiled slightly at the almost hesitant tone that had crept into the omega’s voice now. “Of course, Dean,” he said, and was rewarded with his Mate’s face lighting up so brightly Cas felt almost dazzled.

“Alright,” Dean said, almost shyly. “Well, you’re still wearing too many clothes.”

They both looked down at Cas’ boxers, which, apart from his socks, were the only piece of clothing Dean had left him with. Obediently, Cas started moving his hands towards the lining of them when Dean’s hands covered his own, stopping him.

“I can get those, too,” Dean assured him, smile quirking up devilishly at the corners, before he he ran his hands all the way down Cas’ chest and moved down off the bed again to pull his underwear off, going gently over Cas’ injured leg.

“Wanted to see you like this almost since I first saw you,” Dean muttered almost like the words were being tugged from him involuntarily as he pressed his lips to the inside off Cas’ thighs, one by one snaking his way closer to the alpha’s crotch.

Cas felt like he should be screaming like Dean had been keeping him on edge for hours when he finally felt those lips wrapped around his cock, felt surrounded by some part of the omega’s heat as Dean’s tongue deftly ran its way in circles over the cleft, over the already painfully sensitive head… And then when he swallowed Cas whole with no warning Cas forgot the pain in his leg as he used it to buck his hips up into the air, into Dean.

Cas’ whole body was singing with pleasure and he had never felt so useless in his life.

“ _Dean…_ ”

In answer, Cas felt Dean’s lips hum around his length.

“Dean – can I touch you? Can I please…”

Dean pulled off of Cas with an obscene popping noise as he clambered back over the bed, this time into Cas’ waiting arms, his hands, which roamed desperately over Dean’s back, and as the omega leant back down towards him, through his sweat-drenched hair.

“Y-y’good?” Cas thought he heard the omega ask between kisses to Cas’ lips, into the curve of his neck. Cas hoped he gave what could be easily interpreted as a nod instead of an idiotic lolling back of his head in answer – and he must have, because suddenly Dean was shifting himself back on Cas’ body, navigating himself into place above Cas’ now fully erect cock. And Cas was almost too busy being captivated by the sight of Dean’s face, with his eyes fluttering closed in relief, his lips opening slightly in a small gasp, the redness in his cheeks brightening from exertion,  to notice the point in which he was finally inside of the omega.

Even then Dean was doing all the work – his hips slowly rocking him forwards and backwards, slowly at first, then faster, into a frenzied rhythm that had Cas wondering if there’d be anything he was able to contribute. And though the feel of it all still threatened to overwhelm him, Cas still couldn’t take his focus off Dean, who almost seemed to move like he was held in some kind of trance, as though this was _literally_ all he was able to think of, had been able to think of all day.

_Haven’t been able to get out of my fucking head all day, no matter what toy I’ve been using…_

And just the thought of that had Cas clench his fists into the bedsheets as he felt his knot begin to swell.

_Not that._

But Dean’s hands were there again, soothing him, and those marvellous eyes were open again and staring right into him. “S’ok, Cas, I want it,” he said, his voice rough, like he’d been deep-throating Cas for far longer than a few minutes.

“But-”

“You really gonna turn me down on that?”

Cas couldn’t say anything. He knew there were a hundred logical points of view that were making that in particular a _bad idea,_ but he couldn’t form the words that might express any of them right now, not when Dean was looking at him like that.

With every roll of his hips Dean seemed determined to have Cas thrust deeper inside of him, and the _noises_ he’d started making again were impossible… those _whines…_

“C’mon, Cas, wanna come on your knot. Wanna come with you.”

“Dean - that’s not -”

“ _Castiel_ ,” Dean growled. “Thought you said you’d gimme what I needed?”

“Dean, I -”

“Well then, _help_ me, _please._ ”

There was an imploring look in Dean’s eyes as he leant his body down towards Cas again. “C’mon, _alpha_ , I know you can do this,” he said, in that harsh almost-sneer which made Cas feel as turned on as uncomfortable. “I know you want this, you stuck inside me, breeding me up right…”

Before Cas could say anything, he found himself mesmerised by Dean’s tongue licking over his lips. “So filled up with you I won’t even be able to think straight Cas – think on it, I’ll almost be _leaking_ from it…”

And though he wasn’t sure what did it, if it was even now what he wanted, Cas felt himself come in a rush, felt his knot pop almost painfully inside Dean, saw Dean’s eyes open wide in shock, then pleasure, as he continued to rock himself back and forth as Cas watched Dean’s own cock release swathes of white into the air and over onto his own body, warm and sticking. Some even caught to his cheek, Cas noticed absently as he continued to watch Dean as the omega kept moving, slowing his movements until he eventually stopped, and limply leaned down against Cas, forcing the two of them to roll back on the bed on their sides.

For a few moments Cas let them lie there, panting heavy breaths against each other. His leg felt awkward, and everything was too hot, too close, too much. But already he could feel Dean’s body cooling against his, the omega now seeming slack and boneless. But… content. Cas was hesitantly sure he could smell that much from his Mate.

But he needed to be sure.

“Dean?” Cas asked into the omega’s ear. When Dean continued to breathe heavily with no reply, Cas eventually moved the other Wolf’s head up off the pillow gently, and bit down on his lip in something like fond frustration.

Dean was already asleep.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting back to more plotsy events next time (and maybe some more smutty ones) but definitely bringing back some now sorely needed fluff...


	24. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Storm’s going off,” she noted. “Guess you got everything under control then?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update SHOULDN'T be soon, because the as-yet barely edited DCBB is getting posted a week today, and I have a presentation on Monday BUT this is currently more fun than either of these things, so...

“How long has she been like this?”

As Sam crouched down to sit beside his mother Jo watched as his mouth twitched down even while his eyes lit up brightly in excitement to see her at all.

“A good ten hours, maybe?” Ruby told him. Jo meanwhile, was finding it difficult to find her voice again now that she was faced with this man that was so familiar, but so different to her.

“You got taller,” she muttered, and appreciated the small snort of laughter he gave her in response.

“Yeah,” he said, still not taking his eyes off Mary. “But you didn’t. I swear I remember you taller.”

“Hardly.” Jo wanted to say more, to ask about the more significant, less natural change of the scars that Sam had clearly undergone, but just as she was plucking up the courage to ask him about them, the question was answered for her as she watched him grow a claw from a fingernail and slice neatly at his wrist. Ruby frowned at him as he clutched at his wound.

 “Jo woke up on her own without help,” she put in uneasily.

“This is my Mom, Ruby,” Sam said quietly, as though that explained everything, before chanting rapidly under his breath. And a moment later Mary’s body finally stilled, and the wolf opened her eyes, and sniffed the air.

Jo was sure she could pinpoint the exact moment in which Mary scented that her youngest son was there in the cave with her. The wolf’s eyes widened as it spun around and leapt up at Sam to lick him all up his shirt, putting her paws up on his shoulders and staring into his eyes.

“Hey, Mom,” Sam murmured, some awe creeping into his voice as he smiled.

In an instant, Mary had shaken herself into her human form again, and the look in her eyes was no less adoring as she took in the figure of her son and petted lightly at the ends of his hair, as though confirming to herself that he was real.

“My boy…” she said, putting a hand over her mouth as he held her tightly to him. Jo felt tears start welling up in her own eyes as she watched the two of them embrace, letting the comfortable small of family and Pack engulf her. Ruby wasn’t included in that, Jo remembered jarringly as the beta gave a half-smirk, her arms firmly crossed over her naked chest.

“Storm’s going off,” she noted. “Guess you got everything under control then?”

The Alpha’s eyes narrowed briefly as they darted up to her. “We’ve got it handled,” he confirmed tersely, as he slowly let go of his mother.

“Sam,” Mary said as she stared at the scars covering Sam’s eyes, his chest, tracing the closest of them with her fingers. “What…?”

He mustered a small smile. “The magic, Mom. It always needs… something, and I don’t want to have anything else getting hurt because of me.”

Ruby snorted in agreement. “Yeah, the Alpha Altruist over here gets squeamish easy. But taking the pain from himself still isn’t something most people are able to cope with, or get much out of. I told you he was good.”

Mary’s face reflected Jo’s feelings exactly of horror mixed in with pride.

“You know, your father’s family… People used to talk about them, as magic-users. Maybe you got some of that… hmm…”

Jo was surprised to hear Mary, who hadn’t even spoken at her Mate’s funeral, mentioning John even to this extent, especially in front of Sam, who’d already noticeably stiffened at the reference to his father.

“But why so many?” Jo asked, unable to help herself.

“So many scars?” Sam shrugged. “Not all of my Pack are as accepting of me as Ruby. Magic’s the only kind of strength they really respect.

Sam had always been a good liar when he needed to be, Jo remembered. Now not even his scent was giving anything away, and she hadn’t witnessed any of his little tells in years. But she’d already gotten to know Ruby over the short space of time they’d spent with one another, and the beta’s face was indicating that Sam was not telling them the whole truth.

But Jo let the matter drop without comment, because now it was Sam’s turn to be asking questions.

“I just… I can’t even believe you guys are _here_ – did Dad really let you come all this way over this?”

Jo bit down on her lip and exchanged a glance with Ruby before looking to Mary.

“Sam… Your father… he’s not…”

“If he doesn’t want to see me _that’s fine_ ,” Sam assured her quickly. “It’s just – it’s for Jess and everyone – we haven’t got time to build a proper camp before winter really hits and -”

Mary shook her head. “Honey, your father’s dead.”

Sam blinked. Clearly of all the possible scenario’s he’d expected to hear from Mary, this wasn’t one of them, and Jo couldn’t blame him. If anyone had ever seemed like an indestructible force of nature, it had been John Winchester.

Mary sighed and closed her hand softly around her son’s while he continued to stare at her in shock. “It happened a year or so after you left. Dean’s our Alpha now.”

For some reason, this piece of information seemed to shock Sam far less than the news of John’s death – or maybe he simply hadn’t recovered yet from the first.

“Right,” he said slowly. There were a hundred different emotions seeping into his scent, clouding his face – fear, relief, elation, regret, confusion – and for a moment the Alpha seemed entirely lost on which reaction to let show, on which to act on. Apparently realising this, Mary took him in her arms again and he allowed himself to be held.

“I never did forgive him,” Mary said quietly in his ear. “Not for what he did to you. Not for what he’s still doing to your brother. But if it helps, Sam… I think there were a lot of things he regretted in the end. I don’t think he ever meant…”

“To chase me off his land?” Sam asked blankly. There wasn’t any real judgement or anger in his tone – Sam had obviously made his peace with what had happened a long time ago.

But Mary really hadn’t, Jo was reminded as she watched the omega’s jaw clench tightly before she spoke. “No,” she said. “It’s what he did, but I don’t think that’s ever what he wanted.”

Sam’s moth quirked up. “It’s alright. I think I’m starting to get just how hard it was for him now I’m landed in the same position… I’m just sorry we never did get to, y’know. Talk.”

“I know, sweetie,” Mary told him as she put a hand to his cheek. “And I know that stupid bastard felt the same.”

Sam looked down at the floor, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. Then he cleared his throat and looked back up with a strained smile. “So… Dean in charge, huh? That’s _amazing.”_

Mary beamed warmly back at him. “Like you say, it’s never an easy job, but he’s certainly holding his own. We’re all doing well.”

“Yeah,” Jo put in. “Benny and Althea finally quit dancing around each other, Ash and Charlie are both still competing over who’ll be the first to drive Frank to an early grave with their criticising, oh, and Tracy - she presented as alpha,” Jo said, counting off on her fingers, as an unwelcome voice in her head reminded her that _so had Cole._

“Wow…” Sam shook his head with a grin. “So how about you, Jo? You still fighting off suitors?”

“ _Hardly_ ,” she said, rolling her eyes as she noticed Ruby shift slightly from one foot to the other. “But your brother might have one sniffing around now that he hasn’t managed to spook off.”

“Oh yeah?” Sam suppressed a laugh. “Oh gods… I definitely want to hear about that…”

Ruby huffed out a sigh. “But for now, boss, if we could maybe cut the reunion short? My butt is freezing off here, Sam, and I’m fucking _starving._ ”

“ _Oh_ , right.” Sam glanced out of the cave mouth. “The storm _is_ off now, awesome,” he muttered, almost to himself.

“That really was almost creepy fast,” Jo said, feeling a little uneasy even along with her relief to see the clear air outside.

“Sure is,” Sam said, smiling dismissively as he stood up, helping his mother back to her feet along with him. “So we’re about a few miles up from here, but when the storm came down I started trying to scry for Ruby – I didn’t want her out in this.”

“Smart thinking, Alpha,” Jo said with a teasing smile. It was strange – as a kid Sam had never liked the idea of taking on his father’s role. But now… it certainly seemed to suit him, she thought fondly as she watched him and Mary Change and start running off into the trees. But when she saw Ruby was about to follow them, she stopped her, laying a hand on the beta’s shoulder.

“You so desperate for a moment alone, Princess? Only I really wasn’t kidding about the hunger thing.”

Jo felt her cheeks burn even as she rolled her eyes. “No, I just… I thought you said you didn’t know what caused the storm.”

Ruby’s face seemed to shut down. “And I thought you said you trusted me now.”

“Ruby, I’m not saying I don’t – I just -”

“Look, I actually don’t know. But I thought…”

 Jo took a breath and nodded. “But you thought Sam would.”

Ruby didn’t answer, but the directness of her gaze made it obvious what her answer was.

Jo let her hand slip off the beta’s shoulder. “I’m not gonna make you tell me all your Alpha’s secrets. But I am gonna find them out.”

Ruby’s eyes gleamed. “I’ll trust you on that, Princess.”

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise to return to Dean and Cas next time - EVENTUALLY all will converge but for now there will continue to be some necessary flipflopping


	25. Safe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Dean, you don’t need to do this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this has been so late! All kinds of work have been dragging me under a bit lately, so it took some time to actually get this typed. But have some fluffiness (I guess?) with a tiny side-serving of plot interest.

Dean woke up feeling… safe. There was the best way of describing waking up to finding one of Cas’ arms slung over his shoulder, cradling him close.

Dean kept his eyes closed for what felt like a long time from when he realised all that. When he opened them, well, then he’d start having to _think_ again – about what his heat needed from him, about what his Pack needed from him. And that didn’t usually involve lying around for hours in bed as a contented little spoon.

Pretending to himself that he wasn’t awake yet meant a little longer not having to be that tough Alpha who definitely wasn’t enjoying this.

_“Gabriel…”_

Dean blinked. Ok, happy bubble moment over. Hearing your Mate-not-mate growl out another guy’s name in his sleep tended to spoil a moment like that. Frowning now, Dean rolled slightly out of Cas’ embrace, and apparently that was enough to shock the alpha out of his dream.

“Should I be worried?” Dean asked, cocking an eyebrow down at Cas, who narrowed his eyes in some confusion. It was kind of adorable, Dean allowed himself to think, briefly, as he watched the alpha scent the air, breathing in the smell of Dean beside him, and immediately start to look more alert.

“What?”

“You were calling out some dude’s name in your sleep,” Dean said, nudging at the alpha’s side and trying his best to appear casual, mocking even, as he asked, “So who’s this Gabriel?”

Cas’ frown deepened. “I was… again?” he muttered, apparently to himself. Dean felt something in his gut drop.

 _It’s just the heat,_ he reminded himself. Because Dean _knew_ he wouldn’t feel so damn possessive if his hormones weren’t bouncing off his internal walls in every which way.

“It’s… he’s my cousin.”

Dean’s hand released the grip he’d started to take of the bedcovers without noticing.

“I think… I think I keep having this dream. It’s almost as if he’s trying to contact me, tell me something important…” He still looked worried, Dean realised, and suddenly it was easier not to think of the aching _need_ already clawing at him again.

“He someone you left behind?” Dean asked roughly and the alpha shook his head.

“No. He left years before. We’d been close though. At least I thought we were…” Cas trailed off as he sat up in the bed.

“Oh yeah? Tell me about him.”

Cas glanced at him, a touch of suspicion seeping into his eyes. “Dean, you don’t need to do this.”

“Do what?”

Cas flapped an arm weakly up before letting it back down again. “This. Talking to me like…”

“Like what”

“Like what I say is going to matter.”

Dean felt himself flinch. “Cas…”

“I’m here because you need something from me – and that’s fine, after all you’ve done I’m… I’m more than happy to give that. But…”

Dean wasn’t good with words.

Before Cas could continue speaking he’d cupped the alpha’s face in his hand, ran his other hand up through his mussed hair and pulled him closer for a kiss.

Cas moved with him pliantly, easily. Too easily.

“Cas, I’m sor- I. I didn’t mean to make you feel like that. I never meant that, Cas, you’re -”

Face still framed by Dean’s hands, Cas’ eyes stayed on him, waiting.

“I’ve never done this before, alright? Not since I became Alpha anyway. There’s usually always been suppressants around for that.”

Cas almost-smiled. “I don’t think we ever had those either, back home. They prevent your heat?”

Dean choked on a laugh. “Yeah, you get the idea. That and the provisional birth control, which I’m assuming is still working on me. In any case, it should be.” Ignoring the red flush this information quickly had springing to Cas’ cheeks, Dean continued. “Basically the supply train from the nearest town’s been broken or something for the last week – something else I’m gonna need to look into – so I’ve not had ‘em. Which makes all this a bit worse than usual since I’ve been putting it off so long.”

“Are you… Is it painful? What are you needing, Dean?”

“Alright, first of all we’re going with what _you’re_ needing and _then_ we’re looking back at me, ok? Anyway, my point is…” Dean huffed out a sigh. “Is that I don’t usually do this, ever. But you… you’re…” Dean was _really_ having an issue with words, now. “I trust you, I guess. So. What are you needing, alpha?”

Cas smiled tentatively, with a sweetness that almost made him seem shy. “Well… I did originally come around here with some food for you. I think it survived your attack on me earlier, and it did smell like it was going to be good…”

Dean groaned. “ _Now_ you’re speaking my language. Who needs sex when there’s fucking food on the table.”

“Well. On the bed. I think it’s over…

“I see it.” Dean lunged for the bag Cas had come to his door clutching and offered its contents out to Cas, who reached in to take out a cold pancake for himself with suppressed eagerness.

“Donna showed me how to make them,” Cas told him as Dean moaned around his first bite.”

“Right, then that’s settled. You ain’t going anywhere – you can _cook_.”

And that, Dean was cheered to see, definitely brought a smile to the alpha’s face.

“So. Tell me about your cousin.”

Cas shrugged, still concentrating on the sugar now coating his lips. “Lucifer and Michael’s younger brother. One day it was like he… he had some kind of fit. Kept muttering to himself for a long time, and sometimes it sounded like he didn’t understand where he was.” Cas sighed. “I got him back home, but when I came back to check on him he’d vanished.”

Dean gulped down on his food. “Your old pack was seriously fucked up, man.”

“You’re telling me. But these dreams… I almost feel like he’s really talking to me. And it’s… it’s _vivid._ ”

Dean frowned. “Y’know. I heard Crowley say once that you actually could contact people through dreams with magic - if you were _really_ talented or whatever. ‘Course, it was Crowley talking, so that might have been bullshit.”

Dean couldn’t help noticing how Cas’ jaw tightened at the sound of the beta’s name. It was a little flattering.

“But Gabriel wasn’t a magic-user.”

“Then maybe it’s just Donna’s cooking giving you indigestion.”

Cas smiled weakly. “Maybe,” he said, and put a hand over Dean’s, who until that moment hadn’t realised how worked up his body had become again already, that even the alphas soft touch made him want to melt onto the bed in a glob of submissive, frustrated jelly.

Cas must have noticed something, because he moved his hand away, narrowing his eyes again. “…Jelly?” he asked tentatively.

Dean blinked. “What?”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

“You _heard_ that?”

Cas’ lips twitched, like he wanted to smile but wasn’t sure where or not he’d be allowed to. “I think so.”

“Son of a bitch – I’m _not_ going mad then.”

Cas did smile then, as Dean watched the alpha’s fingers curl and uncurl. “No. Not mad.”

And the way he said that made Dean feel like something worse was going on than them both mutually losing their sanity, and it made him want to shout that he didn’t care, made him want to grab the alpha and fall back onto the bed with him and then never leave it again.

“Look, Cas, I’m… so you know last night I didn’t mean...” Dean cleared his throat. “I mean…”

 _I’m sorry,_ Dean said in his head, and Cas nodded, like he’d heard. Dean wasn’t sure whether to hope he had or not.

“I don’t want to stick you in anything you don’t wanna be in,” Dean finished stiltedly. “I mean all this is pretty messed up, and I’ve not got any kinda promises for you, and, Hel, I kinda threw myself at you there… but if you wanna leave me to it now then that’s cool, alright?”

Cas looked like he wanted to say something, but Dean hadn’t finished babbling yet. “And like I say, it’s not like I do this a lot. This is something…” Dean gritted his teeth down in frustration, hating that the words weren’t coming out the way he wanted them to. “This is something new, alright? And not to do with you not being Pack, or the fact that you actually have the equipment here to knot me, or even the whole mating-shit. Like I say, you make me wanna trust you.”

Something of Dean’s awkward and heat-addled speech seemed to have worked, because for the first time it was Cas moving towards him.

Cas was kissing _him_.

His alpha wanted him.

Even as Dean tried his best to stop the small whine escaping his lips, he _knew_ that Cas had heard him.But from the alpha eagerly drawing him in closer, Dean figured that he wasn’t being judged too hard for it. No, Dean didn’t feel judged at all – he felt accepted, like the guy holding him in his arms understood everything there was to know about him and that he loved it all anyway.

_…I knew that my life was no longer all my own._

That’s what his Mom had said about meeting her Mate – that first time he’d turned up on Pack grounds with his own father’s smaller pack and been allowed by her father to stay. _And look where that had gotten her…_ though Sam might still be an unknown quantity, he’d left, and she and John had fallen apart over that, and Dean… well. Here he was.

But though he hated the thought, Dean figured he understood what she’d meant right now. Admittedly he was making this realisation at the end of his heat when his body was doing everything it could to finish that feverish feeling of crazed emptiness still trapped inside of him and _of course_ his world had become entirely  limited to this – to this bed, to Cas laying him over it and positioning himself on top of Dean to better plant kisses _everywhere_ on down his body...

No one had ever done this for him before, Dean thought, with something like panic. Gone out of their way to make sure he relaxed, to make sure he felt cared for, felt… loved.

Dean felt loved.

“Stop thinking for a moment, please,” Cas murmured in Dean’s ear, mimicking fondly back Deans words as he went on to suck kisses into Dean’s neck, though too softly to leave any mark. And Dean was too overwhelmed with need and emotions that he didn’t want to think long enough to name to care how quickly, how easily, his whole body went limp and trembling under the alpha’s deft touches.

“Cas, buddy, _please_ ,” he breathed as he rocked his trapped hips, desperate to find some friction.

It had to be hurting Cas, Dean realised belatedly – his leg crushed and almost propped up at this angle. But Cas didn’t seem to be bothered by it as he leant down towards Dean’s mouth and kissed him again, slow and deep and gentle. Too gentle, really. Because there was a sweetness to it that it made Dean want to cry.

And Dean Winchester did not _cry_ during _sex._

Tightening his grip over Cas’ back, his shoulders, Dean pulled his alpha closer.

*


	26. Grandma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You made that reveal dramatic and you damn well did it on purpose.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was a lot of sleep being lacked for the typing of this, please forgive.

As Jo had suspected she might be, Jessica Moore was gorgeous. Her look’s weren’t _unlike_ her cousin’s, exactly… there were details marking them out as related – the blonde hair, for one, but while Ruby’s slunk neatly around her face, and at times served to hide it, Jess’ was thick and wild and left her face looking open, the better to see that wide grin. Whenever Ruby gave a genuine smile, she usually looked as though she was only meaning to give it provisionally.

But it was mostly in the easy way they acted around each other, Jo thought to herself as Ruby, not Sam, introduced his pregnant mate who’d been waiting up for them. Jess ignored Ruby’s mocking smile and pulled her cousin in roughly for a hug.

“Don’t you _scare_ me like that again,” the omega growled.

“Get me something to eat already and I’ll promise you whatever you like,” Ruby muttered into Jess’ hair, winking at Jo from behind her cousin’s back as Sam finished handing out piles of clothing to everyone.

Finally releasing Ruby, Jess rolled her eyes in a way that made Jo wonder what a sight she and Sam had to make whenever they fought. “You know where the food is,” Jess pointed out gesturing around the ramshackle cabin which had obviously been put together in a hurry.

There’d been no fanfare to their arrival, no particular curiosity shown yet from the rest of the pack – they’d just been directed straight in here. Which was far preferable to any kind of fuss being made, it was just also… odd. But, Jo remembered, their pack had been through a lot lately. Maybe they were just too tired to care about whoever it was turning up in the middle of the night.

Sam cleared his throat after he’d pulled on a shirt. “Uh, Jess? So this is my Mom, Mary, and this is Jo.”

Jess’ smile widened as she looked back and forth between the two strangers. “Sam’s told me so much,” she breathed, biting down on her lip. “Oh gods…”

“And we might be looking ok for the winter now,” Sam added quickly. “It’s my brother in charge now at home, and he -”

Jess blinked. “Your brother? But isn’t he -”

“We’ll figure all that out later,” Sam said, moving forwards to take her hand, as though trying to convince himself she was still there. He clearly wasn’t happy that he’d had to leave her even this long, Jo recognised with a small ache in her heart. Gods, Sam was her age, and he’d had to grow up so damn much…

“Is everything…?” Sam asked, trailing off and earning a tired smile from his mate.

“Everything’s settled now. But Jesse’ll be so glad to know you’re back.”

As if hearing his cue, a small, sleepy-sounding voice piped up, “Sam? Is that Sam home?”

Suddenly Sam had mustered up a mega-watt smile. “Hey there, buddy,” he called through. “You been good while I was gone?”

A small boy ran out  from the next room, wrapped up in a fluffy robe, his lighting up the moment he spotted the tall, scarred man bending down to hold his arms out for him. The boy practically flew into those waiting hands, having no doubt in Sam’s ability to catch him and hoist him up in the air.

Watching them spinning around and laughing together, Jo struggled to force her overwhelmed brain to follow through the calculations. The boy, the boy that looked so much like Sam had at that age, he had to be at least… six? Which would almost work with the timeline…

“Jesse’s not Sam’s,” Jess said quietly before Jo could say anything. “Not mine either, though the dork insisted on having him named after me.”

“Then who…?”

“Azazel’s,” Ruby said, cutting in to make her cousin’s eyes blaze fiercely.

Now Jo could _really_ see that resemblance…

“Well, he’s ours now,” Jess said quietly, deliberately. “His parents are gone.”

“My Mom died giving birth to me,” Jesse explained in a matter-of-fact tone from his new perch on Sam’s shoulders. “But they’re basically my Mom and Dad. They tell me when to go to bed and stuff… Are you Sam’s Mom then?” he asked, turning to look at Mary, who cleared her throat and nodded, moving closer to look up at him.

“So you’re kinda like my grandma then, huh?”

Jo thought she could spot the exact moment that Mary Winchester’s heart melted.

“I… I suppose I am.”

“ _Cool_ – I’ve not had one of those before,” Jesse exclaimed, making Sam bite down on his lip in an attempt to suppress his laughter. “Did you miss him a lot?”

“Very much, Jesse,” Mary told him, her voice cracking slightly. “But I’m very happy to see him now – and to meet you, and Jess,” she added, turning to look at Sam’s mate, who was hugging her arms to her chest.

“You… you seem very good for each other.”

“They like to kiss a lot,” Jesse agreed, making Sam rumble out a laugh.

“Alright, you should _definitely_ be in bed already…”

“But I wanna stay up and talk to my grandma – I’ve never seen her before.”

Mary bit down on her lip in the same manner as Sam had only moments before, as Sam assured Jesse that, “Everyone else is going to bed too – they’re all tired.”

“Really?”

“Yup.”

“Mary, why don’t you stay with us?” Jess offered. “That way Jesse can see you whenever he wakes up.”

“You can bunk with me, Jo,” Ruby promised, knocking her shoulder up against Jo’s. “I asked Jody to set up a tent for me so it might actually have happened, but we still might have to cuddle together for warmth or whatever,” she said with a wink.

“Oh gods, Ruby…” Jess muttered fondly.

“What?”

Jess shook her head. “Nothing,” Then she turned to look at Jo. “Don’t let her spook you, now. She’s all talk.”

“Hmm, I hope not,” Jo said, not looking at Ruby as she watched Sam choke out a laugh.

“Uh, yeah… really time for bed now,” he said as he started moving to take his still-protesting pup back to his bed.

“So now I have even more questions,” Jo said as soon as she and Ruby had left the warmth of the hut.

“Oh really?”

“You could have mentioned the kid, Ruby.”

“Well maybe I wanted that part to be a surprise…”

“Don’t bullshit me. You made that reveal dramatic and you damn well did it on purpose.”

Ruby sighed, and stopped where she stood, lowering her voice to a hiss. “Well, no offense, but I didn’t know any of you people at first, and un-shockingly, Sam’s kinda protective over people knowing about Jesse.” Ruby shrugged. “He’s an alpha, that’s his pup, and the area we came from wasn’t ever all that safe.”

“Except now that area’s basically gone.”

“Glad to hear you’re keeping up, Princess,” Ruby muttered as she started tramping through the snow again, scowling slightly. Jo followed her, more slowly.

“Azazel’s his Dad then?”

“Pretty sure that’s what I told you not ten minutes ago…”

“Isn’t that going to make him… different?”

“It shouldn’t do,” Ruby said eventually. “Meg’s Azazel’s firstborn, and there’s nothing more special about her than there is about me, much as she’d like to think it.”

 _I think you’re special,_ Jo thought, before catching herself in disgust at the idea of ever saying such a thing aloud. “I don’t know,” she said anyway with a sly grin, as she internally kicked herself, hard. “You seem pretty damn special to me.”

Ruby’s mouth quirked up into a mocking smile, even as her eyes grew cloudy and confused. “Well,” she said, seeming for a moment uncomfortable, and Jo wondered if she’d taken the teasing too far. But then Ruby leant forward, and stole a kiss, her lips quick and warm and damp from Ruby’s biting at them, and when she pulled back and breathed out, Jo found herself mesmerised by the sight of their breath as clouds in the air.

“Well,” Ruby said, smile widening. “That’s nice and everything, but I really wasn’t joking about needing my bed. You still joining me?”

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Tis major essay stress time, so updates will for the short term remain pretty sporadic and short :/
> 
> But hopefully my DCBB might finally be getting put up in the next couple of weeks for anyone who might be wondering what happened to that :P Sketches have been seen and they are amazing.


	27. Sword and Shield

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas blinked at Gabriel, who was dressed much more colourfully, and in far more grand a style, than he ever had at home. “I’m… I’m dreaming. This is a dream.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Currently trying to write two essays... so OBVIOUSLY this is more important :P (I have no sense of priorities or time management, but this unfortunately is nothing new.)
> 
> Sorry updates continue to be further apart than I'd like, so a huge thanks to everyone still with this!
> 
> This one finally gets into some Sam POV before getting back to Dean and Cas again...

One of the many things Sam loved so greatly about his mate was her ability to just _get,_ without needing to ask, exactly when he needed to be alone. It wasn’t on any mystical True Mates level of mind-melding understanding – it was just Jess, as usual managing to be incredible, and a million times more patient with him than he deserved. In some ways, Sam felt grateful they hadn’t been struck with that destined strength of bond that his parents had been forged into. It made it feel more like they’d gotten the chance to choose each other rather than being forced into it.

According to his Mom and her assumptions, those _Mom_ insights that he’d missed so badly, Dean hadn’t escaped fate so well. Sam smiled at the thought, as he leant his paws on a log not far from camp and gazed up at the crescent moon, huffing out a warm breath of air into the cold night.

Dean with a potential Mate. Dean as an _Alpha._ It was overwhelming to think on.

But Sam had wondered, over the years of sometimes trying to look on him and the pack. He’d started to think that maybe John had been delegating more often, since Dean usually looked as though he was at the centre of things, organising things… turned out he really had been. And on his own initiative, because their Dad wasn’t around to delegate anything.

Now _that_ wasn’t an easy thing to swallow.

If anyone had seemed like they’d somehow manage to live forever, more out of sheer stubbornness than anything else, it had been John Winchester. And though things had certainly ended… badly there, and Sam had been told in no uncertain terms that he was never meant to come home again, for some reason he’d never really believed that, that the wedge made between them would be irreconcilable. But now his Dad was dead, and there was no making up to be done …And Sam hated that, technically, it would almost certainly make things even easier for them now.

Well, there was admittedly going to be talking to Dean first, which wouldn’t exactly be simple either. Sam almost whined at the thought, in his wolf form even more eager to please those who in his mind he still thought of as _Pack_ and _superior._ He didn’t _know_ things would be difficult with his brother whenever he found his way back. But he knew Dean, and he couldn’t imagine the other Alpha not still retaining some kind of resentment for him.

But at the same time, it was _Dean._ And now that he’d sat up talking to their mother it was starting to feel real that he actually might get to see him –get to see all of them…

A snap of a twig somewhere behind him had Sam focused and back in the moment. Whatever was moving was downwind from him, but its footfall was heavy. And Sam could hear it breathing, now he was listening for it. Another Wolf?

Hearing the animal make a leap for him, Sam whirled around, snarling, and caught its leg in his mouth, sending it hurtling down to the ground with a low thud. As he leaped to pin it down on its back, the blonde Wolf yelped, sounding just a little too exaggerated, before making a strange, familiar snickering noise. Sam growled in frustration but let her up, Changing as quick as he was able to in order to face his Pack mate human, as she did the same.

If Jess was great at knowing when to leave him alone, the rest of their pack were _terrible._

“Meg,” Sam grunted, trying to keep his voice under control. “I could have snapped your leg off.”

The beta let her unevenly short blonde hair flip back from her dace as she sat down, splaying her legs obscenely like she thought they were out on a summer’s day. “C’mon. Our big Alpha puppy turn his jaws on his pack? I don’t think so.”

Sam sighed as he glanced around the treeline for signs of anyone else who might have decided to follow him out there. “I don’t want to play games tonight, Meg.”

“Well _I_ do. I’ve been so godsdamn _good_ all day – not a single mutiny attempt out of me the whole time you were away.”

Sam glared down at her in response, too tired for Azazel’s daughter and her relentless attempts to spar with him, verbally or otherwise, constantly testing him for weaknesses. Sometimes he thought her resentment for him was still as fierce and bitter as it had been the day he’d ripped her father’s throat out. At others he wondered whether she hadn’t started preferring life this way - having an Alpha to butt her head against, without any imminent threat of death for her small rebellions. Like her father, she’d kept herself young for years, and technically Sam knew that Meg was much older than him - but lately she’d started to feel like a frustrating little sister, just learning to have fun for the first time in her life.

“Don’t think I didn’t notice, Sam. I mean, really? All these years and you don’t trust us.”

Sam snorted as he sat down on the snow across from her. “You’d think I was an idiot if I did.”

“I already think that.”

Now Sam snarled, injecting all the Alpha energy he could muster, and watched Meg flinch and draw back from him. The laughing at the hierarchy was something he could only allow to go so far before it really was mutiny. Because that was Meg, always playing her games.

“Hey, I almost believed that,” she said, but her bravado sounded hollow now. “So. Ruby’s home. Did you have to go pull her out of that storm-of-our-own-making?”

Sam did his best to stop that drawing any further response from him, which wasn’t all that difficult. He really was tired, and the beta might actually leave him alone if he allowed her to reach some kind of point.

“Aw, now don’t play dumb with me, Sammy.”

“Don’t call me that,” Sam muttered, some knee-jerk reactions unable to be stopped.

“Don’t tell me it’s because that’s Jessica’s pet-name for you or something…”

“Because I said not to.”

Meg rolled her eyes and ran a hand back through her hair. “Alright, _Alpha._ Tell me who our lovely Ruby brought back home with her. It sounded like someone new was in there having a significant amount of fun back there in her tent – sounded like she might actually be over you at last.”

“That was someone from my old Pack,” Sam explained, ignoring the jibe. “Ruby found them, and we’ve got good reasons to think that they won’t be turning us away.”

“Ah. So we are returning to the Winchester family fold, begging shelter,” Meg stated, making clear from her tone what she thought of this ‘begging’. “Are you planning on telling them what’s got us running?”

Sam said nothing, desperately trying not to let show how much he chewing the inside of his mouth raw.

“Keeping _secrets_ now?” Meg whistled and grinned wildly. “Oh, you’ve definitely been with us too long.”

“Things’ll be better when we’re safe again,” Sam said tersely.

“Yeah, but we were safe before. And you – you’re never going to be safe,” Meg reminded him, sounding suddenly grave. “You’re bleeding yourself dry just keeping those barriers up, Sam,” she murmured, nodding to the fresh cuts up his forearms. “The others might not get what that’s costing you, but I do. And we can’t lose you now.”

Sam quirked an eyebrow up. “What happened to the mutiny plans?”

“Like I say, not been so concerned with ‘em lately. And I’d be a godsdamn awful leader and we both know it.”

Kneeling down in front of Sam now, Meg glowered up at him, her eyes burning fiercely, and he knew what she was going to say.

“Why can’t you just give him what he wants already?” she asked, her voice gone small. It was unnerving to hear – usually Meg would rather face death than admit to any weakness, never mind show it. “There’s no beating him and you know it.”

Resisting the urge to pin her down against the ground again, Sam stood up and started walking away from her. “You know I can’t do that, Meg.”

“No. I know that you _won’t_ do that out of a whole bunch of misplaced morals and protective instincts,” she snapped, hurrying after him. “But since I know that… take from me.”

Sam blinked down at her. “What?”

“I’m telling you that you’re going to keep doing this to use me, my blood, alright?”

“That’s not…”

Meg ground down on her teeth, putting her hands on her hips to put more space between him and his escape. “I know I might have been all with the programme before, but I’m not so hot about seeing the world end. Not anymore. And I know that we need you strong and _alive_ if we want to hope to stop that now. Because this is killing you, Sam.”

Sam felt a flash of rage, but suppressed it. She was right – this _was_ partly her fault. This choice shouldn’t have been put on him in the first place, she, more than anyone, deserved to _hurt_ for this…

Then he remembered Ruby, her voice cautious as she explained how addictive the magic might become to use, even with the best intentions…

“Meg, I’ve said I won’t - and I meant that.”

Looking thoroughly unimpressed with him, Meg changed her hand to a paw and in a flash clawed half her arm open, letting blood drip down onto the snow. “You and your godsdamn principles,” she muttered with a smirk that only looked slightly pained. “Now do something with this, or I will.”

Sam hated himself for not hesitating in obeying. But at least he managed to remember himself enough to heal her wounds over after, making her frown up at him irritably. “You wouldn’t do that for yourself,” she muttered. “Why for me?”

Sam raised an eyebrow. “You’re my Pack. I’m the Alpha. That’s what I’m supposed to be for, right?”

She looked up at him like she hadn’t decided whether he was incurably stupid, or some sort of intimidating puzzle to be figured out. She gave him that look a lot, now that Sam thought on it.

“You really are not my father,” she said eventually.

 _I’m not mine either,_ Sam told himself, in his head.

*

Though Cas was certain he’d fallen asleep a wolf, when Gabriel found him in his dream he was definitely human and able to talk back when the beta addressed him.

_“Hey! Cuz. So you’re finally asleep again. That took some time.”_

_Cas blinked at Gabriel, who was dressed much more colourfully, and in far more grand a style, than he ever had at home. “I’m… I’m dreaming. This is a dream.”_

_“Aaaaand ten points to the snoring alpha over here. Look, I need you to LISTEN to me this time, alright?”_

_“Alright…” None of this felt right. They were still in Dean’s room, but Dean wasn’t there. And this didn’t really feel much like a dream at all…_

_Gabriel clapped his hands together. “Right, so. The world ending, that’d be a bad thing, right?”_

_“What?”_

_“…I’m just going to assume that you’re with me on that. Alright. So say that you knew that it was going to get used to fight evil and save everyone you’ve ever known - you’d be ok with trusting me one time soon, right?”_

_Cas felt something… else start shaking him. Something outside the not-dream._

_“Dean.”_

_Gabriel rolled his eyes. “Yes, it’d be saving your Mate, too. At least that’s one thing I got right with this.”_

_“No, Dean needs me to… to wake up.”_

_“Oh.” After searching Castiel’s face for a moment, the beta groaned. “Fine. Go wake up. We’ll do this later. Only took me for-fucking-ever to set this up, but if lover-boy needs you…”_

_Then he snapped his fingers,_ and Cas opened his eyes.

*


	28. Barbershop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And yet still despite that strange new milestone being passed, Dean still continued relentlessly with the ‘Buddy’s’.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which the UST returns.

“You really were starting to scare me there, buddy,” Dean muttered with a short laugh as the scissors he held continued their ministrations on Cas’ hair. As soon as Dean had made sure Cas was awake and seemed to know where he was again, he’d stated his intention to clean Cas up a bit, as he’d put it. It felt a strange experience to Cas, who couldn’t remember ever sharing this level of intimacy with someone, except perhaps his sister, Anna, that they would casually offer to do such a thing.

And yet still despite that strange new milestone being passed, Dean still continued relentlessly with the ‘Buddy’s’.

Not, of course, that Cas could really blame him for that. They weren’t actually mated, whatever they were _meant_ to be to one another, and though the hours they’d spent confined together had been certainly enjoyable… well. Cas was glad at least that Dean was able to consider him some sort of friend. It was better than being considered an enemy.

“So your cousin talking to you again, huh?”

Cas smiled slightly, trying not to bend his head to ruin Dean’s work at the back of his head. “It’s ridiculous, I know. But they really don’t feel like dreams.”

“Hmm. It’s a weird one.” There was quiet for a moment before the Alpha continued with, “Pleased to say I’ve never had any kind of dream about my cousins.”

Cas frowned. “Which ones are they? Have I met them?”

“Not sure. Think they’re second cousins actually, I never get how that family tree shit works. Anyway.” _Snip._ “Gwen’s alright, but Christian’s a dick. Luckily he usually stays outta my way. He was kinda the only one giving me any major grief over taking the Alpha role.” _Snip._ “But no way by Hel was I rolling over and letting him take it. Major douche.” _Snip._ “Pretty sure he woulda made my Dad look like a saint.”

Cas snorted slightly. Then for a few moments there were no sounds other than those of the hair clippers. Then Dean stopped, brushing at the back of Cas’ neck, making Cas feel suddenly hyper-aware of his lack of clothes. “There,” Dean said quietly. “Looking a little less crazy drifter now.”

Dean stood up off the bed and took a step back to consider his handiwork. “Though that facial fuzz could definitely still use a trim, mountain man.”

Cas gave him a wry look before considering Dean’s words seriously. Before, with his old pack, he’d usually kept himself fairly clean shaven. Lately he’d stopped caring much about his appearance. With his leg so ruined, he hadn’t been thinking much on his physical appearance outside of that. “I think that should come off too,” he said slowly. “I should…”

“I mean I could do that part too, if you want,” Dean cut in.

“I don’t want to put you to any kind of trouble…”

“’S’nothin’, Cas,” Dean insisted, keeping his eyes stubbornly fixed on the ground. Again, Cas felt himself melting a little at the Alpha’s habit of caring too much, while pretending simultaneously, and rather poorly, that he didn’t at all.

“I used to do it for Sammy all the time,” Dean explained as he picked out a knife from his dresser. “Poor idiot was always chopping at his face…” The omega trailed off as he regarded the knife, before clearing his throat, and looking back to the dresser. “I’m sure I’ve got some kind of cream for this around somewhere…”

It was strangely pleasant, Cas thought, as Dean carefully lathered on the cream over Cas’ face, his chin, his throat, to have someone’s hands on him like that. As Dean finished with his ministrations he picked up the silver knife again and caught Cas’ eyes. “Don’t worry,” he said gruffly as he rolled his eyes. “I’ll try not cutting anything off. I think we’re past that now.”

Cas’ foam framed lips twitched at Dean’s thinly masked concern. “I trust you,” he assured the omega simply.

“Right, yeah,” Dean muttered, but didn’t look away, making Cas think of how strange a sight the two of them had to be making, two naked men on the bed, one cross-legged and lazily brandishing a knife, the other with a limp leg handing off the bed, smiling.

Yes. A strange pair.

“C’mon man, I think the whole shaving situations kind of an obvious one,” Dean told him as he slid his knife gently down Cas’ face for the first time. Then he paused. “Wait. That was another one of those matesy mindmeld moments,” Dean blurted, before letting out an irritable groan that had Cas smiling again. “I used to hate it when our parents pulled that shit on us.”

Cas blinked in surprise. “Your parents were True Mates?”

“Yup,” Dean said, as he went back to concentrating on moving his knife. “For all the good that didn’t exactly do ‘em. We really need to not let that show around camp.”

Cas didn’t let himself flinch, well-aware of the logic behind Deans words. They weren’t actually mated – he wasn’t even Pack to Dean yet – and risking Dean’s position would be beyond foolish.

But… He couldn’t quite help it, either. Because still his instincts were screaming at him to proudly let the whole world know that he’d found his mate – _his_ mate…

“Your head imploded there yet?” Dean asked coolly with a small smirk as he continued working his blade round Cas’ chin.

Cas deflated slightly. “I’m sorry. I know that -”

“Hey, don’t worry about it,” Dean said, shaking his head. “My hormones are acting all out of wack too right now. And that’d be ok if I was someone else. But I’m not, and I know you get that. Anything I do affects a whole bunch of different people.” Dean lightly brushed at some of the shaving cream. “But… we’ll see about making you Pack, and then… then we’ll see, alright?”

“Alright,” Cas agreed, with a slight nod. It was a sensible plan, and he could be sensible. He didn’t need to listen to the alpha part of him whining inside at having to follow someone else’s logic, still feeling unreasonably rejected by his mate.

“No promises here either way.”

“No promises.”

And after that talking-not-talking about what they were, about what they might be, they didn’t talk, they only listened together to the slow scraping of Dean’s knife. But the quiet was… nice. It wasn’t empty somehow, but companionable, in a way that had nothing to do with the stray thoughts they might both be catching from one another. They were both a little tired, both a little confused, both a little worried over the next few days, between facing the Pack, and potentially facing _Sam’s_ pack, but here, in this small limbo space they’d constructed together and filled with their mingled scent, they didn’t need to be doing anything about any of that.

Then Dean had finished his task gain and was bringing up a damp cloth to Cas’ face, and rubbing it over with a grin. “There,” he said, whisking it back with a flourish. “You don’t look, uh, half bad, now you’re a bit more cleaned up.”

“Thanks,” Cas said dryly.

“No, really. You, uh, you wanna take a look?”

A look at himself? Cas hadn’t known that luxury in a long time. There’d been no mirrors in camp that he’d noticed since he’d arrived, and in his old pack they’d been scarce. But he remembered well enough what _had_ looked like… did he want to know what he looked like now?

Cas nodded, and Dean brought over a grubby and slightly cracked mirror and presented it before Cas’ face.

Paler. He was paler, and still looking a little wan around the cheeks, his cheekbones seeming sharper. But the basic look of his face was unchanged, and, without prompting, Dean had tackled Cas’ hair into something very like what it had been.

It didn’t feel right, somehow, that he should still look so like himself.

“Personally, I didn’t think I was all that bad of a barber, but -”

“Thank you, Dean.”

“Seriously, it’s nothing…”

Cas looked away from his reflection and back up at the Alpha. “Well. It means something to me at least.” He tried for a smile. “No more crumbs sticking to my face.”

Dean snorted, and Cas wondered if he could hear how badly Cas wanted him to come back to the bed, bring his lips down to press back against Cas’ own. Technically, Dean’s heat was over now, but Cas knew that he still felt a little out of sorts to face his pack – and he still smelt incredible. But then, he had before the heat too, Cas remembered.

Dean cleared his throat again with what sounded like difficult. “So, uh -”

_“Hey, Dean! Dean!”_

Cas started in alarm at the tinny-sounding voice coming from somewhere in the room, but the Alpha seemed unfazed. “Ugh. It’s just Charlie,” he muttered.

“ _Thanks, Alpha, heard that_.”

“Oh, _now_ I’m your Alpha, huh?” Dean said, smiling slightly as he picked up a strange looking metal cup attached to a long length of string, which Cas not noticed was connected to something unseen outside of the cabin. There were maybe about a dozen or so of these cups, all lined up together on Dean’s desk.

“What is it, Char? Still a little busy over here.” He gave Cas a small wink at that, making the alpha feel absurdly pleased.

_“Right, sure, but how busy is busy? Got something here you’re definitely gonna want to see…”_

“Unless it’s the humans with those godsdamn deliveries at last, no, I really don’t.”

_“Yeah, but Dean, we got it working!”_

Dean blinked twice before he started smiling. “You sure?”

_“Of course I’m sure!”_

Cas watched with some fascination as Dean’s handsome face broke out into an even wider smile. “Fenrir, we needed this. How bad did the storm hit us?”

_“Bad – but nothing we couldn’t handle.”_

“So this’d be… necessary, right? For morale purposes?”

_“Whatever you need to hear, boss.”_

“Right,” Dean said again, visibly excited now. “Try getting everyone over to the food bit, and I’ll be along soon, alright?”

“ _You’re the Alpha. But if you don’t get over here soon then it’s my pick.”_

Dean’s eyes rolled up to look at the ceiling as though he was praying to the dead gods to strike the other omega down. “Fine,” he growled. “But we’ll be there.” Then he put the cup down on the table and turned back to look at Cas, again letting himself smile.

“What was that?”

“That was Charlie -”

“No, I mean – the cup-thing. How does it…?”

Dean looked a little perturbed by the question. “’S’like the old cup-and-string trick, man. Ash set it up after the phones went down about a decade back. Really pissed Frank off that he hadn’t thought of it first…”

Seeing Cas’ expression the Alpha laughed, but not unkindly. “Lemme guess. You’ve never seen those either.” Cas shook his head.

“Well then _this_ is gonna be a wild one for you.  You ever heard of a magical thing called a television, Cas?”

Cas squinted his eyes, a little suspiciously. He tended to be sceptical of anything described to him as ‘magical’.  “A what?”

*


	29. The Drift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Boy, please, be sure.”

They weren’t getting all that many weird looks when they came into join everyone, because Dean was making sure they weren’t. He might still smell faintly of his heat, and he’d walked in with the new guy that he was sure had to smell like his mate now, but that was only more of a reason for him to slip into full on, irritable Alpha mode. And, seeing that, most people kept themselves out of his way as they walked into the already busy hall, even the pups.

It was all a hard line to keep walking when Dean was also badly trying to make it _looked_ like he cared what any of them thought.

“You have a sit down, Cas,” he murmured to the alpha, who gave him his usual glance of irritation at feeling patronised, along with a gratefulness that Dean was remembering to look out for him. It gave Dean that now equally familiar twist of shame in his gut. Gods, the guy had so many issues. But then, Dean was pretty messed up too. Maybe they didn’t make such a bad pair after all.

Suddenly Dean was glad that his Mom wasn’t there. She’d have definitely noticed the fleeting look of worry he hadn’t managed to stop creeping over his face for the alpha as he sat down, wincing at the pain in his leg, and she’d have undoubtedly brought it up. Course, she’d be back soon – and probably with Sam in tow. Sam, who could read Dean better than anyone. Sam, who might be using that to his advantage now that he had his own pack to worry over.

Which was going to be something Dean got around to accepting. Probably.

Yeah, not too many weird looks, but plenty of eyes deftly _not_ looking Dean’s way, and it was starting to get to him. If people had something to say to him, he’d much rather they just came out and said it already,

“Right, what are our options?” Dean asked as he reached Charlie at the front, feeling more like he was trying to draw up military plans rather than put on a damn movie.

But it _was_ important – if only because Cas had never seen one before. The guy’s face when Dean had explained the concept had been basically perfect, his blue eyes squinting as though he was trying to create an image for it in his head.

“So… a book played out by people, that the humans recorded like… like a moving drawing?”

Dean had been at a bit of a loss after that one, but at least he felt like they’d started learning one another’s language at last. Or, at least, like they’d started trying.

“Well,” Charlie said, a little glumly. “ _Die Hard_ ’s super wrecked. And I mean Ash managed to fix up a copy of _Infinity War_ …”

“Which part?” Dean asked, suspiciously.

“First,” Charlie said, with a meaningful eye-roll.

“Ugh…” Dean groaned. “What about… _Pacific Rim_?”

Charlie could blinked in surprise, and Dean could almost see the thoughts moving across her face as easily he could Cas’, now.

_That was Sam’s favourite._

Dean cleared his throat and avoided her eyes. “Cas hasn’t seen a TV before today. Visions of alternate, cooler, apocalypses. That’s basically what it’s _for_.”

“Not to mention the greatest romance of old time cinema,” Charlie muttered as she turned he eyes back to the computer, which had already started to look like it might be overheating.

Dean gritted his teeth together. “We’ve been over this, Charlie. It’s a beautiful story about platonic friendship.”

“ _Right,_ Alpha,” she said, not looking at him. “How’d the last couple days treat you anyway?”

“ _Fine._ ”

“Only, I haven’t seen the alpha around here for a few days either…”

“Just roll the film already, Char.”

Getting up to stand in front of the big screen beamed onto the white wall, Dean cleared his throat loudly and watched as all eyes turned to him and the room went quiet. It was strange seeing them all in the same form, but watching with wolf eyes would mean watching in less colour, and generally with less interest, for images that held neither scent nor immediate purpose.

No, everything ridiculous always came from the human side of things. Whether that be the sexism, the incessant need to _talk_ about everything… and the stories. The TV was an event every time someone got it running – it was a treat where the plays which were put on as often as folk could get them organised felt more like the plain fare needed to live.

Benny and Garth had seated themselves down next to Cas, Dean noticed as he scanned his eyes over the seats. Good. Better for Cas to be seated with people Dean trusted not to get at him with questions – or at least, not malicious ones. No, most of the ones Dean could expect those to be coming from hadn’t seemed to have turned up yet…

“Right, its _Pacific Rim_ showing tonight,” Dean explained, getting a mixed torrent of irritable mutters and small cheers in response.

“What about _Frozen_?” someone shouted out hopefully.

“Can’t find it,” Dean lied quickly. The last thing his sanity needed in the middle of snowstorm season was a hundred more renditions of ‘Let it go’.

But whatever they might think of his movie choice, no one already seated made any show of leaving.

“So assuming the tech holds up and the movie actually plays to the end this time, anyone with questions about repairs should come see me after it finished. I’ll be here at the front. Best seat in the house over here has my name on it,” Dean added with a grin, causing some of his Pack to groan, and Bela to actually flop back in her chair, eyes trained murderously on the ceiling.

The Alpha’s chair, which someone had put at the front for Dean, actually _did_ have his name on it, along with every other Pack Alpha that had come before him. According to the stories, among those, there’d been two betas. Just two. And obviously, there’d never been any omegas.

But there wouldn’t need to be any more names joining his own for a long while, Dean thought determinedly to himself as he gave a self-deprecating grin for the joke and hopped off the stage, into the chair in time for the start of the movie.

This was one of the one’s Dean still knew by heart.

He’d used to tease Sam about it – like, wasn’t it kinda sad, obsessing over a movie about a faith that humans would be able to stop any apocalyptic threat that could have possibly come for them? Because they hadn’t. The humans had lost their chance, Ragnarok had arrived, and no more movies had been made.

Which had been a hard one for a kid to get their head around – how much of the movies were historical, and how much had been fantasy. If Dean was honest, he liked that element to movies like this – he liked having no idea. The old world, in his mind, could be anything he wanted it to be. And personally, he’d like to think it included at least a few giant robots.

He wondered what Cas was making of it.

Dean didn’t dare take a look back at the alpha, but he did allow a part of himself to _reach_ along the tentative strings of the barely-formed _not-formed_ mating bond, and thought he could feel… curiosity. Curiosity, and confusion, too, and sadness – a whole little storm of emotions, really – but there was also a more surprising sense of… privilege. Joy, that to some extent this story was all real, and Castiel was being allowed to experience it, something he’d never have the chance to live himself.

It was fucking _adorable,_ and by the time the movie got to about half way Dean didn’t even feel like he was watching it with his own eyes anymore. Instead, with this movie he could have recited the script of back to front by this point in his life, he was actually watching the thing with fresh eyes, by seeing it all through someone else’s. And it wasn’t suddenly just a story to bring on memories of Sam (getting frustrated about how long it took them to remember about that damn sword) or to keep the Pack entertained and happy for a short time – it felt like a gift.

At least, right up until his least favourite Pack members entered the room.

He felt Cas’ discomfort at their arrival almost before he felt his own. Maybe things between them _were_ getting a little too close too soon…

Letting Christian stay in the Pack after his early challenges to Dean taking on the Alpha role _had_ been the right decision – he wasn’t all that serious a threat, whatever he might think about himself, so all out killing or banishing the beta would have made Dean look at best paranoid and weak, and at worst despotic. And it kept the son of a bitch where Dean could keep both eyes on him, too.

But every now and then Dean still regretted the decision, and this was turning into one of those times. It wasn’t even that Christian, or the guys with him, Mark and Johnny and Gordon, were actually _doing_ anything – they were just… being there, exerting this unmistakeable air of confidence, of dominance.

It set Dean’s teeth on edge, the way the dicks were all _laughing_. But he couldn’t exactly snap at them for that – even if they were laughing at the wrong damn parts of the movie.

Charlie, no doubt scenting his barely suppressed annoyance, laid a hand surreptitiously on his arm as they both kept their eyes fixed on the screens, which had ceased to hold any real meaning for Dean.

“Alright,” Dean said, as he stood back up on the stage again as the movie ended, putting up two hands casually to call for silence. To his relief, he found that it still seemed to work.

“Think we got some food prepared already tonight for everyone here, and a big thanks going out to everyone who was involved in that. As I said earlier, we’re gonna start on most of the repairs tomorrow, but if anybody’s got something urgent you’re still needing help on, or you need to tell me something else I should be hearing, come and see me up here.”

As Dean stepped down off the stage again, he didn’t need to look back at his mate – _not mate –_ to know that Cas was still on edge. But that wasn’t something Dean was able to deal with now – now he had to ignore the food he’d just been advertising and sit down to listen to all the various grievances his pack were going through.

As Charlie had already summarised for him, the storm had hit them hard, but not so hard that they weren’t dealing with it. Dean put Benny in charge of helping to fix up people’s roofs that the storm had damaged, and the beta had already organised a team to get out and clear he snow. They were all doing ok so far – no one was dead, and the Pack grounds should be looking a bit better than a complete shambles when – _if_ – Sam ever showed up.

“Bobby, we got much space we could afford to clear if Sam’s lot do turn up?”

The older beta scratched at his chin as he sat down beside his Alpha, Victor, who seemed to be with him for something, standing close behind. And off behind _them_ , Cas seemed to be getting his ear talked off by a tag-team of Garth and Donna.

“That beta of his give you much of an idea on numbers?”

They talked over logistics for a while after that, figuring out how many people in both camps would be unable to hunt for themselves, how much equipment they could hope Sam’s Pack might be arriving with, how many trees they could afford to chop for more buildings.

“I might actually be able to wrangle some brickwork off the humans while we’re down there. Got a friend who still owes me a few favours.”

Dean raised an eyebrow. “It’s come to that?”

Behind Bobby, Victor nodded and lowered himself down into a seat as well. “We ain’t heard anything from them since that last delivery.”

Dean snorted, thinking on his unplanned heat. “Yeah, tell me about it. Alright, you wanna head down there tomorrow together?”

They both nodded. “And I was thinking,” Bobby added. “Not meaning to _overstep_ here or nothing, but I wondered if you wouldn’t want us taking that alpha along with us, too.”

Dean frowned. “Y’might not have noticed, Bobby, but the guy’s leg -”

“Dean, I’m talking about a ride in the truck with me and Victor. Along with those crutches he’s getting damn fast on. Y’mighta noticed ‘em.”

“Alright, why?”

Bobby shrugged, keeping his eyes on Dean. “Honestly, because you don’t want him here if things start getting tense. It’ll only complicate things.”

Dean’s jaw clenched tight again. “I’ll ask him.”

Bobby sneered. “You’re _asking_ now?”

“He ain’t my Pack to order about yet. Though, I’m not sure. That could change soon.”

“Boy, please, _be_ sure.”

“No, ‘boy’, Bobby,” Dean reminded the beta, meaningfully. But before Bobby had the chance to apologise, or say anything else he was planning on suggesting, a voice further away from them cut in.

“Hey Alpha, your ass not still too sore to be using a chair like that?”

Well. At least Christian was still addressing him properly, Dean thought moodily as he turned his head up to regard the beta, hearing Victor ground down on his teeth, and a low growl start in Bobby’s throat.

Even from such a distance, Christian probably should have tried to bend his knees a little to avoid looking higher than Dean, if he wanted to hold onto any pretence of politeness. But then, he’d shown pretty plainly that he wasn’t going for polite. Or private. So that now everyone, Dean included, was left waiting to hear what Dean was going to do about it.

Dean opted to start with standing up, slowly. “Well, buddy, you’ve always managed to stand just fine even under the weight of that head of yours,” he said, taking a step towards his third cousin. “But I’d like to hear you tell me that again, ‘cause I’m not sure I got your meaning there.”

Dean was just a little taller than the beta, and he was grateful for that now, as he walked right up to him, almost nose to nose, and looked down at his eyes, scenting aggression.

Dean thought about how Ellen would kill him if he made a big show of hurting this guy in front of all the pups.

“I was expressing surprise, _Alpha_ , that you’re still trying to call yourself that after bending over like a bitch at last. Or at least, shouldn’t you be offering that same privilege to everyone, _Alpha_? Don’t you want to be _fair_? Or is it only the real alphas who get that from you?”

Dean felt claws start to form even before he thought consciously about bringing them out. Maybe Christian thought he’d be weaker after a heat, maybe he thought Dean was finally going to be an easy mark.

Oh, was he about to figure out how wrong he was about that. Dean was going to -

Do nothing, as it happened.

Because Christian was no longer in front of him, but on the ground, where Cas seemed to have half thrust him, half fallen on him, and was beating the beta senseless. And Dean could almost feel how the pain in Cas’ leg was screaming out at him, but the alpha’s mind was lost to a mindless mantra of _protect, mate, mine._

“Alright, cut it out!”

Neither of them seemed to be listening to Dean – Christian was still attempting to coil his fingers around Cas’ throat, but Cas seemed almost unconcerned, as he went on to grab a fistful of the beta’s hair and hit his head down onto the ground…

 _“Stop. Now,”_ Dean shouted, putting the full force of the Alpha voice into his tone, that tone he’d grown up fearing he’d have to hear, the voice he’d grown up listening avidly to, to mimic, to practice. Then as both Wolves stilled momentarily, Dean roughly pulled Cas back to his feet by the collar, coldly ignoring the way the alpha almost fell down as soon as he was up from the pain in his leg.

The scent coming off Cas was almost intoxicating – it was all righteous dominance, and protection, and the adrenaline rush of the fight, but Dean ignored it as he screamed at him in his head, hoping the alpha would hear him.

_Don’t you **ever** hurt my Pack again, you hear me?_

Dean tried to ignore Cas as he dragged Christian to his feet too, but he could feel the shame, along with the barely suppressed need to keep on fighting, in the alpha’s mind. _He would have hurt you._

_Yeah? And that would have been my job to deal with. Now I look exactly like what he was trying to say I was._

And he knew it too, Dean thought as he caught the curl of Christian’s bleeding lip, and tried to figure out how to deal with this new situation that had the whole Pack stunned to silence. Dean didn’t usually allow for violence among them. This was something they hadn’t seen in a long while.

“I don’t care if you’re blood to me,” Dean said, staring at the beta in fury. “One more strike, and either you’re out, or I’ll take you out, y’hear me?”

The beta didn’t move, and Dean bunched a fist around his shirt. “I said, _did you hear me_?”

Christian was able to hold his stare for a disturbing length of time before finally dropping his eyes in submission. Eventually satisfied, Dean turned to Cas.

“I’m the one making the calls around here,” he said. “Don’t matter the circumstances, you attacked him, on his pack territory, not yours. If you can’t remember that then there ain’t gonna be a place for you here.”

Dean could almost _see_ the alpha in Cas, the one that had tried to kill him in the woods, raising its head, needing to feel back in charge. Unblinking, Dean stared it down.

*


	30. Trickster Tales

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “And I don’t think I’d wish them on you. Because someone who understands you so intimately like that… for them to hurt you even a little is cutting, it’s ruinous.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the heavy ~worldbuilding~ following here, but next chapter should be coming soon, and is kind of a Cas-centric angst-fest (Sorry!) which required it...

Jo had been involved in only two pack migrations before this, but she knew how much of a nightmare they were to organise. After they’d packed everything down and got a few wagons rolling almost everyone took on their wolf forms, especially the pups. Apart from Jesse, who Jo hadn’t notice Change at all yet.

She travelled by Ruby for most of the first day, at a much slower pace than they’d been going at on their way to find Sam’s pack so as not to lose the ones trailing behind them, and their tails swished closely. The sky remained mercifully calm and bright when they stopped for lunch, as though snowstorm season was still months ahead of them, and the meal was a communal affair, mainly made up of what Meg and Jody and some of the others had hunted out over the morning. With any luck, it would be obvious to any Wolves whose territories they might be passing through that they were only doing just that. Passing through, and with a destination in mind.

“I think Sam’ll spend the winter looking out somewhere new for us,” Jody asserted as she sat down with Jo to watch the large fire. “Can’t see our Alpha as one that likes being a burden on people, even if it is family he’s turning to.” Jo smiled, feeling inclined to agree with the beta.

Throughout their childhood, she’d watched both of her Alpha’s pups stay almost insufferably proud, and Dean had certainly never grown out of that – Hel, he’d practically turned that pride into a weapon for himself.

But oh gods, it was going to be hard going on him to cling onto that after they made it back and gave him the news about Cole…

“You’re worrying again,” Mary noticed when they stopped again for dinner. It was the first time that day Jo had seen the Alpha Mother alone, and not with Jesse clinging enthusiastically at her leg.

Jo smiled briefly before returning to her food, hoping the supplies from the human town would have reached the Pack by the time she returned to them. She was missing cheese.

“It’s just. It won’t be easy on Dean, will it? All this, along with the Cole… issue…”

Mary nodded. “No, it won’t be. But from what I can see, both of my sons have made capable Alphas of themselves, and there’s no good reason why together they shouldn’t be able to sort everything out. In any case, it’s not for you to worry over, Jo. You make Dean a good Beta, and he’s lucky to have you, but I think he’d prefer you focused on what’s going in front of you. You’re allowed to get distracted yourself from time to time…” Mary added, with a side-on smile at the figure of Ruby, who was arguing again with a young alpha named Jake about who next was meant to be on hunting duty.

Jo bit down on her lip. “Well, I’m not sure what that distraction actually wants. I mean, we’re not even the same pack, and we have a lot of fun, but I don’t want to start pushing anything…”

“Hey,” Mary cut in, gently. “What was I telling you about stopping worrying?”

“Well _technically_ you just noticed that I _was_ worrying…”

Mary snorted and shook her head at the snowy canopy above them. “Smartass. You actually remind me a lot of me at your age.”

“Oh yeah? Did you ever get all nervous around John then?”

Jo regretted for a moment using her old Alpha’s name when the other omega stiffened, before relaxing again. “No, not with him.”

“Oh, I need to hear this,” Jo said with a grin. “I mean I hear Frank was quite the looker when he was young…” Jo giggled as Mary shot her a withering look.

“No, it was Linda I was thinking of, actually.”

“Linda _Tran_.”

“Well. She didn’t go by Tran then, but yes,” Mary admitted, a soft smile now playing on her lips.

“But you aren’t even – I mean _now_ , you guys don’t even -”

“We haven’t exactly been on the best of terms for many years.”

“Right,” Jo said slowly, not sure if she should ask more into it or drop the subject altogether. Luckily, Mary kept talking without the need for a prompt.

“It was John that did it. That handsome alpha turning up and asking – not, begging, he wouldn’t have done that, not even then – asking my father for liquidation into our own pack. And I knew then. And Linda knew it too, but she couldn’t forgive me for what she saw as a weakness, as giving in.” Mary shook her head, with something just a little too nostalgic to be bitterness burning in her eyes.

“My father hadn’t liked our relationship – we’d have been unable to produce any children from it, and a beta from my own pack was hardly a strategic match. But John Winchester was everything my father ever could have wanted for me – a young alpha wiling to bide his time before presuming leadership, happy enough to learn from my father’s example.”

“Do… do you regret that?” Jo asked, interrupting the wry, but slightly wistful smile that Mary was wearing now.

“Do I regret leaving Linda for John? I can’t,” Mary laughed. “For a start, I’d be regretting my boys, and Linda’s. And we _were_ happy – me and John. True mates almost can’t help that.”

Jo smiled and leaned forward, childishly propping her chin with the balls of her hands. “What does it feel like? Like, really, to live with, not just the whole fairy tale of it.”

“Their scent alone is calming,” Mary said, shrugging and sitting back. “And when you reach a certain point with one another you can, to an extent, share a mind with them. It makes you feel understood – feel whole, even. Because someone can see you for what you are down to your core in a way that you can actively _feel_ – and they love you for it anyway.”

Jo smiled, a little bashfully. “I don’t think I’m hoping to ever find someone like that…”

“And I don’t think I’d wish them on you. Because someone who understands you so intimately like that… for them to hurt you even a little is cutting, it’s ruinous.”

“And with Sam…”

“That was more than a little hurt. And that’s why couldn’t just not live with him afterward, I could barely live with myself. It felt like my own mind had been violated, and trying to live there alone again was a constant fight. Mary huffed out a self-deprecating little smile before looking back up at Jo. “So, something that seems easy? That’s the best thing I could wish for you, hon.”

“I guess.”

“Starting storytelling without us?” Ruby asked as she sneaked from behind Jo to run a hand through the omega’s hair, sending a thrill of warmth down Jo’s spine as she tried not to lean into the touch. “Doesn’t sound like great guest etiquette to me.”

Jo bent her neck back to blink up at Ruby. “We’re having a storytelling session?”                                         

“Yeah, just do me a favour and don’t let any of the old guard end up bringing out the greatest hits of magic man on the cross, or the midgets and the evil ring. Anything but those and I’m easy.”

Mary’s eyes flashed teasingly to Jo’s at Ruby’s word choice, but Jo deftly avoided her stae.

“Why don’t you tell us your Ragnarok story, Jo?”

“It’s not a _story,_ Ruby.”

“All the better reason to tell it then.”

Jo frowned. She’d never been great at telling stories. She enjoyed listening to them, soaking them up, and dreaming about running off to chase them down for herself.

“Sam knows it better than me,” she dodged.

Hearing her, the Alpha lifted his head and looked over at her, reminding Jo a little of a cornered rodent. “Oh no. I’m not… I don’t really…”

“You tell _me_ stories all the time,” Jesse put in from Sam’s heels. “And I don’t know that one, do I?”

“Yeah, Alpha, tell us a story, won’t you?” the beta, Meg, who seemed to spend a lot of her time staying in her Alpha’s shadow, put in with a smirk. “I hear this one’s a scream.”

“Don’t know if I’d put it that way,” Sam muttered, as his pack began to draw around him in some kind of circle. The shelters were mostly up now, the food had been eaten, and they wanted their entertainment now.

“C’mon, Sam,” Jo teased from her perch on her log. “You used to love this one. He was a major history nerd as a pup,” she confided in Ruby. Overhearing her, Jake laughed as he sat down beside them, causing Sam’s eyes to roll right back into his head.

“He’s still basically a big nerd,” a beta behind Jo put in lazily. Andy, Jo remembered, pleased with herself. She’d never met so many new people at once before.

“Fine,” Sam groaned, eventually giving in, bringing a small smile to his mate’s face as she clung to their adopted pup now sitting beside her. She was looking a little nervous too, Jo noticed.

“Alright,” Sam said, breathing out, before looking up at them all with a wicked grin. “When Odin, the one-eyed Allfather came seeing the volva for the world’s prophecy, he was told that what was coming ‘sates itself on the blood of fated men, paints red the powers’ homes with crimson gore. Black become the sunbeams in the summers that follow, weathers all treacherous. Do you still wish to know?’” Sam raised an eyebrow and looked round at his now rapt pack. “Well?” he asked. “Do you still wish to know?”

He got a few groans and laughs for that before he continued. Sam being Sam, he gave good context on the big story-of-stories, and spent a lot of time talking about Loki’s monster children – of Fenrir, father of Wolves, imprisoned in Asgard’s halls despite his destiny to bing about Odin’s death himself. And Sam spoke of how the trickster engineered the murder of Odin’s favoured child, Baldur, and Loki’s subsequent imprisonment and torture for this most unforgiveable of crimes – held down by the entrails of his own child and only marginally protected from the incessant poison attack on his body by the efforts of his faithful wife, Sigyn.”

But then Ragnarok arrived, heralded by Gamr, the monster dog, when he broke from his imprisonment and went rampaging across the land, bringing about “’an axe age, a sword age… a wolf age.’”

It didn’t matter how familiar the words were, the story was - Jo listened intently as Sam described the final battles that brought the world to its end as the armies of Chaos, led by Loki, and his children. And how all but a few of those great beings succeeded in destroying one another, and the Earth began anew, and that the children of two human brothers inhabited the new world.

“But then… how did we survive?” Ruby piped up, when Sam had finished. “If this is us in the new world now, that the humans got started, then…?”

Sam shrugged. “We just probably weren’t planned for, so the stories don’t mention us.”

“What happened to the dog?” Jess asked, voice sounding slightly strained.

“Gamr?”

“Yes.”

Sam waited a few beats before answering his mate. “The stories don’t tell us that,” he admitted. “Guess they can’t give us all the answers.” Looking a little cheered by that, for some reason, Sam pushed his hair back from his face with a weary smile. “Right,” he said, clapping both hands together. “Good sleep for everyone who can get it. There’s a lot more walking to go tomorrow.”

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New update should be up within the next few days, but if anyone wants to look in on a slightly happier shapeshifter AU, my DCBB is finally actually up *gasps* and people should totally give it a look because I'm a shameless self promoter.


	31. Showing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Alright, what part of the whole world not dying doesn’t sound like a great idea?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the slow updates! Finishing up with term and the dcbb (go read if you want to see me writing something actually beta-d and therefore with real grammar *gasps*) so I they should be coming a lot quicker now though :)

_“Things aren’t going so hot with this pack either, huh, cuz?”_

_Cas shook his head and looked down at the forest floor, admiring the detail of this dream. His subconscious had managed to perfectly summon up the image of the place he and Gabriel had used to escape to together outside of their pack encampment. And there Gabe was as usual, perched up on his ‘Thinking Rock’ and looking down at Cas, like he always had._

_“It’s frustrating,” Cas admitted. “Somehow it makes it worse now that I know he doesn’t hate me.”_

_“Course he doesn’t hate you. Mates, right?”_

_“That’s not everything though, I think.” Cas sighed heavily as he looked down at his hands. “But I’m… I’m going to try. I_ will _find some way of redeeming myself to Dean.”_

_When Cas looked up again his cousin was still looking down at him, his eyes narrowed, and he was nodding like Cas was saying everything Gabriel wanted to hear._

_“What about saving his life? And, y’know, everybody else’s in the world’s…”_

_Cas could feel himself almost jolted into waking life at such an unfamiliarly sincere tone coming from his cousin’s mouth._

_“Why do you keep saying that?”_

_“Because the world_ is _ending. And, so far as I can see, you’re the one lucky fucker actually able to do anything about it before it gets a chance to start.”_

_Cas shook his head slowly, eyes not leaving the beta’s strangely animated face. “Gabriel I’m hazy on my Ragnarok history, but I believe the point is that it’s already…”_

_“Then why are we still here? Believe me, kid, things can always end_ more _.”_

_“And you believe that I can stop this… how?”_

_Gabriel’s mouth hardened into a thin line. “It’s not something I’d really want to ask you to do, or that I’d trust you with. But using this link, and our blood-bond, I wouldn’t have to. Just put yourself in shotgun position in your own head for like, and hour, tops, and I’ll even save the world_ for _you.”_

_“…No.” Cas still wasn’t sure he believed in the reality of any of this, but refusing Gabriel’s plans was one of his first automatically learned reactions and it died hard._

_“Alright, what part of the whole world not dying_ doesn’t _sound like a great idea?”_

_Cas got to his feet, relieved in finding himself once again taller than his cousin. “I still believe this to be a dream. If it’s not, then I still have no guarantee that this is really you speaking to me. And what could be so awful that you wouldn’t let me do alone?”_

_The beta rolled his eyes and raised three fingers. “One, you already know you’re not dreaming, so cut that obligatory crap. Two,” he continued, waggling his middle finger, “When you were ten years old you drank almost a whole bottle of my gin, stood up on the roof and nearly died after jumping off, convinced you could fly, and your Dad blamed me, and Three,” he went on before Cas could give his own opinion on the long-past events, “Because world-saving comes at a cost. And this one would make you squeamish. And anyway, it’d be tough to explain.”_

_“Try.”_

_Gabe sighed dramatically. “Alright. Someone’s going to be… turning up around you soon. And if someone doesn’t kill ‘em soon, the world’s gonna end. Happy now?_

_“Who would I be killing?”_

_“Well,_ technically _, it’d be_ me _using_ your _body, but-”_

_“Gabriel.”_

_“I’m not saying. You wouldn’t like it. But trust me, they were literally_ designed _for evil, ok?”_

_“You can’t ask me to take that on faith.”_

_“Well I am. Because they’ll die anyway if it happens again, and happens right this time.” There was a fire burning in his cousin’s eyes, Cas now noticed, one that didn’t seem to suit the man Cas had grown up following about, that he’d so sorely mourned the loss of in his life._

_“Gabriel, help me understand, or I’m waking up,” Cas said wearily when the beta continued to only stare at him. “If you really need my help you know that I’d do whatever I can-”_

_“You remember when you were trying to learn how to read, Cas?”_

_Cas blinked, but nodded. “I didn’t learn for years, not properly,” he said slowly, “not until…”_

_“Not until I showed you how, right? And that’s what you always said about teaching your kids, right? That they couldn’t just be told to do something like little droids, that if you didn’t show them, and show them why…”_

_“Gabriel, what-”_

_Cas was certain he wasn’t imagining it now: there was a fire in his cousin’s eyes._

_“How about I show you why, Cas…”_

_Suddenly Cas felt as though the whole forest around them was completely consumed by flame, and it was going to burn him too and he was going to die here, he was going to…_ Wake up.

He was awake, Gabriel and the familiar patch of forest had gone, and Cas was alone.

 _Where_ he was alone was a whole other issue.

Mindful of the pain constant as always throbbing in his leg, Cas sat up and looked around him. He was… he was in a cabin.

It smelt horrible.

Horrible, but not unfamiliar, Cas realised with a low dropping in his gut. Wherever this place was, it smelt like his own. But apparently this version of himself he wasn’t currently capable of remembering hadn’t been doing too well, Cas thought uneasily as he took in the empty bottles littering the floor. Apart from the mess which covered the floor, the room was almost entirely empty. And it was leaking, Cas realised, looking up at the roof. Poorly built.

He needed to get out of there. The right-wrong scent of the cabin alone was making him nauseous.

It took almost an hour by Cas’ reckoning to ply two wooden planks from the floor, even in his wolf form, but Cas felt like it had to be worth it. If he was going to find anything out about his situation he would need to be able to speak to other people, and to do that he was going to have to spend more time dragging his human legs around.

If this _was_ all coming from Gabriel and this was some kind of bizarre joke to the beta after years of being vanished the Cas was going to have to start planning vengeance. Eventually, Cas managed to stumble out the door, the wood from his makeshift crutches splintering painfully into his arms, and he was surprised at how difficult it was to leave. Surely when constructing a place from himself to live he would have at least tried to make it more accommodating for the state of his leg.

It wasn’t winter here, wherever _here_ might be. Or perhaps _whenever_ might be the more accurate question, Cas thought in trepidation as he stepped out into the rain, squelching his feet down into the ground. Mercifully, he’d been put into this place with boots for his feet – though not his own, or at least, not ones he was able to recognise.

As Cas was wondering whether or not to make a noise or keep as quiet as he could as he walked through the camp around him, with other cabins, or more accurately _shacks,_ with the half-familiar scents, (and none of them Dean’s, not that he was explicitly seeking the omega out here, Cas reminded himself fiercely) Cas spotted movement and stopped where he stood.

Cautiously, he cleared his throat. “Hello?”

He smelt fear – a child’s fear.

Breathing in deeply, Cas hobbled forwards, lowering his voice to what he hoped was a comforting sound. “Is someone there?”

There was a mumbling sound from behind a shack corner as Cas came closer. When he turned round, he saw the pup, who couldn’t have been older than four, staring up at him with wide eyes. And something about him smelt naggingly familiar too, Cas thought warily.

“I thought everybody had gone but us,” the pup said, hugging at their knees.

“Well, I’m… not. I think.” Cas contorted his face into a frown as the pup continued only to stare at him. “It’s alright…” Cas said, regretting his inability to bend down to the child’s level. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

“Oh, you’re right about that, Cassie.”

Cas froze. He knew that scent, knew that voice. It had deepened considerably, and he’d never heard it address him in such a… hostile tone before, but…

“Balthazar?”

“Oh, he’s awake,” the omega said, a small hint of wry amusement creeping into his voice now as he moved into Cas’ line of vision, holding a gun. He was older, older than he should be. And that child… it smelt like Bal’s own, Cas realised now.

“Balthazar, it… it’s good to see you.”

“Mmm.”

“…But I’m not sure where I am right now. I – I think I need your help.”

“Sadly Cassie, that’s no longer much of a surprise for me,” the omega said with a sigh as he put his gun roughly back in his thigh holster and picked up his pup to balance on his hip. “What _does_ shock me is that you didn’t run with the others when the warning sounded. What happened to that?” Balthazar smiled, a ghost of the smile he’d used to give as an adolescent in Cas’ class when he knew he knew the answer already. “Were you too much the worse for wear by that point?”

Cas blinked. “No, what? I…” His brain slowly began to process, reminding Cas that this was not the Balthazar he knew. This omega was older, warier, and carried a gun, had already carried a child. The Castiel he was referring to would, logically, also not be the same.

Cas cleared his throat. “Bal…”

“Yes?”

“What… what year are we in?”

The omega gritted his teeth together in frustration as his pup, who looked as though they hadn’t ever eaten a proper meal, Cas noticed now, continued to stare between them.

“You… you actually are losing it, aren’t you? Fuck, I should have listened to Inias…”

“ _Balthazar,_ ” Cas repeated again, bringing out not so much his Alpha voice as his teacherly one, and watched the omega almost jump back in shock at the apparent unfamiliarity of the sound.

“We’re not so hot on keeping dates anymore, Cas…”

“Bal, _please._ ”

Staring as though he wasn’t sure how to react, the omega tilted his head to the side, apparently considering. “Well,” he said slowly. “Jake here’s five, now, and he was conceived, oh, just after Raphael first sent you running? Which would make this year, ooooh, 310 since Ragnarok? And about four since New Ragnarok. Since those veiny-faced freaks started showing up…”

Cas drew in a deep shuddering breath, as he screamed at his body to let him wake up, for real this time.

But apparently Gabriel hadn’t finished showing what he thought Cas needed to see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...guess who has a thing for endverse!AUs?  
>  I do. It's me.  
> Apologies in advance.


	32. Cures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “People have a lot of names for them."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mild warning for... bad stuff happening, but in an endverse sense of none of it really happening?
> 
> Cool. That's me covered that then.

“Fuck, Cas, what did you take this time?” Balthazar growled down at him as Cas continued to hyperventilate at the ground. Because this couldn’t be real. This couldn’t be their real future.

But his nose was doing its best to convince him otherwise.

He couldn’t remember ever smelling anything in his dreams before.

“Fuck’s sake, Cassie,” he heard the omega mutter as he placed his son back down on the ground and led Cas into the empty shack nearest to them. Because they were all empty.

“Where did they all go?” Cas asked, throat feeling raw as his old pupil sat him down on the bed, his child trailing behind at his leg, with staring eyes that sat far too large in his little face.

“Don’t know, don’t care,” Balthazar said coolly as he opened Castiel’s shirt wider to peer briefly at his chest as though looking for something. “Away, as far as they could all get.” The omega’s eyes narrowed again as he pushed a cup of water into Cas’ hand. “And I would have sworn that was you leaving with them.”

As Cas tasted the water he felt himself wanting to cry. That wasn’t dream-water that he could taste on his tongue, that was soothing his throat: this was real. And if he was stuck here… What if he _was_ stuck here?What if he’d never be able to make things right with his old pack, to make things right with Dean… _Dean_.

Where was he?

Where was _anyone?_

“Bal. You and… and Jake. Why didn’t you…?”

Balthazar rolled his eyes again. Why didn’t we go with them? Figured if the hoard wouldn’t turn up to chase a few stragglers, and even if they did, I’m still thinking a bullet to the head’s a smarter way to go over living still stuck with that old rabble.”

Cas stared in some horror for a few moments before daring to speak, trying not to think too hard on the memories of Balthazar as a boy, when his eyes had always looked so alight with mischief, whatever the situation.

“Were things under Raphael…”

“ _Raphael?”_

Cas had said something wrong again he realised as the omega stared down at him in heightened disdain. “Raphael’s been dead for… since… Cas, you are genuinely starting to worry me now,” Bal said, standing up, and positioning himself in front of his pup. “You stay behind after all, you fuck up your leg and your head, and you cut off all your hair and-”

“Please, Bal, just… be patient with me,” Cas begged, desperate now that he couldn’t be left alone. “Who’s been the Alpha here?”

“Here? As I’m hoping you’ll start remembering any minute now, Mr Amnesia, we’ve all been in the same pack, which has _not_ been pretty. There’s only been the one – there aren’t enough of us left for any more. And I guess, until this morning, it’s been that Winchester guy in charge. He seems to be the only one to act like he knows what’s going on anymore, which _has_ to be some kind of front.”

Cas’ mouth went dry again. “Until this morning?”

“Well. Until they all left him behind. I heard he’s dying.” Balthazar frowned and shrugged. Cas could almost scent his apathy. And that was wrong in itself. Pack Alphas, even the worst ones, while alive should have been able to inspire some loyalty from their Pack. “Go ask him if you’re so interested.”

Cas nodded. “Of… of course.”

Surely, having to watch Dean dying would be exactly the sort of thing Gabriel had been hoping he’d be forced into seeing. And much as Cas resented feeling led around by the nose, he couldn’t help this – not if his Mate needed him…

As Cas picked up his crutches to lean forward up on them once more, Balthazar blinked at him in obvious alarm. “Cas, I wasn’t being serious. You’re clearly… injured, or something and I might not believe that we’re actually in much danger here, but walking around on your own is only going to turn you into walking bait for those things.”

“I’ll be fine, Bal.” Not real, Cas reminded himself as he lumbered forwards, holding back his questions into what these ‘things’ were.

“Well then – then stay for us. Give us a big strong alpha around to protect us,” the omega continued, mouth quirking up in something like hysteria. “Y’know what I heard that bitch, Meg, say? She said she’d seen them still trying to breed. They’re animals, Cas, and if one of them turns up for you…”

“Then I won’t be much help to you either,” Cas pointed out gently, and walked out the door without allowing himself to look back.

_Not real._

But even knowing that, he couldn’t shake the new knowledge that Dean needed him, even if it wasn’t _his_ Dean, even when this would never be their future. Not if Balthazar considered suicide a better alternative than remaining with his Pack, not if Dean was left abandoned and dying, not if Cas was considered a coward, and an unstable one too.

As he started walking, Cas realised the truth of Bal’s words – they _had_ all banded together. This was the area he had started getting to know of Dean’s land – these unfamiliar shack areas were like new builds surrounding the original pack village Cas had become familiar with. The closer he walked towards the centre, the better built the structures began to look. But all, as Balthazar had told him, were empty. Everyone had left.

And that more than anything was what continued to send a chill down Cas’ spine. Wolves were the predators of these woods. And yet something had scared them all enough to band them all unnaturally together and send them all running.

_Four years since New Ragnarok…_

Stealing himself, Cas tried to clear his mind and force his crutches into carrying him through the Pack’s main clearing and over to the Alpha’s cabin, bad left feeling heavier with every step. Because this was wrong. Even if they had clearly had their problems with Dean’s leadership at times, even if he was dying and unable to leave with him, Cas could not imagine a future in which Dean would be left entirely alone, with no devoted pack member by his side; no other version of Cas already sitting by him, staunchly refusing to move.

There was a thought. If Cas was able to meet an older version of himself…

Hands close to shaking, Cas knocked on the door. At the sound of an unfamiliar voice calling out a “Yeah?” Cas stepped inside.

It wasn’t Dean, but it smelt a little like him. He was taller than Dean, with hair grown straggly and wild. As Cas walked in the man looked up and turned away from his desk, Dean’s desk, allowing Cas to notice that he only had one arm.

“You’re… you’re Sam.”

“Hey, Cas,” the Alpha sighed, with something close to fondness breaking through the weariness in his voice. Then his eyebrows furrowed and his mouth went slack in sympathy. “Were you… were you looking for Dean again, Cas?”

“I – he, he can’t be…”

“He’s dead, Cas,” Sam said gently. “You, you know that.” Then just as Cas was starting to feel like he couldn’t breathe again, the other alpha asked in some shock, “Oh… you don’t. You’re not…”

Cas watched as Sam’s eyes focused on his bad leg. “Because I healed that already…”

The other alpha stood up, scraping a hand up through his hair as if in thought. “What’s going on, Cas? Because you’re not… you, are you?”

“No,” Cas managed. _Dean_ _dead…_

Sam’s yes lit up in something like excitement. “Are you – is this…?”

“I’m from the past, I think,” Cas explained wearily.

Sam gave a half smile. “And that somehow doesn’t sound crazier than anything else going on.” He shrugged. “With the Chaos all loose the magic’s fading, but I can still tell some things. How did this-”

“My cousin, Gabriel,” Cas explained. “He was talking to me in a dream and now-”

Sam let out a low growl at the name. “Of course… and he wants you to stop it because he knew I wouldn’t.”

“I believe this is his extended argument for that, yes. But please, Sam, what happened to your brother?”

The Alpha’s face fell again. “Oh gods, Cas. I’m so sorry. I never meant to spring that on you so bluntly…”

Sam almost wanted to smile at the sight of the large unfamiliar alpha tripping over himself in an attempt at apology, but the thought of Dean not being alive here still stuck in his head on endless repeat and prevented his face from reacting normally to anything. Because tugging at the back of his head he could feel himself screaming out for his Mate, just in the hope he felt some kind of answer.

Sam took a deep breath. “We thought we knew what we were doing,” he said eventually. “This was… almost three years back now? Gods…” He cleared his throat and looked at the floor, which was looking far dirtier than when it had belonged to Dean. “You – you wanted to come with us, but Dean wouldn’t allow it – he was, he was mad at you for some reason.”

When the other alpha met his eyes again, Cas saw the apologies swimming in them. “I never knew why. But you, uh. You guys fought a lot then.”

Cas almost didn’t want to know anymore. “Did we ever…?”

“Mate?” Sam shook his head. “No. Never officially. Anyway,” Sam coughed again, and this time Cas could hear it wasn’t just to clear his throat. He sounded more as though he was trying to clean out an entire lung. “Me and Dean and a few others, we went out to try and stop things. Last desperate go at it, y’know? Seemed like it might end up worth it…”

“Was it?”

“No. I mean, going back, I’d probably still think it was the best plan we had but… Lost a lot of good people that day. My Mom, Ruby, Rufus, Andy, Bobby, Jo… But Dean,” Sam’s voice cracked up slightly. “He was left there dying in my arms and I couldn’t just…”

_I healed that already…_

“Your arm,” Cas said. He knew something of how magic worked, and bringing something back from the brink of death would not come without cost.

Sam nodded. “Already lost the hand trying to… to save Jess, when the, when the baby came.”

Cas blinked at him, and Sam’s head spasmed into shaking again. “Didn’t work then either. But this time… We were too close to the Chaos source, the Darkness coming free – it was what we’d come there to stop, and failed at already. And I should have… I should have figured that using magic anywhere near that was not going to work like normal, but Dean was lying there and I wasn’t thinking right…”

Cas felt the blood running through him start slowing to a halt. “Sam, what?”

The other alpha gave a strained and entirely humourless smile. “And Dean’s dead but his corpse is still walking about.”

_Still trying to breed. They’re animals, Cas…_

Cas felt like he wanted to throw up. “Dean was… you started the ‘freaks’ Balthazar spoke of.”

“People have a lot of names for them. Me, I… I’d like to think that it’s more of a sickness than it is anything else. They infect one another, something you can actually see taking hold of them on their skin, and then the attempt to spread it. And if it’s an infection…”

“You think you can cure them,” Cas finished, noticing how the younger man’s eyes had begun to light up again.

Sam nodded. “I hope so. So when we smelt out they were coming I hoped…”

“To carry out a desperate last fight?” Cas finished for him again as he sat down in the empty chair left in the room.

Sam tried to smile. “It feels like something that Dean would have done. And if all those… things are my fault, and stopping all of this in the first place should have been on me…” Sam blinked. “Wait. You said Balthazar. Is someone still here?”

“Balthazar, yes. And his pup.”

Sam’s hands flew to his hair in sudden anxiety. “Shit. I thought I was doing this alone. Gods…”

For the second time that day, Cas could actually _smell_ the fear coming off another Wolf, although this time it was all fear for others clouding the air.

“And, well. With me now, I guess.”

Sam snorted. “Yeah. If you’re not just something I’m hallucinating. Or this is just you having another bad day, and I’m getting the wrong end of the stick.”

Cas looked down at his hands as he twisted his fingers together. “Do I have many ‘Bad Days’?”

Again, Sam looked stricken, and softened his voice a little when he spoke again. “Look, Cas… You and Dean weren’t always great before. And your _cousin_ …” Sam’s jaw clenches and for a moment it looked as though he would be unable to continue speaking. “… You were going through a lot, man. And then when Dean never came home – when I had to come home and tell you…” Sam’s voice broke again  and Cas wanted to empathise but it was as though his mind was numb to everything but his own pain.

“-Well. It was a lot for you to deal with.”

“So I didn’t.”

“Honestly, Cas, at this point, I don’t think anyone’s managed to. And judging anyone else for how they handled it has gotten pretty pointless.”

Again, Cas tried to force his mouth into a smile. “This is my first time meeting you,” he admitted.

Sam huffed out a laugh before sobering again. “From that far back…” Sam’s face continued to fall as he appeared to contemplate this. “So you _can_ still do something…”

“I believe that was what…”

Sam had obviously stopped listening to him. “Cas, look, I hate to say it. Because I still can’t… I don’t regret any of that. But…” The other alpha squeezed his eyes tight shut as though he’d like to pretend, like Cas, that none of this was really happening to him. “But whatever he tells you to do, you do it, ok? Anything’s got to have turned out better than this, even if they might not have been good choices.”

Before Cas could say anything in answer, Sam continued. “ Look, it… I really do know in my guts that it’s not right. But someone had to have stopped this.” He looked up. “And I am sorry, Cas, but I was never gonna be that guy.”

“Was I?” Cas asked, starting to feel irritated by the lack of specifics.

Sam only stared at him, considering. “For Dean I think you could be.”

Cas swallowed, feeling uncomfortable denying anything about himself here in this future. He didn’t know the person Sam knew, not yet.

“So… whatever it is that causes all this… you knew the whole time it would happen like this?”

“I wasn’t _sure_ the gods were all gonna come back and start killing each other in the sky, but… I knew, I was just… I’d thought we’d find some other way. But we didn’t. So just, please, Cas…”

Sam was cut off as the hinges of the hut – _Dean’s home_ – started to rumble and creak.

“Sam, what…?”

The Alpha’s face had frozen. “Cas. You have to move.”

“What?”

“You need to get out of here, Cas.” Sam’s eyes, which at this point looked almost as green as his brother’s, bored into Cas and he felt the tug of an Alpha’s command on him.

“You have to get out of here, and, yeah, stop it.” His eyes flicked down again to regard Castiel’s leg again. “And you’ll want to Change.”

Cas followed his orders, and he ran.

As he burst out of the door, heart still pounding, Cas could smell the pursuers. They were Wolves, but he was also sure that they weren’t entirely… real. They didn’t smell right, not that it was easy to tell what they did smell like with all the smoke in the air.

Digging his claws down into the earth, Cas brought himself to a halt and looked back. Dean’s cabin was entirely engulfed in flames as were the beings attacking it. Sam had said he’d had an idea for a cure…

Of the Alpha himself there was no sign.

A hand on the scruff of Cas neck had his gaze forced away to stare up at his attacker.

Sam truly had been kind, in his first description of Dean as dead.

He _smelt_ like he was dead – but not in a decaying way, but in the… not-there way. It was horrifying. But it seemed to match the canker of veins spreading up from Dean's chest, all across his face.

And though his face was blank of all expression, Cas could still feel that link clawing at him from inside his mind, maybe even his soul.

_Don’t you want to join me, alpha?_

Suddenly Cas could hear himself whining, no more than a dog betrayed by its master. And he should be snapping Dean’s hand away, but –

*

Bobby held off from interfering until the alpha kid actually started to scream.

“Hey, hey, wake up boy,” he said gruffly as he shook the alpha, who smelled like fear beyond anything Bobby had ever known. But then, six months alone without changing. If that didn’t mess a person up beyond repair, nothing would.

He knew it probably wasn’t medically sound and that Pam would probably shoot him for it, but he ended up slapping the kid – Castiel, that was his name – across the face, and that did seem to work. Wild blue eyes were suddenly alert and focused on him, and Castiel’s mouth continued to gape as he took in the moving truck he was sat in the back of; Victor driving and trying not to look back for too long; the trees outside the window flying past them.

“The hell was that?” Victor called back.

“Nothing,” Bobby said, eyes not leaving the alpha’s face. People told stories all the time about how easy it was for alpha’s to crack – their hormones already had them so high-strung and aggressive. Even if he was injured, Bobby did not want to turn his back on this one.

“You alright, boy?” Bobby asked, lowering his voice.

The alpha ignored his question in favour of staring at his underarms. Which were bleeding. Small cuts, sure, but it seemed a strange place for them and the sight appeared to horrify Castiel. “Crutches…” he murmured.

“They’re in the back, son.”

“No… I mean…” The alpha looked up at him again. “We’re in your vehicle leaving for the human village. And I… I haven’t left this spot?”

Bobby nodded slowly, hearing the tone of someone desperately trying to convince himself of something.

“That’s right. Now what was all that?”

For a moment, the alpha’s jaw clenches tight, and Bobby instinctively backed off defensively.

“Just a nightmare. Nothing that’s going to be real.”

Which seemed to Bobby an odd choice of words, but he decided not to press the issue. The guy still seemed pretty out of it after all.

*


	33. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Anyway,” Dean said, raising his voice. “There was nothing romantic about any of it, it was just some alpha-”
> 
> “Defending his mate?” Charlie asked quietly, causing the whole room to fall suddenly silent.

Benny had dug out his Dad’s old checkers set, and since no one had any other ideas of how to spend the night after another exhausting day of repairs, it was the chosen prime time entertainment for the Pack. And since he had nothing to do but worry and wait (for Sam, who he couldn’t decide whether or not he was still mad at him; for Cas, who he couldn’t decide if he was still mad at yet) Dean joined in. And brought up all the alcohol they had left, bar the stuff Pam was holding back for the infirmary supplies, or so she claimed.

It was Charlie and Bela, who Pam had roped in much to the other beta’s reluctance, playing now, and both were intimidatingly competitive.

“Smart money’s on the redhead,” Dean asserted loudly as he passed Garth another beer. He’d already decided that this was the little beta’s cut-off point: the guy had no stamina, and the drink might as well be rationed for the Wolves deserving it. People like Dean, who needed a godsdamn night off already.

“Bela’s just slipping up because my charm’s distracting her too badly,” Charlie sighed, and flicked her hair back with new purpose.

Bela only smiled tightly back as she played her next move. “Mmm. Not exactly my type, sunshine.”

“Oh right, I forget. Victor’d be your type, right?”

“Oooh,” Benny bellowed, cupping his hands around his mouth with some glee. “And Charlie cuts into the _lead_.”

“While still losing,” Bela reminded mildly.

“Aw, someone’s just sour because they’re missing their sweetheart,” Dean cackled, allowing to Benny to dig him hard in the ribs and fall over laughing together. There were only about five or six of them left up now and they were all pretty much people he trusted well.

Bela blinked and looked sweetly round at him. “Oh, are you Alpha? You should have said something…”

Pam, who was sitting at Bela’s side, raised her hand for a soft high five. Dean made a face at them both without responding.

“C’mon though, Chef, you’ve got to tell us _something_ ,” Ash insisted as he leaned back in his chair, tipping it up so that his feet were leaning on the next one. “That fight earlier wasn’t exactly a friendly intervention.”

“Oh yeah, why not?”

Everyone groaned, the game suddenly demoted in importance.

“Well…”

“It was very romantic.”

“ _Romantic_?”

“He almost punched Christian’s _nose_ off, man it was _awesome_.”

“I hear Christian’s calling for another Pack Meet.”

“Yeah, well, he should just hold off until Sam’s fucking pack get over here. Then he’ll have a whole list full of other issues, no doubt,” Dean muttered, unable to stop himself.

Luckily, no one but Benny seemed to have heard him and he did nothing more than pat Dean on the back slightly while giving what the beta clearly assumed was an encouraging smile.

“Anyway,” Dean said, raising his voice. “There was nothing _romantic_ about any of it, it was just some alpha-”

“Defending his mate?” Charlie asked quietly, causing the whole room to fall suddenly silent.

“Look, we’re not actually _mated_ …”

That caused a strange split in the room as half the people left there started groaning and swearing while the others nursed smug grins. It took Dean only a few seconds of glancing round them all to work it out.

“Have you guys…” is eyes narrowed, and he summoned up some of the Alpha fury up into his tone, “are you _betting_ on us?”

…And now everyone seemed fascinated by their own feet. Everyone but Donna, who looked over at Dean with some earnest. “Well… it’s like you were saying. Ain’t always exactly the biggest choice in entertainment around here… and besides, he’s real cute, ain’t he?”

Dean looked up at the ceiling, groaning slightly. There were basically all the friends he had in the world, and they all sucked. But they did have a bit of a point. Castiel’s level of attractiveness was one of the only things Dean could safely say was not an issue in their non-relationship thing. And maybe Dean was missing him, if only a little bit.

Just because… it was nice having someone who’d listen to him stressing about Sam coming home, and then would flop himself over an entire bed, and over Dean too – with a heady scent that made Dean feel disconcertingly _settled._ He’d never wanted, or needed, anyone else around to do that for anything like that. But now he wanted Cas back already – almost giving him the same itch under his skin that his need to Change would.

But, especially if there was going to end up another Pack meet discussing him, it had definitely been the smart choice to send Cas away for a few days. It didn’t stop Dean wishing that he hadn’t had to.

*

Castiel had never actually met a human before. Gabriel had once before, or so he’d claimed, during one of the few trading meets they’d participated in when Cas was still young, and had come home telling stories about bulging eyes and fire-breathing sneezes.

He hadn’t believed any of that even then, but Cas still couldn’t stop the small jolt of surprise running through him when he saw how _normal_ the woman coming out to meet them at the closed gates to the human fort was. It looked imposing, Cas thought as he stared up at the walls – almost as much as the woman now guarding them. A hundred Wolves wouldn’t be able to storm it successfully.

But apparently, in five years, it, and the people living inside it, would be almost all gone. Not that Cas was sure he could let himself believe that yet.

_…so far as I can see, you’re the one lucky fucker actually able to do anything about it…_

The best Cas could do for now was hope that it wasn’t true – but he would think on it. The lives of everyone he’d ever known, Dean’s life, were too important to risk.

“Ms Mosely,” Bobby greeted the apparent gatekeeper with a respectful tip of his hat.

“Bobby Singer. I was starting to wonder when you’d be showing up.”

Bobby scratched at the back of his head, reminding Cas as he watched from his position leaning back against the truck, of Sam.

Sam. He would be the deciding point, Cas thought to himself again. If he turned out to look, to act, just like he had in Cas’… in his dream _, then_ Cas would _know_ ….

Bobby shrugged at the human woman who stood with her hands on her hips, seemingly unconcerned by the three Wolves she was currently facing down. “You lot have been late with deliveries. You wanting your supplies or not?” He gave a nod back to the truck, with its carved furniture, furs, and cured meats Cas knew they had stored back there.

“Better it was done here,” Mosely said, her shoulders sagging slightly as she sighed. “Nobody wants to drive up into your woods anymore.”

“What’s changed?” Victor asked her, taking a step away from the truck towards her and Bobby.

“Well, all these storms keep on sending down all your rabid mutts – no offence – down our way. People were freaked out enough, and then I started on with a few visions and things got worse.”

Bobby stiffened. “Visions? Missouri, what’d you see?”

She waved a hand, dismissively. “Something about a strange Wolf starting up another apocalypse.”

Cas looked down at the ground, heart starting to pound. Other visions going out to others people about what was coming? Did that make it more real?

“…And just after I put out _that_ good news, Tara gives me more news I didn’t need and I have to start worrying I’ll have a lynch mob on my hands.”

Bobby’s shoulders sagged slightly. “Are we ever getting these damn supplies?”

“You’re getting something more important first.” She glared him down. “Now. You, old man, you I trust-”

“Hey!”

“But these two – do you trust them? They good people?”

Bobby glanced at Victor for only an instant before turning back to Cas and staring him down. Cas looked back, hoping that was the right response.

Finally, Bobby seemed to have seen what he was looking for and turned back to Ms Mosely. “I brought ‘em with me, didn’t I? Now quit with the cheap smoke and mirrors already, you’re a better psychic than that.”

The woman turned to look back at Cas for herself, and the uncomfortable sensation of someone completely understanding him from the outside stole over him before she finally looked away.

“Alright,” she said. “I asked Tara to wait out in the woods until I came back with you,” she said as she started walking away. “Now tell me, Bobby, you remember a woman by the name of Kate Milligan?”

Bobby started following behind her, nodding back to Cas and Victor that they should do the same, but did so warily, and his scent had changed. He smelt… tense. “A good lady, from the little I remember about her.”

Cas hobbled alongside Victor, hoping that they’d still be able to get the chance to see the inside of the human camp, but feeling rapidly more interested in whatever it was Bobby was being prompted to remember. From the way Dean had spoken of him, he’d been close to their family for his whole life, and been his father’s main Beta. Such a man surely held many secrets close to his chest.

“That she was. Damn near a saint, some might say.”

“Was?”

“Died start of this winter, yeah. And left behind a little boy. Ever hear much about him, Singer?”

“Enough, I think.” Bobby was definitely looking uncomfortable now, which Cas got the impression wasn’t a normal state for the beta.

When Missouri stopped them a few moments later, they still weren’t far from the camp walls, and they were looking at a small lone cabin up ahead of them. Looking at it, Missouri sighed heavily and crossed her arms firmly over her chest. “Tara was Kate’s friend, so she’s been looking after Adam. But the kid… he ain’t right, and people have started taking notice of that lately.” She looked Bobby right in the eye. “And he can’t stay here any longer, Bobby. This just ain’t the place for him.”

“Oh, and believe me it ain’t with us either.”

The psychic’s eyebrows furrowed as she poked him hard in the chest. “No more supplies ever. Not from my town, and you’d better believe we can do without what you’re offering. And that’s exactly what we’ll do if you can’t clear up the mess you made here. I _know_ John Winchester’s dead,” she continued loudly as Bobby tried to speak. “But that doesn’t make this any less his responsibility and you know it.”

“Missouri-”

“Town’s getting half-incensed over you folks as is, so don’t you let it get worse. Last thing we need’s some kinda war. Don’t forget who you’ve been buying your weapons off of.”

Bobby’s chin shook with anger for a moment before he eventually noses and Missouri started walking.

“Bobby, what _kid_?” Victor hissed as Cas struggled to both physically and mentally keep up, his own mind racing. A child. That would certainly be something he’d be ‘squeamish’ about killing, as Gabriel had put it…

“John had to take a few trips down here for trade agreements, not long after he ran Sam out, and Mary ran _him_ out - you remember?”

Though he could only see the back to the two men ahead of him, Cas thought he could _hear_ Victor’s eyes widening. “Is this… Is John-”

“He had another kid,” Bobby grunted in confirmation.

“A… with a human woman? What would that even _look_ like?”

“I never asked.”

“And you never said a thing-”

“Because my Alpha asked me not to. And just think for a minute kid about how much that would have hurt Mary, even then – Hel, Mary…”

Cas slotted the pieces together in his head. Dean had told him how after his brother’s disappearance his parents had barely been able to stand one another – that Mary had rejected her mate, who’d apparently…

Cas’ heart lurched heavily in his chest as he realised that Dean was going to have to deal with two brothers returning to him.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing up the Christmas destiel ghost story (and actual Christmas) meant this little filler got typed up later than I meant it too... Hope everyone enjoyed any holidays they got!


	34. Homecoming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What’s one more weirdness?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year to all! :D

It was late afternoon, long after Jo had stated to recognise the sights and scents of the area around them, that she spotted Tracy. The young alpha was scouting from far off, and turned tail just as Jo had spotted her watching, without wandering down to say hello.

She’d been very young when Sam had left, Jo remembered. But even then there’d been far less doubt over how she might present, unlike Cole, who’d been more of a surprise in that respect. Cole, who Tracy would have probably noticed was missing already. Unthinkingly, Jo squeezed down on Ruby’s hand for support, and the beta gripped back tightly in response.

“Hey” Ruby said quietly. “I can _hear_ you stressing. Your Alpha seems like a chill enough guy, He’s not going to _blame_ you for this…”

 _He might,_ Jo thought feverishly. Dean always had held himself up to impossibly high standards, and the rest up with him by default. And the thought of losing his trust and respect was almost too much for Jo to bear. But even more prevalent in her fears was still the thought of Cole’s father.

Because there could be no forgiveness there. Nate Trenton would be blaming Jo, blaming Dean, blaming everyone.

So all Jo was able to give to Ruby in any kind of response was a tight smile, but the beta didn’t seem to mind. Jo liked that about Ruby – she rarely seemed to feel the need to fill every silence. The night before they’d slept curled up around each other, not sleeping, but not staying awake enough to say a word. And that had been enough for them.

When they were only about a quarter mile away from camp, Sam brought them all to a halt. “Ok,” he said, “Remember. We’re still on someone else’s turf here.” He huffed in a breath and Jo would bet a lot on Sam having already rehearsed this to himself. “I’m still your Alpha, but I’m not the one in charge of this land – that’s my brother’s responsibility. You respect me like always but you remember: he’s the one in charge.”

“Is it true that this ‘Alpha’ is actually an omega?” Someone at the back shouted out, and to Jo’s relief she watched Sam’s eyes narrow.

“Not that it’s relevant, but yes, he is.”

Mutters started to spread rapidly around the pack for that, before someone else called out, “Well then why don’t we just take the land? You can take down an omega, can’t you Alpha?”

Jo snarled as she recognised the voice, it came from a Wolf named Brady who’d looked at Jo like she was a dripping piece of meat since she’d shown up.

But Sam stayed apparently calm, which let Jo know he was barely keeping it together. “I hear one more word about  anyone thinking they can ‘take down’ my brother, I might actually let them try,” he said eventually, a small smile tugging at his lips. “Now has anyone else got issues or are we going to accept the help we’re being offered here?”

When no one said anything, Sam got them walking again.

“So if you’re like my grandma, is Dean kinda like my uncle then, huh?” Jo heard Jesse asking Mary as they came even closer to the camp.  She tried to answer him, but despite many of them now being in human forms to appear less threatening, no one else wanted to do much talking.

But even as a human, it felt good to be moving on her own territory again – Jo felt stronger, supported, powerful even. Much as she might love going out there into the world, and had been thrilled at Dean giving her the chance, she missed her home, her Mom, her own bed. She missed hunting something and knowing it was _hers_ to hunt down and take for herself. Sam’s pack would go a long time before they had that, really, Jo thought as she looked at Ruby.

Most of her own pack were there waiting for them as they arrived, mainly in wolf form, because Dean wouldn’t want to be taking any chances, but Jo got the impression they’d been asked not to _look_ as though they were on guard for an attack, and seemed to be trying to look natural, even hopping from foot to foot and staring at the sky instead of the new pack. Jo spotted her Mom quickly, standing near the front, in wolf form but not trying to disguise that she was looking at her daughter. As soon as she got a scent of Jo, her fur visibly softened. Trenton was obvious too, for being in his human form. When he didn’t see everything he was expecting to Jo had no doubt that he was going to voice everything.

Dean himself was looking anywhere except at his brother, right up until Sam was standing right there in front of him, and stopping hesitantly at what could still be regarded as a respectful distance. Jo could see ow badly it was tearing at her Alpha to continue to act his part, and not simply run to his little brother and… embrace him? Jo bit down on her lip in worry as she wondered about that. There were still a mountain of old hurts there they had to get around from Sam’s leaving that Dean had never really gotten the chance to get over. Now faced with Sam again for the first time in so many years what _was_ Dean’s first reaction supposed to be?

Neither of them seemed to know what to say, Jo realised after several moments of silence, her sympathy quickly mutating into familiar frustration. Alphas they might be now, but it seemed that neither had ever grown completely out of being the stubborn, infuriating pups that Jo had grown up with.

Luckily, Dean’s unwillingness to let anyone else get a first word in eventually overrode his awkwardness, or maybe even terror. “Well,” he said gruffly, “long time no seeing you.” The moment he’d finished speaking his eyes darted quickly to the side – not down, the last thing Dean would want to show would be _any_ sign of weakness. “We’ve got a camp site set up back for you, but I hope you brought your own equipment.”

Sam cleared his throat. “We’ve got enough gear.”

Dean nodded at him, once, before turning to address Sam’s pack. “No one’s getting any free rides here. Your Alpha here’s gonna tell you when and where you’re hunting, but know that he’s getting that from me, aright?” Dean’s face remained grim as he stared pacing. “And none of my pack but me gets to boss you around, but if I just hear one word that you ain’t been respecting even one of them, well, suddenly you’re not gonna be welcome here much longer, y’got that?” Now, finally, Dean looked back at his brother, and his eyes were just as steely as they had been regarding the strangers.

Sam nodded briefly before turning to face his pack for himself. “You heard him,” Sam said mildly, before catching his Beta’s eye. “Jake? Take ‘em round there, and Ruby, you show them where they’re going.”

With only murmured reaction to this, Sam’s pack began to slowly file away, leaving only Jo, after Ruby had squeezed her hand once more and winked at her, Mary, and Sam’s little family facing the Pack. This comparative privacy had Sam trying for a strained smile. “Dean…” His arms were twitching, too, like he wanted nothing more than to remove the space between him and his brother and embrace him.

But Dean had gone back to ignoring him. “Mom,” he said, nodding at Mary instead, who moved forwards to hold him. “You’re alright.”

“I brought him home again,” she murmured into his shoulder.

Ellen walked over towards Jo, still as a wolf, and gently nudged at her leg. Suddenly emotional, Jo thumbed over the fur behind her mother’s ear.

“Where’s my son?”

Jo took her hand away and closed her eyes slightly.

“Cole’s dead,” Jo heard Mary say, sparing her that killing blow. “Abaddon got to us before we even made it to Sam. Nate, I’m sorry, but we never saw anything happen, so-”

*

It took three men holding him back to stop Trenton from changing, from clawing out an attack against the whole world, but nothing could stop the pained words of bile now pouring out of his mouth, words that gave Christian Campbell a little glint to his eye.

Reminding himself that he couldn’t banish someone over an eye glint, Dean did his best to focus on getting Jo, whose scent was becoming ever more distressed as his questions continued, to talk to him.

“My son, my only son, put under the command of an omega bitch who goes and kills him off before he can even-”

And suddenly Ellen had left her daughter’s side and was growling up fiercely at Trenton.

“ _Alright_ that’s it,” Dean yelled, putting himself between them. “Trenton,” he said, voice lowering as Ellen reluctantly stopped snarling. “Buddy, you know this wasn’t Jo’s fault. And I get you’re in pain now – Hel, Cole was a great kid, we’re all-”

Dean could almost feel Sam there at his back, read to jump in. But he’d be damned if he needed his freakishly tall cut-up mess of a little brother to do his fighting for him.

“But he was _mine_ ,” Trenton choked out. “And he would have made a _real_ Alpha for his pack one day if you hadn’t gone and got him killed off somewhere!”

This time Dean actually put out a warning hand _just in case_ Sam or Jo decided that now was the moment to try something dumb. And as he was trying to focus on calming the beta down and feeling suddenly glad that Cas wasn’t there to worry about too when he heard someone say it.

It was probably Christian who said it first. The dick.

“Pack Meet.”

It spread around the still lingering crowd, insistent as a cough or a yawn until Dean felt like he could hear his whole damn pack throwing the idea around. Because that was _just_ what they needed. Really great way to show Sam how well Dean had taken care of everything since he’d fucked off.

“Fine,” Dean said coolly. “You want to go have one tonight? Knock yourselves out. But someone better take Nate home already.”

“C’mon, Nate,” Rufus said roughly, coming forwards again to pull the other beta away with him. With another death glare back at Dean. Trenton let himself be led away.

After they’d gone, Dean scanned the remaining faces in the crowd. “Don’t you all have someplace better to be?” And with one last smirk from Christian, and a mutter he heard from Charlie about ‘missing the bromance’ most of them started obediently milling away.

Most of them anyway.

“Sam! Oh gods, we missed you around here, buddy…”

Sam chuckled, sounding slightly winded as he assured the little beta clinging tightly to his waist that, “I, uh, I missed you too, Garth.”

But Sam looked up at Dean as he said it, with that tentative smile and the wide puppy eyes that Dean had never been able to refuse for long. So Dean tried not to look back.

“How you holding up, Jo?”

She shrugged one shoulder. “Could have gone better. But they’re a good group, Sam’s people,” she said, smiling slightly as she looked back at the kid standing behind them in front of the pregnant woman Dean recognised as Sam’s mate from the vision. “This one’s a bit of troublemaker though,” she added ruefully.

“The kid snorted and stepped forwards, giving her an indignant “Hey!” in response. “She made that up.” Then he grinned up endearingly at Dean. “I’m Jesse. So you’re an omega like Jess _and_ an Alpha like Sam? That’s _awesome_.”

In terror, Dean’s eyes slid to his Mom’s, which were laughing at him. “Adopted,” she mouthed, and Dean relaxed, marginally. Bad enough that Sam had a pup on the way – the idea that he’d already raised one was terrifying.

Sam cleared his throat and sidestepped away from Garth. “Yeah, uh, so Dean, this is my mate Jess, and this is Jesse.”

Dean looked between them both. “So, uh, who was in charge of naming you, shortstack?”

Jesse sent an accusatory finger hurtling in Sam’s direction, finally giving Dean the courage to actually look his little brother in the eye.

“You’re a godsdamn sap,” he told him, and smelt Sam instantly relaxing.

“I missed you too,” Sam said, choking up slightly as he wrapped his arms around Dean at last, and Dean was eventually able to clutch back, ignoring his Mom’s tearful eyes to take in the scent that still smelt the most like coming home.

As Sam continued holding him tightly, Dean extricated a hand to wave at Jess over the shoulder. “So, uh, I’m Dean, the better looking one. He mighta mentioned me. I’m less…” Dean waved a hand, considering, as his brother finally loosened his grip, “Well, all cut up for one thing. Fenrir, Sammy, what’ve you been doing to yourself?”

Sam smiled, eyes shining. “Long load of stories there.”

“Yeah, well, I wanna hear ‘em,” Dean assured him, and realised he meant it. And for a minute, as Gath beamed at him in a way that was too bright to entirely ignore, Dean felt like things between them might actually go alright.

Then Bobby’s truck roll loudly back into cam and Dean could already feel his mate’s – _not mate_ – distress, the worry clenching tighter in his gut the closer they moved. Because _Dean wasn’t going to like this._

“Cas,” Dean murmured to himself, unable to help the word escaping. His mother smiled curiously at him for that, her eyes narrowing slightly.

“Was he away, too?” Jo asked, absently burying her still-shaking hand in her mother’s fur. “Isn’t his leg still busted?”

“Cas – is that…” Sam trailed off, and it was obvious that he was trying to hold back a smile as he looked down at the ground. Dean only rolled his eyes at the unasked question and walked towards the truck. Luckily, this time his headcount found all his Pack still there, ( _and Cas,_ he reminded himself, Cas who wasn’t yet Pack) alive and accounted for. And with one to spare.

“Dean,” Bobby said, striding out first, his face apologetically grim. “Good news is, we got the supplies we needed. Bad news is, the humans are feeling less than fond of us right now, and uh, we had to take on an extra passenger.”

Dean could scent the “passenger” still in the back seat, after Victor, face softened, opened the back door, and Cas held out a hand to the child next to him, but managed to slip over on his leg as he got out of the car.

Dean was there at his side before he could think about it, but Cas only lay there, shaking his head with a small grimace. “Help Adam first,” the alpha told him, voice even lower than Dean remembered it. “I’ll be fine after a moment’s rest, and he’s frightened.”

“Adam? The kid?”

Cas just made a face at him, which in Dean’s head translated strongly as _go see for yourself._ So Dean did.

It was a Wolf pup, his nose informed him, as he regarded the skinny blond kid glaring at him with suspicious eyes. But… he was human. And he smelt almost like…

_Gods no._

“Don’t mean to be blunt, Mary, but, uh, we found John’s other kid.” Dean could hear Bobby saying behind him.

“What?” Sam exclaimed, as Dean continued to stare at the pup-not-pup who was Pack-not-Pack in front of him. Adam. Would he be able to change? Had their Dad known? He’d wet and got off with a _human_ after all those years of moralising?

With Dean still just standing there, Sam had  to be the one to eventually haul the kid out of the truck. “Hey,” he said quietly. “Adam, right? We’re uh, well I guess we’re your big brothers.”

The kid, now stood on the ground, made no sign that this was of any interest to him. “What’s wrong with him?” he asked instead, pointing down at Cas who still seemed to be catching his breath again, clutching at his leg. But staring up at Sam like he’d just come back from the dead.

“It’s uh… it’s just a… my leg, Adam, I…” Cas wasn’t taking his eyes off Sam though, and if it wasn’t for the fear infecting his scent Dean might have wondered if it was time to feel jealous.

Gods, everyone was having a day for _weird._

Sam crouched down next to him and smiled, seeming only slightly creeped out by the staring. “Well, hey, I can probably fix that up for you if you’d like…”

Cas’ smell of fear was turning rapidly to panic, as Dean thought he could hear a loop going through his mind of _I already healed that, I healed that already…_

“No, no,” Cas stuttered. “It’s fine, really…”

Sam only blinked. “Really, it’s no problem.” Then he sliced a claw at the side of his thumbs, closed his eyes over for a moment and pressed his bleeding hand over Cas’ leg.

 _It’s all over now,_ Dean heard Cas think as the pain in his leg _finally_ subsided, and for a moment the knowledge of that was enough to allow Dean to ignore Cas’ distress as he looked at his brother and laughed aloud.

“Fucking Fenrir, Sam, what by Hel was that?”

Sam shrugged at him, a little bashfully. “Like I said, uh, really long story there. And I figured you might prefer a mate that didn’t have to be in constant pain.”

Dean blanched. “Mate, no, that’s-”

But his not-mate was already putting weight down on the leg he still didn’t seem happy about having the use of back and was scrambling away from them, frantically muttering something under his breath as he went.

“Dean, I didn’t mean to…” Sam started, as Adam looked at him with heightened mistrust, but Dean cut him off.

“Doesn’t matter. I think I know what this is about. And, uh, thanks, Sam.”

Feeling bolstered by at least _one_ of his little brothers smiling at him, Dean stood up and walked away after Cas, who seemed to be heading for the tree line. And the closer he got to the alpha the more pain and fear he could feel spilling from Cas’ mind.

“Hey,” Dean said, his tone softer now that they were further from the camp. “You alright?” But the alpha made no indication that he’d heard him. So without much thought, Dean moved up behind him, wrapping his arms around Cas, and allowed himself to feel pleased, even flattered at the way Cas relaxed instantly at the scent of him there.

“Dean,” he said calmly, even as Dean could hear his mind continue to scream and sob like the whole world was ending.

“Look, if this is about what I said before…” Dean swallowed and rested his chin in the crook of Cas’ collarbone. “Well, I was being a jerk before. Things have changed since then. You can walk, but that doesn’t mean that we want you out.” Dean cleared his throat. “Fact, I… I, uh… I was starting to talk to people about getting you a ceremony and, y’know, induct you in properly. We… I don’t wanna lose you yet, Cas. Don’t make me have to do that. And that’s not me promising anything like the world yet, but… this hasn’t been about you sticking with us just so you could heal for a long time, Cas, and I know you get that.”

Dean chuckled slightly as he turned the alpha so that he could look at him. “’Sides. No Sam’s lot are here everything’s turning into a mess already. What’s one more weirdness?”

Cas almost smiled, but Dean could tell he still didn’t quite believe him. His eyes still seemed distant and his mind almost numb as he looked back. No, Dean corrected himself uneasily, it wasn’t that Cas wasn’t in his own head, it was that something else was making its way in there too and wrapping its tendrils round his consciousness…

Taking him away from Dean?

*


	35. Integration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And then as Cas felt himself stand up on that new strong leg, a triumph that didn’t belong to him surged through him like wildfire.

Jo paused to clear her throat, announcing herself, as she entered the Alpha Mother’s room. “Hey,” she said quietly, “Alright if I come in?”

Mary smiled back at her as she shuffled closer to the small boy she had settled in her bed, and if the smile didn’t quite reach her eyes it was still a friendly expression. “It’s alright me, certainly. Adam?”

The boy’s eyes widened slightly as he looked Jo over before he shrugged noncommittally. “I guess,” he said. “Who’re you?”

Jo had never been sure about how to act around children, so she settled with keeping her smile bright as she walked a little closer to the bed. “My name’s Jo,” she told him, “I’m a friend of your brothers’.”

“Mom never told me about no brothers.”

“She might not have known about them, Adam,” Mary said gently. She was trying her best to keep calm, Jo was sure, because not staying calm would only make her scent that much less comforting.

“But my Dad knew.”

“Yes,” Mary said, her eyes flicking briefly to Jo. “Would you… do you want me to tell you about him?”

“It’s ok. I know a bit. I met him a few times.”

Mary’s scent barely changed, but her throat sounded dryer as she nodded saying “of course.”

“Mary?”

“Yes, hon’?”

“D’you mind if I just go to sleep now? I’m kinda tired.”

“Of course.” Mary’s smile was looking a little pained, but Jo politely pretended not to notice that as they watched the small boy turn over and fall almost immediately asleep. Long day for a small pup. Or, half-pup. Huh.

“What is it, Jo?”

“They’re starting up the Pack Meet now – I wasn’t sure if you’d want to be there.”

The older omega shook her head. “I don’t think so. The last thing I want is for this one to have to wake up alone.”

“Why do you care so much?

Jo jumped at the voice coming from behind her that she hadn’t noticed the owner of opening the cabin door. “He’s dead and look at you, still cleaning up his messes,” Linda said, her voice sounding more academically curious than sarcastic.

Mary sighed heavily and Jo made an attempt to sink into the wall. It had been fun to hear all those stories about Mary’s youth, but now Jo felt like she’d do anything to take the awareness she had of the two women’s history back. The smell of the tension of the room was almost suffocating.

“It’s about doing what’s right, Linda. Adam’s just a boy, and he needs a home.”

“Then let me give him one.”

Jo fought down the urge to whistle and kept her eyes fixed on the back wall. There was a picture hanging there she thought she recognised as Sam’s style from when he’d been a pup – everyone seemed to be made out of sausages.

“Thank you, but he should-”

“Stay with a woman who has no reason to force herself to love him?” Linda’s words were cutting, but it didn’t seem like there was anything malicious showing on her face.

“Well, technically, I am his stepmother,” Mary said with a tight smile, which softened as she glanced down at the boy again. “He deserves to have a family around him.”

“ _Family_?” Linda’s eyebrows raised so far up her forehead they’d disappeared from sight behind her hairline. “Your _True Mate_ was his family, or should have been. But now apparently you’re still so slavishly devoted to him that you can’t even-”

“You think this doesn’t hurt me, Lin?” Jo had never heard Mary’s voice turn so menacing. “Doesn’t hurt me to know that while I was alone, grieving for Sam and afraid of what John might do if I looked twice at anyone, that he was out finding his fun in a human woman? That after he _banished_ one of our sons he deemed him somehow _replaceable?_ Because Adam was born just after Sam left – after _I_ left. You really think this is something I wanted, that I’m doing this for _him_?”

Linda looked down at the floor, and her voice was more gentle when she spoke again. “Mary-”

“No,” Mary snapped. “If you’re staying here I don’t want you saying anything else.”

Linda nodded, a slight smile on her lips, and sat down on the chair across from Mary, hands clasped lightly in her lap.

“I’ll – uh, just… the Meet,” Jo explained, garbling her words completely as she fled the room, but she caught Mary winking at her for it.

*

 _Go to sleep, go to sleep,_ Cas thought to himself endlessly as he curled up childishly in the bed that should no longer be his anymore how that he could walk. Not now that Sam had healed him, healed him just like the future version of Sam had told him he would… The future version of Sam, dying alone in his brother’s cabin at the end of the world with a dead family, and knowing Dean, in some form, was still out there…

_“Am I hearing a chorus of yes-es there cuz?”_

The medical bay was _bleeding back into the now familiar dream of Gabriel sitting on his rock in the forest._

_Cas clenched his fists tight as he heaved in a breath to answer. “No one’s getting hurt?”_

_Gabriel nodded firmly, his image emerging into sharper focus. “No one who won’t need to.”_

_“But that… that-”_

_“The future I showed you won’t come to pass if we stop it happening, now will it Cassie?”_

_Grimly clenching his jaw because something about this still felt glaringly_ wrong _, Cas shook his cousin’s outstretched hand._

_“What… what happens now?”_

_Gabe’s eyes seemed to gleam as he continued to keep his grip on Cas’ hand._

_“Just try and keep calm, Cas, and this’ll all be over before y’know it.” His expression changed for a moment as something close to regret flashed over his features. “If it helps – I’m sorry it had to be you, Castiel, I really am.” Then he grinned again. “Remember – keep calm.”_

_And then Cas did feel exactly that, only that – calm. Because Gabriel knew exactly what he was doing and now_ he was awake to do it.

“ _Yes,_ ” Cas heard his voice say with his mouth. “Told you y’couldn’t keep me out forever, Sammy…”

And then as Cas felt himself stand up on that new strong leg, a triumph that didn’t belong to him surged through him like wildfire.

*

Benny had always hated Pack Meets. On a good day, they were dull, and people would keep trying to force hot beverages under his nose. On a bad one, _Politics_ would start happening in a bad way, and he’d end up going home with a throat raw from shouting, a mate in need of appeasing, and an itch to run off and tear something’s throat out.

This particular Meet they were leaving the discussion over Cole to the end, and though Benny was currently relieved by that, he could see the way waiting for it was eating Jo up. It might have been easier on her if she’d had Mary there at her back. But Benny doubted it. Cole had been popular. And even if no one took his Dad seriously, some of them were still responding to his raw grief with hardened attitudes. At the very least, they could all agree on their fear of Abaddon, and would want to send out a search party, as much to ascertain how much of a threat she still was as searching for Cole. Though of course, with two packs currently united, the fear of an attack from only one had become suddenly less of an issue.

Though the humans, they certainly still kept that fear in mind. The humans whose new attitudes meant they now had another kid to look after.

It wasn’t just Adam’s half-breed nature (which certainly made enough of a stir on its own, with Frank wanting to see him tested, Mark Campbell only half joking about killing him before they saw how terrible he looked if he Changed, and Ellen, who was still in a bad mood, snarled them all down as monsters) it was John too, or rather people’s memories of him that was a problem for the Pack.

It wasn’t like they expected their Alpha to be perfect all the time, but… well. They did.

Even Benny found himself frequently surprised whenever he saw Dean tired, or tripping over a bad comeback, or doing anything else that made him seem too much like a _real person_. It was bizarre. Benny _knew_ that Dean was still the same guy he’d grown up with, but something else in him… didn’t. Which, Benny thought bitterly, was probably why so many of them still had an issue with him being an omega. Omegas weren’t supposed to be anyone’s _betters_.

And Benny had a feeling they’d get themselves back into that issue, if Christian’s sly, _infuriating_ little digs were anything to go by. Curiously, no one had talked much about Sam’s return, and the pack he’d brought back with him yet, although unofficially Benny knew they had a whole lot to say. Andrea had even mentioned it on their way over together. Sam was the one who really _should_ have been the Alpha all along, as she’d pointed out. And the way she’d said it there didn’t even feel like a way to get mad at her over it. It was the way the world was supposed to work after all, and apparently he had magic.

They’d never depended much on magic in their pack. But then they were large, had few enemies, and the little they did have was kept jealously secret by Crowley, and before him, his mother. Magic that had now been used to bring one more healthy alpha back into the race, whether the alpha in question wanted to be running in it or not.

“Look,” Bela was saying, “I was all for Dean letting his toyboy or whatever stick around when he couldn’t even walk. But now he’s a big scary alpha again, and don’t we at least need to, I don’t know, get to know him even slightly before we go making him Pack?”

“He seems like a good guy so far,” Donna said stoutly.

Victor shrugged. “Sure. A little quiet, a little messed up, but if you believe he really was out there in the one form as long as he claims, really not as much as he coulda been by now.”

“Dean trusts him,” Benny put inp>

Bela rolled her eyes. “Well he would, wouldn’t he?”

Benny tried not to be annoyed. He knew that Bela had problems with alphas – she hadn’t come from their pack originally, and had what Charlie referred to as a Past. But –

“Dean wouldn’t ever let anybody get in the way of him running this pack responsibly.”

“Oh, he sure wouldn’t. Bit of an incurable straight arrow there.”

For a moment Benny didn’t recognise the voice. Because it was familiar but that tone was _wrong_ …

“Castiel, buddy, this one’s really Pack only. Says it there in the name for you.”

Castiel waved his hands up in something between a gesture of surrender and a wave, which seemed almost nauseatingly out of character or him. Was he high on something? Maybe they should have given Sam’s group of strays more of a check over before giving them full camp access…

“Oh, you just keep on with your little meeting thing. Wouldn’t dream of getting in the way with that.” Then the alpha started skipping, _actually skipping_ away from them, the Pack watching him, torn between horror and amusement as Castiel stopped abruptly and stretched both of his legs up towards his face, one at a time. Thinking about it, it was the first time Benny had heard the other man laugh, and it didn’t sound like one which belonged to him.

“Anyone ever notice how freakishly long these legs are? Man…” Then the alpha waved once more and finally walked off in the direction of Sam’s new pack area. Maybe it _was_ a drug thing.

There was a long silence, uniting all political factions in its shared bemusement.

Then someone giggled.

“Well, uh, I don’t think we need to worry much about _him_ as an alpha in the running now…”

Benny turned to Bobby. “Bobby, when you started walking again, you didn’t, uh…”

“Have an entire fucking personality rehaul? Nope.”

“Right. Just him then.” Benny frowned. “Maybe… that, that was something to do with Sam’s magic then? Like a bad side-effect?”

Benny heard Crowley snort down at his elbow. The beta seemed his usual sarcastic self, but his scent smelt… terrified. “If you’re thinking that was something our homegrown moose managed then your complete deafness to magic is a lot worse than I’d thought it was.”

“What d’you mean? “Benny’s eyes narrowed. “This… you’re saying that had something to do with the Chaos magic?”

Crowley gave a laugh that probably wasn’t meant to sound so hysterical as it did. _“Something to do_ with Chaos magic? Boys that _was_ the Chaos magic that just walked through here.”

Crowley drew a breath in and bit down on his lip thoughtfully as Benny and Bobby looked at each other, trying to see if the other understood any better. “And our alpha stray’s been meddling above his paygrade. Above _everyone’s_ paygrade…” At that the magic-user seemed to snap himself out of his terror-fuelled reverie and narrowed his eyes up at Benny. “So consider that a warning and don’t go blaming me when the things start going tits up around here, ok?”

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear I'm actually getting to answering all the big questions over the next few chapters! I have most of it written, it's just getting it typed up now... Thanks so much again to everyone commenting on this, can't even say how much it helps :)


	36. Dual Nature

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At least Dean would have the chance to be safe.

“It looks different in here, now,” Sam said quietly as he looked around what had once been their father’s study. “I mean the only time I was in here before was when…”

“When he was telling us off right? Yeah, even when he started using me more as a Beta I still felt weird coming in here.”

Sam watched as Dean finished rummaging around in the drawers of the desk, presumably having found what he’d been looking for. “Ah,” he said with a smirk, “Knew I had some left somewhere.” Then he pulled out two large cloudy-glassed bottles and offered one out to Sam. “Can’t actually remember what in here, but it’ll be strong.

Sam raised an eyebrow at him, fighting heavy nostalgia as he was faced for the first time in years with that unmistakeable _Dean_ challenge to get him following after him to jump bigger heights, explore a little further, eating the food from the last year’s stores… Sam took the drink and almost immediately choked. “You… you weren’t lying about the strength.”

Dean flashed a grin at him as he pulled over the desk chair next to the bed Sam was sitting on, and sat down with his legs leaning up on the bed. Dean’s bed? “Something Dad was hoarding in here, so yeah, not healthy. But it will keep the hairs on ya.”

Sam smiled and took another, more careful, drink. “Haven’t really drank in years,” he admitted. “There isn’t much available naturally that far north, and the humans aren’t close.” And, Sam finished in his own head, getting too distracted, even for a moment, could be lethal. His shields needed constant strengthening. But, he reminded himself, he hadn’t felt much threat towards them in days. Maybe movement had Him confused, for now.

So Sam took another drink from the bottle.

“Doesn’t look like you’ve been eating much either,” Dean said, now giving Sam the same critical eye their mother had already upon seeing him.

Sam shrugged, and shuffled back on the bed to lean back against the wall. “It’s uh, it’s partly…”

“Working yourself dry? Making sure the others have food?” Dean crossed his arms. “The magic?”

Sam tried to smile, but it was so hard. The instinct to run to his older brother for help, for advice, was so deeply ingrained that fighting it was _difficult._ But neither of them were pups anymore, and telling Dean would only worry him. There would be nothing the other Alpha could do to help. Besides, what did Sam really _know_? Know for certain?

Not nearly as much as he’d like to, that was for sure.

“Still can’t believe that yet,” Dean added with a snort. “But hey, if anyone was gonna work out how to start using magic it was always going to be you. Always were the smart one.”

“I mean I had a lot of help there, but I think… I think it’s in our blood, more than most, Dean. You could probably do everything I’m able to with some work – so hey, you ever want to learn, just, y’know, shout.”

Dean looked a little uncomfortable about that, so Sam quickly sought to change the subject. He’d been _dreaming_ about getting to see his brother again for too long and the idea of messing that up with poor conversation skills was terrifying. “But hey, you went way more, uh, _historic_ than me.”

“What d’you mean?”

“Dean, _come on_ ,” Sam couldn’t help it. The part of him that had grown up reading every history annul the Pack had available was coming out now and gesturing wildly. “First omega Alpha that I’ve ever heard of at least. Hel, Jesse said it best – that’s _awesome_ , Dean.”

Dean snorted and looked down, but Sam noticed that he’s relaxed a little more now. Could he really have thought that Sam _wouldn’t_ have been proud of him?

Sam worried about that.

“Yeah, well, that’s me. Awesome.”

San shook his head with a grin. “Seriously though. I find it hard keeping respect in my Pack, but they didn’t grow up watching me learning to walk.” Sam’s grin widened. “Dude, like… how do you even tell someone like Ellen what to do?”

“ _Ellen_ , are you kidding me? I do not give _her_ orders. Pretty sure half the reason I’m still here is because she’s allowing it.” Dean tilted his head to one side. “That what keeping the magic’s about, respect?”

Sam nodded, with a sigh. It wasn’t exactly a lie. He could hardly imagine Azazel’s old Pack allowing anyone else other than someone magically strong as Alpha after their last leader. “I don’t see them accepting me without it,” he said honestly.

Dean shook his head. “Can’t even guess what Dad would’ve thought of all this,” he said as he gulped down more of his drink again. “All _three_ of his kids together. The half-breed, the omega freak and the witch.” Dean smirked, his eyes remaining thoughtful. “Funny how things end up.”

“You can say that again.”

“But hey, at least you probably ended up where he’d have wanted you to be.”

Sam frowned.

“Well, the Alpha thing, but Hel, that Mate of yours too,” Dean explained as he took another drink. “Like seriously dude, how’d you get that lucky?”

Sam shook his head, smiling, despite remembering how little it had felt that way at the time. “I have no idea. So, uh, this Cas guy, he ok?”

Dean groaned. “I don’t need you joining the fucking betting pool too, Sammy…”

“I meant about his freak-out over the leg thing.”

“Oh. Right. Yeah, yeah I think he’s uh… fine…”

“Betting pool, huh?”

“Shut up.”

Before Sam was able to get over his relief that they seemed to be past the small talk with each other finally to say anything else, someone outside thumped what sounded like most of their weight against their door.

“Come-” Dean started, but the door had already burst open.

“Ruby, what’s wrong?” Sam asked immediately, standing to talk to the frantic-looking beta.

“It’s Jess,” she managed, and Sam was on his feet immediately.

“Is it the baby, Ruby-”

“It’s not the baby.” Then she gave him a look, and Sam felt his throat drop down to his stomach because he just _knew._ That somehow he’d been stupid, that he’d let the defences down somewhere, that there’d been something else he should’ve thought of…

“You’ve gotta get over there now,” she was saying as Sam stalked towards the door. “The door’s been locked – I couldn’t even get it open with the magic, and I could hear snarls – Sam, I think there’s a fight going on in there.”

“A _fight_?” Dean asked, incredulous. “Against an Alpha’s pregnant Mate?”

But Sam was already out the door and running. No time to Change, but just maybe, if he was quick enough, time enough to save his family from what his stupidity had to have brought down on them…

*

It was the strangest thing. Cas could feel his body moving, feel it talking - he could still _think_ there inside it, but it was like that part of him thinking had been buried down too deep to even get involved in where his eyes were looking. Not that Cas was trying much anymore. Gabriel was going where he would and Cas was helpless to stop that.

Besides. He had known this wouldn’t be good – that as something Gabriel didn’t trust him to do alone it wouldn’t even be something Cas would want to _see_ , and he’d largely accepted Gabriel’s nudges to try to stop him paying any attention to what they were doing. This might feel wrong now, but Cas was more certain that Gabriel wasn’t lying when he said it had the power to save them all. And if all anyone remembered of him later was this, at least he wouldn’t be a lonely coward left drowning his regrets.

At least Dean would have the chance to be safe.

The dog was here, he knew that Gabriel was pleased about that, but Cas wasn’t yet sure what that meant. All he could force himself to keep aware of was the female wolf putting up such a valiant fight against them. But even the hits the blonde wolf had tried to land on him was something Cas was only dimly aware of – he could feel the pain, but it was more that he was _aware_ of it – it felt like something that was happening to someone else, even considering the ferocity the omega was coming at him with.

But Cas, at Gabe’s puppeteering, was also fighting hard. And unlike the omega, (Jess, Cas remembered forcefully, her name was Jess) he had the use of magic, and didn’t need to Change to fight. In fact, Gabe was still able to take the wolf’s attacks and laugh. When Cas hit at her this time, he did so with a magic he didn’t understand which sent her slumping to the floor.

Sam would hate him for this. _Dean_ would hate him… But at least they’d be alive to do that.

Gabe breathed out a heavy sigh with Cas’ lungs as he regarded the unconscious body of the pregnant Wolf. _Only knocked out,_ Cas could hear Gabe reminding himself, but it didn’t help. He’d been a lot of things, Cas understood in a vague sense, but he’d never really been cruel because he’d always been the underdog – his actions could always remain a joke, a trick, when the people he was inflicting them on should have had the sense to recognise and stop them. It had felt that way this time – he was trying to out-manoeuvre Sam Winchester. Except now that he had… Well.

The one good thing he was trying to do with his life would really turn him into the Bad Guy. Figured.

Stepping over the wolf on the floor, Gabriel walked towards the door she’d barricaded the child behind. The mutt. Cas could smell its fear as he heard his own voice assure the boy that, “It’s alright, Jesse. The fighting’s stopped. Nothing to be afraid of now.” It sounded so decidedly un-comforting that Cas wasn’t surprised when there was no answering noise.

_Do you have any idea about how to talk to children?_ Cas thought scathingly at his cousin, at whatever it was possessing his mind and body, but Gabriel ignored him, and took a step towards the door, listening gravely to the raging of the storm outside.

_If the pup knew what it was doing we’d be dead already,_ Gabriel thought at Cas as they made an effort to step forward but their feet felt heavy, almost as though the room’s gravity had temporarily increased. It was the first time Gabriel had acknowledged Cas’ presence there with him, which felt good, it made Cas feel less like he was losing his mind. As they took another heavy step down, Cas felt his lips contort into a snarl. “Can’t hold me like this forever, buddy.”

Sure enough, with some more effort, Cas was able to continue making those laboured steps forwards, but as they were reaching the door the child was hiding behind, Cas heard the front door behind them fly open. Already Cas could tell from the scent that Sam Winchester was standing behind him.

Feeling desperation bouncing off Gabriel’s thoughts into his own, Cas registered Gabriel’s panic as they picked up the table next to them, which felt strangely light, and threw it at the bathroom door, snapping it open to reveal a small boy’s terrified face. _The face of the mutt that could doom us all,_ Gabriel reminded him, as though anything Cas was feeling was currently relevant.

Sam hurled a knife at their back, but Cas, somehow, was able to sense that just before Gabriel parried it away with only a thought. The Alpha continued to roar at them, but Gabriel wasn’t letting Cas listen to that – because they were _so close_ now, so close to finally ending it…

But Cas heard the next voice entering the room very clearly.

“Sam, what the – _Cas_? What by fucking Hel is -”

Dean. That was Dean’s voice, Dean’s scent.

_Focus. We need to focus._

“Stay back, Dean – it’s not him!”

Cas’ right foot moved forward again, as Gabriel spoke again with his mouth: “Your mate’s a cute fighter, Sammy. And I promise I didn’t hurt her. Much. I mean, would I do that?”

“ _Yes_ ,” Sam growled as he moved towards them, with much less difficulty than Gabriel was still suffering.  Concentrating hard now, Gabriel waved Cas’ hand as something in their mind seemed to _click_ , and the Alpha went flying across the room, his head thudding against the wall. Then Cas’ head turned to look around at Dean, who was taking in the room in horror.

“Cas. This… this ain’t you.”

Cas felt his head tilt to one side as he almost managed to cry out at the thought of how he’d felt meeting the Dean-of-the-future, the Dean that hadn’t been Dean. And he prayed to any dead gods that might be listening that this flipped experience was hurting Dean less than it had Cas.

*

“This ain’t you,” Dean repeated, fighting his instincts to Change and attack this clear threat to his family, along with his newer impulse to vomit in disgust at what he was feeling. Or rather, what he wasn’t feeling. Because he could see and smell Cas right there in front of him, and though superficially nothing seemed to be any different, when he reached out his mind to feel for him, there was… nothing. There was nothing. Cas’ mind was as blank to him as a stranger’s might be, and up until now, standing in front of this pretender who wouldn’t quit grinning, Dean hadn’t realised how repellent that could be to him. Somewhere along the line being completely alone in his own mind again had become a terrifying thought.

“One more step and I’ll send you flying across the room like I just did to your brother.”

Nothing about the expression was Cas, Dean thought again. None of it was Cas.

But then what was it in there?

Dean shook his head slowly as he desperately searched those blue eyes for a sign of something he could recognise, and trying to think how he could come between not-Cas and the boy he threatened. The boy who was currently curled up and looking like he was trying not to shit himself from fear. If that was the case, Dean couldn’t exactly blame him.

“I don’t think you can,” Dean said quietly. “Cas ain’t gonna let you hurt me.”

The thing wearing Cas’ face smiled wearily and rolled Cas’ eyes. “Oh, sweetheart, Cas really ain’t in the driving seat right now.”

Dean had now managed to position himself between the not-Cas and Jesse and for a moment Dean felt like he could hear Cas crying out for him to move. But that might have been wishful thinking.

“Now stand to the side, and maybe I won’t end up hurting you or your Mate. You ain’t on my list of things to do today.”

“Oh yeah, and what is, child murder?” He was killing time now, but surely, _surely_ , Ruby had managed to raise the alarm already…

“I’d say execution for the Greater Good and carry on with that well-worn schtick, but, pot _ay_ to, pot _ah_ to, right? Now step aside, kid.”

“Not a kid.”

It seemed almost as though there were fires, real fires, burning in Castiel’s eyes now. Dean could still make out that wonderful blue but they shone… differently, and Dean could believe for a moment that whatever it was causing that was old enough, _ancient_ enough, even, to call him ‘kid’…

“ _Right._ You’re a big strong Alpha now.” The creature clicked Cas’ fingers together. “Got it…” Then Dean felt himself flying back against the smashed door as he listened to the new storm continue to rage suddenly and violently outside.

Well. There went that gamble.

Except… Dean was still conscious, wasn’t he? The thing wearing Cas like a cheap suit might’ve hit him down, but he hadn’t knocked him out. Though that could easily have been an accident, Dean thought it had to mean that Cas was still in there fighting.

Grinning with his somehow burst lip, Dean surged forwards to intercept Cas as he went towards the kid now balled up on the floor.

“Gonna have to go through me first,” Dean stated, not even bothering to try and stand up. He had a feeling he’d be back down again pretty soon.

“Y’know, I’m ok with that,” the alpha said with a tight smile and Dean felt a hard _smack_ across his face that made him start seeing stars. But not blackness – not yet.

“C’mon, that all you got?” Dean asked, wrestling with both his omega and Alpha instincts to do whatever it would take to protect the child in his care. Because this was Cas and he needed Dean too, and knowing that was overriding every other instinct Dead had. So Dean let his arms continue to hang loosely at his sides as he straightened his neck to take another blow.

“Cas? You hear me in there? I know you ain’t letting it hurt me, Cas. That’s good.”

“This plan-” The creature said though gritted teeth as it hit out at Dean again, which sent blood spraying as it caught Dean’s nose badly this time, “- was not supposed to backfire like this.”

Dean could smell anger, he could smell confusion – but since he knew his senses were lying to him he tried to focus on the only part he thought might still belong to his Cas.

“Cas? I meant what I said, earlier, about you staying.” Dean was swaying now, but as Cas’ fist curled round his collar Dean could have sworn that the fist being held up in front of him was wavering. “But I mean it _more_ , Cas. I don’t want you leaving again.”

When the blow came this time it was weak, and Dean could almost imagine he could hear his name being called out from within his Mate’s captive mind.

“I need you, Cas. And I need you _not_ to do this. This ain’t you, Cas, I _know_ this ain’t you.”

This time Cas’ fingers clung onto Dean’s collar with both hands gripping tight.

“This is it. The one way out,” Cas’ voice said, a desperation tinging its deadpan delivery that made it sound as though it was trying to convince Dean, or Cas, or itself – Dean wasn’t sure.

“Whatever it is we’ll find another one,” Dean found himself slowly saying as he raised his shaking hand up to Cas’ face and held it there. “Don’t do this,” he pleaded, voice hoarse.

Dean wasn’t sure whether Cas was going to hit him again or hold him when he saw the hand again moving towards his face, so he closed his eyes, feeling a little disgusted with himself at how easily he’d given up on himself, on Jesse. But what he opened his eyes again, there was only a soft pressure of a hand gently cupping his cheek, but eyes staring at him that looked _furious._

_He’s too strong for me, Dean_ , Dean heard. Cas – the familiar mind touching his own was faint but there. _I’m sorry. Please run. Get out –_

_I’m not going anywhere,_ Dean thought fiercely. _And we’re stronger._

_Dean –_

_We’re stronger we’re stronger we’re stronger. I love you, Cas don’t leave me._

It was only a fleeting thought, nothing like saying the words out loud, but Dean knew Cas had heard them.

“Dean,” Cas’ throat choked out aloud, but the grip on Dean’s jacket still remained. Carefully, Dean closed his hands over Cas’.

_Get the fuck out of my Mate’s head._

Cas’ mouth contorted into one last snarl as he glared at the child behind Dean. “Castiel, you know what will happen, you _know._ That kid doesn’t bite it and we’re all dead.”

“Cas, I don’t know about you, but I ain’t planning on dying anytime soon,” Dean managed weakly. “So don’t you listen to him.”

There was a barely perceptible nod from Cas as Dean felt this crushing _pressure_ at the edge of his mind, felt the alpha’s fingers dig deeper into his clothes… but then suddenly the rest of Cas’ mind came flooding back and as his mate fell down to the floor, Dean wanted to sob with him from the weight of those indistinct thoughts. So he wrapped his arms around Cas until his breathing steadied and tried carrying at least some of that weight.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise to get into answering questions about Gabriel and Jesse etc for real next time! But for now I'm leaving you with Jenna still not being over the crypt scene of like, three years ago.
> 
>  
> 
> ...Also can we just talk about this incredible fanart by wingofcastiel? I'm a lot in love.
> 
> Go follow her, she's adorable and may in fact be a wonderful fey creature of rainbows, who knows. Ask her?  
> <http://wingofcastiel.tumblr.com/post/136936783287/fanart-for-the-fic-the-acting-alpha-wolf-by>
> 
> (also shhh linking things is hard when the coffee fuel in your body has run out)


	37. What's in a Name

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this has taken so long to get up, real life is becoming more inconveniently hectic (Dissertation MAY be due two months earlier than previously assumed...) and updates may continue being a little sporadic... but I promise not to intentionally leave anyone hanging too long on this one?

“Came to give the guards some mighty fuel,” Charlie announced, walking up to Jo and Victor with a plate of sandwiches in hand.

“And we thank you for your gracious offerings, your highness,” Jo said with a dry smile, without bothering to stand, and the other omega gave a small bow in response.

“How’s he been?” Charlie asked to a shrug from Victor as he continued to lean lazily against the wall of the building containing the Pack’s only cell-room. They’d been empty for Dean’s entire term as Alpha – apart from a brief two weeks with an experiment into chicken farming.

“Quiet,” Victor said, “Benny’s first theory’s looking pretty solid right now. Looks like he’s having the worst hangover of his life, and his eyes ain’t focusing properly.”

“Bobby was saying that Crowley-”

“Since when do we trust anything Crowley says?” Jo asked sharply, to sheepishness from Charlie.

“I know, I know, but Benny said he was getting really freaked out last night – kept on muttering about gods and chaos magic.”

“They said he was,” Victor agreed with a nod, “Using magic. But we haven’t seen anything like that since. He seems almost _grateful_ to be in there, y’know? Not quite right.”

“What was he even trying to _do_? He didn’t seem all that interested in killing any of us when he saw us at the Meet…”

“He was trying to kill the kid – Jesse,” Jo said quietly. “Dean told me.”

Dean had also told her, in confidence, and with eyes that had looked so horror-struck that Jo wouldn’t dream of breaking that by saying anything… But she couldn’t help but wonder what had really happened in there, before Dean had practically _carried_ Castiel into that cell, with a tenderness that had switched so rapidly to rage the moment he’d left the alpha there to check on Sam and Jess. Though Jess was still sitting with Pam to make certain that no harm had come to her pup, she seemed fine.

No, as Dean had said, the target of the bizarre attack had clearly been the pup they’d already raised together. The boy whose real father had been known as ‘the Yellow Eyed Demon’. The boy who Jo had never actually seen change…

Though Jo was sure she’d been overthinking it, she’d told Dean about that, and had seen something harden in his eyes as she said it, even as she struggled to impress on him that she had no proof of the kid being anything other than as regular as a real blood nephew might have been to him… But that pup just didn’t smell right. And Sam _was_ hiding something, something he was afraid of – Ruby had let that much slip.

Ruby, who, despite her promises, hadn’t come by to see Jo once that day.

“It’s sick,” Victor said with a shake of his head. “Killing a pup… I bet not even Abaddon…” He glanced quickly at Jo. “Uh…”

“Seemed pretty damn cold to me,” Jo said, without prompting. “I wouldn’t exactly put it past her.”

“Did you really kill her, Jo?” Charlie asked, eyes wide.

“I hope so.”

Before either of her friends could find something to say to that, Jo stood a little taller as she watched their Alpha walk up towards them. He didn’t need to say anything – Jo had never seen his face look quite like that before, with that overpowering scent of anger… Her Alpha’s rage, rallying her into some kind of battle mode…

Jo and Victor both stood aside immediately, and as Dean passed them and stalked inside the jail, Jo lowered her eyes in deference to her oldest friend and found herself mumbling out an, “Alpha”.

*

By the time Dean came to visit him Cas was almost certain that he was alone in his own mind. Almost certain at least.

Without any ceremony to it, Dean put his key in the lock to the cell door and walked in, causing Cas to shuffle his paws back.

 _Please, no closer,_ Cas begged in his mind.

Ignoring him, the omega continued to walk forwards before folding his arms and staring down. “If you’re so frightened you’re gonna hurt me then why don’t you change?”

Cas sat down and shook his head. No. Things were simpler as a wolf – he felt as though he’d be easier to defend against any new assault on his mind from Gabriel, or whatever had really taken control of him – who’d had him almost –

Because the Gabriel Cas had known, had grown up with, had been unable to use magic. He was, as he’d put it once, as ‘Psychically in touch as a wooden spoon’. But then maybe that had all been an act for an unknowable purpose… Or maybe this was all some sort of cruel joke to a chaos beast to confuse and upset them…

Dean sighed heavily before taking a seat on the floor across from him. “Cas, buddy, I need you to talk to me. We need to know what the fuck went on back there. Hel, Sam’s still being pretty reasonable about the whole… whatever, but his mate totally wants your head. I mean like…” Dean breathed out slowly, eyes widening comically.

“I need you to say something before people start wanting to turn on you like some kind of fucking lynch mob-”

 _It should_.

Dean’s face clenched up in rage. “Don’t you _dare_ turn into such a coward on me – you don’t just get to go saying things like that!” The Alpha bit down hard on his lip, apparently worried it might betray him. “You don’t get to check out on me – not now.”

Cas looked down at his paws, thinking sheepishly of changing back. He was making his omega – his Alpha – upset…

Whining to let Dean know that he wanted privacy to Change, Cas shifted onto his paws. Then he shifted his body shape… and lay there shivering on the floor in his furless form. When Dean turned to look down at him, Cas noted a slight smile growing there. “Right,” he said. “So, talk to me, Cas.”

 _You should talk too,_ Cas wanted to say. Dean had told him back there in the middle of all the… mess, he’d told Cas that he loved him… hadn’t he? Or had Cas only wishfully dreamed that part?

“It was Gabriel,” was all he said in his hoarse voice, feeling that any apology would be extraneous, now. “Or at least I think it was.”

*

Dean found his brother (his _real_ brother) still by his mate’s side. Jess was sitting up now in her bed, now that presumably Sam had gotten round to healing her… The healing, the magic, that was making Dean decidedly uncomfortable now that it selfishly wasn’t about benefitting him directly.

“Dean,” Sam said, standing up as he watched Dean walk in, glancing at his Beta standing to the side with a clear warning for him to stand down written on his face. Dean decided not to take any offence from that. They were all on edge – stuff was going on that no one knew how to explain, and the people they were supposed to be sheltering from had apparently just tried to kill their Alpha.

“How you holding up, Jess?” Dean asked gruffly, and the other omega gave him a nod and a tight smile in response.

“Could be worse.”

Dean snorted. He figured he’d like this girl if he ever got half a second to talk to her.

“I talked to Cas,” Dean continued, as he turned to look at Sam, who nodded cautiously.

“He’s… talking, then?”

“Yeah. And no way that was him back there – but I know you know that. Hel, he shouldn’t be in there. He just needs some serious help getting over this.”

“But he did choose that, Dean, at least to some extent,” Sam cut in. “I don’t like it, but… there’s only one kind of old, very weird blood magic that could have allowed for something like that, and it would have needed Cas’ consent – and it would have needed to have been someone that was family to him doing this,” Sam finished, making a face, as though imagining the attempted murderer of his family having any blood relations was somehow nauseating.”

“Right. His cousin – Gabriel. Cas told me.”

“ _Gabriel_?” Sam asked, his nose wrinkling sceptically. “But-” Then he caught Dean’s eye, and Dean clung on to that panicked look in his brother’s eye like a dog that had just got hold of a very juicy bone.

“But what, Sammy? You already knew what was in there? So share, the floor’s yours.”

Sam looked back at him, hazel eyes seeming glinted with gold. “I didn’t know anything, Dean. Only that it wasn’t the Alpha I’d met, and that it was powerful.”

 _Liar,_ Dean thought viciously, rage curling in him as he thought of Sam as a kid Jesse’s age, honest to a fault. As he thought of his Mate lying with his arms curled around his knees, his mind aching with guilt at the thought of what his body had almost been forced into doing…

“Well, forgive me for thinking you’re holding out on me here.”

“Dean-”

“I get it,” Dean snapped. “We’ve all got our own Pack secrets. And I mean yours is kinda more messed up than most… But I need you to trust me. And I need you to _help_ me. That’s my Mate we’re holding in that cell, for something we know he didn’t do,” Dean continued, voice raising as he felt panic bubble in it at the thought that he’d never said the whole ‘Mates’ thing aloud before now… “So I need you to help me prove that. And whatever this thing is we can kick it in the ass.”

Sam looked appalled, even as his mouth tightened. “Dean, it’s not that I don’t trust you,” he said, voice low. “But there’s nothing I haven’t told you that you can do anything about.”

“So tell me anyway!” Dean growled as he closed the gap between them and glared up at his brother. “That thing got my Mate and it _knew_ you.”

“Your Mate just tried to kill my pup,” Jess said before Sam could answer, sitting up in bed – much to Pam’s distress. “It’s not Sam you need to be questioning here, or blaming!”

“I’m sorry, but I thought we just established the whole part about that _not being him_ ,” Dean said, eyes rolling as they turned their attention to Jess.

“Well he had to agree to it, on some level,” she hissed. “You heard Sam. And what kind of person would agree to something like that?”

“A person mentally getting turned into someone else’s whipping boy!” Dean said, voice raised as his eyes flicked between the two. “He wouldn’t talk about it. But it… whatever he got forced into going through… it was bad.” Dean stubbornly clenched his jaw. “So I didn’t make him tell me. And besides – he forced it out, I watched him do it!” And it had been _amazing_.

“Well, we didn’t, seen as we were fucking _unconscious_ by that time,” Jess bit back, causing Sam to quickly lay a calming hand on her shoulder.

Dean rolled his eyes. “Look, no offence, but my turf, my call.”

Sam bit down on his lip. “But, Dean, we know that he could let… _Gabriel_ back inside his head at any moment,” he pointed out. “You gotta at least consider- ”

“What? That we’re a lot more likely to make sure he doesn’t by locking up on his own?”

“No, of course, not, but -”

“But what?”

“Don’t let him stay if you know he’s a threat, Dean.”

Dean mentally counted to ten before huffing out a sigh through his teeth. “Look,” he said, “I’m gonna have to put on some kind of trial for this. But only because we’ll need one anyway if the Pack’s inducting him in. So you gonna help me clear his name or whatever or are you trying to stop me here?”

Sam looked at his feet. He was hesitating – actually hesitating.

“You’re not even sure,” Dean said, fighting to keep the bitterness out of his voice.

“It’s my pup, Dean,” Sam muttered, and Dean noticed his mate grip the alpha’s hand.

“I don’t believe this,” Dean growled, stomping out of the room, never having felt _less_ like the Alpha in control. (Except for maybe the night before, when for a moment there at the end he’d given up fighting for himself, for the pup he was defending, and waited for what he’d thought would be death to leave his Pack defenceless. But as his brother and his mate had just pointed out, there’d been no witnesses to that except Cas, so Dean could pretend it hadn’t happened. Probably.)

Cas, somewhere along the way in all this mess, had turned into… well, a big part of Dean’s everything. And Sam…

“Uh, Alpha?”

Dean sighed and turned his head lazily to face the beta approaching him. “What, Garth?”

Garth tried for a smile, but it was obvious that small effort was taking more out of him than usual. “Well, we were out on patrol, and we found this beta waiting at the territory line. He says he wants to talk to you.”

Dean shrugged. “Well, bring him through, I guess. Send someone else out to help patrol as you leave.”

Garth shook his head. “See, he says he can’t move until he’s spoken to you. And… and Sam.”

Dean leaned his head up to look up at the clouds. This two Alphas running the territory thing had already gotten old. “He asked for us by name?”

“Yeah. Sure, seemed to know what he was asking…”

“Did he give you a name, Garth?”

Dean opened his mouth in irritation as he turned to see Sam standing on the step, the Alpha asking the questions all of a sudden. When Dean raised an eyebrow at him he had the grace to look a little sheepish, but clearly something had got him all riled up again and it was hard for Sam to think past that.

“Yeah – uh, he called himself _Gabriel_ …”

Dean’s eyes didn’t leave his brother’s face. “Fancy a run out to the perimeter, Sammy?”

*

It felt so good to be running out in the forest of his childhood with his brother by his side that Sam was almost able to forget the circumstances drawing them both out there as his claws pressed down into the snow and propelled him forward. By unspoken agreement, both were accelerating their speed as they went, which seemed to be frightening most of the wildlife surrounding them.

Not that Sam was noticing If this was what he thought it was, _who_ he thought it was, then they could end this now… Castiel could be left to recover at his own pace, Jesse might get the chance to grow up – and they’d just have to deal with crossing that bridge when they came to it…

As they passed one of the ‘checkpoints’ Dean had set up around the territory containing a sort of large poncho, Sam stopped to Change. He wanted to face Him as something able to talk back, but he had a feeling that doing that without any clothing would rob him of any last scrap of modesty. If this really was who thought, the tone of the conversation would be considerably lowered by human nakedness.

As they approached the boundary lines, Sam smelt one alpha – Tracy – and the scent of an unfamiliar beta. But though Sam didn’t know the scent he was intimately familiar with the mental feel of the magic given out by the beta’s presence thanks to every night he’d ever felt it batter against his shields, and as they moved into each other’s line of sight, even in his human form Sam couldn’t stop a growl escaping.

“C’mon, Alpha, that anyway to say hi to an old pal?”

Sam just managed to stop himself from crossing the territory line, the line where his shields ended, and beating the beta into the ground. Instead, he settled for raising a finger at him. “Last night,” he said, “how _dare_ you attack my family.”

“Told you y’couldn’t keep me out forever, Sammy,” the beta said with a grin as he hopped lightly from one foot to another. "I just found a loophole."

“Who is this, Sam?” Tracy asked warily.

“Like I said, I’m Gabe, relation to the homeless alpha you’re sheltering down there,” the beta said, but Sam was already talking over him, sneering in relief that the shield was holding, that even _this_ close, he couldn’t come inside without another body to rule.

“This is Loki, the dead Chaos god.”

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...sorry? I swear I have an explanation to this but wow honestly feel such a weight coming off my mind now that this is finally off it. I have been hoarding this SO LONG...  
>  Also, apologies over the extremely rushed nature of this chapter. That too I am going to blame on the as yet non-existent dissertation. Thanks to everyone still reading!


	38. Boundaries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean glared back at him and kept both hands carefully curled into fists.

“A _god,_ ” Dean repeated, after unthinkingly rushing to Change. He felt as though he’d lost all hope of keeping up with anything going on and he at least wanted the ability to fully express that.

The beta calling himself a god shrugged with a rueful smile. “Sammy here makes it sound a lot less cool than it is.”

“You’re the one whose been messing with my mate’s head?” Dean cut in, deciding to ignore the sharp look Tracy shot him for the term. He was currently feeling too angry, too _Alpha,_ to care.

“Well, see, it was more of a _taking over_ situation instead of _messing_ with anything…”

As Dean snarled and made to lunge forwards he felt his brother’s hand on his chest, stopping him.

“Don’t,” Sam said tersely, a slight smile spreading over his features. “’Gabe’ here can’t cross the territory line.”

“How come?” Dean asked, hearing Tracy echo his question.

Gabriel rolled his eyes. “Because he’s stopping me. That’s why I had to resort to the frankly ridiculous methods I did. But hey, anytime you just wanna let me walk right in…”

  
“Wait, hold up. You’re a god, and my little brother’s been managing to shield you out with magic this whole time?” Dean glanced between the two magic-users with a bemused smirk. He might still be mad at Sam for not telling him all – Hel, _any_ of this – but for now he could still feel proud of him as Gabriel scowled.

“Not exactly sitting with a full tank here, alright?”

“So what are you supposed to be? You’re not a god, you’re sure as Hel not acting like any family to Cas -”

The beta rolled his entire head along with his eyes this time. “Neither are you, big boy. Talking a pretty good game for someone who just locked his ‘mate’ up…”

With great effort, and with an awareness of Sam holding his breath beside him, Dean managed to bite back the retort sitting on his tongue, and continued to glare the beta down, eventually drawing a long sigh in response.

“It’s complicated, alright?”

“Well start making it less complicated fast, or -”

“Or what, _Alpha,_ you’re gonna fight past your brother there and get out to finish off what you were _clearly_ doing so well with last night…”

Dean didn’t let his eyes move to look at Sam. Sure, the fact that Dean had knelt down and _begged_ instead of fighting back against the thing trying to come for Sam’s pup had worked out for him eventually, but that didn’t mean he wanted the story _advertised._

“Or we’ll walk away and won’t talk to you.”

The ‘god’ groaned, and Dean knew that he’d won this. Clearly the guy a) loved the sound of his own voice and b) had brought them out there with something specific to say. And likely saying it was his last option, based on the desperation he’d been showing as Cas… a situation that was still making Dean sick to even think back on.

“Alright, so I _am,_ like I was saying, the cousin of the Mate so dear to you that you locked him up in a cell. But -” the beta continued before Dean could say anything, “I am _also_ as I had blazed back into my head a good few years back, way cooler than that.”

“Jesse,” Sam said quietly.

“And a big hand for the tall one in the poncho-thing. Yes, the birth of your freaky monster-ward sorta ‘woke me up’ outta my happy reincarnated ignorance just like I triggered it too. Not that I’d really thought anyone’d actually be stupid enough to go make that happen but, shockingly, turns out that people are incurably stupid. So since the worst _did_ go happening I’ve been tramping around ever since trying to find the thing, _Gamr,_ the apocalyptic _monster dog_ to put an end to the thing before it can grow up and jumpstart Ragnarok all over again, but _someone_ kept shielding it from me.” As he finished with a weary glance at Sam, Gabriel pointed at the alpha, which was apparently enough to put himself in the way of Sam’s barrier. “ _Fuck,”_ he moaned as he clutched as his head.

Dean turned appraisingly to his brother. “Barrier, huh? Not bad.”

For a moment Sam almost smiled, and it felt like the old, simpler days when making his brother smile more had been Dean’s top priority. But then that gameface was plastered back on again and Dean wrenched his own mind back into the present.

“What have you come to say?”

‘Loki’s’ shoulders slumped slightly. “To ask you…. Not to hurt Cas. He’s a good kid, don’t kill him, alright? Specially now he’s been playing on my conscience, mostly by reminding me I _have_ one.”    He screwed up his face. “Glitches that come with a mortal form.”

“Nobody’s hurting Cas for something we know that _you_ did,” Dean asserted, without looking at Sam. “So why’d you do it? Where was killing a kid really gonna get you?”

“A hero’s shot at saving the world? Not exactly my usual style, but…” The beta glared at Sam again, who, while not looking away, was starting to look a little like he wished he had an excuse to.

“Tracy, should you, uh – Dean should she -”

“Oh, anything that needs to get said I think I’m more than happy having witnesses for,” Dean said while folding his arms, “That’s what happens when you hold shit like… this, back.”

“Nice, a domestic.”

“Shut up,” the brothers told Gabriel together as Dean felt Tracy stand even more tensely at his side, and gratefulness washed over him. Even without her saying anything he knew he had one alpha there in his corner, wherever that was.

“We adopted Jesse after his parents died,” Sam said, addressing his words to Dean, “after – after I killed his father. But we _had_ to take him in because no one else would. Because they said this wasn’t a normal birth, that Azazel had… had _engineered_ this kid…”

“…to be the harbringer of the apocalypse. They cooked themselves up an antichrist and you tumbled right into their mess,” Gabriel said dryly.

“But it… already happened, right?” Dean looked between his brother and the self-proclaimed god again. “That’s the story – Ragnarok, loada humans dead, the Wolf Age…?”

“Except that we’re all still here to talk about it,” Gabriel – Loki – finished. “So it might have _started_ happening but it didn’t get the chance to finish itself off.”

“How come? Thought it was all predestined or whatever from forever ago,” Tracy asked sharply, before glancing apologetically back at Dean.

“Oh, it was. But somewhere in the middle of leading out all these armies of Chaos for the big blowout final battle, I remembered that I wasn’t all that keen on the idea of doing what I was supposed to do. Or dying.”

“So…?”

“So I stopped it. And all you lot, my sorta great grand-whatevers get to live in it. You’re welcome, kids.” The god stopped for a moment and raised his eyebrows.  “…Which is pretty fucked up now I’m actually saying it out loud. Huh.”

“Yeah, no kidding,” Dean agreed with an uneasy shudder. Pseudo-descended from this dude. All of them.

_Ew._

“So it all happened? The giant snake and the magic hammer and uh, your whole thing with the horse…?”

“More or less. But don’t go asking for details on the horse that you don’t wanna hear.”

“And you survived and started possessing Cas’s cousin.”

“Just when I thought we were getting somewhere,” Gabriel muttered, and looked up at Sam. “Man, no wonder you ran away.”

“Hey.”

“Look, like I said, I _am_ Cas’s family, hence why the whole trick with the blood magic back there worked out for me. But… big stories like the end of the world don’t care if somebody stops ‘em once. The universe is still gonna work it’s hardest to make ‘em happen. So when that kid came bawling into the world I started remembering a few weirdnesses from the past lives. Which, believe me, was not a fun experience.”

“Cas thought you were having some kinda seizure.”

“Don’t even blame him. Hel, I thought I was going _mad_ at first… But then I figured out how I could stop things turning out for the worse…”

“You’re not getting Jesse,” Sam growled.

“Sam, maybe we should think about this.”

Dean’s brother looked down at him aghast. “Dean, I’m not just letting this psycho walk in here and kill my pup – I don’t care what reasons he’s giving for it!”

“That’s not what I’m saying.”

“Haven’t you noticed how dangerous it is to keep a pup like that around?” Gabriel asked quietly as he quirked an eyebrow up at Dean. “Haven’t you noticed the storms? Didn’t you wonder why they came down from the mountains in such a hurry? It’s only gonna keep getting worse until all the old gods have woken up and find something to fight. Cas understood that.”

Dean put up an arm as a barrier in front of Sam’s chest to keep him from surging forward as the alpha started growling again. “Both of you stow your crap, alright? I’m not saying I believe everything this dick’s saying, Sam, but I’m not feeling so crazy about believing you either right now.”

Sam looked like he’d been slapped in the face. “Dean -”

“Just… just shut up. This is _my_ land, and I’m saying we might need to hear more about what this freak has to say – not saying I like it, but -”

“Dean, we let him in now and he’ll kill Jesse and anyone else who gets in his way. You saw what happened last night. Jess could have -”

“ _Listen_ to me,” Dean snapped, inject ting the Alpha voice that, by unspoken agreement, neither had so far used against the other. “I’m not saying we let him run wild. But he’s basically like a normal, uber-powered magic-user right now, right?”

Sam nodded slowly, and through the hesitance Dean thought he could see some understanding dawn. “That’s what it’s been seeming like.”

“Promise by anything you like,” Gabriel sang. “Much depleted mojo over here”, he added, to a quiet snort from Tracy, who, though not voicing her opinions of this, clearly had a lot of them.

“Ok, then. Sam, run back to my room and bring out the witch cage. It’s still in the same box Dad always kept it in.”

Sam nodded and smiled toothily over the territory line at the beta. “And if you _dare_ say anything to my kid…”

“Don’t want him to go through anything more traumatising than the time I almost actually killed him?”

“ _Don’t_ test me on this.”

Gabriel rolled his eyes. “You got it. No testing. And Sam?” he added as the alpha started walking away from them. “Just in case this one didn’t make it clear enough,” he said with a nod at Dean, “my little cousin and his big fucking heart are the only reason  your freaky mutt’s still alive.”

Sam blinked, and almost nodded, before sloping off back into the woods.

“Well he seems… sour.”

Dean ignored the beta and looked down at Tracy, who was waiting with a curious little smile on her face for his command. “I need you to start patrolling this whole perimeter. Make sure this one ain’t planning on sneaking in any friends.”

Tracy nodded. “No problem, Chief,” she said, giving Gabriel a last wary look before running off.

Gabriel snorted. “’Friends’ - no fear there… Now what’s this ‘witch cage’ of yours? A millennia of being tied up and tortured tends to put a guy off the whole bondage scene…”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Don’t flatter yourself.”

“Ah, of course, we have the new Mr Monogamy over here.”

“I swear, dude, you better start keeping a lid on it or I swear -”

“Why? The mates thing still a touchy subject?”

Dean glared back at him and kept both hands carefully curled into fists.

_…his big fucking heart…_

It was both easier and harder, to be alone with someone who’d seen Dean at his most vulnerable. Crying and begging and spouting all kinds of romantic nonsense in his head…

“Just feeling like one coincidence too many,” he said eventually, and watched as the beta’s eyebrows raised comically.

“Oh, _gods,_ you still think any of this is coincidence?”

*

Cas hadn’t even realised he’d managed to sleep until the doors to the cell he’d been confined in were rattling at the intrusion of a key.

It was Victor – Victor and… Jo, the friend of Dean’s who’d gone looking for Sam’s pack. His guards.

“Can you stand?” Victor asked, not unkindly.

Cas got to his feet in answer. “It seems that the healing Sam did stick,” he confirmed, feeling guilty even as his mind replayed that terrible-familiar image of Sam, years from now, looking up at him in shock. _“I already healed that…”_

Cas shook his head, trying in vain to shake the image from it, an image he was almost certain was his own and not some strange design of Gabriel’s…

“So is this… my trial?” Cas dared to ask as he pulled on the shirt that someone had left out for him. The soft material smelt like Dean. Dean’s shirt?

The guards gave each other a look. “I… think it might be a bit more complicated than that now,” Jo said eventually.

Cas saw what she meant as soon as they walked him out into the snow. A great majority of both packs sharing the territory seemed to be gathered there. And Dean was there in the centre, his mind clouded and angry, and beside him was…

Unthinkingly, Cas almost loosened his way out of his guards’ grip to rush forward towards the figure. “Gabriel,” he growled, as they approached the beta, who’d been fitted into a bizarre looking metal-collar around his neck.

Dean turned to everyone assembled out there with a scowl. “And nobody’s to take that thing off him, y’hear me?”

“Isn’t that what they used to banish Rowena?”

“Yes,” Cas heard Crowley say, his mind clearly only barely fixed in the present.

“Heya, Cassie,” Gabriel said, with a small, dejected-looking wave. He looked drained, wan even – nothing like the wonderful images of himself he’d been projecting into Cas’ mind. And, interestingly, he looked frightened. Gabriel looked frightened, and Dean wouldn’t look at him at all.

“What’s going on?” Cas settled with asking eventually. He didn’t like seeing Gabriel standing so close to his mate, even with that ridiculous contraption around his neck apparently keeping him, or at least his magic, bound. The memories of what Gabe had almost done to Dean – what _Cas_ had almost done to Dean under his control…

Tentatively, Cas reached out to his Mate with his mind. _Is it safe? Are you alright?_

It was a long time before he felt any response bar a kind of simmering rage and frustration. _I’m fine. But I need you out of my head, Cas._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was supposed to be longer... and more edited... and arrive sooner... But since I'm currently running on dissertation brains and with a broken laptop charger things are slightly more of a mess than that - thanks to anyone still putting up with all of the above!


	39. Dead Man Walking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It’s not real, Cas,” he said.
> 
> Cas looked at him blankly, and Dean could feel him fighting the urge that had so quickly become instinctive to them both to claw for the answer in Dean’s mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so very sorry about the long updates - dissertation/essay work keeps sapping my will to write anything that I don't absolutely have to... To anyone still reading, you're amazing, and I promise not to leave it so long this time! :)

Tracy had never had any problem with following her Alpha’s orders. After all, she _liked_ Dean, and she was pretty sure he liked her more than most – he’d taught her how to hunt, how to track, and on her last birthday he’d dug up an old bottle he said his father had saved to give to her. It wasn’t all about how intimidating an Alpha could make his growl sound if he wanted to keep his Pack’s respect, it was also something to do with how much they wanted him around in the first place.

And sure, this talk about gods and killing pups was pretty weird, and Tracy hadn’t spent enough time in Castiel’s company yet to make up her mind about what she thought of him, but Sam she knew she didn’t trust. He’d been away for too long, it sounded like he’d known too much he hadn’t been willing to share, and, yeah. Maybe she’d gotten used to her and Cole being the only healthy young alphas around the place. Cole, Cole who… who wasn’t coming back.

Not that that was Dean’s fault, or Jo’s, whatever anyone else was saying. And even if it turned out that it had been, a little, Tracy like Jo, and she’d follow her Alpha until she couldn’t anymore. So when Dean told her to check the perimeter, Tracy started running.

She changed as soon as she was out of sight of Dean and the strange new arrival, and felt glee thrum all the way through her at the light crunch of the snow under her paws. Days like these, she and Cole had used to race through the trees, and the game was that if you lost you made out that you’d only ever been going easy on the other one…

Cole not being there was like having a tree branch you’d been certain would hold your weight because it always had before snap from underneath you. She hadn’t grieved yet, because, well, there was so much going on – she hadn’t exactly had time to hit the ground. Besides, it wasn’t like anyone even really _knew_ what happened to him, they only had Abaddon’s word to go on… At the thought of that faceless monster of an Alpha that Abaddon had grown into being in the privacy of Tracy’s mind, she let out a snarl and started running faster, almost _hoping_ now that she’d see something on this perimeter line worth fighting.

That was when she smelt it, and felt herself skid to an inelegant stop almost without her own permission.

Surely she was imagining it. Yeah. She’d been letting her mind wander, getting fixated on the one thought, and so obviously she’d just –

But her nose had never lied to her before. And she’d know that scent anywhere – even if it did smell wrong, clouded even…

Moving more cautiously now, Tracy changed direction. Dean had asked her to keep the territory checked and safe. She could do that. She _owed_ it to him to check this out…

As she came closer to where she could smell the impossible, Tracy did see a familiar figure. He was shambling along on two legs with predatory purpose, while somehow not looking like he was in any kind of hurry. That was the second warning, after the smell, because for as long as Tracy had known him, Cole had worried over everything, meaning he tended to hurry to wherever he was going.

The third warning was the canker of black veins spreading out from his naked chest – naked like the cold wasn’t bothering him at all – up his neck, and reaching right over his face…

Cole was alive but there was something very wrong with him.

*

Of course Dean hadn’t been able to explain _everything_ to his pack, because everything at this point would only succeed in freaking them out. He’d learnt over his time as Alpha to find a smart place between the truth and all out lying to them – politics, basically, but delivered more with a Winchester tone of and-believe-me-that’s-not-even-interesting-so-don’t-bother-asking. In this case it meant not going right into the apparently _apocalyptic_ state of things, but keeping people mostly in the loop. This new guy wasn’t a threat, but he was calling himself a god, and he was going to be questioned. Sam and his family were going to be ok. Yes, magic had been involved. A search party for Cole was going to be organised. Cas, despite any previous appearances, was not a bad guy here.

But Dean didn’t say anything, like he’d been planning on saying, about Cas being made officially Pack, because right now Dean couldn’t think about that.

If he could only get a spare two minutes to grab some thoughts together… At this point, any thoughts beyond _this is too much I can’t do this anymore_ would be useful. And something to punch would be nice too.

When Dean dismissed everyone else, harshly, Sam came back over to where he was gripping Gabriel’s arm tightly. _Apparently_ this ancient piece of magic-technics would work on keeping the guy’s power capped but Dean wasn’t ready to put his trust in that yet.

“What’s the plan now?” Sam asked wearily. Dean didn’t look at him, and continued to focus on the beta he had a grip on, who’d been seeming more and more agitated since they’d brought him into camp. And he didn’t seem happy around Sam particularly, Dean noticed.

“I’m gonna get to questioning him. You go see how Jess is holding up, Sam.”

They both knew that Sam’s mate was fine – it was a very obvious dismissal – but although he held Dean’s eye for a moment longer than he needed to, he nodded, ceding his brother this concession.

“Can’t be him – wouldn’t make any sense,” Gabriel muttered under his breath as he watched Sam walk away from them.

“Can’t be _who_ ,” Dean asked through gritted teeth, before rolling his eyes. “Y’know what? I don’t wanna know. Or, you’ll tell me about it the same time as you start telling me _everything,_ ” Dean informed him as he curled his hand tighter round the supposed god’s arm.

“Don’t think a brain like yours’d be able to hear _everything_ …”

“Gabriel?”

They both stopped at the sound of Cas behind them. Dean tried to force his nose into ignoring the smell of him – he still smelt irresistibly like home even with the hurt grown there now.

Dean watched the beta beside him bite down briefly on his lip. “Cas, I can explain-”

What exactly Gabriel planned to explain Dean never got a chance to hear – the breath was ripped out of him too rapidly for him to be able to complete his sentence as Cas’ fist hurtled into his stomach. Aware it wasn’t what he was supposed to, or even _wanted_ to be thinking on, Dean couldn’t help admiring the strength of his Ma – of _Cas_ – now that he was able to stand right on both legs again.

“You screwed with my head. You would have had me kill a child, you would have had me hurt my _Mate.”_

Dean couldn’t stop himself flinching, and he knew Cas would have seen. _Stupid, stupid, stupid…_

“Alright, that’s enough,” he growled, not daring to look at the alpha for more than a moment. “I’m taking _Gabriel_ , or whoever the fuck you’re saying you are, and I’m putting him in that cell you just left, Cas, and then we’re gonna have ourselves a _talk.”_ Dean tried to focus only on Gabriel as he hauled the beta to his feet and listened to Cas’s heavy breathing.

“And I know you have your issues here, man, but I don’t need you there for that.”

“Like _Hel_.”

Dean could see that Cas regretted the words the moment they’d left his mouth, but even as Dean’s eyes narrowed at him, he didn’t take them back.

“Excuse me?”

Gabriel whistled lowly.

“Dean, you’ve done so much – given me so much – that you never had to, but I’ve never asked you for a thing, and I don’t intend to again after this – but _please_ , tell me what’s going on, you’re scaring me.” Without looking away from Dean, he raised a hand to point at his cousin. “And you _know_ we can’t trust him, you know what he almost had me -” Something choked in Cas’s throat, and he was unable to finish his sentence.

It hurt to hear, but Dean was still unwilling to look at the trembling alpha in front of him, and watched instead as Gabriel’s eyes flicked between the two of them.

 _I should bring this inside,_ Dean thought, _but if I do that, it’s sending out signals I’m even less happy with – it would be treating Cas like a Beta, when he isn’t even Pack._

But, Dean was supposed to be the Alpha, and Cas deserved to know _something…_

“Come on,” Dean growled, pulling Gabriel with him as he moved back towards their tiny jail, nodding slightly at Cas to keep up, as Gabriel’s face expanded farcically with a wild smile.

“Oh, I’m sorry boys, have I caused _drama?_ Tensions in paradise?”

“You say one more word and I really will rip your tongue out,” Dean promised as he hauled the beta up the steps with him.

“Thought you needed me talk, brainiac.”

“What, a god who doesn’t know how to write?”

Once he had Gabriel safely, or so he fervently hoped, back in his cell, Dean allowed himself to lean back against the wall and let some of the tension drain out of him. Everything, everything since Cas had first shown up, it had all been some insane _story_ – and worse, one that Dean had almost allowed to just play out like he was wilting omega flower that was _supposed_ to be there…

But then there was Cas himself, waiting, in that quiet, fight-or-flight manner he had. “Dean,” he said, and that was all he said.

Dean closed his eyes, trying to will Gabriel – Loki, whoever – away – trying to will _himself_ away _,_ if he was being honest…

“It’s not real, Cas,” he said.

Cas looked at him blankly, and Dean could _feel_ him fighting the urge that had so quickly become instinctive to them both to claw for the answer in Dean’s mind.

“Dean -”

“Us, Cas. We’re not real. Not real mates.”

They’d barely even said the word since the start, had they? It had just been something they’d both just _know_ , and it had turned into a kind of touchstone of certainty in the midst of all the craziness that was going on. That, sure, there wasn’t much of a solution for how they could make the two of them work, but maybe once everything else got sorted out… well they were both there, and not planning on leaving. It might have worked.

But now all the certainties had gone and Dean wanted to bleach out his insides, reset himself to default, because _none of it_ was going away, real or not.

*

Part of Cas’ brain felt like it had shut down completely with the words Dean was telling him, the words he could _feel_ that Dean meant, but the other half felt on _fire._

“Dean -” Cas didn’t even know if he had anything to say, but it made him feel better even saying his mate’s name – but no, apparently that was wrong.

But it _couldn’t_ be. Cas could feel it even now, tugging at him, at the edge of his mind, his _self_ , letting him know that the most important thing in the world was standing there in front of him, feeling upset, betrayed – heartbroken. Proof, undeniable proof at last that Dean did care, delivered in the most awful of ways.

“Dean, but we, we know -”

“We think we know, Cas.”

Dean was rubbing his temples over with his fingers, with such ferocity he had Cas half-worrying he might partially transform, and actually claw at his own face in frustration.

Cas risked a glance at Gabriel, who was looking mainly… curious. Like he was watching Cas in some sort of contained experiment, waiting to see his reaction. Unsettled, Cas looked back at Dean, and took a step towards the Alpha.

“This… we’re talking about the deepest, oldest part of our nature, Dean. Nothing could trick us into feeling something that wasn’t -”

“Nothing, except a _god_ running around with his own plans about destiny or whatever.”

Cas’s mouth snapped shut. He hadn’t given much thought yet to what Dean had told his pack of Gabriel’s claims, and he wasn’t sure, despite everything that might have been done to, and worse, done _through_ him, that he could allow himself to believe it at all. Furious as he might be with his cousin, some part of him couldn’t allow himself to think of the situation as anything than on of Gabe’s awful tricks…

A _trick…_

Could you be tricked into loving someone like that? Because he was sure that’s what he felt for Dean, maybe from that first moment of realisation, but certainly now. Dean, such a marvellous, beautiful mess of contradictions, who had saved him in so many ways – who, at the thought of his death, had got Cas giving Gabriel his consent to whatever –

“ _Stop_ ,” Dean growled. But he didn’t look angry, exactly – he looked _wounded_ , like knowing that Cas loved him was the worst thing of all…

“Oh me, you’ve got the mind-meld trick down already,” breathed Gabriel, with something like awe behind his ugly teasing. “Ouch, sorry guys. But Cassie, y’gotta admit I found you a decent piece of tail -”

Cas was at the cage bars in an instant. “ _Don’t_ talk about him like that,” he roared, chest heaving as he readied his body to better defend his… Dean.

“What did you do?” he asked, lowering his voice.

Gabriel shrugged, but it didn’t come off as nonchalant as Cas suspected the beta had been aiming for. “I still have some leftover juice, though I’ll admit that used up a fair bit. I just sort of… tweaked things to make sure things ran the way I needed them to.”

“You _needed_ them to?” Dean asked, speaking up by Cas’ shoulder. The scent of him  was both calming and aggravating – aggravating, because Dean was still _upset_ and Cas couldn’t do anything to help that…

“Well, yeah. Like I said guys, we’re talking some proper apocalyptic shit here. And I was getting fresh outta ideas. Sam’s lot had got themselves pushed off of their hill, but he’d still warded me out totally – you saw,” he added to Dean, who nodded. “And he refused to talk to me about it-”

“Gee, did he somehow take it the wrong way that you wanted to walk in and kill his pup?”

“ _Not_ his pup, remember,” Gabe put in. Cas blinked – he hadn’t really known that part, but it wasn’t important right now, he could ask later.

“…And then I thought about using a blood spell. But like Cassie’ll tell you Dean-O, we ain’t exactly got all that much family left. And then suddenly he was on the run… now _Sam_ wouldn’t have taken him in, not when he was in full paranoid mode over me, but I knew he was thinking of running home to big brother… and I looked in on you. And I knew how I could make everything slot together!” Gabriel grinned, a little weakly, as he looked between them both for a reaction. “Head of the Pack, so able to have the final say on you, _and_ an unmated omega that was like, a _perfect_ type for you, Cassie. And it all went pretty fucking perfect from there, bar a couple of hiccups – but then it, y’know, worked a bit _too_ well, and you guys got one over on me right at the finish line. Real pain in the ass, that.”

“Must have been awful,” Dean said dryly.

“Wait,” Cas said, struggling to find his voice. “How did you know I’d make it here? I could’ve walked anywhere.”

Gabriel’s face clamped down tight shut. “I might have… helped things along. Encouraged things. I couldn’t make it into your mind yet, but…”

“But you were there.” All those months, so desperately alone… So sure he was going mad, that things that weren’t there were out to get him, that he couldn’t even trust his surroundings…

“That fight – that last fight with Raphael – you were _there_ , weren’t you?”

Now something of guilt crept onto Gabe’s face. “Cas, like I said, I didn’t have much of a-”

“You had a choice,” Cas hissed, too angry to even trust himself to raise his voice. “I would have won that challenge, we both know it, but you still chose to let our entire pack be taken over all over again by -”

“Hey,” said Dean, his voice strangely calm. “We’re leaving it there for now.”

“What about Anna, Gabe? Are you happy I had to leave her there alone?”

“We’re _leaving_ it,” Dean barked, and Cas shut his mouth. Sometimes everything was running out of his control, and at those times more than any Dean needed to feel like the Alpha he was. The Alpha he deserved to be.

Cas backed away from the cage.

“So, what, you’re gonna let me sit here and rot while you let the world start ending?” Gabe asked, a touch of hysteria entering his voice. “There’s another god around here that’s woken up too! I can fucking _feel_ them – someone’s here and they know how to hide – you leave me here and I could be dead by morning!”

Dean didn’t answer, and as Cas followed him out the door now manned by two new guards, he didn’t look back.

Then they were outside again and Dean kept on walking.

“Dean.”

But Dean kept on walking away, and Cas felt impenetrable barriers close down in the omega’s mind, almost making Cas jump back with the mental force applied.

And Cas was alone again. Not in jail, not in his sick bed, and certainly not in Dean’s bed. Just… there.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...I swear this is getting a super fluffy happy ending...


	40. Allfather

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’ve never believed in fate,” Castiel said roughly. “I’ve never thought about it much until recently.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the continued delay between chapters - dissertation now out the way, but exams should be being studied for, so progress is still being super stilted lately, so a huge thank you for anyone still sticking that out :P   
> Also wooow hit the 1k mark *dances*

“You look like you could use a drink,” Cas registered a voice saying. Saying _at him_.

He blinked.

It was difficult to understand how Sam Winchester emitted so much Alpha strength and power while rarely passing polite, unassuming, and, if anything, a little awkward in his mannerisms – but somehow, he seemed to manage.

“Actually, you look a little spaced out,” Sam qualified.

 _Spaced out_. Anna used to call it that. Cas’s ‘episodes’ growing up when he’d almost filter out his surroundings. There wasn’t always a reason for it, but days that left him feeling lonely did tend to make him question more than normal if what he was experiencing was even real.

Your Mate that wasn’t supposed to be choosing to walk away from you was a better reason of all to start disassociating…

Cas blinked again, and forced his face into moving. “I… I’m sorry. I was just…”

Doing nothing. Just standing there. Waiting passively for, apparently, the world to end, as in some ways Cas already felt it had.

Sam seemed to take pity on him. “C’mon,” he said quietly. With a small smile. “Bobby told me you guys brought a supply of some kind of alcohol back home with you, and I’m interested.”

Cas nodded slowly. He felt like denying the Alpha anything at this point after indirectly trying to kill his pup would come off as incredibly disrespectful.

And besides, maybe he did want a drink.

*

“Charlie, I don’t want to talk about this right now.”

“Gods, that _phrase_ – do we need to start up a betting pool for you too?”

“What?”

“Oh, man, a lot happened while you were gone…”

Jo had missed her friends, and Charlie in particular, but she hadn’t joined her out on patrol for a catch-up, more in the hope she’d get a chance to collect her thoughts – or at least take her mind off them. But Charlie was a talker, and she wanted to talk about Ruby.

Which was exactly what Jo was trying her best not to think about.

“...But I mean, she’s cute. And I know you saw her first, but if nothing’s really going on with you two…”

Jo let out an involuntary growl from low in her throat and Charlie cackled as she maneuvered her way around a tree and away from Jo.

“ _There_ she is. But seriously though. That new pack have some nice genes running through the ranks.”

Jo snorted, and forced herself to relax. “You’re just suffering cabin fever?”

“Well, yeah, having to look at all your ugly mugs everyday must be considerably lowering my standards, but I mean have you _seen_ Sam’s mate?” Charlie took a long skip out over a log. “Can’t tell if I’m more jealous or proud… so that’s not their kid they’ve got with them?”

Jo shook her head, concentrating on the sunset. They’d been doing a pretty shitty job so far of patrolling, and she felt like she should at least give the job some lipservice.

“Jesse’s adopted.”

“Thought I heard that. He seems like a sweet kid.”

“Something weird about him though, Char,” Jo said. “Some stuff happened out there around him that I’m not even sure how to talk about.”

Charlie raised her arms and wriggled her fingers in Jo’s face. “We talking _magic_?”

Jo batted her friend’s hands away. “Maybe.”

“Well they all seem pretty into that in his pack, he probably started picking that up pretty young…”

“I’m not talking Crowley-level magic, Char. When we were out there we got caught in this storm…”

Jo stopped as she heard a howl from somewhere a long way to her left.

“Was that Tracy?” Charlie asked as the howling started up again.

“Yeah,” said Jo, “and I think she needs help.”

*

Dean stepped into his mother’s room and breathed in the familiar scent of _family_ and _home._ But there was one scent in the mix that was still making Dean feel odd, and almost like he didn’t belong there.

Adam held up a hand in an awkward wave as he sat down in the bed Mary had made up for him, and Dean tried for a smile. People always told him he was good with pups, that they showed up the omega in him, but something about _this_ pup made it hard to even feel at ease in his own mother’s cabin.

“So, uh… the interloper doing ok so far?”

Mary shot him a glare as she walked towards him before standing with her hands on her hips. “Adam’s doing fine,” she said, quietly emphasising the pup’s name. Or… kid. Whatever you called a half-breed.

Dean cleared his throat. “Oh, yeah? You liking it here so far, Adam?”

The kid nodded and then turned to look at Mary instead. “Do you mind if I go to sleep now, Mary?”

“Of course, honey.” Mary assured him as Dean’s eyes narrowed. Clearly, the little… kid, just didn’t want to talk to him. Fine. Two could play at that.

“Walk with me?”

Mary smiled. “Of course.”

As he walked back out into the cold air, Dean couldn’t help his eyes darting over to the spot Cas had been standing in. He’d probably gone… somewhere. Yeah.

“Looking for someone?” Mary asked, a knowing smile playing on her lips.

“Absolutely not.”

She laughed and wagged a finger at him. “I know that look. So when’s Castiel’s initiation going to be? I was going to ask if we could plan one for Adam at the same time…”

Dean scowled and looked down at his feet as he walked. “There might not be one.”

Mary’s nose wrinkled. “The way I heard it you’re looking practically mated - got the mind-meld down already. Your father and I didn’t manage after that until after I had you -”

“Yeah, well we’re not like you and Dad.”

His mother narrowed her eyes, and he went on and told her the whole weird story, gods and all. Hel, he has to tell _someone_ even if they didn’t take him seriously. Someone who hadn’t been forced into sharing part of his brain and would therefore _have_  to believe him.

When he’d finished, Mary put her arms around him, reminding Dean that sometimes he missed being small enough to feel like that was all it would take to keep the world away.

“Life just keeps on picking on my boys,” she murmured into his shoulder.

“You used to say that when we were little, too.”

“And I meant it then as well. But I always knew I could count on you and Sam to stick together, and that you’d always have that, at least…” she smiled as she pulled away a little. “I guess that’s why I want Adam to feel like family so bad. The poor kid might not have any parents left, but he didn’t do a thing to deserve missing out on big brothers like you two.”

“Ha.”

“I’m serious. You’ll do ok with him, I know it.”

“People don’t like him much.”

“Well they’re supposed to be _your_ people, aren’t they?”

Mary quirked an eyebrow up in obvious challenge and Dean snorted. “On a good day. And he’s not the only freak pup around now.”

His mother’s eyes flashed up at him. “Don’t say that. They’re pups first and foremost. They’re family now, wherever they came from.”

“Yeah, but…” Dean trailed off, scuffing his feet moodily on the snow. “I honestly don’t know. And Alphas always have to know, that’s what they’re _for_ , and I just don’t think I even have the energy left to fake that anymore.” Dean made the mistake then of trying for a laugh but it probably sounded worse than a sob would have.

His mom stopped him walking by moving in front of him again. They’d wandered a little outside of the camp now, and there was barely enough light for him to make out her face, but he could guess that it had gone hard, even if he could still see how her eyes gleamed with sympathy. “Yeah, but even Alphas need to get bossed around every now and then. And you need to get a real night’s sleep tonight. And then in the morning I want you to talk to Sam, and make him talk to you. You still need each other, that much hasn’t changed.”

She inhaled deeply before continuing. “And I want you to talk to Castiel. Because gods knows he’s been through several wringers, and whether you’re True Mates or not, Dean, love is a verb, and I’ve seen – Dean?”

“Did you hear that?”

Mary blinked and paused. Then Dean watched her start as she heard the howling too.

_*_

Sam grinned at the alpha across from him as he took another tentative sip of the soup in his cup. “I didn’t even remember to miss this,” he sighed. “ _Carrots_. No one has _carrots_ up noth…”

“Should I… leave you alone together?” Castiel asked him, with something that looked like it wanted to be a smile tugging at his lips.

Sam snorted. “You sure you don’t want anything else?”

“I’m fine for now.”

Sam looked over the alpha’s prominent cheekbones, his skinny wrists. He suspected this was not the other Wolf’s usual physique. “So long as you’re sure,” he said eventually. “Because you were using magic last night, even if it was only being used _through_ you,” Sam continued as he watched Castiel’s mouth open. “That’s gonna sap your appetite but it’ll also make you need to eat just to keep any strength up.”

“Thank you,” Castiel said after a few moments. “Maybe I will have something, in a little while.” The alpha put his head to one side thoughtfully. “You don’t seem to hold it against me.”

“I’m… trying not to,” Sam admitted. “You’re this other alpha that threatened my mate, my brother, and tried to kill my pup. Everything in me wants to see you dead.”

Castiel’s expression didn’t change. “But?”

Sam nodded as he reconsidered his new feelings, and tried to calm the instincts he’d unwillingly flared up. “But… you stopped. And believe me, I get how hard that is.” Sam smiled slightly. “And I’ve seen how you look at my brother, and how he talks about you.”

At the mention of Dean, the alpha’s face fell with almost comical speed.

“I’m not sure he’ll be doing that anymore,” Castiel told him quietly.

“Why do you say that?”

Cas shook his head. “He didn’t choose to… have me here. That’s not easy on him.”

“Not on you either,” Sam prompted, deciding to jump right into assuming the True Mates theory was the right one with these two.

“No, but I… Dean, Dean’s _wonderful,_ and he’s, he’s why I said…”

“Why you said yes,” Sam breathed out in a hiss. “Did he threaten Dean?”

“In a fashion, yes. And though I wasn’t sure what I was saying yes to, you were also a factor.”

Sam blinked. “Me?”

Castiel looked him over slowly and Sam got the impression he was being evaluated. “Yes. When Gabriel was trying to take over my mind, he showed me things, things that hadn’t happened yet.”

“The future?”

“I hope not.”

“And you met me?” Sam’s throat felt dry. “I’ve never heard of any magic that can…”

“Nor have I. And I didn’t want to give it much thought, not until I met you – here.” Cas looked down at his cup. “In the future, you recognised me as not being from your time because you noticed my bad leg, and you said you remembered healing me. Then -”

“Then that was the first thing I did when we met.” Sam nodded slowly. “I can see why that would… well it would freak me out anyway. But obviously I would never have…” Sam caught Castiel’s eye again, and now the other alpha was looking at him with something like pity.

“I’ve never believed in fate,” Castiel said roughly. “I’ve never thought about it much until recently.”

“How… how far ahead was all this?”

“Five years.”

“Five… and I’m guessing things were looking a little different.”

“A lot. And none of it a good kind of different.”

Sam opened his mouth, but at the haunted look in Castiel’s eyes he bottled the words. Then he reminded himself to be brave, like Dean would be, and smiled half-heartedly. “I don’t want to know how bad it gets, do I? But, look, if there’s anything you feel like we need to hear, or, uh, that you need to tell because it’s too godsawful to think about alone… then I’m here with an ear, ok? And… and I know Dean would say the same. He cares about you, Castiel.”

If possible, it looked like that reassurance might have hurt the alpha more.

“I know he does, but I wish he didn’t have to,” he murmured.

Sam frowned. “Look, I might not have spent any time with my brother in… ages, but I can’t imagine he’s changed all that much of he is, and no one makes Dean do anything he doesn’t want to do.”

Castiel appeared to give that some thought.

“C’mon,” Sam told him. “Let’s get you some of that soup.”

Sam stood, intending to walk for another bowl, when he heard the shouting going on outdoors. He looked down at Castiel, but found that the alpha was already heading out towards the noise.

*

As Cas stepped out into the dark, lit only by a few torches, it felt like walking into a nightmare. There was Charlie, her red hair even more striking in wolf form as she darted round legs, snarling as she went, while Jo and Tracy held onto the ropes directing the young alpha in the centre… Cas regretted looking there the moment he did, and looked instead at Dean, who was shouting orders at them all, red light brightening and shading his face in a way that made even his handsome features seem grotesque.

And then there was the creature they were all restraining. It felt wrong to think of it as a person, with those eyes that darted with such ferocity, and the canker of black veins spread up from his bare chest. Just like Dean, staring down at him, his eyes dead and his mind biting…

“Hey,” said a calming voice at shoulder. Cas’s eyes flicked open and met Sam’s and he started forcing himself into acting normally again.

“I’m… I’m ok,” Cas tried to say, but Sam only furrowed his brow in concern, and possibly frustration. It was hard to tell with this Alpha, who so determinedly didn’t wear his emotions on his sleeve.

“Little help over here!” Dean roared, as Mary dashed forward with a lasso of rope which she hurled around the creature’s neck.

Cole, Cas remembered, that was his name, he was almost sure of that. He was the one who was supposed to have died, and he was barely more than a boy. But he didn’t look like a boy now. He barely even looked human. Or he did, but just like Dean in the future had been, he had something switched off behind the eyes…

Just like Dean.

Dean was going to die, and it was all going to be Cas’s fault for not managing to – but no, that wasn’t it either. That hadn’t even really been his thought he hadn’t finished, but Gabriel’s, residual from his stay in his mind. No, Cas was supposed to be a thinker, and even if there was no such thing as fate, that didn’t mean that there couldn’t be _something_ Cas had seen which could prove useful now…

When Cas opened his eyes again there were more people around, flocking around, and kept back only by Sam’s outstretched arms forming a one-man barrier.

“We need to get him quarantined,” Mary was yelling.

“Fire,” Cas said, but no one heard him. Or was listening, maybe.

“He needs fire, I think,” Cas tried again, louder this time. Jo caught his eye briefly, looking at him incredulously before refocusing on her strenuous task of rope pulling. No one wanted to hear what Cas had to say, and he didn’t blame them.

But they _needed_ to.

 _Dean_ , he shouted out in his mind, and watched the Alpha flinch. But Dean didn’t turn round.

_Dean._

Now Dean came marching over, maybe in response to the intensity of the call, maybe out of anger that Cas had tried to make it. Whatever the reason, Cas found he no longer cared. He had more important things to worry about.

“Do you really think this is the time to -”

“Dean, I’ve seen this before,” Cas said quickly, and watched the Alpha’s snarling face contort back into a frown.

“What? Where?”

“Gabriel.”

“You want to trust _him_?”

“It’s not about trust. It’s the fact that _nobody_ should be going near this kid,” Cas stated, feeling confidence grow as he allowed some authority to seep back into his voice, “and that I think this… sickness, _can_ be treated. With fire.”

“Bull _shit_ , it’s not about trust!”

Cas could feel something of what was going on in Dean’s mind now that they were standing so close, and was sure he could hear a flash of, _I’m not even sure I trust_ me _anymore_ , run through the Alpha’s thoughts.

“You want me to set Cole _on fire_? You really think that’ll work?”

Sam had seemed to think it would. A maybe version of Sam who had advised that Cas should see his own pup killed.

Maybe this was a bad idea.

“Maybe we don’t need to _set_ him on fire. Maybe it just… can’t take heat,” said Sam, who Cas hadn’t noticed appear at Dean’s shoulder.

“Sam-”

“We got any better ideas?” Sam pointed out evenly as the thing that was Cole gave out a horrible cry, like something between a roar and a scream. “Besides… for what it’s worth I think Castiel thinks he’s telling the truth.”

Cas didn’t let his eyes leave Dean’s, and _prodded_ gently at the edge of his mind, letting him know that if Dean decided to open up to what Cas was feeling, he’d find some certainty, some hope, even if there wasn’t much of it.

“Fine,” Dean growled. “What do you suggest?”

*

Gabriel could hear the commotion going on outside and couldn’t stop himself spitefully hoping it was something that would show them all just how close it was, how right he’d been. Maybe the mutt had gone and exploded or something.

Then they’d all come running back full of remorse, and he’d be able to say that he’d told them so and… and the world would probably still end.

Weakly, Gabriel slumped back against the wall and let out a long breath which he watched form a cloud in front of his face. He didn’t want to die.

He could _remember_ what dying had felt like, dying as Loki, as a god… now he was mortal, and he had a bad feeling that pain was something he’d deal with even less gracefully.

Shivering, he tried to sit his head back, but was prevented by the archaic brace around his neck. Fucking Winchesters. And Castiel, for not just doing what he was told for _once._

He could get out of this whenever he liked… probably. Actually, he wasn’t so sure of that, but he hadn’t exactly tried hard yet. Much.

When he heard the door swing open and the footsteps which followed, he tried to keep his eyes closed, but when he felt that presence that had scared him so badly earlier and he couldn’t stop himself from peeking. And then he had to hold back a gasp because the other god wasn’t hiding now, and they were neither the god, nor the form he’d been expecting to see.

For a start it wasn’t just _some other god_ …

“Odin.”

As the once high god moved closer, Loki tried for a smile. “ _Brother_. Had a feeling you wouldn’t have let yourself go so easy. And look at you now. This explains… well a lot.”

Odin smiled. “It is satisfying, I’ll admit, to see you humiliated like this, Loki. That collar, it suits you.”

“Oh, I’m exactly where I want to be. Tring to stop ultimate Chaos, saving the world… is this the part where you volunteer to lend a hand?”

“Help the trickster? I think not. But perhaps…” Gabriel felt the iron choker compress like a noose around his throat. “You can be of some assistance to me. We want the same things, but certainly not in the same way. No murdering children. I take it we understand each other?”

“You… _fucker… yes!_ Quit with the force-choking already!” Gabriel took desperate gasps for air as his neck was final released and he looked up at Odin with new malice.

“Can’t make omelettes without breaking a hell of a lot of eggs. You used to understand that, it’s why you kept me around. Mortality hasn’t turned you _soft,_ has it?”

A quick smile. “Maybe. But the child is really only a symptom, a sign, of the problem: not the source of it. But you know that.  That noise out there is the sound of it starting. We need to stop it from finishing.”

“We, huh?”

“Yes,” Odin said, stepping back from the bars. “And I’m sure you understand the need for discretion.”

Gabriel choked at laugh. “What? No telling the Alpha on you?”

“ _Yes._ Now your _word_ on that, please.”

“ _Please?_ And my _word?_ Since when did you think that meant anything to me?”

“Since I’m _telling you_ it will.”

Loki found himself choking again. “ _Fine._ What other choice have I got?”

Odin smiled. “None at all.”

*


	41. Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What d’you mean it changed the timeline?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Excuse the fact that this is like several weeks late and almost entirely poor exposition but HEY university is over now and writing can be done faster! Theoretically! :D

Sam had always felt most confident as a foil for other people. It was like a switch in his head he’d never quite been able to turn off, something keeping him slightly contrary, and he fell into it most naturally around his brother. If Dean wanted to hang fire and listen to whatever their Dad had been telling them, Sam would feel his blood boil all the more. If Dean was acting cocky and adventurous and trying to wander off the beaten track, it left Sam feeling anxious. It was like… some subconscious part of his brain that felt the need to keep things balanced, keep things even.

Now they were all grown up, and Sam could see how uncomfortable even the existence of their half-brother was making Dean, so Sam was doing his best to act like it didn’t bother him. And if he wasn’t thinking about it on a rational level, it didn’t, much. Adam seemed like a harmless enough kid, and of all the things Sam still harboured resentment for against his father, this wasn’t one of them.

But introducing him to Jesse, who was, to all intents and purposes _his_ , making him, unbeknownst to John or not his father’s _grandchild_ , to Adam, a… boy Jesse was actually _older_ than felt like a step too far. And it was hard not to think about it when the evidence of all the _wrong_ was staring Sam in the face.  Jesse was even taller than Adam, Sam noticed, as his pup stuck out a hand in greeting with a wide grin.

“So you’re my _uncle_ but I’m bigger than you… who gets to tell who what to do then?” Jesse asked, aiming his question at Sam, who snorted as he took a seat down on the edge of the bed that was his and Jess’s now. And would continue to be some time now, as it was looking - as Dean had ordered.

As Jesse was pointing out so innocently, things always came back to hierarchy…

“Nobody tells me what to do,” Adam asserted, but his voice came out a little nervous and wavery, and reluctantly Sam found himself feeling he was looking at a young Dean.

“Sam could if he wanted to,” Jesse said with an amiable shrug – not trying to start a fight, just stating a fact. Sam felt his mother’s eyes on him as he heard her laugh and shepherd the boys further inside the hut.

“You’re leaving to talk to him soon then?” she asked quietly as she came to stand beside him.

Sam nodded. “I know why Dean’s saying that one Alpha at least needs to stay with everyone here, but…”

“But you want to be the one to go.”

“But I want to be the one to go,” Sam confirmed with a sigh.

His mother smiled up at him and shook her head fondly. “Fighting over who gets to go and save the world. You’re both ridiculous and I’m so proud of you.”

Sam snorted as he noticed the boys turned back around to face them.

“Why is the world needing saved?” Jesse asked.

“Well, remember how Cole came home last night, but he wasn’t feeling well?” Mary said carefully. “Well, the bad people that made him feel like that only managed to do that because they were at a special place.”

“With lots of magic?”

“With lots of magic. To stop it hurting anyone else like that, someone needs to make sure it’s all closed up again. We think,” she added quietly, before hissing at Sam, “I thought you talked to him?”

He shrugged helplessly in response – trying to communicate the issue to your adopted pup that their destiny was to start up the apocalypse wasn’t an easy one, and only made more difficult by the fact that the limited awareness Jesse had of his powers made them worse, and only seemed to freak him out. Which was the last thing any of them wanted.

“But you can’t go because of Jess having the baby,” Jesse said knowledgeably.

Sam nodded his agreement with a tight smile. “Yeah, buddy, there’s a lot of reasons I shouldn’t go.”

“But you want to go anyway to fight the bad guys, just like Dean does.”

Sam let out a low sigh. “Jess… she wants me to stay, I know she’s frightened of the pup coming early and me not being here… But I think she’d also rather I went than anyone else.”

“But if you went and the pup did come early who’d look after her then? Who’d protect Jesse?” Mary added to him in a mutter.

Sam tried for a smile. “Well, I was hoping you’d be some help with that…”

His mother shook her head with a certain smile. “Oh, I’m going with Dean. Nothing’s stopping me in that. I’m leaving it to _you_ to make sure the Packs don’t fracture, and that Adam has somewhere safe to be.”

Sam blinked. It wasn’t that he doubted his mother, “But-”

“But your brother needs as many good Wolves that he trusts out there as he can get. I’m good at being of them, and very good at watching the others. Besides -” she went on,  ignoring Sam’s attempts to splutter an interruption, “I’m not old enough to be frail, but just old enough to be expendable, and I think I’ve got more than a little wisdom. And I enjoyed my little adventure off with Jo and Ruby,” she said, smile widening. “Cole was, obviously, the downside in all that, but now we have a chance to put what was done to him right. I want to be involves in taking that chance.”

“Mom, you’re one of the best Wolves Dean could hope to have by his side for this,” Sam started hesitantly, as soon as he felt sure she’d finished.

“Do I sense a ‘but’ approaching in your voice, Samuel?”

“ _But_ , if I ever hear you talk about yourself as _expendable_ again I’ll tell you Dean he’s not letting you go.”

She glared at him for a few moments before her face softened. “I missed you, Sam,” she said smiling. “You have that… sweetness at you core your Dad had about him, once.”

In that moment Sam felt more certain than ever that he did not want to relate to his mother _all_ the details of how he’d gained his Alpha position. They hadn’t all been pleasant to live through, and certainly wouldn’t sound like ‘sweet’ things to talk about.

“Who will you ask Dean to send from your own pack? You know you’ll need to.”

“I had an idea about that actually…”

*

Meg had followed the events of the last few days after their arrival in their Alpha’s old packlands with emotions ranging from crippling fear and guilt that she couldn’t even admit to herself right up to complete indifference and vague amusement.

She wasn’t sure what to make of this strange pack her once stranger Alpha had come from. They all tried so hard to hard to be so… nice. Basically faced with an invading pack and all these wolves seemed to want to do was to make them feel welcome – to be _polite_ about it.

Which didn’t fit at all with the impressive array of old fashioned fire power they had hidden away…

But almost no magic. In such a large pack, that seemed rather ridiculous. From the little she’d been able to get out of their sole, rather odious magic-user, Crowley, they tended to chase away the few magic-users who dared to actually _use_ it much. Meg was confused as to why anyone with so much power would _allow_ themselves to be chased off. She was even more confused as to how Sam, the Wolf who’d blown in from nowhere able to defeat her father after barely any training, had emerged with such raw talent out of such barren ground for it.

So yeah, she wasn’t sure what to make of this place.

She liked her bunk well enough, even if she wouldn’t admit to it, but the bunkmate she’d been stuck with was making it almost intolerable. Someone had decided it was a good idea to have her sharing with Ruby. Sam, Meg might have grown to tolerate and maybe even respect in the years since his victory, but Ruby – Ruby, Meg could never quite forgive for that original treachery. So the two of them tended to rub each other up the wrong way, and when they both literally had the ability to make sparks fly, that could make things tense.

When her Alpha came knocking on her door, which really wasn’t as poorly made up as they had been expecting, she assumed he was looking for Ruby, but when she asked him that as he stood stiffly in the doorway her shook his shaggy head of hair.

“I’ve already spoken to her. I want to talk to you, Meg.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Alright. Talk to me then.”

Sam walked in, ducking his head for the doorway. “You heard where they’re leaving to?”

“Well. Less about _where_ and more about _why_ isn’t it? That kid ok?”

Sam’s jaw tightened. “He wasn’t. But Cole seems… fine, now. Fine enough to show the way back to where it happened, we think.”

“And he’s ok with that?” Meg didn’t feel any particular concern for the kid, but something about what she’d glimpsed from his homecoming, from the scream he’d made at the touch of the fire being used to ‘calm’ him, had shaken her.

Sam ignored the question, or maybe didn’t listen to it. “I want you to go with them, Meg.”

She blinked at him briefly, dead in the eye like you really _shouldn’t_ be doing with an Alpha that hated you, before frowning deeply. “Why?”

Sam shrugged, holding her gaze. “I shouldn’t go. Dean’s -”

“-an omega,” she finished  with a smirk, and she watched her Alpha’s nostrils flare.

“-not a magic-user,” he corrected, making it clear she’d regret repeated her point. “And this is about magic.”

“So aren’t you sending Ruby? Jake?”

“I’m keeping Jake with me, sending Ruby. Not many can go and I’m gonna need a Beta around here with me. But I still need you to go. You’re strong with the magic and you understand better than anyone what this is about.”

“So this is punishment?” she snarled, leaning forward off her bunk. “This is how you want me to _atone_?”

“No!” The Alpha looked genuinely hurt as he drew back by maybe an inch. “Meg, I think they’re trying to bring Loki with them, I think everything could go wrong in this, that everything’s at stake and that my family are going to be out there dealing with it. This is me trusting you.”

Meg was on the brink of biting out another taunting retort before catching herself. She hated herself for it, but she wanted to be valued, to be trusted again, by the Alpha who ultimately held her loyalty. Being the maverick was only fun up to a point. When it came down to it, she didn’t have it in her to go Rogue, and being an outcast in her own pack was slowly killing her. Sam was giving her a chance.

And maybe a part of her did want to make a go of putting things right, disgusting as that sounded.

“Yeah, alright.”

“Alright?”

“Yeah,” she said, lying back down on her bed and closing her eyes.

“You know I could have just ordered you to go.”

“Sure.”

 *

Dean counted to ten before clearing his throat, and the young alpha beside him woke up, legs jolting and flailing.

“Did I fall asleep again?” Cole asked, sitting up earnestly in his bed.

Dean nodded slowly. “I mean, I’d like to say no…”

Cole flopped his head back down on the bed, mouth a hard line. “I am ready to go. I’m _fine_.”

“Yeah… You know, I get that everyone’s freaking out a lot about this whole… thing, but we can hold off a bit on the whole quest idea. Or hey, you can draw us a map.”

Cole shook his head vigorously, brow still obviously covered in sweat. “I can do this. I was just having a bit of a weird… phase thing. Ain’t nothing wrong with me.”

“Dude, you were like a full-on zombie thing when you made it back here. That wasn’t a ‘weird phase’ – and if you need a little time to recover, you just say the word.”

Cole continued shaking his head, staring at the ceiling. “Alpha, you didn’t see that thing. It was…” Cole swallowed. “We have to do something about it.”

Dean regarded Cole thoughtfully. Cas’s mad idea about the fire had worked, and other than a slight fever and some serious undernourishment, Cole really did seem fine. But he’d noticed that Cole’s story about what had happened to him changed slightly every time. Or, rather, had grown.

“Tell me again what happened.”

Meeting Dean’s eye for a brief moment, the alpha took a deep breath in. “Abaddon found me, captured me. They said they were going to track my trail back to find the others… when  she came back, she’d been shot, she was bleeding everywhere. They all freaked out, kept moving… And where we ended up… it was strange there, Alpha, I didn’t like it.”

“Like it smelt weird?”

“No. It didn’t smell much like anything. There were barely any animals around, the trees were higher and further apart, but it felt darker.”

Dean narrowed his eyes. “Did the… air feel different?” He wasn’t sure exactly what he meant by that, but he could feel a memory stirring.

“Yeah?”

“I think I’ve been up around there before,” Dean said with a slow nod. “Me and Sam and Benny went up there on a delivery mission when we were about your age. “You’re right – it does feel weird up there. You get lost easily. We called it Purgatory,” he added with a quick smile as he tried to suppress a shudder. He really hadn’t liked that place. “Then what happened?”

“Abaddon was dying. She thought she’d be able to keep herself alive – with her magic, if she drained me. But it was like… something went wrong – I think – and the, the _air_ opened up, there was this… it was like magic portal thing in a movie,” he muttered, sounding embarrassed. “It was just… darkness, chaos. And everything it got to _changed,_ and it felt like there was a lot still trapped inside that was trying to make it out… And that’s the last thing I remember.”

Dean nodded easily, before forcing Cole to keep his gaze. “And that’s all of it?”

“Yes, Alpha.”

“Ok.”

It took seconds before Cole crumbled. “No. I remember everything. I was… I tried to hurt everyone – I _wanted_ to hurt everyone. If you hadn’t been able to stop me… We can’t let it get anyone else. We can’t.”

“Then we won’t,” Dean told him, hoping with nothing to back himself up that he could make it that simple. Hoping that he’d even be able to _understand_ whatever was going when he found himself in the middle of it. At the moment, all the magic and gods were going over his head, and he was struggling to even deal with normal people.

As though he was picking some of the things going on in Dean’s head as easily as Cas, Cole looked up at Dean uncertainly. “You think we can really do anything about something that… big?”

“Kid, I think we can give it our best shot at least.”

Cole nodded. “Who else are you bringing?”

“Going off to figure that out now, but I have a few ideas.”

“Are you bringing Castiel? The Rogue?”

Dean blinked. “Hadn’t thought about it.” Which was, of course, a lie.

Cole looked as though he had a lot of things to say about that, but wasn’t sure how to say any of them aloud. “Can you tell him thank you? I know it was him who figured out how… how to bring me back. That was pretty cool.”

“Sure, I can tell him that.”

“Are you guys…?” Cole burst out, apparently unable to stop himself.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

Dean nodded at him once and got up, starting to walk away with an immature smirk. “You work on getting better, kid,” he shouted back as he walked out of the cabin into the night, mercifully without having to run into Trenton Senior. His son might have made it back to him, but he was still insistent in treating Dean like he’d been personally involved in arranging Cole’s murder.

Nice, as always, to know that whatever he did he had the wholehearted support of his Pack behind him.

Yeah, much as Dean wanted to keep a good group with him when he left, he was by Hel more concerned about who he was leaving behind. Dean hadn’t left the territory in his entire time as Alpha and the thought of getting out even for a few days, even in such ridiculous circumstances, was both exhilarating and… _terrifying._ Even if their pack wasn’t a mess, the Alpha was never really supposed to leave, not for more than a day. The Pack wasn’t right if there wasn’t an Alpha in the middle of it, the ringleader keeping the purpose in it.

At least if he could convince Sam to listen to any kind of reason and stay there’d be an Alpha there, a strong one. He knew that Benny was up for looking after things for a few days, he’d dealt fine on those few days of Dean’s heat, even with all the storms raging then. There shouldn’t be any reason to worry…

Except that there were a _billion_ good reasons to worry. But to think of not going out and dealing with this thing himself was too much – and he knew if he didn’t, then there’d be nothing he could do to stop Sam going. And with a pregnant mate and a… _strange_ pup to deal with, Sam was going to need to stay where he was.

So Dean was going off on a good old adventure again. And he was so preoccupied about thinking about it like that, that he didn’t even notice Cas turning up to start walking beside him.

“I want to go with you.”

“Oh yeah?” Dean said, trying hard not to miss a beat. “You and every other fucker here apparently. What’s your superpower?”

Cas didn’t rise to it, and he kept his mind back from Dean’s as he fell into step with him. “I’ve seen this already, what happens when you don’t take me,” Cas said tersely, “You took Sam, you wouldn’t take me and it doesn’t end well for anyone. I’m coming.”

“We’ll see about that,” Dean said. “And anyway Sam’s not coming. This the same way you knew how to deal with Cole?”

“Yes, so you know I’m right about this.”

“I wouldn’t go that far. Your source material was sketchy at best.”

“You’re _not_ going to let me come with you?”

“Not figured that out yet.” If he could have more than two minutes to think on his own, maybe he’d be able to…

“If you don’t bring me, I’ll go anyway.”

Dean stopped, as Cas had. Right in the middle of the camp, of course – public as usual. Dean walked back towards his _NOT mate not mate not mate_ with a hiss in his voice. “If I tell you to stay, you-”

“I what, Dean?” There was a little smile haunting the alpha’s lips now. “I’m no Pack to you. You’d be outside your territory. And I’m certainly not your dog you can send where you will.”

“And why would I want someone around who wasn’t Pack, that I didn’t know I could trust?” They were almost nose to nose now, and Dean was trying to tell himself that it was only so that no one else would be able to hear them.

“Because I saw what happened to you when you went off on this mission without me and I’m asking you not to make me go through that again.”

Dean felt his heart twist around itself inside his chest. “Was I… I was like Cole was?”

“I’m telling you I won’t let it happen if there’s anything I can do to stop it. Though it does change everything, seeing Cole – it doesn’t fit with that timeline of how I was told it all happened.”

“What d’you mean it changed the _timeline_?”

The alpha’s blue eyes brightened. “Take me with you on this meeting you’re obviously leaving for and I’ll try and tell you.”

“Did you get that out of my mind?”

Cas scowled and Dean felt bad. There’d been nothing, no scouring question or wayward thought from the alpha since they’d been told what that connection was based on, not outside Cas’s efforts to save Cole. “You know I wouldn’t. No, just… everyone assumes you’re going to try and leave to go after whatever got to Cole tomorrow, and you’re going to need to talk to people about that.”

Dean said nothing, wanting to apologise, but feeling that all words were becoming something of a struggle.

“Why wouldn’t you want me with you?” Cas asked him, leaning his head to one side. “As you say, I’m not an asset you necessarily trust to leave around your pack, which wouldn’t have an Alpha of its own if you leave. I’m potentially dangerous to leave here, and I’m no longer suffering an injury. I think I still have some kind of…” he paused, “connection with Gabriel after what happened, and that might be useful if I’m with him, but a cause for concern if I’m not. And I’m actually not such a bad fighter though I’ll admit you’ve hardly seen -”

“I can’t trust myself around you.”

The alpha’s eyes widened, as both of them stood shocked by what Dean had actually said aloud. Heat racing, Dean rushed to clarify. “I don’t know if it’s what he did or if this is just… me, but, man, I don’t act smart around you. Ever since we met, when it’s come to you I’ve made the dumb decisions. And I can’t be dumb for this. Fucking Helheim, Cas, I don’t even know what’s going on but I know it’s too important to mess up, and I’ll be in charge out there, and I had a hard enough time of that on familiar ground with my usual people and no you in the picture.”

“I understand,” Cas said quietly, eyes shining, and Dean allowed his shoulders to sag in relief.

“I’m still coming with you though.”

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now time for writing is finally a thing I feel like I have I can hopefully get around to finishing all the requests/unfinished WIPs that have been put on hold as well as juggling finishing up this one... And again, hopefully, I should get this finished pretty quickly from here on in :D


	42. Quest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas was tired of having to be smart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Putting this up before I run to work, some of it has not even been read through so... apologies in advance!

Jo had heard better speeches than the one Dean cobbled together as he announced that they’d be leaving that day.

“So uh,” Dean said, glancing back at the still-collared Gabriel now standing behind him, “As far as I understand things…”

Jo planted her gaze determinedly up at the sky. _As far as I understand things?_ In what universe was that any kind of way for an Alpha to talk about a mission he saw as important enough to lead himself?

“…we’re going hunting – hunting whatever it was that got to Cole out there. And we’re keeping things as simple to that as we can.”

It was what Jo tended to think of as Dean’s John voice – different to is usual Alpha tone for its gruffness, it seemed to be summoned up for the sole purpose of discouraging any questions. Sure enough, Dean was accompanying the voice with the glare, daring anyone of the two packs partially assembled there to be stupid enough to speak up.

And there would always be at least one of those.

“What are you hunting?”

Dean composed himself. “From what we hear, something bad. A lot of you saw what it had done to Cole -”

“Yeah and how do you know it won’t just do that to you?” asked a different voice.

“We’re going in prepared,” Dean said, and Jo had to fight down a scoff. The night before when he’d been explaining to a select group of them what was going on and who he was taking with him he’d admitted he knew next to nothing about what they were dealing with.

“That’s why I need the douche in the witch cage coming with,” Dean said. “I know you get what’s going on better than me, Sam,” he went on before his brother was able to say anything, “but that’s why I’m going to need you to just pass that on to us.”

Sam had deflated slightly. “It’s Chaos I think, pure Chaos, that almost got released at Ragnarok, but didn’t quite make it out. Now… whatever was keeping it back is, uh, is weakening…”

With that Jo suspected Sam really wasn’t saying everything, but Dean didn’t seem to expect more. Maybe he’d talked to Dean about it already, and Jo would put bets on it being something to do with Sam’s strange pup.

“And it seems to be reacting to anyone trying to access Chaos magic around it – that seems to be what happened with Abaddon – and Cole… so uh, once you get too close, that’s something you’ll need to be aware of as another danger.”

“Yeah,” Dean had said, clapping his hands together to forcibly draw a line under his brother’s awkward little speech he clearly hadn’t wanted to make, “Won’t be a problem for most of us anyway. And I’m bringing Cole so we have some idea where we’re heading back to. And Cas is coming to make sure his douche-y cousin toes the line,” he’d added, too quickly. But no one had asked for clarification on what Dean meant by that vague statement. Privately, Jo suspected the alpha was coming for the same reason Mary was – because they’d refused to be left behind.

Though she still wasn’t sure what she thought about Castiel, having barely spoken to him since his arrival, Jo was definitely happy about knowing Mary was coming with them. She was fierce in a fight, but easy to talk to, and the dynamic there’d been between the three of them when it had just been them and Ruby had felt comfortable.

Ruby, of course, was coming too, but Jo really wasn’t sure how she felt about that. They still hadn’t really spoken since they’d arrived back with Sam’s pack. Not that Jo hadn’t wanted to talk to the beta – she had, almost desperately at times, embarrassingly enough – but whenever Jo had had a moment to look around for her, she never seemed to be anywhere Jo was looking. Even as she stood in Dean’s crowd as he addressed them all about leaving, she could see Ruby, but the beta wasn’t looking at her, and seemed to show no inclination to go looking _for_ her…

“While I’m away, Benny’s in charge of everything here, and the same arrangement’ll stand with Sam. Sam’s in charge of his people, Benny’s in charge of mind. Sam’s on our land, so he sticks to what Benny says.” Jo felt relief as she heard Dean repeat those words. She didn’t know how she’d deal if Dean had decided to leave her in charge, but she was pretty certain she didn’t want a chance to find out – not yet at least. She didn’t have anything like the patience for it, but Benny was perfect for this sort of stopgap role. He looked the part of an Alpha enough to not turn any heads, but he wasn’t the type to start stepping on Dean’s toes, and while he was wonderful at putting people at their ease around him, he could be dangerous when he needed to be, and looking at him, people believed that. With Sam and Benny in control of things here, even with whatever messed up things might be wandering around the woods now, Dean was leaving his Pack grounds in safe hands.

But Jo was still feeling less certain about the hands he was choosing to bring with him.

Gordon, for instance, who Jo had never been able to get along with, and she half wondered if the main reason Dean was bringing him was to stop him butting heads with Sam as they had almost constantly as pups. But as Dean had pointed out, he was a pretty incredible fighter. A little like Dean, and maybe Jo herself, as another omega, that seemed to be a point of some pride for him, to the point of looking suspiciously like a complex.

But at least Gordon was a devil they knew, and that Jo was pretty sure was ultimately loyal to Dean. Gabriel, in that rusting old spiked collar they had him penned into weirded Jo out, especially for the beta’s insistence in trying to piss everyone off. If Jo had just used magic to try and kill an Alpha’s pup she’d be keeping as low a profile as she was able to, but he seemed to act as though everyone and everything around him were all doomed to Helheim, so he might as well laugh about it.

Jo was starting to get a bad feeling about that, from the way everyone was talking…

Meg, Azazel’s firstborn, who had mostly ignored Jo on the pack emigration, seemed quietly pessimistic about the whole mission, but Jo wasn’t sure if that wasn’t just… Meg. She would have asked Ruby about it, but the beta was, well, still being weird. No, instead of standing next to Ruby listening to Dean, she was half-listening with Charlie, who was the only one who really seemed upbeat about going, and Kevin, who Dean had also asked to come with them – much to the rage of his mother, if what Jo heard was right. Which might have, of course, been  what convinced the young beta to come with them.

 Since generally Dean avoided sending out anyone that young on something he expected to be dangerous – as Linda had no doubt pointed out at great length - Jo had a feeling about what had motivated that off-field choice. Kevin might not have Charlie or Ash’s genius with machines, but he was getting there, and since Sam had left he’d become something of the token camp scholar in his place, apparently speaking with some fluency at least two human languages. People had been saying for a while now that it was that hunger for knowledge that was now seeing pick up lessons from Crowley. Dean wouldn’t want to bring Crowley with them, because as a rule he didn’t like Crowley, but he also wouldn’t trust bringing only magic-users who he didn’t know, even if Sam was the one vouching for them.

Jo would ask Kevin about it, but magic-use was still something of a… touchy subject around their pack, and she didn’t want to offend him or freak him out.

So instead she turned to him asked, “You feeling good about this, Kev?”

He shrugged. “I guess. Kinda sounds pretty… sketchy though, doesn’t it? Like trekking up into the part of the forest that no one likes going near, to probably end up fighting with zombies and Abaddon?”

“They aren’t exactly _zombies,_ Kevin,” Charlie corrected. “Not if they’re like Cole was. I mean – I’m almost sure Cole’s not actually dead, right? He just sorta went… weird, for a bit.”

Kevin snorted. “Well sure, but I’d like to end up ‘weird’ like that – do you?”

“Yeah, well, at least that was Castiel able to work out how to fix him in time,” Jo said, finding the alpha’s face in her scan of the crowd. Sure enough, there he was, standing not beside Dean but… close.

“Where are all the bets sitting on this now, Charlie?” Jo asked, still watching Cas watch Dean.

“Why ask me?”

“Because I know you’re the one running this damn betting pool now.”

Charlie eyed her suspiciously for a moment or two. “Ash made the top bet on them being mated but that they haven’t knotted yet. Garth and Pam say the opposite. Victor thinks they’ve been screwing since the alpha got here _but_ that it’s been exclusively _Dean_ doing the fucking. Bela thinks Dean won’t ever mate him, but thinks he’s fucked him at least once and thinks they’re both considering killing each other.” Charlie wrinkled up her nose. “ _Almost_ sure she’s got that one wrong, but I don’t know they have been glaring at each other a lot lately especially.”

“But you didn’t see Dean’s face when he had to put him in the cell,” Jo muttered. “He looked like his whole world was ending – and he wasn’t angry at him Charlie, he was _worried._ ”

“Soooo, you’re more of Donna’s frame of mind, that they’re desperately in love and just trying not to look too hasty? I’m low-key trying to lock Sam down on the same…”

“I’m not sure,” Jo admitted, squinting up at her Alpha again. “You got an opinion, Kev?”

The young beta scrunched up his face in concentration. “I think… that alpha wouldn’t keep pining after him like that if there was really anything still going on, and I know Dean might have gone through a heat and everything but I still figure he’s too uptight to like, ever have sex.”

“Tell that to Lisa Braedon,” Jo muttered.

Charlie beamed, ignoring  her. “So Kevin, how much are you willing to bet on that?”

*

Adam had been living with his dead father’s ‘Pack’ for a few days now and though ge still felt like everyone there hated him he was getting more used to the way things smelt, and the people who were trying their best to care for and about him. Like Mary. He still likes his father’s old wife best, even though Adam could tell she still had a lot of good reasons not to. Adam barely thought about his Dad, but he missed his Mom all the time.

She’d said he was _special_ when he’d made his Changed, and he had to keep out of the way of the other normal people. He had looked wrong to them, and now he smelled wrong to the Wolves, so that they were freaked out before they even saw him, according to Jesse. But people apparently thought that Jesse was pretty weird too, though Adam wasn’t all that sure why yet.

But even with his father’s people who were so much more focused on scent than sight, he still noticed Sam give a slight start as he walked into his mother’s rooms and saw Adam Changed for the first time.

He looked like a monster to the Wolves too, not special at all.

His brother recovered himself quickly though.

“Adam,” Sam breathed out, obviously fighting to keep his face neutral. “Have you seen you… my… my Mom around?”

Adam cocked his head to one side, indicating to where Mary was standing next to someone – Linda? – as they said goodbye.

Because Mary was leaving him. Much as she’d acted like she cared, she was still going to leave because everyone always left.

“Thanks,” Sam said, and walked over to his Mom. Adam _could_ talk in this form, because he wasn’t _quite_ full Wolf like this, but he was a little bit worse than just being a hairier version of his human self too. Speaking became a lot of effort, almost as though his brain wasn’t really wired for it, and his voice sounded strange, scary, even, so Adam didn’t like using it much.

“I think it’s ridiculous you’re leaving on such a vague-sounding mission at our age,” Linda was saying, hands balled tightly into fists as though she was trying to stop herself from reaching out for the other woman. “But since you are being this… this stupid, I want a promise form you that you’ll be looking after my son.”

“As well as I’ll try with my own son. And you?”

Linda blinked. “Excuse me?”

“Will you look after the boys I’m leaving behind?”

Linda looked up at Sam who’d walked over to them with a slight smile, then down at Adam, who realise he was being included as one of Mary’s ‘boys’.

“Of course,” Linda said eventually, “thought I think they’ll be fine looking after each other.” Her eyes turned a little sad, and Adam got that Linda also didn’t want Mary going away, even if she had, from what he’d seen, only been kinda mean to her from when he’d seen them together.

“You’re the one going off into danger. I can’t imagine anything’s going to go more wrong than usual around here.”

*

Cas deliberated for a long time on whether or not he wanted to talk to Sam before they left. He had a lot of time to do all that thinking – unlike most of the others coming with them, he didn’t have a lot of preparations to make as part of an established role he was there to fill, he didn’t need to make any particularly emotional goodbyes, and he had no space of his own there that he might have wanted to make sure was clean for his return. Welcoming as this pack had been to him, leaving it was no great wrench.

His routine before he left was ensuring everything he had with him in his Pack was secure, and drinking a lot of the coffee substitute Donna was encouraging people to try. It actually wasn’t all that bad, and by his third cup that day, anxiety won out over a vague sense that there wasn’t a polite way of telling someone you thought they were going to end up overusing magic, cutting off their own arm and still end up having to watch their pregnant wife die. And his brother, of course, but Cas had that covered, which he was able to confirm for Sam as he found the Alpha, watching the rest of their little mission team assemble.

“I don’t need to ask you to look after my brother for me, do I?”

“I’ll do what I can,” Cas told him with a grim smile as Sam moved in to give him a hug. “And obviously, uh, you mother -”

“Will do whatever it is she wants to, like always,” Sam said with a shake of his head as he looked back over at everyone else still getting their packs together. He was probably thinking about what he should say to the members of his pack he was sending off into the unknown with a different Alpha, what he was going to say to his brother… this wasn’t going to be Sam’s worst goodbye today but it certainly was Cas’s. And he hadn’t finished with it yet.

“Sam,” Cas started, dragging the Alpha’s gaze back to him. “I know you told me you didn’t think you wanted to hear anymore of what Gabriel had shown me of that future…”

Sam’s wavering smile set into a solid hard line. “Yeah, well. I have to hear a lot of things I don’t like, so hit me.”

Cas hesitated a moment. “Figure of speech?” he ventured, and Sam nodded, biting down on his lip to hold back a laugh.

“You got it.”

Cas let out a breath. “You’d be amazed at how differently everyone seems to do things around here in comparison to the place I’m from. I’ve learned not to assume. Sam -”

Cas regarded the Alpha thoughtfully. So far everything he’s seen of Sam seemed to suggest he was a measured character, who’d taken him seriously  long before others would have. But he was also a magic-user, who were known for their infamous mood swings.

“In the future I was shown you lost Jess, and her baby, when she went into labour,” Cas said, keeping his eyes on Sam, but bowing his neck slightly. “You lost an arm just trying to save her.”

Sam had gone almost deathly pale in only seconds, but all he did was nod.

“Sam, I’m not a magic-user, I don’t really understand how it works but… this isn’t me saying you should be trying to chop off a leg as well. Or that I think your mate is somehow doomed. Only to…”

What had he meant by it? To take away some of his own guilt if he came back, heard everything had went terribly and that he had done nothing?

“To prepare you for the fact that this might not be an easy birth,” Cas found himself finishing lamely. Sam nodded again, but his jaw was set in something like rage, and Cas could make out anger along with helplessness in his scent/

“And Jesse?” Sam asked hoarsely.

Cas shook his head slowly. “I didn’t see him. You were alone, Sam.. I can’t tell you what happened to him, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Cas said, mustering up a half smile and clapping a hand on Cas’s shoulder as though he meant to move away. “I asked.”

Sam walked a little past Cas and stared again at the group who all looked almost read to go, but when he spoke again his words were still directed at Cas. “Prepare,” he said quietly, “Hel, I wish I knew more about what I’m supposed to be preparing for back here.”

“Yeah,” Cas looked at Dean, whose bag, Cas knew, was holding just a little more weight in it than everyone else’s. “He does too?”

“And you?” Sam asked, turning back to Cas with a critical eye. “What about you?”

“What about me?”

Sam gave a half shrug, his face a careful mask. “You’re the only one leaving with any experience at taking the Alpha role, even if it wasn’t for long,” he said quietly. “If something happened to Dean while you’re all out there alone -”

“Nothing’s going to happen to Dean,” Cas said firmly, resisting the urge to growl.

“But if something did…”

“I don’t think I’d be in the right… headspace, to be leading anyone.” It didn’t matter if what he felt about Dean had been put there unnaturally, it was there now, and he was honest enough with himself to acknowledge its effects. If Dean died on this expedition it would destroy him.

“Yeah,” Sam said quietly, with a nod. Cas wasn’t sure he knew what the other alpha was thinking about anymore.

Later though, when Sam was hugging his brother goodbye, and Cas watched his fingers curl tightly around the shirt on Dean’s back, Cas wondered, and he worried. By trying to prevent Sam going through what he had in that other future had he only made things worse by making him dread it too?

Well. Whatever happened it was unlikely that Cas would be there to see it.

They set off in the early evening , having intended to leave several hours before, with the group split half and half between forms. There were advantages to having those walking as both humans and wolves, and Dean wanted to avoid the vulnerability of anyone having to go through a Change before they were able to make camp. But first, they had a lot of ground to cover, and it would take them some time to get there. Even with him trying his obvious best, Cole still wasn’t able to move much at much faster than a quick walk.

Dean however seemed to be having to try hard at pacing himself, there was a real joy to his movements now that he was out of the camp and actually being allowed to relax, and Cas could almost feel that relief at walking away from at least some of his responsibilities even without touching his mind. Much as Dean loved his pack, and would do the best he could for them for as long as he could, Cas understood how draining it had to be for his neverending efforts to be met with such frequent scorn, and even hatred. It was the job of every Alpha, but Dean had to work harder than most just to maintain that. But this, this ‘quest’, as Dean stubbornly continued referring to their journey as, wasn’t something Dean felt as though he were expected to understand. He was just focusing on the fact that he needed to stop whatever was happening – he didn’t need more information than that.

Which was another reason Cas had started wondering if Dean was avoiding him. Because Cas delt as though he knew just enough to worry Dean – he remembered too much of the blind _terror_ of Gabriel’s mind that all of this was real – but not enough to know how to deal with it. At least, not beyond what Gabe had already tried. And even he wasn’t sure that would have much chance of working anymore, even had he been successful. Cole’s ‘condition’, as Cas had heard Ruby refer to it as, seemed to prove that Jesse’s existence and growing strength had already done their damage, or perhaps even that something else might have caused the breach. Though it had frustrated all of them to hear such little concrete information from both Cole and Gabriel, Cas wondered if the problem wasn’t more that Gabe didn’t understand much more than any of them did about what he was talking about.

Though he apparently possessed at least the memories of the old god Loki, those were memories from a very long time ago, and ones which wouldn’t necessarily probe relevant for anything in their modern world.  He also didn’t seem all that happy about the amount of walking he was being foced to do without the use of magic and in his human form.

“So could we like… make him Change with that thing still on him?” The question, from the beta walking beside Cas, wasn’t asked in kindness, but an eagerness to have Gabriel stop talking. Cas grimaced at her in solidarity. He was almost certain that her name was Meg, and he knew that she was one of the Wolves sent from Sam’s pack. Cas wondered what precedent there was for such an amalgamated group effort from the packs. Even he and Gabriel, though exiled, made up a significant representation from their own Pack. And apparently, people remembered that.

“They say he’s your cousin,” Meg started, eyes flicking with weary amusement between them as she continued to address him. Cas wondered if it was because Meg was also an odd one out there, who like Cas, no one was under any real obligation to like or support. Cas might know little about Sam’s pack, and much of relationship drama had often gone over his head, but he knew enough to understand that Meg set herself apart from most of them, especially from Ruby, who was Pack to her. Cas wondered about that.

“Yes,” he told her, and felt a stab of near malicious glee that Dean turned his head from his position at the front of the group at the so-far unprecedented sound of Cas’s voice.

 _I can’t be dumb for this,_ Dean had said.

Cas was tired of having to be smart.

“How’d you manage to live through that? Because I’m finding that voice grating enough to wear off someone’s face and it’s only been a few hours.”

“Honestly? Feeling hurt now,” Gabriel said, slowing his pace to fit Meg and Cas’s place at the back of the ffroup.

“But maybe I’d be less inclined to wine if someone took this less than flattering _collar_ off of me. I mean, maybe I missed something and you guys are all about world destruction, but we’re on the same team here, and I’m the strongest player you have sitting on the bench -”

“ _No,_ ” Dean growled, without looking back.

“If you want me to help you at all you’re gonna have to get this thing off eventually.”

Meg stiffened beside Cas slightly at that, and he suspected that this might have been why she’d brought up the subject. Gabriel noticed too.

“Oh, I get it. The scary witch over here is still getting goosebumps just at the thought of me.” He grinned, baring his teeth at her, as she raised an eyebrow, doing an unconvincing job of looking unimpressed.

“Did you feel me battering against your Alpha’s barrier night after night, learning to regret what you’d done?”

That fiery ghost had come back to his eyes and Cas almost shuddered, half-hypnotised, at the thought that he had _been_ that…

But Dean’s voice was a welcome rescue from that fire. “Hey, doucebag! Not the way you talk me into letting you out.”

Gabriel looked as though he was thinking about shouting something back when Charlie, in her wolf for, interrupted him by nipping at his leg, forcing him to move quicker.

“I’m being _bullied_ here!”

Meg gave a small snigger of laughter, and the sheer infectiousness of it made Cas start too, and then he kept laughing because he couldn’t remember the last time he really had.

Again, Dean looked back when he heard the sound and grinned at him – right at Cas alone, a big Dean Winchester special – before catching himself and swerving forwards again.

“Oh, I’m sorry about that Cassie, I really am,” Gabriel sighed quietly as he flung around Cas’s shoulders. “Hope’s a fucker.”

*

Sam was in an uneasy mood by the time he’d made it back to Jess who was waiting, half-dressed, for him in bed. He’d never liked Crowley even as a pup, and having to talk to him now as part of an ‘official consultation’ on the magical consequences the bleeding of Chaos in the world might be wrecking. The fact that the things Crowley was saying were not only exactly what Sam didn’t want to hear and confirming of what Cas had told him, it also made an infuriating amount of sense.

“So we should be rationing the amount of magic we’re using. At a time like this?” Jake clarified after mulling over Crowley’s words, in that characteristic manner that made him such a solid magic-user and dependable Beta, despite being another alpha.

Crowley had shrugged. “You think I like losing out on the one thing keeping me special around here? Of course I don’t, but I’m not an _idiot_ and I don’t want to watch things get even uglier because of us.  We tap into Chaos, usually at some kind of price, but Chaos _itself_ is loose in the world now. Our power doesn’t belong to us anymore.” Crowley’s lip curled as he finished speaking – he didn’t like hearing what he was saying any more that Sam did.”

“What happened to Cole -”

“Crowley nodded. “Looks exactly like someone tied using big magic too near the source of this and it went haywire. With any luck, it isn’t too late – yet.”

So Sam listened to the wider counsel he had as someone with, if not the power over, the in the vicinity of, two different packs. Benny , of course, had the co-final word with him, and he thought it sounded like sense. Benny, Sam had been pleased to see, had changed little in the years Sam had been gone, and there was something very comforting about that.

“Well, we’re certainly not lacking for manpower anymore. We shouldn’t be needing any other kind of help,” he said, and Sam badly wanted to agree.

But it was difficult enough to remember that he didn’t need to exhaust himself with the constant concentration of keeping Loki out to think he could _switch off_ entirely, even if it was the smart thing to do. It didn’t feel smart. Even the thought of it made Sam feel vulnerable, and when he came in and looked at his wife, he felt more, not less, anxious.

Because he wasn’t doing _enough_ and now he had Castiel’s voice rattling around inside his head too, reminding him that no matter how hard he tried, in at least one reality Jess was doomed and there was nothing even Sam’s best would be able to do to prevent that.

“Someone’s thinking too hard,” Jess said with a smirk as she laid down the book in her hand. They’d found it in their rooms when they’d arrived – Dean had left it there, remembering it as his favourite.

Sam continues to stare at Jess from the door and tried to muster a smile for her. “Thinking hard about… how pretty you are.”

Her mouth gaped open in mock affront. “How dare you. I look like a planet.”

“A pretty planet.”

Jess’s face scrunched up adorably in feigned frustration. “C’mere and join me already. I’ve seen enough of serious Sam lately.”

Sam choked out a laugh as he kicked off his shoes and moved over to sit down on the bed with her. “Me too,” he said, and was rewarded with her low cackle he loved so much. “Where’s Jesse?”

“Outside with Adam. I think they’ll be good for each other,” Jess told him, before narrowing her eys while he shifted his long legs to fit on the bed properly.

“Is it Jesse you’re worried about?” She asked, eyes burrowing into him sharply as she stroked at his wrist with her thumb. “He’s not had any kind of incident since…”

Since a god had done his best to kill him. Sam nodded. “I know. But he doesn’t know what he’s doing, and we’ve just said that we’re going to try avoiding using magic at the moment. I’m worried that if… Hel, I don’t even know what I’m supposed to be worried about.”

“You don’t need magic to keep us safe, Sam,” Jess said quietly, as always being able to read him far too easily. “And there’s something else, isn’t there? Something else that’s bugging you?”

 _You_ , Sam thought. _You’re going to die on me and leave me alone here._

He’d never felt so grateful that they hadn’t been fated to each other, that she couldn’t actually hear the words running through his mind.

“I guess I just hope that they’ll be alright out there, that they’ll be able to sort this.”

Jess laughed softly and leaned forwards to cup her hands around his face. “And I know that’s worrying you too. But you’ve never been able to lie well to me…” She put a finger over his mouth as he tried to speak. “Though I’ll let you keep your secrets, Alpha, if you promise you’ll relax for me now. The world’s not ending yet, Jesse’s happy and I’ve got some killer backache I’d love for you to help me forget…”

Sam slunk his hands around his mate’s back, pulling her to him, and didn’t give her a chance to think any more before coaxing her into a kiss. She smelt so right there with him, everything felt too right, with his pregnant mate in his arms, for Sam to even consider that anyone could take that from him. And he _could_ feel himself relaxing, because her scent was like an aphrodisiac…

And someone was knocking on the door.

Jess gave a low growl in her throat as her teeth tugged possessively on his lower lip.

“I should really -”

“I really think you shouldn’t.”

With a smile, Sam extricated himself and went to open the door, finding Garth standing there.

“Garth, what’s up?”

The little beta’s face was grim. “Benny never came back from patrol.”

Well, thought Sam, not worrying about anything for a whole few minutes had been nice while it lasted.

*


	43. Keeping Watch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas nodded, feeling his guts twist harder into the knots they were already tangled in. “Is there a chance for any of us?”
> 
> “You mean, is there a chance for Dean?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry updates have continued to be so sporadic even after I promised I'd stop with that! To counteract that (kinda?) planning to have the second half of this chapter typed up later tonight, or tomorrow... definitely soon anyway!

“So you got landed with first watch, huh, Cassie?”

Cas rolled his eyes as his cousin sat himself on the log Cas was already using, and he hoped fervently that this would be Gabriel’s only contribution. It seemed that the ‘god’ had no intention of sleeping anyway.

“I volunteered. I wasn’t ‘landed’ with anything.”

It had been important to Cas to make sure that Dean trusted him to at least that limited extent and the Alpha hadn’t even blinked at the request. He trusted him still, and Cas couldn’t keep a slight smile off his face now he sat out alone… and gods he was pathetic.

“Whatever you say, cuz,” Gabriel said, giving a yawn which made use of his whole body before sitting down beside as, who narrowed his eyes at the beta before turning his gaze back to the woods around them.

“Don’t you sleep anymore?”

Gabriel shrugged. “What, since I recognised my godly self or whatever? Sure. But not with this big ugly noose cramping up my neck. I mean, you should try sleeping in this -”

“I’ll pass,” Cas muttered. “If this is an appeal for me to take it off you I won’t, and even if I wanted to I don’t know how.”

“Oh, don’t worry. I know where your screwed-up loyalties are sitting and I know they’re not with me.” Gabriel snorted. “I mean, all circumstances considered I probably wouldn’t give me a break either,” he admitted with a grimace.

“Well. There you go then.”

“I am sorry though, Cas, you get that, right?”

 Cas looked at his feet. “For which part?”

Gabriel shrugged. “For all of it, I guess. C’mon, this contrition thing really don’t come easy to me but… yeah. Especially over the Pack.”

Cas nodded, not sure he trusted himself to speak.

“They’ll do ok though, Cas, they’ve had to get through worse before,” Gabriel went on, and clapped a hand on Cas’s shoulder.

“Does that make it ok then? When I left, Anna told me she thought about running every other day. Uriel changed… he stopped laughing somewhere along the way, he went cold.” Now that the words were finally being spoken to somebody who would care it felt difficult to stop them. And though Cas knew he was speaking in that hard, clipped tone he also knew that to Gabriel it would seem as much of an outburst as tears would be.

“Gadreel was never right after what they did to Abner. Balthazar -” Cas paused for a moment as he wondered whether his cousin was even aware of what Cas had been shown. For some reason Cas had a strange suspicion that he wouldn’t, that what he’d seen of their maybe future had been his view alone. “- he was still so _young_ Gabe. And Hannah was staying so strong but I really was starting to wonder _how_. Of course I think Raphael would do better than Lucifer had. A rabid squirrel would be a better leader than Lucifer turned out to be. But I don’t trust him, and the way he treated me wasn’t right, so how are we expecting him to treat the people who he didn’t respect from the start?”

Cas closed his eyes for a moment, not sure he wanted to know how Gabriel was reacting. “But, I forget, they’ve _survived worse_ , they’ll be _ok_.” Cas finally turned his head up to look at his cousin and saw to his surprise that the beta’s eyes were shining. But Cas wasn’t sure if that wasn’t just another trick.

“I was trying to save all of them,” Gabriel growled eventually, and though Cas thought he could hear some of that _god_ tone creeping back into his voice, Cas remained unmoved.

“I heard,” he replied tonelessly. “But now we’re screwed anyway, aren’t we?”

The god said nothing.

“Gabe? What chance to we actually have of… shutting this down?”

A sickly version of Gabriel’s familiar mocking smile returned to the beta’s face. “The odds were never exactly in our favour, Cassie. Chaos is… Chaos. Destiny’s pretty much… destiny, and throwing a band-aid on it a few hundred years ago was never gonna work out as a long-term solution.”

Cas nodded, feeling his guts twist harder into the knots they were already tangled in. “Is there a chance for any of us?”

“You mean, is there a chance for Dean?”

Cas decided to ignore that. “Answer the question Gabriel.”

“I don’t know – I _really_ don’t much, ok?” He breathed out slowly, his hands shaking slightly as he tucked his hands into his armpits. “But, likelier than not, we’re all marching into our doom. Does that make you happier to hear?”

“Well, obviously not.”

“You’re welcome.”

There was no way that Dean wouldn’t want to be at the forefront of whatever was going to happen whenever reached wherever they were going, Cas understood with a dull certainty.

As though Gabriel could hear exactly what he was thinking, the beta went on with, “Yeah, sorry about the Mates thing. That would drive me crazy.”

“Well. It can be an inconvenience at times – I’d never had to watch what I was thinking so much before,” Cas admitted slowly. “But… in better circumstance, I can’t imagine having better luck that being paired to Dean.”

“And that’s not just the hormones and the instincts talking here?” Gabriel asked, with what sounded like genuine curiosity.

“I imagine those are helping, but I’ve stayed with him and his pack for some time now, and I know that he doesn’t deserve to be tied to someone… like me, especially like this. What you did -”

Cas looked at his cousin again, feeling almost nervous even as his voice was still shaking with suppressed rage. “And you were being honest - it is all something you just… constructed in us?”

Gabriel tried for a smile. “Would I lie to you… twice… about the same issue?”

Cas thought for a moment. “Yes.”

“Fine, but I swear I’m serious about this one. I really did kick this thing off. But… I’m not convinced. I think it maybe doesn’t matter all that much anymore what started it.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean… well look at you. You _care_ ,” he said, speaking as if caring was a disease Cas had been struck down by, which was both a source of disgust and morbid fascination for Gabriel. “You started on that mind-reading shit pretty quick, even if you had been honest to gods True Mates… like there’s something real there.”

“Could you… could you take it away?”

As Gabriel scrunched up his face in consideration of the question Cas unwillingly felt his heart jump to his throat, not sure what he wanted to hear in response.

“Maybe. Y’know, if I wasn’t shackled into this ancient piece of crappy hardware, and had some reliable access to any real power. _Un_ doing a thing’s hard work -”

“I get it,” Cas said tightly as he got to his feet and started pacing around the small campsite away from his cousin. He thought about Changing – he’d be warmer, and have better hearing, but mostly he’d have a good reason to not make any conversation with Gabriel. But –

“Cas?”

…But Dean was taking the second watch, and he was happy for a chance to talk to _him,_ even if Cas was aware of how pathetic that made him.

“Hello, Dean,” Cas said, turning to see the Alpha behind him. “Did you hear much of that?”

“Most of it, I think.”

Cas nodded and looked away.

“I’m sorry about your pack, Cas.”

Cas tried for a smile. That wasn’t the part of the conversation he’d been expecting Dean to pick up on. “Me too.”

Dean’s _scent_ …

Cas had never felt so certain that this couldn’t just be about Gabriel’s manipulations. Cas had never smelt anything so incredible, but he wasn’t even able to enjoy it properly - he was too desperately afraid he would say the wrong thing and change it, make it go away – that tantalising sense of fellowship, and something deeper – of _home_ …

Dean smiled and bit his lip down on what looked like a laugh as he looked over his sleeping group. “I… caught some of that”

Cas inclined his head in a silent question as Dean tapped at his own. “Trying my best to tune you out here, but, well… it’s tough, man.”

Dean was so much more relaxed out here, Cas noticed with a squirm of satisfaction, out there alone with him and knowing they’d be marching off into danger soon. He seemed younger, too, more than Cas had ever seen him looking.

Cas’s tentative smile widened. “I know.”

Dean snorted and grinned as he shuffled his body closer, seeming almost unconscious of what he was doing, but when he spoke he was still keeping his voice low. “Look… I’m sorry, man, I haven’t meant to be such a dick lately, but -” Dean waved his hands about vaguely, almost as if to draw attention to how big the world was, and how small his odds in it were ever going to be.

“You had a shock. And there’s been a lot to organise.”

Dean scraped a hand back through his hair. “Yeah, but you’ve been going through the same fucking thing and I – I shouldn’t have acted like any of this was your fault. Hel, if there’s anyone who gets anything -”

“Well, I forgive you,” Cas said with a weary smile as he sat down. He should Change, for the night – then he’d be warm enough to sleep, and if he didn’t sleep he’d be useless for helping anyone on the rest of their journey…

“Cas?”

Cas looked up at the omega, who stood out as an imposing silhouette against the moonlight.

“Yes, Dean?”

He heard the sound of Dean swallowing. “Nothing.”

Cas was grateful that the omega probably couldn’t see him smiling in the dark. “Goodnight, Dean.”

Dean huffed out what might have been a sigh. “’Night, Cas.” Then Cas thought he felt Dean trying to communicate in their own way, but then the Alpha cut himself off before he could even form the thought, the feeling, or whatever it would have been, and walked away to keep watch over them all.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much again to everyone continuing to bear with me on the bad editing, and the nonexistent updating schedule, you guys continue to be the best :3


	44. Betas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, thinking about it like that made it seem like a real friggin’ romance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a longer-than-usual chapter which took longer-than-it-should-have to post :)
> 
> Warning for show level violence and talk about dislocation, and some weird body horror?

Sam emerged from his cabin the next morning to find his Beta in deep discussion with Jody. From what Sam could tell, it looked as though she was picking a fight about something, but Jake, as usual, was holding his own without any need for Sam’s assistance.

“They have regular schooling for their pups, I don’t see why we can’t pool our resources. Alex is -”

“Jody, please -” Jake started, his eyes flicking skywards.

Sam walked behind them, smiling that at least some things were still familiar, and clapped a hand on the beta’s shoulders. “We’ll be bringing this up soon, don’t worry, Jody, soon as we get settled this is priority, alright? I’ve got one I’d like to see get the free childcare advantages too, if they’re going.”

Jody laughed, her expression at last relaxing. “I’ll hold you to that, Alpha,” she promised before shrugging him off and walking away from them.

“I don’t get how you always manage that so easy,” Jake muttered, staring after her.

Sam shrugged. “I’m a natural suck-up.”

“You are that…” Jake huffed out a sigh. “Look, there’s been no sign yet, and I know they’ve had their patrols out running all night looking. I’ve offered whatever help they’re needing, but I think they’re all still a bit uneasy about making it common knowledge for our lot that their temp Alpha is missing.”

“I know where he is.”

“You know -” Jake narrowed his eyes and rounded on Sam as he tried to walk away. “You scryed for him, didn’t you?”

“We don’t know what’s out there, Jake. We can’t risk -”

“Risk?” Jake’s eyes went wide with incredulity. “Gods _dammit,_ Sam we agreed no more magic. _Because_ we don’t know what’s out there -”

“Things have changed. Benny –

“Benny’s been missing one godsdamn night. You can’t just -”

Sam stopped walking. “I can’t?”

Jake shook his head, lip curling. “You know that’s not what I meant, Sam.”

“Ok, ‘cause it was starting to sound…”

Jake laid a steadying hand on Sam’s shoulder. “I’m not trying to challenge you as an alpha, Sam, just as a friend here.”

Sam turned his eyes away from his Beta’s pleading expression and closed them for a moment. In the vision Sam had managed to glean of him it had looked like Benny was alone, but looking so _pale_ – Sam didn’t have time to wait to find out if Benn was well enough to make it home on his own.

But Jake was also right. This was also too important to ignore – he depended on Jake for so much… “Jake-”

The other alpha snatched his hand back before Sam could reach it. “No, I’m not just gonna let you get away with your suck up routine here. I grew up in a pack full of Wolves consumed by the magic. Don’t make me have to watch it play out again.”

“I promise you’ll never have to.”

Jake scoffed out a laugh and looked at his feet. “Yeah, whatever you say, boss.”

With anyone else, Sam might have had to pull them up about how blatantly insubordinate that sounded. But he knew Jake – and he could smell when he was really afraid. And Sam knew that he’d put that there.

So he walked away, and as soon as Sam reached the line of tees he began to get ready to work his Change. He needed to reach Benny quickly and his human form just wouldn’t be able to sustain the pace he needed for that. Without an Alpha for Sam’s childhood pack to look to, the simple system he and Dean had set up to temporarily sustain order until he returned could so easily break down.

If – no, _when_ , Sam corrected himself fiercely – Dean made it home ok and came back to find something close to anarchy there to greet him when he’d left Sam protecting them all, Sam wasn’t sure he’d be able to face his older brother. And even if he wasn’t exactly Pack any longer Benny was still family. If Sam had the power to help him, and let him die out there – well he wouldn’t, couldn’t; and he hadn’t.

Sam still knew these woods as well as he knew his mate’s face, and that was heightened in his wolf form, when everything in him was screaming out _mine_ as he looked around him. Not exactly as an Alpha, although that side of him longing for it was also hard to deny in this form, but as a little boy who felt like he’d come home…

As Sam got closer to whereabouts he believed Benny was, he began to realise why no one had found the acting Alpha, despite him being relatively close to camp. Benny smelt wrong in a way that was difficult to define, but which seemed to match his eyes, Sam saw as he skidded to a spot nearby to him. Benny had become even paler, and those cankerous veins which had so sinuously wound their way around Cole were now visible on Benny’s face, just as Sam had feared.

At the whine Sam made at the sight of his friend Benny lifted his eyes. “Don’t come any closer,” Benny managed to heave out. Sam noticed the beta’s hands curling into fists. “And don’t… don’t Change. I don’t – I don’t trust me much right now,” Benny went on with obvious effort. “There were three of ‘em, Sam, and they’re tough when they get going. I got two – I think – but it didn’t matter, all they needed to do was _infect_ me.”

Benny spat on the ground in obvious disgust. “I didn’t recognise ‘em, but it was exactly like Cole all over – just like me now.”

Sam gave his friend a short nod and ran away from him, hoping to find some wood he might use for fire. He was hoping that Benny was still too injured to feel the impulse to give chase behind him.

It took Sam longer than he’d intended to spot some wood which looked dry and not already submerged in snow, and when he stopped for it, he scanned his eyes warily around him before making his Change. If Benny had only ‘got’ two, then assumedly at least one of those things were still out there…

He should probably be running for backup, Sam admitted to himself as his bones began shrinking, lengthening, clicking into new positions. But he was feeling freaked enough seeing Benny like this and he didn’t want to have to find out how anyone else would react. Not when Benny was meant to be the ultimate authority here.

As soon as he stood up as a man and threw on the light robe he’d carried with him, Sam made to cut at himself – to summon the magic and have a fire ready quickly – but Jake’s words had got to him enough to make him hesitate.

_Consumed by the magic…_

Sam remembered Ruby warning him on the first lesson she’d tried to give him, and despite all the proof he’d seen since then to the contrary, part of him still wasn’t able to believe they were warning he’d need to worry about _personally._ But maybe Jake was right, and that was just the kind of arrogance which could get them all in more trouble than they were already in.

And maybe Sam shouldn’t be pushing his luck and should be saving his strength for Jess instead.

Gritting his teeth, Sam picked up the broken branches and started rubbing them together, reminding himself that he knew how to light a fucking fire without needing any extra help. He was concentrating so hard on hoping for any spark that might surprise him that he almost missed the sound of a twig snapping somewhere behind him.

Sam stopped what he was doing. “Benny?”

Though Sam still couldn’t see anything when he turned around, he heard the heavy breathing he got in response. Sam swallowed and started rubbing his sticks together more frantically. He’d known what he’d been facing and he hadn’t even thought to take a lighter…

Sam looked quickly as the leaves in front of him rustled in parting or something which almost fell through the trees towards him. Benny looked, if possible, worse, but still himself – just, and he clung onto the tree he’d barrelled into like it was a lifeline, or physically able to hold him up. Or hold him back.

“Get it done,” Benny growled, eyes pressed tightly shut. “I’m… I’m doing…” The beta’s nails tugged hard into the tree bark. “… I can do this, I think. Just get it done quick.”

Sam nodded, too nervous to speak as he continued trying to create any friction between his sticks. Hadn’t Dean always used a rock when he didn’t have a lighter? If Dean had been there with him this would have been done already, and without him Sam should just give in and make his own already, make sure he saved them both in time –

Sam took a sharp breath in when he saw the spark, before slowly lifting his head to catch Benny’s eye as he nursed his little fire with flammable strips of the robe he’d brought with him. And though Sam was trying to keep aware of the beta, it still took him by surprise when Benny lunged at him, before what looked like him painfully catching himself in the air, or maybe just finally succumbing at last to his injuries, his head bowing submissively.

He was still shaking when Sam held the burning stick against his neck, and he hissed through most of it, reminding Sam bizarrely of a kettle when his face began to steam. But a few moments later he started looking more like Benny again, and when he started to fall forwards Sam’s arms were already ready to catch him.

“Hey there, man, you take it easy.”

Benny tried for a chuckle, but that too seemed to cause him considerable pain. “I can take it easy after I’m dead, Sammy. Now you gonna help me back on my feet?” He pushed a hand down into the ground but winced at the pressure. “Thanks, by the way. I’d… I’d tried working on the fire thing but I just -”

“Wait a second, there,” Sam cautioned him. “Just let me…” He gripped tightly onto the wrist and collarbone of the other Wolf’s injured arm, straightened it and pulled, feeling something _pop_ in response.

Benny grunted. “Well that hurt like a fucking… yeah.”

Sam regarded the shoulder carefully. “I think that’s all you dislocated, and it seems back in place now. But the way you were limping there -”

“It’s my ankle, I think.”

“Well let me look at it before you try to stand up.”

Benny’s iron grip clenched around Sam’s arm. “No magic,” the beta got out as he attempted to stand again.

“Benny, c’mon, you can’t walk, and I’m not saying I can’t be tough but you’re pretty heavy, I’m not carrying you on your own.”

“Well I’m not having you put everybody I’m in charge of here in danger by using that stuff on me. ‘Sides. Always gave me serious goosebumps, that.”

Sam sighed as he reluctantly helped haul his friend to his feet. It made him uncomfortable remembering how few people from his old pack, and Dean especially, had never liked the idea of magic. Apart from Benny, he hadn’t gotten much of a chance to speak to many of them yet, and he worried about what they might all be thinking of him now. The prodigal son returned, and even more of a freak, bringing a burdensome pack many might view as threatening.

“Benny, I can’t look after two packs here,” Sam said, taking another stumbling step over the snow, clinging to Benny’s waist.

“Couse not,” the beta told him in an obvious attempt for a light-hearted tone. “I’ll get Tracy to do the job. I was thinking about this the whole time I was sitting there waiting for you and I think I’m due a vacation.”

“Isn’t Tracy a little… young?” Sam got out, thinking that he couldn’t have run that far from camp, they couldn’t have that far to go…

“And how old were you again when you took over your pack?” Benny asked him sharply.

Sam smiled. “Point,” he conceded, not mentioning that he hadn’t exactly been his own first choice for Alpha.

“’Sides. Dean was considering grooming her for it anyway.”

Sam thought about it. Tracy had only really been a pup when he’d left and he’d been around her very little since he’d come home. He wasn’t sure about her skills, but she’d at least been smart enough to collar Cole and herd him back to camp without getting herself injured, and he’d seen that to some extent that people listened to her. But then of course they did – she was a young alpha, so she’d be a little loud, and probably headstrong, and eager to prove herself.

If they were expecting more attacks like this one maybe headstrong wasn’t too bad an idea.

“Sammy, I can just _hear_ the cogs whirring away in your head there.”

Sam tried for a laugh, but realised it was coming out as more of a grunt. Benny really was heavy.

“I’m sure you’re right,” he managed eventually. “I just hope Dean’s doing ok out there.”

Benny paused for a moment to rub at his shoulder. “The Chief’s got this, don’t you worry,” he said, before hissing at the pain.

“You’re _sure_ you don’t want me calling for help.”

Benny shook his head vigorously despite the effort that seemed to take out of him. “Nah. Andrea’s gonna wanna kill me for acting this dumb. I’d like to work on delaying the inevitable there if that’s ok with you.”

Sam felt his face split into a slow grin. “I remember when she caught Dean cheating at cards…”

Benny looked up miserably at him. “Yeah, we were nine. Believe me, she hasn’t simmered much since then.”

Sam laughed. From what he could remember about Andrea, Benny being ‘stupid’ wouldn’t be the only thing she’d be annoyed about – she’d also hate the aborted position as Alpha.

“Y’know, uh, I don’t see why you couldn’t just stay in charge. It always seemed kinda ableist that the Alpha’s expected -”

“Why not Tracy, Sam.”

Sam shrugged uncomfortable. “Well, like we were saying. She’s… well, she’s young.”

“But you were -”

“Exactly. And it’s only been recently that I’ve started to feel like I have any idea of what I’m doing. And so far that’s still being a mess.” Sam looked his friend in the eye. “I’m… I don’t think I’m good at this, Benny.”

It felt strangely like pulling poison to finally say it out loud, to admit the doubts he’d never stopped having about his own leadership, that had only grown all the worse since he’d come home and the ghost of his father seemed to linger everywhere. And it hurt that a cynical part of his brain wondered if it wasn’t easier to admit this to Benny because the beta was no longer any threat to that now exposed vulnerability.

And now Benny was looking at him in far too knowing a manner. “Y’know, I never knew your Dad all that well, he was always just the Alpha, y’know? But I know Dean. Been right there next to him as his Beta since he started on this frigging ridiculous venture of making an omega into an Alpha. And though all that time it’s worked, and the Pack really have been happier than I’ve ever seen ‘em. But y’know what, Sammy?” Benny grinned and pressed his head back against the tree he was leaning on. “Not once have I seen your big brother actually know what he’s doing. So I don’t think anyone really gets it. He’s done fine, you seem like you’re doing fine – and there ain’t no reason Tracy shouldn’t be able to follow us in that.”

Sam offered a hand with a small smile and hauled Benny back to his feet. “Thanks, I guess.”

“Well don’t mention it, Alpha.”

*

Jo tried her best to concentrate on what Charlie was saying, but the moment Ruby sat down beside her, the smell of the beta was all she could focus on. It was driving her a little out of her mind and Charlie, the bitch, was well aware of it, Jo registered as mocking fingers were snapped in front of her face.

“Earth to Jo? It’s your turn. Truth or dare, babe.”

Jo slumped her shoulders and shot Charlie a glare. “Haven’t we outgrown this yet?”

“Yes,” Gordon said, not looking up from where he was slumped on the ground, bag over his face.

“Is being a killjoy really your answer? C’mon, you used to be fun.”

Jo rolled her eyes, determinedly still not looking at Ruby. “Dare,” she said tonelessly.

“Dare you to kiss Ruby.”

Jo kept her eyes hard and focused on her friend. “ _Charlie_.”

“- on the hand.”

“Things getting explicit over here,” Meg muttered as she sat down next to Kevin, her burger in hand.

Dean had allowed them an hour’s break for lunch, and Charlie had been keen to take full advantage of the time while Dean talked something like strategy and direction with his Mom, Castiel, Gabriel and Cole, leaving the rest of them to their own devices.

“Shut it, Meg,” Ruby said quietly as Jo grabbed for her hand and pressed it firmly against her own lips before she had time to overthink it. When she dared to look up at Ruby’s face, her own cheeks burning furiously despite herself, the beta was smiling, but in a definitely caught-off-guard kind of way.

“Got my a heart all a-flutter now,” she said eventually, pantomiming fanning herself down.

Jo sat back, annoyed at herself, and very annoyed at Charlie. Maybe she was kidding herself and what had happened between them before hadn’t meant much to Ruby. That despite the way she’d seemed so determined to earn Jo’s trust, and the way she’d clung to Jo in her sleep, that maybe –

“Jo, your turn to ask someone now,” Charlie said, biting her lip down on a smile. Damn Charlie, thinking she was so smart going and playing matchmaker like –

“Ruby, truth or dare,” Ruby asked, forcing an eyebrow up.

“Truth.”

“Alright. What’s -”

“We’re moving out,” Dean said, stepping in behind Gordon, who let the bag fall off his face with a groan of relief.

“C’mon, Alpha, we were like totally in the middle of something here…” Charlie started, pouting.

“Yeah, and so’s that big ball of weird ass Chaos floating somewhere up in Purgatory,” he said, pointing up to where the trees became thinner, but the forest looked darker. It seemed a fitting name for it, and Jo couldn’t stop an involuntary shudder go through her as she looked up at it and thought about walking through it. She wasn’t _scared_ , but for the first time since they’d set out she was starting to feel uncomfortable.

“We don’t know what we’re gonna find up there,” Dean continued with a glance back at Cole as he ignored Charlie’s expression. “And I know I’ve not exactly been forcing in much _discipline_ or whatever on anyone on the way up here, but from here on in I need to know everyone’s going to listen to me when I shout, ok? We might not have time for much more than that.”

“So what’s the first command, guv?” Meg asked with a slow smirk. But at the glare she got from Dean in response she eventually lowered her head slightly.

“I want everyone sticking together,” he said. “These woods are… weird, and I don’t want anyone getting lost. We all clear?”

“We got it, Alpha,” Jo said, feeling strange to be addressing her friend so sincerely, but feeling like, as his Beta, she should really be starting to set an example. And not playing games for pups on the ground.

“So what’s the deal with this place anyway?” she asked Dean in a mutter after they’d been walking for about an hour.

“Well, for a start, it’s fucking creepy.”

Jo looked around again, taking in the oppressive scent of the air and nodded. “No birds,” she noted quietly. It felt like speaking quietly was the only appropriate was to speak in here.

“Uh-huh,” Dean agreed, his eyes constantly darting around the forest ahead of them.

“So when were you here before? C’mon, you’re not letting me get this story easy here.”

Dean rolled his eyes, but she saw she’d managed to coax a small smile out of him. “Before Sam left. Came up here with him and Benny, when we thought this seemed like the best shortcut up to the mountain packs. Thought we were being clever about it.”

“What happened?” Jo asked, curiosity piqued now. It was nice to have something to keep her mind off Ruby walking behind her, and the likely doom they were all walking towards.

“Nothing.”

Jo continued to peer up at her Alpha as he increased his pace just enough for her to notice.

“We lost Sam,” he said tightly.

Jo snorted. “Well that would have been enough to freak you out something stupid.”

Dean continued to look uneasy. “Yeah, well. I don’t remember that part too well. But when we found him he was like… _buzzed_ , and we – well we were fine so we got out as quick as we could, and drank ourselves under a lot of tables after we got to where we’d been headed.”

Jo frowned. “What do you mean you don’t really remember?”

Dean gave a twitching kind of shrug and made an obvious effort to keep his eyes face forward. “I mean we didn’t remember much. And then when we made it out…”

“Yeah?”

“Well, we didn’t talk about it again. So I’m sure as Hel not going over this with you.”

“You’re honestly starting to sound like Bobby.”

“Gonna take that as a compliment.”

“C’mon, it’s _me._ You can talk to _me_.”

“Fine. Talk to _me_ about what’s up with you and that Ruby chick.”

Jo shoved at him. “None of your business is what.”

“Ah-ha!”

“Jerk.”

The low laugh Dean gave in response seemed to echo strangely off the trees in a way that was definitely unnerving.

“Well that was creepy,” Jo murmured.

Dean threw his hands out giving her a wide-eyed look that was clearly conveying, _What did I_ just _say?_

*

Dean did remember some parts of what had happened when the mist had come down, but those slim and confusing fragments were disturbing to think on. So he never had. Sam had left not long after the one time he’d tried bringing it up and Benny had known better from the start not to say anything. It was what made him such a good balance of a Beta next to Jo, who always needed to know about and experience everything. Benny understood a lot without ever feeling the urge to comment on that, and in terms of that particular scenario especially, it was comforting not being forced into reliving details.

But Dean’s Pack might need him to remember, which should change things.

“Do you wasn’t to press on or start settling them down for the night soon, Dean?” His Mom murmured at his shoulder, and was kind enough not to mention the startled reaction he’d had to someone speaking.

“Pressing on for now,” he said. “But we’ll stop soon. Why, you gettin’ tired?”

She smiled at him as she narrowed her eyes and moved back a little way behind him, allowing Dean to take the lead more clearly as he was itching to do.

Something felt _wrong_ about this area of trees, and all of Dean’s constructed instincts were forcing him ahead of the people he needed to know would be protected. Dean wondered if that paranoia had anything to do with the magic around - Gabriel had told him the Chaos magic in the air felt thicker the further into the forest they walked, and when Dean had asked him about it Kevin had said the same.

He hadn’t asked Meg. No matter how much Sam might trust her, Dean had never spoken to her before and he wasn’t even sure he could bring himself to like her yet. She didn’t seem much of a character really built for living in packs, he thought as he allowed himself a glance back at where she was walking in her wolf form next to Cas. Because with _him_ she seemed to get on just great. And maybe Cas liked her too – which was obviously _fine_ if it was true…

Dean cut his own thoughts off sharply. He was letting Charlie’s dumb tweenager games get to him to the extent that he was apparently getting jealous over Cas – who really _could_ do whatever he liked – even _speaking_ to another Wolf. Which was ridiculous. Even if she was pretty, in that spiky kind of way, and seemed to have an amazing talent for making Cas smile –

Ok, so maybe there were pettier reasons for not bringing himself to like the beta, Dean admitted to himself as he caught the scent of something else up ahead of them, maybe waiting for them. There was such an indefinable _wrongness_ to the unfamiliarity of the scent that before Dean could even see anything there he was motioning for the others to stay back that little bit behind him. Then, steeling himself, he pressed on a little, hoping that Cas wouldn’t be able to feel the fear in his mind.

It almost smelt like another Wolf, whatever this was, but also very much something different…

“Alpha,” Cole called from somewhere behind.

 _Right, Cole,_ something in Dean’s head registered as the thing thundered its way out from behind a bush, running right towards him. He didn’t want to think of it as a Wolf, that was only going to make him hesitate, put him in danger, and he had people who needed him alive.

The russet red wolf had obviously been infected by whatever it was that had taken hold of Cole – despite the differences in forms Dean could recognise it as the same, in the eyes, and the corruption spreading up, splitting her fur. Even as she arched her back up and growled up, Dean noticed she wasn’t completely wolf either. She had probably tried to make her Change, in utter terror of what was happening to her, but the transformation of her mind had stopped that of her body, leaving her in a grotesque half way place. She didn’t have a tail. One of her ears was at the side of her head. Two of her legs were covered only in pale skin – not fur.

And it was made all the more horrible, Dean felt, by two things. One, you never saw anyone like this. Nakedness was barely ever an issue, but being seen partially Changed in form was the ultimate humiliation and shame upon both the looker and the lookee. There were no photos of it, no one admired themselves in the mirrors for it. The transition was painful, but very necessary. You didn’t look at another’s version of it for the same reason you didn’t need to know about their bowel movements.

The other awful thing was that the thing was obviously trying to laugh, and it was partly succeeding on what sounded like partly Changed vocal chords.

“Easy there, we can help you – cure you,” Dean said, as some part of him wished he was lying and he stretched his hand out like he was really trying to calm a dumb animal.

“Dean, that’s Abaddon,” Cole hissed from somewhere behind him.

“Well, uh, nice to meet you, Ma’am. Head a lot of things,” Dean said as he slowly paced around in a circle, ensuring that she would have to barrel through him if she wanted to reach his Pack. If he could just keep her eyes on him he could… no, he couldn’t, he’d left his gun with Jo, who he’d now made it almost impossible for to get a clear shot in without putting himself in the firing line. And besides, the threat of a gun might not even stop Abaddon if she was too far gone – Cole didn’t exactly seem to have a lot of self-preservation. And even if they were pretty sure they had a cure that would work Dean didn’t want to risk getting too lose and becoming infected.

As though listening to some of his thoughts and deciding to ignore them, Jo fired and managed to hit Abaddon’s ear. It really wasn’t a bad shot, Dean thought almost hysterically as the beast lunged for him and he braced himself, feet planted squarely on the ground, knees bent, arms out like he was trying to catch a ball.

He was the Alpha. If he could get her down it was unlikely he gonna make it, but he’d hopefully be able to take her with them. No, he _would_ be able to stop her, because he needed to stop her getting anywhere near his Pack, his Mate –

But as it happened he wasn’t given a chance. Abaddon was suddenly already brought down, attacked from behind even as she’d leapt into the air from something which had lunged for her neck and from the looks of things, snapped it.

And the something was Cas, Dean realised too slowly as the alpha looked up and met his eyes, the wolf’s muzzle red with blood. He looked like a strange old piece of art, like an avenging Fenrir come to life and enraged by the fact – noble, terrifying, powerful.

…Then Cas ruined the aesthetic of the thing and started retching in a clear attempt to disinfect his mouth. Concerned for the practicalities of the situation like he hadn’t just killed a person, and killed them for Dean.

Dean, who still hadn’t gotten himself up from being knocked up on his act and gawking up like a fish who’d just heard about religion for the first time.

A non-Pack alpha making an Alpha’s kill for them – that was fighting talk traditionally. But there was Cas panting and covered in all that blood, blood which kept spurting from the dead wolf’s neck because he’d apparently hit a fucking artery and he was… lowering his head slightly in deference. To Dean.

Yeah, thinking about it like that made it seem like a real friggin’ romance.

 _Fenrir, just buy me flowers next time,_ Dean thought fervently and Cas snorted at him, still seeming to care enough about boundaries not to make any more of a reply. Boundaries Dean was finding more and more difficult to remember why he cared about at all.

Someone behind him coughed.

“So uh, are we making camp by the creepy corpse here or are we moving out?

It was Gabriel because of course it was Gabriel.

Dean looked away. “We’ll burn her. We don’t want anything else getting infected. Last thing we need is infestation of zombie squirrels.” He didn’t go one to talk about how wrong he would feel about leaving her there. She might have just tried to kill him, and even when she’d been herself she’d attacked his Pack. Her reputation had certainly never sold her as any kind of good person, but this monstrous weirdness she’d become hadn’t been of her own making, and for some reason that made things different.

Dean had been forced to kill just once before in his life, and he wasn’t sure if it was the act he hadn’t actually made this kill, or if it was because she hadn’t necessarily _deserved_ this that was shaking him up so badly his time.

It took them longer than Dean had wanted to spare to set up a good enough bonfire to have a hope of burning through her body, and as Dean watched Cole help toss her onto the flames, Jo came over to him, seeming to sense some of his discomfort. And though he’d never known her to be a touchy kind of a person she took hold of his hand.

“If anyone deserved this it was her,” Jo muttered, looking Dean hard in the eye. Dean nodded slightly, suspecting she’d have some enthusiastic congratulations to offer Cas when he was back in his human form. But the alpha still hadn’t Changed, and Dean was starting to worry that Cas was avoiding him.

Well, not _worry._

_Notice._

Right.

*


	45. Last Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Needing some liquid courage?”
> 
> “Any kind would do.”

For his short-lived period as acting Alpha Benny had been comfortable staying where he was in his hut with Andrea, but Tracy was single, and untried at the job she was taking on. It was only a logical decision that no one had objected to that she’d moved herself into Dean’s quarters.

On paper, Sam didn’t have an issue in it. He just didn’t _like_ seeing another alpha taking control of his brother’s limited possessions and sleeping in his bed, and as he heard another voice other than Dean’s invite him inside it was difficult to remind himself of the logic behind her being there. Irritated at himself, Sam took a deep breath, clenching and unclenching his hand into a fist a few times before using his hand to turn the doorknob.

She hadn’t changed the décor much, but then she hadn’t exactly had any chance for it. The furniture laid out for the space of a larger person seemed to swamp her a little, but if Tracy recognised that she gave no indication that it bothered her.

“Sam,” she said, inclining her head slightly as she settled in the chair behind Dean’s desk, showing her respect from one Alpha to another.

Even in these private quarters, Sam was determined not to say the wrong thing, so decided not to ask the question dancing on his tongue of ‘how are you finding it?’ The last thing he wanted to do was imply that she was feeling anything than comfortable in her position of responsibility.

So instead he asked, “How’s Benny holding up?”

Tracy rewarded him with a slight smile. “Well, Andrea’s no closer to forgiving him for being an idiot yet, but he’s healing up ok.” The new Alpha cocked her head to one side. “You could’ve healed him but you didn’t, right? Like you did for Castiel.”

“Benny felt it would be… dangerous,” Sam said carefully.

“It’s to do with what Dean and the others are hunting, right?”

Sam nodded. If Tracy was the Alpha around here for now then she deserved to know about that.

“And is there anything else I should know before I have to start working it out for myself, Sam?”

Sam thought about Jesse, who still hadn’t had any real kinds of incidents since Loki’s attack on him, but who sent Sam and Jess into near anxiety attacks every time he fell over in public and scraped his knee. Would he stand up again on his own or would he cry, and what would happen if he did that?

“No,” he said. “though Benny did worry that there might be more of the things out there like the ones that attacked him – it might be dangerous for anyone to keep managing solo patrols.

Tracy nodded. “You’re probably right,” she agreed, straightening up, and Sam felt absurdly proud of her, as a flash of memory of her as a bossy little pup came back to him.

“Now, is there anything else your pack is wanting addressed?”

Sam grinned, only a little sheepishly. “Well, uh, there was actually a question I got about, uh, schooling…”

*

Jo was feeling a little shaken after the whole attack on her Alpha – an attack she should have known how to deal with, but had managed to do nothing about, almost letting Dean meet his death – and she couldn’t stop herself checking and double-checking the area around her before feeling ready to settle. Mary was on watch, sure, but Jo still wasn’t able to convince herself she was safe, not when she was getting ready to make her Change for the night, and about to be at her most vulnerable.

She missed home, she realised with what felt like the worst cramps she’d ever had to suffer through. Much as she spent most of her time complaining about it usually, she missed her Mom’s fussing, the smell of her reassuring Jo that nothing was going to get through Ellen Harvelle to be able to hurt her baby. And much as Jo had always wanted to move around and cast her own shadow, but she’d never wanted to have to lose –

“Jo?” Jo had been so busy missing her Mom like a petulant little pup that she’d barely even noticed Ruby’s arrival in front of her.

She was wearing that same loose-fitting clothing most of them were for the human sections of their journey, being easiest to carry. Unlike the rest of them, Ruby was actually wearing it well. It hung from her slender form in a way that made Jo want to trace out the lines of her with her hands: mapping her, the way she had that first night as Ruby slept. Even then, while Jo had been swearing to herself that she wasn’t going to get attached, she’d been doing her best to memorise every tempting inch of her. And it had worked.

Aware she was probably staring vacantly in a way that definitely couldn’t be considered attractive, Jo smiled down at the snow-covered ground she was scuffing at to clear for her bedroll.

“How’s it going, Ruby?” Jo asked, a little tonelessly. She was aware she was being kind of a bitch about this but fuck it she was tired and she hadn’t started that.

“You wanna hear what I’ve got to say?”

“Do I?”

…And now she was definitely being a bitch. _And_ childish. But Jo could practically _hear_ Charlie listening in from the other end of the camp and it wasn’t putting her in a good mood for nice. So she was going to be as bratty an omega about this as she wanted to be.

She was still sulkily congratulating herself on sentiment when Ruby knelt down in front of her. “I thought you’d hate me.”

Jo blinked before sceptically scanning her squinted eyes over the beta. She wasn’t sure what she’d been expecting to hear but it certainly wasn’t that. Ruby, for her part, seemed to be keeping her blank, almost as though she was waiting for a reaction from Jo before allowing herself to feel or think anything more.

“Why?”

Ruby shrugged, still carefully keeping her eyes on Jo. “Because I under-exaggerated the amount I knew about Jesse. I lied to you, and I thought that had got a bit obvious after he was attacked.”

Obvious, right. Maybe to someone who’d been paying more attention than Jo.

“I like to think you were starting to trust me, like me,” Ruby went on, “then I went and fucked that up.”

Jo frowned. “Yeah, ‘cause you avoided me for days, not because you were trying to protect your pack. I’d do the same for Dean.” And Jo wondered if Sam had told Dean everything before they’d left, what that ‘everything’ entailed and whether knowing it would have changed Dean’s mind on making this trip in the first place.

Jo noticed Ruby’s mouth slowly start to spread up in a smile and felt distracted again.

“Wait, you thought I was mad at you so you were just gonna slink off in a Lone Wolf sulk and just give up on us that easy?”

Ruby’s smile widened to the point that Jo thought she could see shadows of the beta’s now-familiar smirk. “There’s an us?”

Jo furiously ignored the blood already rushing to her cheeks. Benny was right, she sucked at poker. “Yeah, well. You just… yeah. What now?”

“Like generally, or right this minute?”

Jo shrugged, feeling suddenly defensive. “Whichever, I guess. Dean’ll start growling at us though if we keep this up. The troops need their sleep and all that.”

Ruby’s eyes glinted. “But that doesn’t seem all that fair. We all might die tomorrow. Don’t we have a right to use our Last Night on Earths for something more fun than sleep?

Jo snorted, aware that the beta was inching closer towards her on her hands and knees. The smell of _interest_ in the air was making Jo feel almost lightheaded, and she had to try not to breathe to snap out her next word with a raised eyebrow. “Like?”

Ruby’s lovely mouth quirked up from one end. “Morale?”

Reluctantly, Jo felt a smile tugging at her own lips as she drew a little forward. “Oh yeah? How do you plan on boosting that?”

Ruby seemed to consider a moment, her eyes an inch away from Jo’s. “Total camp orgy.”

Despite herself, Jo started. “Seriously?”

“I mean, I’m not going anywhere near Meg, but that Gordon…” Ruby hummed lowly before she was cut off by Jo pulling her face in towards her own, the omega finally reaching her breaking point of already famously limited patience. And Ruby tasted just like she remembered.

Well, she also tasted like the slightly questionable barbecue they’re not long finished by she smelt _amazing_ – electric, and most of all the heady sense to her like there was nowhere else in the world that she would fit better that right there with Jo.

When Ruby finally pulled a little away, Jo’s hand still lightly clasped at the back of her neck, Ruby licked her lips like she’d also tasted something good there.

“So is that a yes to the orgy?”

“I hate you.”                                                                                                                                             

“You love me.”

For a split second as they realised what Ruby had said they both froze still. Then Jo shrugged, hoping she seemed a lot more chill about the situation than she felt, and not like her heart was still running a mile a minute. “I’ll let you know. Now, were you planning on leading me off into the woods or something? Because that just doesn’t sound safe to me.”

“Actually, I came here with only the purest intentions – you’re the one accosting me.”

Jo rolled her eyes. “Fine. Then for now we’re going outside camp a little because, assuming we live after tomorrow, I want to be able to look Charlie in the eye again.”

*

Sam and his mate were lucky in dealing with their unusual pup thanks to the fact they’d both always been light sleepers. But for this night terror it was Adam who was awake first to rouse Sam, his little face anxious and solemn. His father’s eyes, Sam thought with something like panic even as he sat up and looked back at the kid, realising that John Winchester certainly _hadn’t_ had blue eyes, and wondered where the thought had come from.

“Adam? You ok? What’s up?”

It was hard to speak in responsible adult sentences when you were still attempting to wipe sleep out of your eyes, Sam thought as he felt Jess moodily shift beside him.

“Jesse’s sick.”

He didn’t hesitate on the second word, but there was something about the way he was saying it that pushed all the hope out of Sam’s head, and immediately the alpha was out of bed, startling his young brother.

“Adam, you stay here with Jess.”

“I’m coming, Sam.”

“ _No_ ,” Sam almost growled, before catching himself. “If he throws you like last time, Jess, the _baby._ ”

For a moment, Sam felt real terror that his mate was going to go ahead and argue with him, but then the tension in her shoulders faded and she held out a hand to beckon Adam into bed with her. “C’mon Adam. Sam’s gonna make sure that Jesse’s feeling better. We’re just gonna wait right here.”

Adam looked up, uncertain, at Sam, before climbing in beside Jess and leaning on her arm. Sam felt those eyes still following him warily as he left the room to retrace Adam’s steps to the room he was supposed to be sharing with Jesse. And he was going to remember that was Jesse in there, Sam kept telling himself even as he walked in and saw –

Well. It could have been worse. The night that had caused the avalanche which had sent them running south in the first place had been much more frightening, but then maybe he was just getting numb to it all now, Sam thought as he took in the sight of Jesse hovering slightly above his bed, still rocking in his sleep. And while his eyes were closed and his face seemed slack his small hands were curled into tight fists.

Nothing was on fire yet, and that was a good start: Sam could work with this.

But gods, his life had gotten complicated.

“Jesse? Can you hear me there, buddy?”

He wasn’t surprised when the pup made no response, but Sam couldn’t stop himself grimacing. No fire, and no attempts to Change either – this was still good. Though it was very dangerous to make a Change while technically unconscious, he had watched Jesse try it before and it was worrying. Especially since he wasn’t, in the strictest sense, going to turn into a wolf.

Sam had nearly broken Loki’s – or Gabriel’s, whatever – face when he’d dared to refer to Jesse as ‘the mutt’, but he couldn’t say it wasn’t accurate, and he’d always tried to avoid Jesse having to look anything other than human around the rest of the pack. They all knew, to some extent, that Jesse was different, but Sam preferred not having them reminded. He might be the Alpha but could only control them all to a very limited extent. And if any of them, except people like Meg who’d helped to make him like this, or Ruby, who Sam and Jess had never tried to keep much from, saw him like this…

 _I’m not good at this,_ Sam had told Benny about being in charge, about knowing what he was supposed to do all the time. What he hadn’t tried to explain was that it was all very well acting like you knew what you were doing with the day to day decisions, but not when every night you came home you looked at your own pup and knew you had no idea of how to help him.

Taking a deep breath, Sam moved forward, trying to forget his fear. He was really getting tired of feeling afraid.

“Jesse?” he said again, as, biting his lip, he reached out for the boy’s hand.

The effect was immediate.

Sam knew more than most about how magic was supposed to work, and there was always some kind of cost for it, it couldn’t just be conjured from nothing. But with Jesse, it usually made sense to forget about the rules, since the magic had never seemed to work like that for him.

The moment Sam felt his pup’s hand, he stopped being able to function – he couldn’t see, he lost all physical awareness of what was around him. Because he was suddenly seeing too _much_ – all bright, false images streaming through his mind and trapping him there.

Gabriel, coming for him wearing Castiel’s body; Castiel, clutching at Dean’s unresponsive face and muttering the omega’s name in desperation around trees that Sam recognised with lurching familiarity; the sky crackling with lightening, over and over and over again; Jess, her beautiful face contorted in pain and grief; a woman that might have been Sam’s mother surrounded by hundreds of black birds –

Eventually the images began to blur, and Sam realised that the background screaming noise he was hearing was coming from him. Numbly he closed his mouth, and, ignoring the new pain in his throat, practiced opening and closing his mouth a few times, feeling incredibly fish-like as he tested it.

“Jesse?” He tried eventually, looking back up at the bed. Jesse was sitting up now, and rubbing at his head as though it was aching.

“Hey,” Sam said with some relief a he stumbled to his feet and rushed to sit beside the boy and threw his arms weakly around him. “Hey, it’s alright,” he went on, in what he hoped was a soothing tone.

“Did I do this?” Jesse asked quietly and Sam felt his stomach drop as he looked around the room. There was a crack running all across the wooden boards of the floor. Everywhere, the limited furniture of the room had been pushed right against the walls, and by the force they’d clearly been pushed there Sam wondered how they hadn’t managed to break through the thin walls.

“Uh… right,” he murmured eventually. “Well…”

Jess picked that moment to run in, Adam tightly at her heels. She took in the damage with a glare Sam admired for its briefness before she ran towards them.

“My boys are ok,” she almost sobbed as she pulled Jesse close to her.

Sam watched Jesse look at the floor and wondered if he could bring himself to agree with his mate. So instead, he simply sat there, trying to let the scent of all them there together keep him calm, and not just make him worry about how fragile they were.

*

Cas was aware he should have already gone to bed, but he wasn’t long back in his human form and he still felt to restless to Change back so soon. And whatever substance it was that Meg had with her in the hipflask she’d graciously allowed him to share was good.

Well. It tasted completely foul, but it was helping to take his mind off the memory of Dean lying down in front of him, face shining with an intoxicating mixture of surprise, joy, and relief as he’d looked up at him.

Before passing Meg her flask back Cas took another swig of it. He could deal with Dean’s rejection of him, with Dean ignoring him, but _that_ had been too much. After what felt like a long time with barely any acknowledgement that he was even there and then to suddenly be the entire focus of Dean’s attention again…

Again, Cas made a face at the taste of the drink. “What _is_ this?”

Meg tapped at her nose as she took a drink for herself. “Ah-ha. Family recipe, so, no offence, but I’m keeping quiet. My Daddy used to make it,” she added, as though daring him to say anything.

Cas wasn’t drunk, but he had drank enough to take the bait. “Your father, the one they called the Witch Wolf?”

Meg held his gaze stonily. “They did.”

Cas nodded to himself. “I’ve heard some stories.”

“Can’t imagine any of them were very nice.”

“No. Not exactly.”

Meg smirked sadly to herself. “Yeah. We weren’t. Very nice.”

“We?”

“I’m not as young as I look here, angelface,” she said, smiling tightly. “And I’d like to say I don’t regret anything over all that time.”

“But?”

Meg looked at him, almost judging his face and reconsidering what her answer should be based on it.”

“But some things its harder to look back and justify than you thought it would be.”

“Like Jesse?”

Meg set the flash down and narrowed her eyes at him. “And what do you know about it?”

“Almost nothing. Just that Azazel helped… create him in some way.”

She nodded, smiling crookedly and for a moment Cas wondered if she might cry.

“He’s my kid,” she said eventually.

Cas spent a few seconds turning that over in his mind. “I thought he was Azazel’s son? Your brother?”

She shook her head, staring dead in front of her like there was something hanging in the air that was only visible to her. “Azazel liked to call him his son because he was mine – it was his blood, and he really was involved in, yeah, ‘making’ him, and because of what he might do, be.”

 _And why are you telling me?_ Cas wanted to ask, but he stopped himself. He understood how it felt to have had enough of holding things in.

“And what was that?” he asked instead.

Meg looked up at him again with that fragile brittle little smile and shrugged. “The end of the world? Like I say not exactly nice.”

Cas kept quiet, feeling that he’d either drank too much or far too little for a conversation like this.

“And Sam knows?”

She snorted. “Of course he does. Damn overachiever Alpha tries to know everything. He’s a good kid though,” she admitted in a mutter to the ground.

Cas smiled. “It seems to be something of a family trait, goodness.”

Meg rolled her eyes back to look at Cas. “You love him, don’t you?”

“Sam?”

“Don’t play dumb with me. Dean. Do you love him?”

Cas blinked. “Of course.”

The other Wolf lightly shoved him. “Well then. Could be our last night on Earth or whatever. Do you _really_ think I’m the person you should be telling that to?” She shrugged again with a sigh when he didn’t answer her. “I dunno man, but it doesn’t seem like you’ve got all that much to lose at this point, do you?”

“No,” Cas agreed. “Certainly nothing to lose.”

Meg shoved him again and as she spoke Cas thought he heard her voice break a little. “So what the fuck are you doing waiting over here with me, tiger? Go get him already.”

“I -”

“Yeah?”

“…Could I have another drink?”

Wordlessly Meg handed him back the flask.

“Can I finish this?”

At Meg’s nod Cas downed the rest of the drink, and focused on not gagging on the taste of it.

“Needing some liquid courage?”

“Any kind would do.”

“Yeah, I mean, don’t know how to break this to you, but you’ve still not moved.”

Cas realised this was true in a sort of secondhand way that he didn’t think had much to do with the drink. “I do want to tell him,” he explained to her, in an attempt to remind himself.

“Right. The now or never moment.”

“I know. Just give me -”

“And the crowd holds its breath.”

“Does tormenting me amuse you in some way?”

“Yes. Yes it does. This is fun.”

*


	46. Saying Something Stupid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Screw it, they might all be dead in a day anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I know it's been a while...
> 
> basically, i no longer have a bus commute to work to write in, so i have to figure out where else I'm fitting it in... should honestly have the rest finished with soon though!

Sam woke up when he heard the knocking at the door and opened his eyes to Adam staring at him.

“Did you sleep?” Sam murmured sleepily at him, as he registered with slow alarm the noise of people talking outside.

Adam was sitting at the end of the bed that Sam, Jesse and Jess had been sleeping in. His mate had suggested that she and Jesse at least should sleep in their wolf forms, and neither of them seemed to have woken yet, so the small bed still felt cramped and full. Adam meanwhile was still human, and very pointedly ignoring Sam’s question only to glance at the door.

“They didn’t like me either – where I was from. They said I was different there,” he said quietly, with a tone so detached that it made Sam want to shudder, and find some way to comfort his brother. Instead he got to his feet for the second time that night, lightly laying a hand on Adam’s shoulder as he passed, hoping as he got to the door that it would be someone like Jake, or Tracy standing outside.

But of course it wasn’t.

As a pup, Sam had avoided his second-something cousin Christian, so he didn’t really remember him well enough to be sure that the figure standing in front of the small group was really him, but he smelt familiar. And there was something about those mean little eyes…

“Getting pretty late at night for reunions,” Sam offered evenly.

“Well, I’d say it’s pretty late in the night for meddling witches,” said someone at Christian’s shoulder. Sam was even less certain he recognised this one, it was too dark to see much in any case. Before he’d had a chance to try and craft out a more diplomatic response than the line of snark on his tongue, Christian took a step forward.

“We all know it’s the pup, Sammy.”

There it was. Something about the way his cousin lingered over his name in that patronising tone left Sam with no doubt no in who he was looking down at.

Sam took a breath. “The terms of the agreement for me and my pack wintering here suggest that you should be telling your Alpha, not me, about any concerns,” he pointed out mildly, even as he felt every part of him _itching_ to go for the beta’s throat, and, worse, to strike out at him using the magic they all feared so badly.

Christian smiled, in a way that the beta probably assumed would come off as more threatening than leering. “Oh, we both know that I’ve got no Alpha left to look to around here. You’re on my turf, and I don’t like what I’m seeing of you, no offence, Sammy.”

“It’s Sam, actually,” Sam said, taking a step down to stand at Christian’s level to look his cousin in the eye, taking great pleasure in the fact that he still stood above him. “And though my brother isn’t here, I _know_ you _do_ have an Alpha making decisions for your pack in his stead. Maybe we should go and visit her together?”

“No need,” Tracy said, stepping out into the light of the open door for a moment. Sam forgot how much smaller she was than everyone else there.

“I’m sure I’d love to know what everyone’s doing up at this hour,” Tracy said softly, eyes darting between them all. “Walt, Roy, I was hoping for better from you than insulting a guest.”

“He’s no more a guest that you are an Alpha,” Christian sneered.  “You’re the second choice of a second choice, you didn’t earn this.”

They were circling each other now, Sam realised in horror as he watched them stay silent, their eyes glittering. And Christian’s face still covered in that fucking smirk.

“And who says that omega bitch is even coming home again?”

Sam stepped forwards with a growl, but one glance from Tracy kept him from raising his fists.

 _This wasn’t his pack,_ and Dean wouldn’t thank him for interfering in it, he reminded himself fiercely over the blood pumping to his head.

Tracy’s eyes flickered, and Sam admired the composure of the young alpha. “Speaking of not earning anything, Christian Campbell, you’ve not earned a damned thing in your life that gives you the right to speak to me like that.”

“Well I for one would be interested in changing that,” the beta said with a slow grin as he moved closer to her. Tracy didn’t flinch.

“If you’re so sure of yourself, then prove it and fight me. Tomorrow, with everybody watching.”

“Tracy you don’t have to -” Sam started, but the younger alpha raised a hand to stop him.

“With everybody watching _you,_ Alpha,” Christian sneered, but his knees bent, defensively waiting to spring.

Tracy’s scent was enraged, but she gave no outward sign she even noticed he was there. She smiled slightly and Sam felt that if he were Christian it would not be a look he’d want to be on the receiving end of.

“That’s the way I like it,” she told him eventually. “Speaking of… I know we’ve never exactly kept a curfew around here, but this is beyond a joke now. _Everyone,_ ” and she looked up at Sam as she spoke, “should be in their beds by now.”

Christian moved a little closer towards her, but just as Sam was ready to let out another warning growl, Christian slunk to the side of her. “I’ll see you in the morning then,” he said, his little group of followers trailing away behind them. Sam made an attempt at scenting the ones he wasn’t able to see who they were – it usually paid to know who your enemies were.

“If he dares turn around,” Sam muttered as he stared after them, but Tracy cut him off.

“What happened, Sam?”

“I -”

“And don’t tell me it was nothing, because the whole damn camp heard that earthquake.” She hadn’t raised her voice much, but she was hissing out hat undeniably Alpha tone that reminded Sam of his father. One hint of that and you wanted to obey. Though in Sam’s case it usually just made his hackles rise.

“There was… an accident earlier,” Sam tried to explain. “It won’t happen again,” he said, knowing he wasn’t really able to promise anything in that when he didn’t even have any idea of how to help his pup in the first place.

“But you know it was possibility in the first place and you didn’t say a word.”

“I… I didn’t know how to tell you.”

“When I’m supposed to be Alpha of your brother’s pack right now? What, was I not smart enough to hear this?”

“No, Tracy, it’s just -” Sam took a steady breath in. “I understand if you want us to leave but -”

“No, _godsdammit_ Sam that’s not what I’m saying,” she snarled, running a hand back through her long hair.

“Then what are you saying?” Sam as he’s eventually in a softer tone.

Her eyes flicked back up to look at him. “I’m saying that tomorrow I’m going to beat Christian fucking Campbell down in front of _everyone_ , and _no one’s_ going to be using magic to help me in that. Then you’re going to start telling me the sort of things I should know if you’re going to be staying here, ok?”

Sam nodded. “Obviously, everything you need to know. But…”

She didn’t even bother answer him, only quirked up an eyebrow.

“Christian’s got everything to lose in this. He’s going to be dangerous. And if he wins…”

Sam wasn’t sure, but he thought he saw the young alpha’s shoulders sag slightly.

“We could be looking at a Pack War here. Or, you could. I probably wouldn’t be alive to see it.”

Sam flinched at the bluntness in her voice. He’d told Benny he thought she was too young – and she was, at least she should be – too young to have to think like that.

“But _trust me,_ like I’m trusting you to finally talk straight with me… I’m dangerous too.”

His dad wouldn’t have hesitated in Sam’s position, Sam knew as he looked down at the girl staring up at him with a fierce expression and a lower lip threatening to tremble. He would have forced his way in over Tracy, now, while she was vulnerable, then beaten Christian himself through any means he felt was necessary. Maybe reinstated Tracy after, or maybe tried to hold the reins to everything until Dean came home. And if Dean didn’t come back…

Sam hated the part of him able to think like that.

“I trust you,” he said, to her visible relief. “And, Tracy? Thanks.”

She smiled at him as she started walking away. “Don’t mention it, partner.”

As Sam watched her walk away he wondered how he was going to be able to walk back into their broken cabin, look Jess in the face and tell her that a nineteen year old kid was all that was keeping their sanctuary from turning into a potential warzone.

*

Gordon released Dean from the first half of the night’s look-out duty, and the Alpha knew that, sensibly, this was cue to go and finally get some sleep. But Dean could still hear loud voices and suddenly all he wanted was to talk to someone. After several hours alone, silently contemplating his own mortality he wanted to be reminded that there were people he cared about with him, people who could make him laugh. People like –

Well, people like Cas, but the alpha was very definitely avoiding him, much to Dean’s increasing irritation. Was it so weird that Dean wanted to talk? He just wanted to say… well, he wanted to be able to talk to him again at all really. He wanted –

As Dean started registering that it actually was Cas’s voice he was still hearing across the camp he realised that he really _didn’t_ want to talk. But, shoot him for being a nosy bastard, he still wanted to listen.

“So, explain to me why it’s complicated? Hate to break it to you man, but being True Mates doesn’t make you super special snowflakes. Ok, it’s not _common,_ but loads of folks go through it without needing an existential crisis.”

Dean wasn’t happy to hear Meg’s voice speaking back to Cas, or the fact that she was clearly talking about him, about _them,_ private issues he wasn’t even he wasn’t even ok discussing with some of his closest friends, but he bit down on his lip and stayed quiet. He could deal with this.

He was getting good at this stalking-listening thing.

Cas gave a long sigh. “I just… Dean didn’t ask to be tied down to someone like me.”

“So you’re afraid he’ll brush you off? That wasn’t what I was getting from those looks he kept giving you.”

In the bushes, Dean’s face burned.

“No,” Cas said quietly, and Dean had to start straining to hear him. “I think I’m afraid that he _will_ want me, but that it… won’t be real. And I’ll only end up being a burden on him – that’s all I’ve been able to be so far for him.”

Dean was only just able to stop himself from shouting out, even though he still wasn’t exactly sure _what_ he wanted to say, only that he needed to stop hearing his Mate putting himself down like that.

Cas, _Cas_ putting himself down.

Oh, who was he even trying to kid anymore?

“I’m sorry, you keep going on about him like he doesn’t even have a choice,” Meg said eventually.

“Mmm.”

“Well, it sounds like you should… give him one. He’s not a pup – you give him options, he should be able to work out what he wants from there, right?”

Dean quietly tried to duck his head lower beneath the bushes. Fuck, he really was being a coward about this...

“C’mon, I know you can’t be as cowardly as you look.”

Dean froze for a moment before remembering that Meg would not be addressing him. The beta couldn’t actually read his mind. Not like Cas could.

Cas his _Mate._

And if Dean was honest, he hated thinking of it like that, not so much because of the lack of destiny control or because he didn’t _want_ to think of Cas like that, but because of that horrible aching _yearning_ it brought out in his chest if he started thinking about it for too long. The mind reading, the frequent background attraction, that Dean could deal with, but not this physical pain that felt far too much like weakness.

That wasn’t something happening to him, not some hand of the gods, or, apparently, Gabriel. That was something he was just letting himself feel because he happened to feel it. Letting that part of him that was apparently still a fucking _pup…_

“Dean?”

_Shit._

“I was just… right.”

Something in Cas’s face hardened, or fell, as he looked down at Dean. “You were listening.”

“Funny story, I wasn’t actually trying -”

Cas shook his head, and then turned to start walking away, making Dean feel like that aching chest he kept being cursed with was ready to explode.

“Cas, wait.”

The alpha slowed his steps considerably as Dean felt his heart rate speed up like a wolf going at full pace in the close of a hunt.

Everyone was supposed to be asleep, but realistically any of them would be able to hear them – Meg and Gordon at least certainly would. And then they’d bring the story home…

Screw it, they might all be dead in a day anyway.

“Cas, I was coming to find you,” Dean explained reluctantly, hands outstretched even as he wanted to keep his fingers clenched.

“And what were you going to do that for?” Cas asked, turning around again, and Dean wasn’t sure what it was that had made the alpha shed that hesitant layer Meg had labelled cowardice but it was really fucking hot.

And godsdammit it was making all Dean’s words stick in his throat.

Ignoring the shaking they so desperately wanted to be doing, Dean forced his legs to bring him back to Cas’s level. It still made him feel slightly giddy to realise that he really was just that inch or so taller than the alpha.

“To tell you -” Dean bit down on his lip almost hard enough to draw blood and looked at the ground. He could be marching off to his own death tomorrow, and if he failed what was left of the whole world might fail with him – why was this so much more difficult?

“Because I wanted to tell you that I’m in love with you,” Cas said, his voice only a little hoarse, and his eyes not ceasing in their careful scan over Dean’s face. “As it could be our last night left on this earth. You understand.”

“Dick stole my line,” Dean murmured as he pulled his alpha’s face towards him.

 _Mine, mine, mine,_ Dean thought in an unstoppable stream as he closed his mouth over his Mate’s, breathing in the intoxicatingly rich scent of him, only made stronger, and oddly, not worse through the long days of travelling.

“Well, there haven’t exactly been a lot of bathing opportunities,” Cas said in that slow and solemn voice of his as he pulled off for a moment and Dean couldn’t help but laugh, deciding he didn’t mind feeling out of control and laid bare, here in this moment, even if he did hate himself a little for the romantic mush his brain had apparently been reduced to for even thinking that.

“I love you,” he said as he continued to cup the alpha’s face in his hands, and was rewarded for watching those blue eyes he’d grown to love widen.

“Dean -” he started, but Dean shook his head.

“I knew before. I mean, sure, your cousin’s whole messed up deal, that, well I mean that fucking spooked me – but that didn’t change me. I just worried… but this is me, it’s how I feel about you, man, and its… yeah I mean it might be because you smell fucking incredible but it’s also because you make dumb cracks like that, y’know?”

Cas’s whole body seemed to melt a little as it clung tighter to Dean, and Dean could hear him breathing in the scent of them together and he felt… well, really fucking taken care of.

“So uh,” Dean managed, a little breathlessly, as he broke away from the kiss, “last night. Don’t meant to proposition you or anything but… want to get somewhere more private?” he asked, one hand gently cupping at Cas’s ass, the other stroking up his waist.

Something lit up even brighter in the alpha’s eyes. “I think I’d like that,” Cas said slowly as he started rubbing circles over the small of Dean’s back. Dean took his other hand in his own and tried his best to smirk, to prove to them both that this was still something he could feel confident as he started leading them away from camp.

“No, not that way,” Cas said suddenly.

“Why?”

“Ruby and Jo went that way, I think.”

Dean choked out a laugh that was dangerously close to turning into a giggle as he tried not to stumble over the cold, uneven ground. “Gods, there’s something in the air tonight…”

Cas pulled Dean back towards him, almost as though he was trying to dance with him, and pulled him in close, dopey smile hanging on his face. “Whatever it is, it smells good.”

“You’re a grade A dork.”

“I try.” Cas nuzzled into his face, smiling at him almost shyly when he looked up again. Dean couldn’t help smiling back at him either.

“Y’know, I missed you, I think.”

Cas looked adorably puzzled, but Dean was almost 100% certain he was putting that on. Maybe 95%.

“You do know that I haven’t gone anywhere far from you since we met…”

Dean shoved at him lightly. “Sure but… I know it was me pushing you away there, and, sometimes I can be an idiot, and… yeah. We’re probably gonna die, and I can’t even do anything about that right now.”

The alpha started trying for another small smile as he took Dean’s hand in his own. “No, not even you can do anything about that right now.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Cas shrugged slightly. “I know you like to keep in control, especially when you’re trying to protect other people.”

“I couldn’t today.”

The alpha blinked slowly, something like apprehension creeping over his features. “I was wondering if that would bother you.”

Dean looked briefly at the ground, annoyed at himself for ruining things already. “It doesn’t… well, I mean, it _does_ , but like… I just don’t want you to feel like you need to be there to save me.”

“Dean, I -”

Dean’s grip tightened around his Mate’s. “- but it was nice anyway, ok? Seriously… thanks.”

Earnestly, his eyes sought the alpha’s, hoping he would be understood, before remembering that he didn’t need to hope.

_You saved my life._

For a moment Dean felt as though he could feel something twisting anxiously in his insides, before realising he was aware of Cas’s feelings there, and not his own.

_I’ve seen what I might be without you. I saved my life too._

Dean nodded slightly, not wanting to give much acknowledgement that he knew what Cas was meaning – almost in fear that it would make it seem more real. Because no one should be relying that much on him – especially Cas, who was too good all on his own, Cas who –

Who was kissing him again.

Which was, admittedly, great. Especially when Dean didn’t need to be thinking of reasons why he shouldn’t be.

But he still wasn’t switching his head off because apparently he didn’t want to enjoy good things?

Breaking from the kiss, Cas pulled him back in for a more playful kiss on the nose. “You’re allowed to be an Alpha and still have moments when that isn’t all you are, Dean. And even if you can’t control what’s coming, you can help control making us happy for now.”

“Oh yeah?” Even as he smirked a little Dean couldn’t help starting to feel nervous. He wanted this, _gods_ he wanted this, but what if they took it too far and mated, and distracted the whole group the next day? Outside a very occasional heat, Dean hadn’t been fucked in years. What if he wasn’t actually any good at this? Sure, he liked to think he was a master in bed, but this was snow covered ground, not even slightly a bed, and –

“Dean?”

Dean cleared his throat. He needed to remember that whenever he thought too loud, Cas could probably hear him, and that could be embarrassing as shit right now…

But Dean could still smell nothing but arousal off the alpha as he leaned in closer to him. “If we were able to make a space on the ground for it that wasn’t so cold-”

“Yeah?”

“Would you be interested in fucking me?”

*


	47. Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas hadn’t kissed a lot of people in his life besides Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY IT'S BEEN SO LONG I PROMISE I HAVE A LOT OF EXCUSES.
> 
> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ANYONE PUTTING UP WITH THIS SKETCHY UPDATING.
> 
> (Also made a promise to myself I'm going to update every wednesday until it's finished. And because this one is so short they're all going to have to be loooong now...)
> 
> So... have what mostly amounts to porn before I cram the rest of the angst and action-y stuff in?

Cas hadn’t kissed a lot of people in his life besides Dean. Which was, he reflected, as he pulled the omega’s body closer into the crooks of his own, a sore shame considering how much he was finding he enjoyed it. But then maybe that was just about kissing Dean, and not kissing in general.

Before, there’d been April, in which not much kissing, or anything which could pass for tenderness in their short-lived relationship had gone on between Cas that the beta. Then there’s been Rachel. His fellow teacher, who for a while it seemed like, if they ever, in Balthazar’s words ‘got over themselves’ might have got somewhere further than the occasional kiss on cold nights, and the one night they’d ended up curled beside one another.

For her part, Cas suspected Rachel might have nursed the hope of them growing closer, even of them mating, one day, but she hadn’t communicated much of that to him, and so Cas had used that as something of an excuse to never quite ‘get over’ himself. And then there’d been his fight with Lucifer, with Raphael, and there’d only been the months of loneliness that no one had tried to join him in.

But now there was Dean, real in his arms, and so clearly wanting that closeness, that _everything_ from Cas – all those things he wanted to give him so badly; wanted to give them _both_. Right here and now they both deserved so much.

“Would you be interested in fucking me?” he asked, a little breathlessly as he did his best to drag his lips from Dean’s possessive teeth. Immediately Dean pulled away, scanning Cas’s face as though trying to see the joke.

“You’re serious.”

Cas shrugged as he started smiling. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

So many reasons, of course. His pack would have heavily disapproved of even the concept, but Cas was feeling too giddy at his own daring to care much about that.

“Well for starters there’s snow everywhere. Like everywhere.”

Cas looked at the floor, his face furrowing in concentration.

“Perhaps it’ll be warmer when we’re down there.”

Dean laughed helplessly, and Cas felt the need to grip a little tighter to him to keep the omega steady.

“Yeah, ok, not the ground then,” Dean eventually managed, as he maneuvered Cas without warning back into a tree.

“You smell amazing,” he said, ignoring Cas’s wide eyes and burrowing his nose into the crook of the alpha’s neck.

“And you never fail at amazing me,” Cas murmured to his Mate’s snort.

“Shut up. And… turn around.”

Obediently, Cas turned away to hug at the frozen tree, and raised his ass up just slightly. “Like this?”

He heard Dean chuckle behind him and Cas could feel it warming him from the cold.

“Fenrir, y’gotta stop thinking so cheesy, man.”

“This is definitely a mild level of cheese,” Cas assured Dean as he closed his eyes tightly and thought _I love your voice, I love your hands on me, I love that you want to put your hands on me, I love that we don’t care anymore why we want that –_

“Ok, can you just… stop thinking?” Dean said, his voice a little gruff as he ran his hands down Cas’s waist.

Cas grinned, and bit down on his lip to ty and stop himself from laughing. “Will you make me?”

The Alpha let out a low growl in his throat and dropped to his knees, pushing Cas’s robes out of the way of his legs, exposing more of Cas to the cold air.

“Gonna try, baby.”

“Baby?”

“ _Shut up_ ,”

Cas gasped when Dean rapidly, but not roughly, used his thumbs to pull his cheeks apart, and Cas felt a thumb snake near his hole.

“Dean -”

“’S’ok, alpha, I got you,” Dean said quietly, as he continued to work his tongue, and wound his arm around Cas’s waist to massage up over the head of Cas’s cock, and Cas had to dig his nails deeper into the frozen bark of the tree just to keep himself something like stable. And all the while he could smell Dean, and how slick he was becoming for him – but _not_ for him, and it was heady, maddening, _wonderful._

When Dean pulled away for a moment Cas had to stop himself from whining out at the loss of sensation, bucking his hips back almost thoughtlessly.

“God, you’re perfect,” Dean breathed with something like a laugh, and then despite no warning Cas felt slick fingers working over his already wet entrance.

Slick. Like, real slick.

“Dean -”

“Seems a shame not to use this for something, right?”

“That’s quite a… slick move, Dean,” Cas managed even as he felt those fingers tenderly nudging at his rim, to curl up inside of him.

“My gods, stop talking.”

But Cas could hear the smile in the omega’s voice, and he couldn’t stop himself grinning into the tree even as Dean’s fingers started scissoring inside his ass and it became difficult to remember how to breathe.

“You seem… very practiced at this…”

“Well, I’ll let you go figuring out the why’s of that for yourself, alpha,” Dean’s voice told him, as Cas became aware of a third finger making itself involved. Involved in a definitely _good_ way.

“Ok, please, let’s… let’s do this,” Cas said, giving his ass what he hoped was a tempting wiggle.

“Ok, have _you_ ever done this before?” Dean asked, as some of his fingers started exploring a little further inside.

“Does it matter?”

“Well, no, but -”

“Not like this, no.”

“Hmm,” Dean said by Cas’s ear. “Well in that case I’d like to keep this slow.”

“Slow?”

As Cas tried to start up a rebuttal to this he felt Dean suddenly thrust himself into Cas, and rock forward until he was buried into the hilt, and gods it was so much more… _more_.

“Shit.”

“Really?”

“No like, that’s slow?”

“Oh, sweetheart I can go slower,” Dean assured him, thrusting forwards with what really was aggravating slowness, enough to make Cas squirm and want to actually start begging.

Instead he gasped out, “Gods, no, fast.”

“Cas, I thought you said -”

“Please,” Cas growled.

To his delight and shock there seemed to be no stopping the Alpha after that as Dean pushed back and forwards into Cas with a power and pace that made Cas moan unashamedly.

“Oh, _fuck_.”

“That’s the idea, hot stuff.” But Dean already sounded breathless, and it didn’t take long of Cas gripping desperately to the tree and weakly pushing his hips back that he felt Dean gushing warm and real inside of him, and it was like nothing he’d ever felt before. But as Dean collapsed slightly on Cas’s back, breathing heavily, Cas was still aware that he was still almost painfully hard, even as Dean pulled out, sparking the nerves of his now oversensitive rim.

“That was awesome – you’re, you’re awesome,” Dean breathed at Cas’s neck, making the alpha blush despite himself. Then he pulled away entirely and that warmth was gone.

“Now,” Dean said as Cas felt himself turned around and manoeuvred, “Now it should be your turn, right?”

Cas now stood staring at Dean who had his back against the tree Cas had just stopped leaning on.

“What d’you say alpha – ready to switch over?”

Cas breathed out slowly, and when he breathed in the scent of his omega, his Dean, open and waiting for him.

“I love you.”

Dean grinned, making Cas realise he’d never actually seen the Alpha look so carefree, so young. “I know. Now get back over here already – it really is getting cold now.”

Cas dutifully leaned in, his cock achingly close to Dean, and his mouth ghosting over he omega’s neck.

_“Did we ever…?”_

_“Mate? No, not officially.”_

The voice of that future Sam still clung to Cas’s brain, unshakeable despite everything Cas knew was already different. But now he - they – were still feeling so terrifyingly close to that other reality Cas could almost taste it and he longed to put one more wedge between his life and the one he’d been told he would live… but that wasn’t what they’d talked about. Tonight was about the fact that they really didn’t _have_ to be anything to one another, only that they wanted to be.

So instead of leaning forwards with his mouth, Cas looked at his Mate, who had maybe only become that because of Gabriel’s machinations, who was not quite and may never be his mate in reality – and Cas thrust forward with his hips instead.

*

Jo was still trying to sleep as she ran her hands through Ruby’s hair and breathed in the scent of the other wolf She knew they should Change, but she just couldn’t bring herself to wake the sleeping beta yet, not when there was still a functional blanket being shared between them.

Ruby was cute when she slept, and to savour this last precious moment they had left together – possibly that any of them had, ever, from the way the others were talking.

Jo wished she’d said a better goodbye to her Mom. Neither of them had ever been much good at goodbyes, but now would have been the time to final learn, and Jo had left with only a hug and a “Be seeing you soon.”

She wondered if Ruby had anyone she wished she’d given a better goodbye to. Maybe Jess, maybe even Sam. But outside of them, there didn’t seem to be many others in her own pack Ruby was something approaching close to. It was probably stupid, not to mention selfish, but Jo couldn’t help taking that as hopeful. Maybe if they all got through this ok Ruby might be fairly open-minded about staying on with Jo when the rest of her pack moved on after the winter. Maybe…

Finger’s still curling around the cool locks of Ruby’s hair, Jo squinted her eyes at the mist in front of her face, growing closer. There was something odd about the air: it felt too close, too heavy for a cold morning in the forest. And that mist seemed to be moving almost unconnected to the wind’s direction, which, come to think on it, wasn’t even there at all.

Unnerved now, Jo gently shook at Ruby’s shoulder.

“Wh’ssamatter? ‘s’it morning?”

“Ruby, sit up and look at what the weather’s doing,” Jo snapped, all sentimental morning feelings vanished now.

Grumpily, but obediently, Ruby stretched out her spine like a cat, and rubbed roughly at her eyes as she cracked her neck with sickening volume.

Jo could smell the fear on her the moment the beta concentrated.

But by then it was too late to do anything.

*

Sam watched his mate smile at him as he walked out the door to their broken cabin, and he tried his best to return it, even as his mind ran through a hundred scenarios in how that morning might go. He wanted to be close to the action, but close to the edges, close to his vulnerable mate and the ‘freakish’ children she guarded, who he’d wanted to tell the Wolves he’d heard muttering that just how very freaked out those children were.

He couldn’t not be there to watch the fight for control of the pack sheltering his own, a fight he’d had a hand and paw in starting, he reminded himself as he walked away.

Surely even if Christian was successful, and it felt traitorous to Tracy to even think too much on that, he wouldn’t do anything drastic, not immediately, not with so much of Sam’s pack surrounding them. He wouldn’t risk war.

But he would probably bet a lot on Sam having that same caution.

And, obviously, as an Alpha of several years Sam had caution to spare… but gods, he didn’t want to be cautious anymore. Tracy’s life was on the line, and with her, so was everyone else’s.

Tracy wouldn’t want him to get involved, and neither would Dean, and neither would Jake, or Ruby and –

But if his Mom were there he wasn’t sure she’d tell him to keep out of it, and he felt like Jess had been on the verge of advising the same as he’d left her alone.

Because what was the point of having magic if he couldn’t even –

“Sam, you ok there, Chief?”

Sam blinked, and realised that he’d almost walked into Benny, walking on the crutches Sam recognised as the ones Castiel had walked on when he’d first met him. Beside him, Andrea gave him a curt, if curious, nod, as though he was a very interesting stranger.

Well, Sam supposed, he was very close to it.

“Sorry, Benny, I’m a bit…”

Benny grinned and pulled a hand off a crutch to slap Sam on the back. “I get it, it’s early. Head in with us.” He glanced ruefully at the Wolves around them all walking in the same direction, the centre of the Pack square. “Not that everyone else isn’t…”

“Thanks,” Sam said, throat feeling drier. The smells of the crowd were almost overwhelming as they walked towards the promise of the prizefight – hope, elation, fear, anger, all feeding off one another…

And Tracy was about to be in the centre of that.

“How are you feeling anyway, Benny?” Sam asked with effort, trying desperately to drag his mind back to what he should be focusing on.

“You can heal people, can’t you?” Andrea interrupted before her mate could get a word out, and Sam had to watch as Benny’s lip curled up into a snarl.

“I can,” Sam said carefully.

“We’ve been over this,” Benny growled.

“I’m sorry, am I not allowed to want to see you out of pain – to want to see an end to this mess before it starts?”

“It would solve this problem today,” Sam agreed quietly. “Tracy wouldn’t have to fight if -”

“If you and me magically took the reins away from her just when we felt that playing Alpha was getting too much for her,” Benny said scathingly. “Proving Christian’s point in the doing of it. And he’s been a boil in Dean’s side needing popped for years. No. Besides. You had good reasons for not healing me in the first place. With all these dumb-ass creepy portals to Chaos opening up, you really wanna go making it worse for no good reason?”

But Andrea was persistent even if Sam wasn’t. “If it means Tracy won’t need to -”

“Fuck, have some faith in her won’t you?” Benny shook his head and twisted his mouth into a smile as he looked ahead of them, where the crowd had begun to clear a living arena for the fight.

“She says she’s got this, so I’m listening.”

Behind him, Andrea and Sam exchanged a quick look.

Sam had thought less about healing Benny than he had about doing something to Christian to back Tracy up, and he wondered if he should worry about that.

And then of course there was the worry of Tracy getting through this fine, and demanding he explain ‘everything’ to her.

Considering Sam himself had only very sketchy picture of what everything looked like he was worried about that.

As they reached the edge of the crowd, Sam naturally split away from Benny and Andrea, and found himself with his remaining Beta by his side.

“Jake,” he said quietly.

“What happened last night? What’s happening _now_?”

“Jake -”

“I’m serious. I know your brother and Meg and everyone are off trying to halt this thing, but what is your kid even turning into now?”

Sam exhaled for a long time, still looking at the ground, cleared carefully of any snow, where the acting Alpha and the would-be Alpha would fight any minute now, and wished again he had more explanations.

“There was an episode -”

“Oh, I wouldn’t go that far. Last time you called it an ‘episode’ half a mountainside almost came crushing down on us,” Jake told him, his voice unusually sour.

“Wait,” Sam murmured, choosing to temporarily ignore his Beta’s comments. “That’s Tracy -”

The crowd parted for the girl with their heads ducked in deference, as Sam hadn’t so far seen any of them do for Dean, and remembered having had done for himself, really, only the once. That day he’d been stuck in an Alpha battle both more and less formal than this one, and though no one had expected him to emerge the victor, they still all bowed before Sam even had a chance to look at them properly.

For her part, Tracy seemed to be enjoying the attention.

But that wasn’t what was interesting in her walk through the crowd.

It was the fact that she walked on two legs.

Apparently Tracy was planning to win a battle in her human form.

*


	48. Expecting the Unexpected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He barely even needed to bleed for it anymore, it was just there at his fingertips, and if he played this smart no one would even know it was him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Complete shock and horror I know, but I actually managed to meet my own deadline... sort of. I mean technically its Thursday for me now, but like its not morning? so???
> 
> I guess there's some use of show level violence and horror in this chapter and coming up so like... be warned?

Tracy looked exactly like an Alpha should as she stepped into the ring – confident, assured, and even enjoying the attention a smidge. It was pure Dean, on a cocky day, and it made Sam’s spirits rise at the sight of her… even as he turned to his Beta and Sam saw his own panic reflected right back at him.

“What by Hel is she doing?” Jake hissed, his dark eyes wide and questioning, like this was some sort of bizarre tradition where Sam came for the defending Alpha to be helplessly outnumbered by their opponent.

Sam shook his head wordlessly and turned his head to look at Ellen whose jaw was clenched fiercely in anger, and her scent was thick with nerves.

No one had been expecting this.

On the barely distinguishable ‘Other Side’ of the camp there were similar signs of frustrated bemusement, although not dismay. No, Sam realised as he watched a nauseating smile spread out slowly over Mark Campbell’s face, they thought she was giving up.

Looking back at Dean’s substitute, Sam couldn’t help feeling painfully reminded of his own battle for the Alpha position. Had he been Tracy’s age? It was strangely difficult to remember now.

He’d been far taller than she was but possibly no less slim when he’d stood in front of Azazel and introduced himself in a voice which hadn’t quite finished breaking, watching Ruby and Jess nod at him encouragingly from the side, and stayed standing as the Pack which he knew would soon either obey him or literally tear him apart tried to laugh him away.

A boy from nowhere, probably never having been in a real fight before, with raggedy clothes and unkempt hair, come to challenge the most intimidating, powerful Alpha anyone could remember existing. It had been a joke of a fight. The punchline only seemed to fall flat when he won it. It was that air of being thrown off balance now that he remembered from his victory, from the day he’d bled himself and his quiet supporters almost dry just to be standing there at all with a power he could hope might match the old witch.

Sam still wondered how he’d actually been able to get one over on a Wolf who had been dominating and tormenting others with brute force and magic for decades before Sam was even born, and sometimes he had to think that maybe Azazel had for some reason _let_ Sam kill him. He preferred to think that he’d instead just succeeded in surprising the old Wolf.

Maybe that shock element was exactly what Tracy was aiming for.

But surprise appearance on an equal footing of magic and where it chose to flow was very different than someone fighting in their human form against a wolf.

That was just suicidal, plain and simple.

Everywhere around Sam he could see people hopping from one foot to another acting antsy, nervous, hopeful. And so many of them were looking to him, too. What would Sam do if Tracy lost?

Would he take on Christian himself?

“I should go talk to her,” Sam murmurer, and felt Ellen clamp a hand firmly around his wrist.

“No,” she said, “don’t put her off.”

“Ellen, put off _what_?”

“She’s got this,” the beta growled at him. Sam wasn’t sure if Ellen knew something of Tracy’s intentions or if this was one more aggravating example of the blind faith people tended to carry for their Alphas.

 _I’m an Alpha too,_ Sam wanted to scream, _and believe me, I don’t have a godsdamn idea of what I’m doing._

Christian was a large wolf, and despite his obvious confusion at Tracy’s disinclination to change, to even get herself out of her very human clothing, his fur was all on edge, betraying how threatened he was still feeling.

Tracy gave a brief smirk before facing her audience of two combined packs.

“Well? Do you recognise this challenge to my authority, as entrusted to me by Benny Lafitte, for who it was handed to by Dean Winchester?”

“That’s quite a list going on,” someone muttered just loud enough for Sam to hear.

Christian took a step forwards and snapped his jaws as someone behind him shouted, “Aren’t you forgetting something?”

Tracy’s eyes scanned the crowd for the source of the voice and blinked slowly. “No. Does anyone think the rules of engagement seem unfair here?”

There were a few snickers, and Sam did his best to remember to breathe as he looked over the way Christian’s body was tensed and ready to spring. He could feel the Chaos broiling under his skin, _it gets into your blood eventually,_ Ruby had told him that first time he’d tried it, and she’d wondered at the fact he’d barely needed to reach for it. Tracy was one of his, one of Dean’s, she was out there protecting him when he had the power to stop Christian coming near her with only a slight strain.

He barely even needed to bleed for it anymore, it was just _there_ at his fingertips, and if he played this smart no one would even know it was him. The problem would go away, Tracy would be safe, and the risk of a Pack War would be completely eradicated without Sam even needing to explicitly involve himself.

But… what sort of Alpha would he have allowed himself to become if that’s how he dealt with every situation that arose? Especially when Tracy had explicitly asked him not to, when the very fabric of reality might be under threat every time he made a reach for the magic… And how would Dean look at him when he came home?

“So feel free to make your move then,” Tracy said with a nod at Christian, as she gave him a smile that only betrayed a little nervousness.

Christian pawed strangely at the ground even as his supporters loudly yelled out encouragement for him to make his move already. Tracy kept her eyes unmoving from him – so did Sam, almost so much that he didn’t notice what she was doing.

Because she was slipping a gun out of her belt, which had previously been covered by her jacket, and calmly pointing it at her opponent.

Christian stopped growling as he slowly registered the weapon focused on his head.

“Only seemed right,” Tracy told him, told everyone. “The dumb sexist hierarchy fights come from the human side, not the wolf one. So I thought, hey, let’s acknowledge that. This town ain’t big enough for the two of us and all that bull. Not my fault this one here didn’t think of bringing the right weapons. But if you want to try me,” she said, lowering her voice, “go ahead. See how ready I am.”

“Cheat,” someone shouted, though much more quietly than anyone had been before.

Tracy still heard.

“Am I? Thought this was gonna be a fight to the death. Did I get the wrong memo?”

For a moment no one spoke. _No one did this,_ this was ridiculous, a mockery of what the fight for dominance was supposed to be about, but… but it was working wasn’t it? And sure, she was remaking the rules, but… wasn’t that supposed to be what Alphas were all about?

Suddenly Sam registered that Benny was leaning himself up on his crutch so that he could clap, a smug smile taking over his face, and Sam grinned, the impulse to join in too much. So he raised his own hands and added his own support behind Tracy.

Looking bolstered, Tracy continued staring Christian down. “So. I want you out of my Packlands before nightfall, y’hearing me ok?”

 Christian growled again, but it was a feeble sound: the beta knew he’d lost. And as more of the audience started clapping and cheering he closed his mouth and took a few steps back, his supporters having now all gone silent.

As she relaxed a little, Tracy scanned her eyes over the crowd. “Anyone else got a problem with me while we’re at it?”

*

Dean was just waking up when he saw the fog, and before he could even feel anything of it he was annoyed at just how _wrong_ it looked. Even out in the middle of snow-covered purgatory he was comfier, cosier, and a million godsdamn times happier than he could remember feeling in years with his arm pulling his sleeping Mate closer to him.

Or his friend, Hel, lover. His Cas.

“Hey Cas,” he murmured, trying to shake the other lightly awake even as he tried to clear his thoughts of anything too embarrassingly mushy. Not that Cas hadn’t heard, felt the whole deal, bared wide open, now. No secrets left now for either of them…

“Dean?” Cas asked groggily, as the alpha rubbed at his eyes viciously. He didn’t like doing mornings, Dean remembered with a burst of fondness.

“Makes it easier when we’re not stuck out in the snow,” Cas grumbled at him, making Dean grin even as he focused on the fog rolling towards him, the mist, and realised he’d seen something like it before. That trip he and Sam and Benny had made through Purgatory, it had ended something like this… Or. Started something like this, depending on the perspective…

Dean hadn’t been lying to Jo when he’d told her he didn’t remember about those few days they’d spent out there alone, but he remembered enough to know that they hadn’t just ‘lost’ Sam. No, Sam had run off, because of this kinds of things, the kinds of awful things, that Dean had been yelling at him, like every bad thought he’d ever had needed to spewed out of him. And the other two had been the same, Hel, they’d almost come to blows a few times…

And this mist looked thicker.

Even as he told himself that it could be regular everyday mist, he gripped harder at his Mate’s arm, and looked right at him. Cas met his eyes with worried confusion. “Dean…”

“Think a happy thought, Cas,” Dean said with a quick smile as the cold fog rolled over them.

The mist might have been white, but for a moment it felt like a literal red mist had come down on his mind, clouding it, making him angry, but filled with so much aching despair. Who were they kidding, thinking they could march in to stop the apocalypse with no info and only a dick of a god held on a leash to help them through it? How did Dean expect to lead anyone if just when he was supposed to be stepping up to be an Alpha that others could depend on to follow, he was curled up against his True Mate for comfort like every other pathetic omega in a story? How did he think he was worth anything as even a fake Mate if he chose to lead Cas into danger with him?

And _what kind of alpha was he if he just let all this happen to them, to his Mate? Who was he to let his omega tell him what to do? None of this would have had to happen if he’d just been a good dancing monkey and done whatever Gabriel had asked of him, Gabriel, who’d made a fool of him, Gabriel who’d made him abandon his Pack, the people who really depended on him..._

Somehow listening to and feeling Cas’s frustrations helped Dean clear his mind of his own, and he was reminded of the way he’d had to break through to Cas before. The alpha’s mind had been taken over, but he’d brought him back again, by…. By? Through a fluke, that’s how, because it wasn’t like anyone could ever care enough about Dean to wrestle their minds back for no other reason than that –

_No, Dean! I love you, I love you, your family loves you, your Pack love you, you’ve done so well – don’t ever feel that way… but I should, because…_

_No,_ Dean growled out in his mind, loud enough for him to drown out the sound of his own doubts for another precious moment of having something else, someone else to focus on.

_No, you are good, you deserve much better than any of this bullshit and you need to remember that. It’s this godsdamn mist trying to get in our heads – I’ve seen something like this before, but not this strong…_

_Do you think it has something to do with… with the source? The portal?_

_Could be. If I’d just gotten us here sooner – if I hadn’t been such a dumbass of an Alpha –_

“No,” Cas said aloud, and Dean could feel the effort that took from the alpha to be able to manage even that much. “We all did what we could to make it here.” Though Cas still sounded like he was trying to convince himself as Dean, it was something.

“But now the people I’m supposed to be leading are paying the price. For this mist to get to us it must have ploughed right on through everyone else first. Cas – that’s Jo, my _Mom_ …”

“You’re at least saving me,” Cas reminded him stoutly, and though the mist made it difficult for Dean to make out his Mate’s features he knew that the alpha was clenching his jaw up.

“Yeah, but if I hadn’t come out here with _you_ , I’d have been there, I’d have -”

“Done what? _What_ could you have done with anyone else but me?” Cas asked, in a way that let Dean know that Cas was holding back rage of his own. He realised then that they were both clinging on tightly to the other’s arms, like those arms were breaking tree branches they were desperately trying to get a grip on before they fell.

And Dean was able to focus enough on their physical surroundings to take in Cas’s scent. So calming, even if it was all just some weird god’s trick, so complementary to his own, and he felt his body relax, just a little.

“Smell me,” Dean managed.

“What?”

“ _Smell me_ , scent me, c’mon. I’m real, I’m here, I’m not leaving you, c’mon man, just do it,” he snapped, but even as he watched Cas scowl, the alpha obediently leaned in to do as Dean had asked.

“Better?”

“A little.”

“I think… I think the mist is actually moving on now,” Dean said slowly, almost not wanting to jinx it as the mist rolled on away from them through the trees. Out towards the Pack he’d left behind him, back towards Sam, Benny, Jess, Adam, Ellen, Bobby… and Jesse, the little antichrist in potentia.

“No, no, no,” Dean muttered, feeling his eyes start to well up, betraying him. But Cas pulled him in close and didn’t let go.

“We’ve come here to sort it, and that’s what we’ll do,” Cas assured him gruffly. “And we’ll do it long before it can reach them.”

“Will we?” Dean asked dully, as he allowed himself to be cradled in the crook of his Mate’s neck. And for a moment he almost let himself wonder… would that have been easier to deal with if they’d been mated for real? Would that even have been something Cas wanted?

Cas was quiet for a moment and Dean wasn’t sure if he was noticing and reflecting on Dean’s thoughts or his words.

“Let’s see how the others did first.”

Dean felt his stomach drop in a way that had nothing to do with the now dissipated mist.

“Right, the other. You reckon any of them made it through ok?”

Cas grimaced and held out a hand to allow them to pull each other to their feet together.

“Let’s hope.”

It had been dumb to hope, Dean realised as he walked back into the clearing where they’d all been sleeping, sleeping in their wolf forms, because they hadn’t been romantically-minded dumbasses.

And all of them awake now, and fighting with one another, all of them covered in those hideous black veins, visible even through their winter coats, just like Abaddon, like Cole.

Cole, who’d forced himself to be strong enough for this mission partly through his terrified determination to be never trapped like that again, and now was growling at Gordon as they pushed each other back into the snow, the dirt.

Kevin, Kevin who’s Mom had tried to warn Dean that her son was too young for anything like this, had his back against a tree and was alternating between growling and whining when anyone came too close.

And Charlie and Meg did get too close as they darted past him, snapping at each other’s tails for now, but aiming for each other’s feet. And Meg, of course, might remember even in this feral state she’d been reduced to that she had the use of real scary magic…

“Gods this is a mess,” Dean breathed, staring in horror of what seemed to remain of the small not-Pack he’d been leading, and checking his Mate’s neck over quickly for any signs that it had got to him, got to them, without them noticing.

“Looks like you got away unscathed,” a voice croaked behind Dean, and he froze, wanting to feel happy but having to catch himself, because –

“Jo?” he asked, turning slowly.

…And there was his Beta, her lovely hair matted, and all up her neck…

“Gods, Jo, no,” he managed, even as he wanted to sob. Because this was a nightmare, this couldn’t be ending like this… “Jo, y’gotta fight this.”

She laughed, but it was a bitter, horrible sound that almost sounded more like she was choking.

“Y’don’t think I gave it my everything? But this isn’t what we were expecting, and you fucking _knew_ something weird was up with this place but you never told me what.”

“Jo, I didn’t – I didn’t know -”

“You knew a godsdamn load more than me, but you never felt like sharing. No, y’gotta be the Alpha on the high horse all the time, and look, it’s worked out _fine_ and _magical_ for you just like it always does -”

Cas yelled as Jo made a leap for them, but then something went… strange in the air and ground felt like it was quaking… and suddenly Jo and all the wolves, and Ruby, who Dean could now make out behind Jo, who was also still human, all fell down as though they were sleeping.

“Like someone cut their strings,” Cas murmured as his cousin walked forwards from behind Jo, without his witch cage.

“Who let you off your leash?” Dean choked out, feeling too dazed to register except Jo lying unconscious at his feet.

Gabriel shrugged and looked beside him, where Dean’s mother was standing, just as unblemished as they were, and trying bravely for a smile. “I thought we might need a god’s help around here,” she murmured in explanation as Dean rushed forwards to hug her.

“I thought… I was worried you’d be -”

“I know, I was worried for you too,” she said, squeezing him close to her.

“We almost didn’t make it. How did you, how did you manage to fight it?”

As Dean pulled away his Mom scanned his face and nodded slightly. “You managed it through your bond? Well I was… I was the same. It never exactly goes away. Your father and I may not have been exactly… close, there at the end, but he’s never stopped being like a second consciousness in my head.”

Dean nodded, mouth agape. Gods, if Cas died would he start hearing voices all the time? He wasn’t sure how his Mom had managed to deal with that, especially when she’d spent most of John’s last years loudly hating on her Mate.

“Bullshit.”

Dean blinked and turned to where Cas stood glaring at Mary, his arms firmly folded.

Next to him, Gabriel had started to grin.

“I’m sorry, Ma’am,” Cas continued, a little more hesitantly. “But Dean wasn’t lying. We only just made it through, with our voices alive in each other’s heads and ears, and our scents, there and alive beside us to help keep us calm. I’m sorry, but I can’t imagine any bond strong enough to fight back against something like that even when someone isn’t even present.”

Dean’s eyes darted between his Mom and his Mate, wanting to shut Cas up, but able to see that what he was saying was logical…

“When Gabriel first arrived he claimed that other gods were waking up, were present even within Dean’s camp,” Cas continued. “If Gabriel assumedly avoided the side-effects of this through his godlike ability… can we not assume you did the same?”

Now Gabriel full-on cackled as he moved behind his cousin, using Cas almost like a shield as he fell on the alpha’s shoulder. “I _knew_ you’d catch on eventually, Cassie, you always were smart.” Then he poked his nose over Cas’s shoulder and leered horribly at Mary, who Dean noticed looked angrier than Dean had ever seen her.

“Cat’s out of your bag now, Odin, and it wasn’t even my fault.”

*

Christian was gone before the afternoon had started, and no one was there standing beside him to watch him go. No one, except Sam, who had went ahead for the express purpose of cutting him off.

Christian was back in his wolf form, and bared his teeth the moment he scented Sam in front of him.

“No, I’m not here to counteract Tracy’s mercy,” Sam assured him, arms crossed as he leant back against a tree. “And don’t even think about trying to have a go at me, because you know you wouldn’t have such an easy trip away with a whole vengeful pack on your heels.”

The beta’s growling increased, but Sam rolled his eyes and ignored him. “But Change a sec, because I want to talk to you.”

Christian maintained his posturing for a few moments longer before eventually quieting and backing a little away to do as Sam had asked. When he walked forwards as a man he was naked, and Sam wanted to despair. Just like he’d thought, the beta had been too much of a proud idiot to pack any clothes. Maybe even to pack anything at all.

“Here, for you,” Sam said, throwing a small bag which would be easy enough for a wolf to wear if they got into it as a human down in front of his cousin who eyed it suspiciously.

“What Sammy, y’wanna play the generous victor now?”

“Not my victory,” Sam corrected. “But… I remember what it’s like to be kicked out from everywhere you’ve ever known, and I didn’t have to do it in winter. Now Dean helped me pack, but it’s the things you don’t think you’ll need…”

Christian’s mouth twisted up into a smirk. “Really? What, so you’re trying to help soothe your conscience now you’re all steeped in freaky witch magic? I mean, look at you, are you even still a real person?”

Sam held his cousin’s gaze, even if the words did bite a little too close to the throat. Maybe he was just trying to convince himself that he was a better person than the magic that made him want to bleed the beta dry and leave him for dead like he deserved, and a better Alpha than his father, who’d let his own kid run away from him with nothing.

And it was so much easier to feel charitable now that Tracy was in the middle of being swept up in a victory party, now that Jesse was finally getting some sorely needed sleep, now that he could convince himself that Jess and the baby weren’t in any imminent kind of danger. Maybe he couldn’t guarantee Dean and his mother’s safety, but he could at the very least make sure that safety was there for them when they made it home again.

“Feel pretty real to me,” Sam said eventually, and moved to go back to the camp. “But I would stop being an idiot for one minute and take the bag.”

Christian’s arm caught his. “Y’know y’gotta break that nice veneer sometime, Sammy. Can’t dabble in all this creepy magic without using it, can’t be a real Alpha without really showing us your wolf, and can’t -”

“Shut up.”

“What, you feel like I’m hitting a bit too close now? Oh, Sammy -”

“ _Shut up and let me listen_ ,” Sam hissed, in what he knew was an unmistakeably Alpha tone, and the beta’s mouth snapped close.

His nose was giving him all sorts of mixed signals, but his ears were telling him that something was behind them. Probably several somethings, that were good at making themselves quiet.

Eyeing Christian a warning to keep quiet, Sam gave an experimental step back towards the camp.

Which was when a large Wolf leapt out of the undergrowth, claws outstretched towards them… and black veins up over his neck.

“Get back!” Sam yelled, but it was too late: the monster, because that was the only way Sam could think of it now, had gotten its claws into Christian and was dragging him back. As it through back it’s head and howled, there were several answering howls behind it, like a Pack howl, but garbled, _wrong –_

It might not have been the Alpha thing to do, but, trying to ignore his screaming cousin on the ground, Sam turned and ran, hoping his long legs would be enough to outrun whatever was coming behind him.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, the next two chapters are gonna be lonnnnnnng...
> 
> Thanks so much again to everyone sticking with and especially the commenters, you are all wonderful <3


	49. The End of the World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “That’s actually why we’re here,” Dean said, his tone almost sounding like he’d just seen the joke. “We were wondering if you wouldn’t mind just… going away again?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So because I don't want to be late for work (again) in the morning, I am ceding defeat and adding an extra chapter.  
> Which is sad because it just doesn't look as neat?
> 
> Also I'm drawing a lot of my mythology stuff from reading Joanne Harris's 'Gospel of Loki' last year... it's pretty great, other people should read it and realise what a terrible thief I am :D

“Odin,” Dean repeated, his eyes not leaving his Mom’s face, which to his mounting anxiety was looking… careful.

“Odin. Like Odin the god, Odin.”

“Bingo,” Gabriel put in behind him. Dean ignored him.

“Odin with the ravens and the one eye and the long beard Odin. The very male god, Odin. Odin who died at Ragnarok, Odin.”

“That’s the one,” Gabriel confirmed. But Dean still wasn’t looking at him, he was watching his Mom’s eyes assess the situation around her until slowly, she nodded her head.

Dean blinked and inclined his head forward, pressing for a better answer. “Ok, so what’s that nod supposed to mean?”

“Dean-” he heard Cas say beside him, but ignored him too.

“I’m sorry, but am I talking to an Allfather of birds who’s fucking taken over my Mom’s body, or is this some -”

Gabriel groaned and theatrically stamped his way forward. “I know your skull can be pretty dense and has an issue with processing information, Dean-O, so I’m going to explain this one last time. No one has taken over everything. My old pal here from the days of way back before you existed managed to get out with the same trick I did. Ragnarok got a pause button, and we took a few spins on the reincarnation wheel of fortune, while conveniently brought us pretty close to the action.”

“Not convenience,” Mary corrected quietly, her eyes still on Dean, “fate.”

“So how long have you been…” Dean felt like he was floundering. He was supposed to be the Alpha in control of the situation, but the only one Pack to him that was left standing was both his mother and not – no, this was one more step towards things that were far above his ability to control or understand. And no amount of soothing Cas was sending through their link would help sort that.

“How long have you been _aware_ then?” Dean finished gruffly.

His Mom tried to move towards him, a hand outstretched, but he took a quick step back and she stopped. Fuck, he’d never even had a rebellious phase – putting that look in her eye was new, and painful.

“Just after Sam left,” she told him.

“And you pushed Dad away… you pushed him out of your head,” he said slowly.

“No, not because of that. It more… triggered understanding, I was so _angry_ … and then I kept feeling disturbances, which felt somehow familiar, disturbances I now realise were Jesse.”

“So you…” No, Dean wasn’t even try and work out what that meant for his entire life, and especially these last few years of leaning on his Mom, his Mom who was also something old and unknowable and a stranger to him in so many ways he’d never even been aware of. It was almost… humiliating.

“So you could have tried to stop this years ago. But you didn’t say a word. Why?”

Mary ran her fingers back through her blonde hair – such an oddly familiar gesture to see now. “Dean, it’s only recently I’ve not just assumed I was going mad, that I was able to really put the pieces together. And I wasn’t sure there wasn’t anything I could do, not until someone broke the seal – nothing except…”

“Except resorting to _my_ methods, which apparently everyone’s too squeamish for now,” Gabriel – Loki put in.

“I wasn’t going to march off and kill a child, not when I wasn’t even sure it would work,” she growled, as Gabriel made an unimpressed face.

Dean watched as Cas dragged his eyes away from where Charlie and Meg slept, their fur heaving from their laboured breathing. “Broke the seal – no one’s said it like that before. Does that mean… do you know more about how this works? More information we can use?”

Mary put up her hands somewhat helplessly, but after seeing that angry look back in her eye Dean wasn’t sure he could trust that reaction. “I’m talking about the rip in reality which has been created, the ‘glowing ball’ Cole spoke about. Abaddon and her attempt to keep herself alive through magic must have been the final straw in this fragile area.”

“And why are these woods so fragile in particular?” Cas asked.

“This is the scene of the champion prizefight itself, Cassie,” Gabriel answered before Mary could say anything. “This is where Ragnarok _almost_ happened last time.”

“Because you betrayed us again,” Mary hissed.

“Only because you had me tortured for a thousand years, and then, hey, I betrayed everything right back when I disappeared and stopped it happening, so you’re welcome, bro.”

“Ok, stow the ancient drama crap, _please,_ ” Dean ordered, stepping between them, suddenly very aware of the scent and feeling of the air, letting him know he really was standing between two angry beings of literally godlike power.

“Got some things I wouldn’t mind hashing out myself, but we can’t lose focus now. If these people matter even a little to you two we’re going to fix them and fix everything else too. Now…” Dean looked round, seeing how his mother’s eyes had slid with regret to Kevin’s young, slumped form.

“ _Can_ we fix them?”

Gabriel looked at the ground. “Uhhhh…”

“We can’t be sure yet,” Mary admitted, looking around at the unconscious bodies around them. “We need to confront the Chaos and Darkness leaking into the world and then we can figure out if we can even survive the day. But it could be that if we persuade the Darkness to leave the influence she’s had already on the world might recede as well.”

“She?”

Mary smiled uncertainly. “Certainly last time I had any… impression of it -”

“Definitely not an it,” Gabriel put in, scuffing his feet at the ground. “But for now all you need to know is that nothing’ll happen to this lot while we’re gone. They’ll be ok for now.”

Dean took a deep breath in and looked back at Cas, who nodded. It was comforting knowing that whatever else was going on in the world he had one certainty there beside him.

Trying not to look at Jo’s limp naked body by his feet and wonder if it was the last time he’d ever see his old friend, Dean regarded the small group he had left. “Ok. Let’s move on out, I guess.”

*

It was difficult to try and make a real howl of warning with human lungs, but Sam tried his best as he ran, forcing his way through snow-covered bushes to thwack in the fanged faces of the pursuers clinging to his heels. One of those snouts was so close behind him that he could feel it breathing at his back. It, because he couldn’t think of them as people, Hel, as people he might even know – he just had to keep ahead, keep running –

Fuck.

Those paws were on him now, claws digging in just like another pair of paws had with Christian, and Sam was being rolled to the cold ground, thinking that at least he’d been able to raise the alarm – _surely_ someone had heard, this couldn’t be it for everyone, for Jess –

The last thing Sam was thinking of was of keeping his mouth shut as he slashed at the Wolf on top of him with the knife he’d had out since he’d started running. But when the blood spilled down on him and the wolf did nothing, he realised what was going on and wanted to kick himself. As with Benny before, they’d much prefer to infect than kill.

But at least their strange new-formed pack seemed to be losing interest in him now – he was spoiled goods, and they had to prepare for a larger more efficient attack on the whole pack grounds, Sam understood with a clarity he was sure wouldn’t have occurred to him before being infected. At least it wasn’t showing yet, Sam reminded himself as his attacker walked away from him and he hauled himself back up to his feet and started to jog. To his relief, he wasn’t followed, but he had no doubt they were watching for where his trail took him.

“Sam we heard you – what happened?” Garth asked him, the beta meeting him at the perimeter of the camp.

Sam drew a deep breath, his eyes already scanning the camp for Jess, for signs of any already lit fires. “You remember what happened to Cole?”

Garth’s face paled but he nodded without hesitation. “More of them?”

“A lot more, and more organised.”

“Ok we’ll… we’ll get people ready. Do you think we should evacuate?”

Sam almost snapped at the beta to ask Tracy instead of the nearest passing authority, but then he remembered himself, and not the poison seeping into his veins and shook his head. “No time. They’ve backed off for now, but they’re all around. Who’d out on patrol?”

“Mark, Victor, and Donna, I think.” Garth’s eyes widened. “You think something happened to them out there already?”

“Let’s hope not,” Sam said, patting the beta’s shoulder and moving past him. “They already got Christian, so watch if you see him.”

Garth smiled slightly, his hand resting on the gun at his belt. Sam needed to think about getting a few of those for his own pack if they made it through this…

“Don’t worry, Sam, I woulda told that one to stay clear even if there wasn’t anything wrong with him.”

Sam tried to match his smile and walked on into the camp, where he had to soothe and inform several other people before he could reach the people he really needed to talk to – Jake, and Tracy – to start readying everyone they could get to form a perimeter around the camp, which was going to be difficult with the odd shape of the place, rendered less defensible since Sam and his pack had arrived. To both of their credit, despite the party mood that had only moments ago had them infected, they moved quickly and with few questions to get everyone moving and organised. As soon as Sam felt like he could trust he’d done what he could to raise and alarm he sought out the flame for cooking in the centre tent.

It was more difficult than he’d expected to put his neck straight onto the burning flame, and ignore everything inside him rebelling against it. Because it was almost… familiar. Like what was starting to pump unnaturally around his body was a purer version of what he usually drew on when he summoned magic. It was devouring him, but gods he was feeling stronger...

As the fire licked uncomfortably at his neck he registered Benny hobbling towards him and pulled up. “How do I look?” he asked.

Benny’s eyes skated over his neck, his exposed collarbone, his face. “Fine, I think. They got you then?”

“Yeah, but at least we’ve still got this… Hey, I know it’s winter, but do you think there’s any way we could set up a shield of… of fire?”

Benny shook his head. “You said it. It’s winter, so it’d be hard to get working quick, but if we could get a fire going we could be in as much danger of smoke or setting some of the trees off as we are from them. No, but I do think that getting a big bonfire blazing and handing out as many fiery sticks to people as we can, if we have the time… well, that can’t hurt.”

“Alright, I can go ask someone to get that started,” Sam said, nodding.

“Speaking of shields… the way you were keeping Gabriel or whoever he was out before… couldn’t you do that again, with this lot?”

“That was just one guy, Benny, even if he was…. Whatever he was. And I had time to prepare, and I could focus on this one person to prevent coming near me, and Hel, that still ended up not really working. I’d also need access to a huge amount of power, and I nearly… I nearly bled myself dry last time just keeping that working.”

Benny nodded with a tight smile. “Alright, ‘sjust an idea.”

“What made you change your mind about me using magic? You said it yourself earlier, the whole world might be on the edge. One loose cannon of magic might really be enough to set off something major.”

Benny met his eyes and breathed in slowly. “Guess I’d like to feel we were getting to feel like we’re fighting fire with fire here. You said we’re talking dozens of ‘em, at least? Well I’d like to feel like we at least… yeah, anyway,” he said trying for another smile.

“Like we had a chance?” Sam asked quietly.

“Something like that.”

Benny shrugged self-deprecatingly, as though annoyed at himself for having some hope, and walked off. Which was when Sam noticed someone else was standing by him.

“Jesse,” he said, kneeling down. “You doing ok, buddy? Thought you were getting some sleep.”

The boy shrugged and looked pained. “Can’t. All the magic’s coming to get us.”

“All the… well, yeah, I guess that does kinda cover it.”

“We’re gonna be ok though, right, Sam?”

Sam bit down on his lip. Gods, he hated feeling like he had to lie to his pup… “We got a lot of good warriors out there, really good fighters, with some really cool bits of technology still kicking around. I’d say we’re gonna be just fine, buddy. We’re gonna make a circle around the camp so none of the Wolves that are… sick, can come in and get us, ok?”

Jesse didn’t look convinced. Smart kid. Then to Sam’s dismay the pup’s lip started to wobble as he asked, “Am I sick?”

Sam swallowed. “Jesse?”

“With everything last night, and before. People wanna come and get me, because of what I did, what I do, right?”

“People… people were trying to be mean to you because they were afraid, Jesse. You’re not sick, you just… you just haven’t learnt how to manage things really well.” _Gods, maybe he should have spoken to him about this before, let him grow up knowing more about what he was, maybe then he wouldn’t have turned out such time bomb with self-worth issues…_

“Like you and your scars?” Jesse asked, nodding at the scarred hands now curled protectively around his shoulders.

Sam almost smiled. “No, I need those to make anything start happening at all, mostly. You… you’re a bit different. You don’t need other things to happen to be able to use magic, so you’re a bit more… free with how you use it.”

“I just want to help. With getting everyone safe. If you teach me, can I help with that now?”

Sam exhaled slowly and managed to give his child a faint smile. “You’re a great person for asking. But right now, I just need you to look out for Jess, and Adam. Jess might need help with the baby, and people are going to need me to help fight. But not with magic.”

Jesse nodded. “Because we don’t have a bubble anymore.”

Sam frowned. “A bubble?”

“Well yeah. Before. We always had a bubble to keep the bad people out. It felt like you and it said _keepoutkeepoutkeepout_.”

Sam’s smile widened in amazement. “Jesse, you could feel that all the time?”

“Well, yeah. It’s been really quiet without it lately.”

“Huh. Well, since we don’t have a… a bubble anymore, I’m gonna take you home to Jess and make sure everyone keeps out the good old fashioned way, alright?”

“So you wouldn’t have to fight if we had another bubble?”

“Well no,” Sam admitted, as he took his pups hand and started walking them through the frantic camp, with people rushing in all different directions, trying to get organised, to find weapons, to find shelter… “But it’s too difficult, and dangerous to try that now. But don’t worry-”

“No it’s not,” Jesse said, wrinkling his nose as he stopped them moving.

“Not what?”

“Well, it’s not difficult.”

Just as Sam registered what Jesse meant, he felt the whole earth – but not just the earth, but all the magic, all the auras in it, all the _balance_ – shift slightly, and he was thrown to the ground, still clutching Jesse’s hand –

*

Cas hadn’t even realised he and Dean had started holding hands until he almost pulled the omega down to the ground with him when the world started shaking. The ground up here wasn’t as frosted, he noted, and he wondered if that was more because ‘Purgatory’ seemed such a strange part of the world, or if this was the first signs of spring seeping in.

He wondered if Spring would have the chance to really start before…

“What the fucking Helheim was that,” Dean growled, as he thoughtlessly dragged Cas back to his feet when the rumbling in the ground, the air, finally stopped.

“Gamr,” Gabriel muttered, eyes darting around them.

“Jesse,” Dean’s mother translated, her lips drawing into a thin line. “It has to be. It didn’t come from the centre, and I don’t think anything else has that power.”

“Plus, y’know, that’s still his _role,_ ” Gabriel put in, a touch bitterly, as he looked up at the clouded sky. “Start things off. And that certainly feels like a good start to making the balance of Chaos in the world even more off-balance – I mean even you guys were rocked and you’re about as tuned into magic as a pair of fishes, no offence.”

Mary frowned at that, but said nothing. “Let’s keep moving,” she said eventually. “We’re close now, I think.”

“Will we know?” Dean asked as he let go of Cas’s hand and moved to walk beside her, though he still maintained a wary amount of distance between himself and his mother, Cas note with a sad twist. There was so much confusion, and anger, and hurt still broiling in Dean, and he suspected the others could tell, even without any kind of link to the Alpha, however well Dean tried to keep it down. His relationship with his mother had never been anything like Cas’s limited experiences with his own. Dean valued his mother as a friend, an advisor, someone he could let his guard down with – but even more than that, as someone who was dependable, who wouldn’t lie to him, wouldn’t leave him. As someone who valued family so highly, for years Mary had been the only piece of his that Dean had beside him. And now he’d found out that he didn’t even really know her.

“Will we know when it’s gone too far and the world, y’know, gets stretched too thin?”

Gabriel started laughing. “Trust me buddy. The world starts getting torn apart by Chaos? You’ll know.”

Cas frowned. “No, he’s right. What _would_ that look like? You don’t know, do you?”

Gabriel shrugged, but he looked uncomfortable. “I mean, we stopped it happening last time. So we don’t know the ending, the ending. But… I know what Chaos looks like.”

Cas waited for his cousin to fill the silence he’d left so deliberately. A moment later, Gabriel sighed theatrically. “See, I _was_ Chaos. Before I started rubbing shoulders with that one over there and walking around in reality I was… everything, or part of everything, on the other side of things.”

Cas blinked. “The… other side?”

“Well yeah. Chaos to Order, Darkness to Light, Supernatural to the Natural.” He shrugged. “Other bits slipped back and forth through the cracks a bit but I was the big one. That’s why I eventually went, fuck, everything’s prettier over there, why not bring it back? This side of things have only treated me like shit, why not just let it end? Which was… the headspace I was in for Ragnarok.”

“What changed your mind? Why did you stop things?” Cas pressed, aware that Mary and Dean were also listening.

Gabriel looked up at the sky again. “I guess… I like food, I like stories, I like having a good time. I like people. Chaos taking over is gonna be all magic and nothing to use it on.”

Cas nodded slightly, noticing that Mary, or Odin, seemed to have nothing to say to this.

Dean apparently noticed that too. “That really what happened last time round? You were fighting to stop this from happening?”

And Cas heard Mary say quietly, “More or less.”

They walked on in silence for a little after that, but Dean’s mind felt almost like it was straining to keep in contact with Cas’s in the same way they’d been holding hands for the whole way, until they started noticing that the woods were getting brighter despite the fact that the sun was lowering in the sky.

“Is that… glowing?” Cas asked, shielding his eyes to focus better on what it looked like they were walking towards.

Gabriel gave him a tired-looking smile. “Guess this means we’re heading in the right direction after all.”

“I think that’s a person,” Dean said, as his pace quickened slightly. “There, by the glowing, y’see her?”

Gabe made a face. “Oh no… c’mon…”

“I thought you’d be looking forward to seeing your old mistress after so long,” Mary said, smiling even as a slight tremor crept into her voice.

“Y’know, the right time for you to start developing a sense of humour really wasn’t today,” Gabriel muttered, pitching his voice a little lower as they all slowed their paces to walk together into the clearing with the glowing light.

The strangest thing, Cas realised, was that it wasn’t actually light. It was darkness, darkness that _shone_ , and shone so brightly it was almost _colourful_ , blinding… So beautiful that it made him almost not notice the woman sitting on a boulder beside it all, in a sleeveless long black dress, looking extremely old-fashioned, glamorous, and entirely ill-equipped for the evening cold.

She wasn’t human, or a Wolf, but the way she held herself made Cas incapable of thinking of her as anything else but _Alpha_ …

“Hello,” she said, sounding apprehensive and just a touch bored.

“What are all you… oh,” she added dully, focusing on Gabriel. “You were one of mine.”

None of them spoke, and Cas wondered if it was because, like him, they were all holding their breaths.

“You _left_ me,” she went on, a childlike petulance in her voice. Then she turned her attention to the others. “And the rest of you… why are you here? The last time anyone stood here was the Wolf with the red hair who let me through. Not,” she added with a frown, “that she meant to, I think.”

“That’s actually why we’re here,” Dean said, his tone almost sounding like he’d just seen the joke. “We were wondering if you wouldn’t mind just… going away again?”

Cas tensed, ready to throw himself in front of his Mate, to protect him, to take any blow, but the lady in the black dress only smiled in surprise. “That’s not a very kind way of greeting me.”

“Well, uh, what is, uh, Ma’am? Do you have a name?”

She turned to quirk an eyebrow up at Loki. “Well?”

He shrugged, but Cas could see how terrified his cousin was. “I heard people call you the Darkness. Chaos. You look kinda like this girl I dated once, her name was Amara? Complete psycho, you remind me of her.”

“That… didn’t sound kind either.” She shook her head, as though to clear it of his influence, the dark waves of her hair bouncing. “Well, no matter. I will destroy you in a few minutes. Everything here can go, and everything can be beautiful again.”

The terrifying thing, Cas thought, was that she didn’t sound malicious – it wasn’t a threat, she sounded just like she was telling them the time of day.

“Not if I have anything to say about it,” Mary said, and as Cas looked round he saw that Dean’s mother, or, perhaps more accurately, Odin the Allfather, was hovering a fiery ball of light above each palm, ready to strike.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again to everyone commenting, especially everyone who's been here from the start.  
> Two more weeks and then I can start thinking about timestamps, I promise!
> 
> Also hey, did anyone else love Amara? Like man they did not use her well most of the time but she was so cute.


	50. An end of magic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m not scared.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's a little later than the wednesday aim - but next chapter should be up on time :D

As soon as Sam found his bearings again he tried his best to focus on Jesse, who, again, was back in the middle of a whirlwind. Though at least for once it wasn’t actually a literal one.

“Jesse, Jesse y’gotta listen to me, y’gotta focus. Come back to me, ok?”

His little boy was rocking back on his heels, his eyes wide but still unfocused, unseeing.

“C’mon Jesse, I’m here, I want to help, talk to me buddy,” Sam murmured, rubbing his hands up and down his pup’s arms and trying not to look around to see if anyone had noticed them yet, tried to push past his anxiety to try and make his scent calming.

“Jesse…” Sam was almost whining now, he knew, but he could feel the presence of the shield, just like Jesse had talked about his, but it had to be at least ten times stronger. A forcefield, invisible, but so tangible Sam wondered that everyone couldn’t taste it on the air, as it screamed out its intention to _protectprotectprotect._

It was beautiful, and crushing and completely awe-inspiring. Sam could never create anything like it if he drained a hundred people dry, but Jesse could, and he barely even needed to concentrate on it. Already the boy was coming back to himself, to Sam, and still the barrier, keeping the rabids out, remained.

“See?” Jesse said with a faint smile, as though nothing had interrupted their previous conversation. “Nothing to it.”

As Sam grappled with finding the right words he wondered if this was all his pup, Azazel’s manufactured saviour, Meg’s reluctantly carried offspring, had ever been destined to be, to do. Just a scared pup trying to carve out something safe for the people he loved to hide in.

But of course, that wasn’t all Jesse was. And Sam had a feeling that if he kept that concentrated pressure of magic up, then the very makeup of the universe would crack under the strain.

“Jesse… no. You’ve gotta… buddy, you gotta let those walls come down, we gotta fight them normally.”

“But now we don’t _have_ to fight them,” Jesse said, stubbornly putting out his bottom lip. “Now no one needs to get hurt and we can just… wait until Uncle Dean makes all the bad people go away, right?”

Sam heaved a great breath in. “Jesse, I know this is hard to understand, but the world is… fragile right now. And putting up a great big shield like that isn’t being gentle with it. I know you want to get us out of danger, but… there’s only going to be more danger in the long run if you don’t put it away again.”

Jesse’s eyes widened. “I don’t think I know how to do that, though,” he murmured.

“C’mon, sure you do,” Sam said, straining to inject some brightness back in his voice. “Just like you put the walls up in the first place right? You just gotta let go.”

But Jesse only shook his head, starting to look panicked. And the very worst thing Sam could imagine for the world right now was a panicked antichrist.

“Ok, how about we try again once I get you back to Jess, ok? That sound alright, buddy?”

Sam stroked the hair falling down in Jesse’s eyes away from him, and the boy gave a little nod.

“Alright then,” he said, and tried to keep walking like nothing had happened. Right. He could get them through this.

But then Tracy was shouting his name and jogging over to him before they made it two steps. “Alright, a few of them made it to us already, but we’ve got some people waiting for ‘em. Only they can’t get through. Know anything about that?”

“I thought… uh… some extra protection-”

But her eyes were already skating down to Jesse. “It’s him again, isn’t it?”

“Tracy…” Sam started, but Dean’s young replacement only bent a knee to look Jess in the eye.

“Thank you for trying to help us, but we are going to be fine, we can help them out with our claws, and our guns, like this one, see?” She pulled out the handgun she’d publically pointed, but not fired at the then uninfected Christian earlier that day. “Few rounds of this and the monsters’ll quit coming.”

Jesse still didn’t look very convinced. “I’m sorry, I don’t know how –”

Tracy flashed him a not-unkind smile and got back to her feet, focusing once more on Sam. “I thought you were going to talk me through what’s really going on, but here we are and this is still going way above my head. Meanwhile I’ve got Crowley screaming in my ear about how he’s got a headache which is heralding the end of the world, and that’s still not my priority because if that shield fails without us being ready enough, everyone in here’s at risk from those things. Is it stopping us getting out or just them getting in?”

Sam bit down on his lip and allowed himself to concentrate on the feeling of the magic surrounding them. Crowley might be calling it a headache, but for Sam it more felt like… forgetting he had any aches at all. It was difficult to remember about the physical at all when you were focusing so much with other senses.

“I… don’t think so. Though… I don’t know how _easy_ it’ll be for those of us who, uh -”

“Use magic.”

“Right. Headaches all round, at least.”

Tracy nodded, clearly working through the options she had to consider. “Ok, so what if a few of us led a team back to protect a group we wanted to evacuate?”

Sam frowned. “I don’t know. Split up the fighting force still leaves all of us more vulnerable, and these creatures are smart, they’re not mindless zombies. If we lose people to them here then they’re not gonna forget where the others have gone. And I think they’re… it’s like they’re trying to work as a pack?”

Tracy made a face somewhere between disgust and interest as Jesse squeezed a little harder on Sam’s hand.

“Right,” Tracy said, exhaling and biting down on her tongue. “Ok, apparently Jesse’s bought us some time. That might be part of a bigger problem, but that’s not what I can focus on. You get him inside, I’ll finish getting the troops ready and we can start on a plan alright?”

Sam nodded. “Ok.”

“And uh… don’t suppose…”

“What, Tracy?”

“Y’think there’s any chance Dean’ll fix things before we have to, uh…”

Sam could see the fear threatening to show on the alpha’s face, mirroring his own feelings. “Let’s hope so, yeah?”

*

For a moment Dean let the terror and shock of watching his mother in full-scale god mode facing down the personification of Darkness and Chaos start fading into familiar relief. Sure, he still wasn’t sure of what to make of his Mom like this, but she looked awesome, and she had this – she was going to make things alright.

Amara – because now that Gabriel had called her that the name had managed to stick itself in Dean’s mind - only looked from the fireballs to Mary’s face and let one eyebrow twitch up slightly before Mary was flung away from her to smash violently into a tree.

“Mom!” Dean shouted, and tried to run to her, but found he wasn’t actually able to move his feet.

“I swear, if she’s hurt,” he growled, but Amara ignored him to continue focusing on Mary.

“You’re one of the old… gods, aren’t you?”

“The oldest,” Mary snarled, in something unlike her normal voice.

Amara smiled. “That’s not true and you are wise enough to know that much at least. But you have managed to turn one of my servants against me, again,” she added, glancing warily over at Gabriel, who was more and more looking like he wished everyone would forget he was there. “Though, it doesn’t seem you have much of his loyalty. Again, that shouldn’t be surprising to either of us.”

She narrowed her eyes, considering Loki, Gabriel. “I would have back what was mine, but I’m not sure how worth it taking it would be. I will have all of this soon.” Again, that thought didn’t necessarily seem to please her.

“Not so fast there,” Dean heard Gabriel mutter, as several impossibly green snakes appeared from nowhere and started coiling their way around Amara towards her throat. For a moment she looked frightened, off-balance, and Dean almost wanted to pity her, but at a flash of anger in her eyes they had gone, and it looked as though Gabriel was also frozen to his spot.

“Weak,” she murmured, “this whole world too weak to withstand me.”

 _Dean,_ Dean heard Cas prod at the edge of his mind. _We have to do something._

_Yeah, any fresh ideas? The god card isn’t cutting it yet – look at ‘em, they’re beat and we ain’t much better._

_…I can still move._

Dean caught some of Cas’s intentions and felt frozen again, this time internally. “Cas, don’t,” he said aloud, but the alpha was already in the air, his face a snarl that looked almost more wolf than human. A thinker Cas might be, but Dean knew he’d assessed their options, and a random physical attack seemed like the only strategic hope left to them.

It was still dumb, and brave, as all fuck.

Cas fell to the ground, writhing in obvious pain before he even came close to reaching the Darkness’s physical form. As Dean screamed out his Mate’s name he watched the alpha’s eyes roll back into his head as Cas managed to think one last _Dean_ at him before passing out.

“What’s wrong with him,” Dean managed to spit out, as he watched her toy with Cas’s hair with her toes, thoughtfully.

“Nothing much. Though soon of course that won’t matter because -”

“Because you’ll take over everything and everything will be yours. Yeah, you mentioned. But why do you even want that? Weren’t you happy enough with your own side of the kingdom?”

“It’s not a kingdom,” she said in a grumbling tone that reminded Dean unwillingly of Cas. “It’s the whole universe. And it’s not that I’m _happy_ with it, it’s that it’s what will happen. I am the destroyer, and I am arriving.”

“Yeah, but do you like…. _Have_ to destroy?”

“She looked like she felt he might be joking. “I am the Destroyer.”

“Talking to a brick wall here, man,” Gabriel piped up, before his lips were literally sealed together, which seemed to frustrate and confuse him.

“Ok, so you destroy because you’re here. But you don’t need to do things just because that what you always do. Hey, what if you just went back and nothing changed?” Dean was aware his voice was steadily rising in tone and pitch – he didn’t even sound like he was trying to be an Alpha in charge of a situation anymore, only a verging on hysterical stage performer.

“Why should I? Convince me.”

“Because…” Dean had no idea what the deal might be with Jesse, how much time they had here, and there was Cas waking up, and staring at Dean like he thought he had all the answers to all his questions. “Because sure, we don’t have as many people left on Earth as we used to, and we don’t all know each other as well as we used to, but I know that a lot of people who matter, who sometimes do what they’re supposed to and sometimes they don’t. And there won’t be any more of them if you do this.”

She narrowed her eyes, but not cruelly. “They will continue on within me.”

“Not the same thing. They won’t be them, like they are now.”

She cocked her head to one side, again, reminding Dean uncomfortably of Cas. Cas, who was helpless on the ground after trying his best and gods Dean loved him.

And he’d barely even gotten a chance to tell him that, properly.

“Ages old momentum and great magical cost brought me here,” she said slowly, as though she was thinking about the best way to explain something obvious to a child. “Do you really want to find out what it would take to send me back?”

*

Adam watched Jesse’s face as he came in with Sam, and thought there’d been another ‘incident’. He’d not known Jesse long, but he knew that look, and he was curious as to what it meant this time.

“Hey, Adam,” Sam said with a brief smile as he marched through shouting on Jess.

“What’s going on?” Adam asked as he stood up off his spot on the edge of the bed. “The world ending again?” His Mom had used to say that to him all the time whenever he looked sad, and though he wasn’t sure Jesse looked _sad_ exactly, he still definitely looked like he could use cheering up.

It didn’t have the desired effect. “Maybe,” Jesse said with a half shrug. “I… I might be making things worse.”

“Then, dude, maybe stop?”

“I’m not sure how… and I’m also stopping the zombie people get us.”

“Right. I mean… what’s a zombie?”

Sam came back towards them just as his son was opening his mouth to try and explain, Jess in her wolf form at his heels.

She was beautiful like that, Adam thought. Before coming here, he’d been frightened of these people with their fully shifted forms, but now he’d come to think of himself as ugly next to them now he was getting used to them. His ‘half breed’ Changed look only frightened people.

“Ok, guys, Jess is going to stay here with you both while I go out and see how everyone’s doing, that ok?”

“Cool,” Adam said when Jesse said nothing. “But hey, Sam, what’s a zombie?”

The Alpha’s face twisted through what looked like a hundred different emotions before landing on exasperation. “They’re not zombies, Adam,” he said eventually, then he put a hand on each of their shoulders, looking at his mate in the eye. Then he left.

“So what’s a zombie supposed to be?” Adam asked again, feeling ignored.

“Dead people that like start walking around like -” Jesse rolled his eyes into the back of his head and walked around in a circle with his arms straight and outstretched.

“You look really dumb.”

“Zombies _are_ dumb, that’s why they gotta eat brains, idiot.”

“Ew.”

“I mean, these ones don’t… but Sam’s right, I don’t think they’re real zombies,” Jesse added, looking torn between disappointment and real, lingering fear.

“How come you’re so scared of ‘em then?”

Jess growled lightly in her throat, nudging them each in turn with her damp nose, and though Adam didn’t quite have the same senses everyone else had he figured she wasn’t trying to be mean, she just wanted them to shut up and relax so she could mother them better.

He liked feeling like someone was trying to mother him, but he wasn’t going to go saying that out loud.

“I’m not _scared_.”

“Right. Then how come you won’t let ‘em come near us – that’s what you’re doing, right?”

“Well, yeah, ‘cause I don’t want them to… to hurt us.”

“Thought you said Sam could beat anyone. That’s what you said yesterday.”

“He _can._ I just -”

Adam tried to interrupt him again, but the next thing he knew he was on the floor, and there was a sound like thunderclouds gathering high above their heads, and the world felt _strange…_

“What did you do?” Adam shouted, and for a moment it looked like Jesse wasn’t capable of doing anything but stare at the sky, which was suddenly visible above them because the roof seemed to be… gone.

“I… I think I let them in. The not-zombies,” Jesse explained, his eyes starting to water even as Jess growled.

And somewhere, vicious howls of triumph were being let out… And suddenly Adam was starting to feel really bad about baiting his sort-of nephew.

Like, he’d probably been exaggerating about the end of the world but what if he hadn’t been about the zombies? And Jesse still wasn’t looking too good…

Jesse curled her body, which looked less obviously pregnant in this form because of all the winter fur, tight around them like a moving shield and growled low in her chest, and for a moment Adam actually felt safer than he had since his Mom had died. Hoping it wouldn’t offend her, he dug his fingers into the warmth of her coat and hoped that whatever was happening would get to be over soon.

*

Cas watched Dean consider the Darkness’s words, the Alpha’s teeth chewing down on his bottom lip. “Gotta be better than nothing, right?” he said eventually.

“Are you sure? Nothingness, as you say, that’s also an everything, the highest form of connection. Think of the joy you find in sharing a mind – and you do, don’t you?” She asked, looking down at Cas, who wanted to squirm under her uncompromising gaze.

“Imagine that feeling, shared with everyone and everything there’s ever been. No more pain, no more grief, no more feelings of inadequacy or loneliness -”

“Just tell us what our other choice is,” Dean said heavily. He hadn’t wanted or expected to be involved in dealing with any of the ‘magical crap’ - he thought he’d be able to keep out of it, to delegate it to those who seemed to better understand about what was going on. But he hadn’t originally expected to have the Alpha position over his pack and he’d stepped up then… _just like you’ve got this now_ , he sent through encouragingly to Dean through the link. _You’re making her listen._

Dean nodded before looking again at the woman, awaiting her answer.

“I can leave, but I’d be taking most traces of myself with me. No more magic.”

“Doesn’t bother me much, not gonna lie.”

The woman smiled. “What do you think your very being is formed of? The bizarre nature of your species is entirely dependent upon it. I can’t even be certain how my removal would affect any of you.”

Cas watched Dean swallow. “Like I say, gotta be worth the risk, right?”

And again of course it came down to Dean being made responsible. Cas swore to himself that if they made it back and people asked them how the world had been saved, and newly screwed up, he would tell them nothing of Dean’s bargaining.

“You, especially, are someone with so much magical potential… and I have to assume because of your mother.” She frowned. “And I have no idea what might happen to her.”

Mary looked straight at the woman who had struck her down. “Do it,” she spat.

Gabriel whined around his gag.

“You were the one you wanted to save the world,” Mary reprimanded him, but eventually he went quiet.

“You truly want this?”

“Yes,” Cas growled.

The woman shrugged. “Fine. Your way.”

*

They really weren’t mindless zombies - the moment the barrier broke, Sam watched Christian lunging for him. He only managed to swerve just in time, swinging out his long flaming stick in front of them. This was really the only plan they had – keeping fire close as often as they could in the hope of curing their attackers and as a fallback solution to their own potential infection.

But Sam was not planning to be infected twice in under an hour.

Snarling, he started standing back-to-back with Jake, the two of the moving in tandem to prevent anything coming near them as they watched their own people in both forms attacking the surge of rabids. Because it was a surge, far more than Sam had been hoping for… just like he’d been hoping Jesse would be alright after he let the barrier drop.

But as he looked back at the cabin he’d recently left his family behind him, Sam saw lightening crackle down around it, and the whole building looked as if it might be shaking.

“I have to get back there,” Sam yelled over Tracy’s howling as she called the Wolves around her to charge forward with her.

“You know I’ll cover you, man,” Jake told him, not even looking around at Sam as he gave him a nudge in the back. Sam ran for it, unhesitating even as he recognised screams or yells from behind him. It seemed like they might be winning, but it wasn’t nice to think on the cost of the people they were losing in turn, or the fact that these were people’s homes they were risking, these were sick people they should be helping they were trying to beat back. And who said if they did they wouldn’t simply fall prey to the same fate as those they fought anyway? Something had changed them, and if that something was growing stronger, or coming this way…

Sam made it to the cabin just in time to watch his pregnant mate leap out the doors and pounce down on the rabid approaching her new home, and the children in her care.

Sam’s first instinct was to rush in and protect her, but now the boys had no one with them… “Jess?”

As she pinned the rabid down with difficulty she growled out a warning to him that he should go.

It tore at him to watch her snarling, vulnerable, alone, as Sam had to wonder how an infection would even affect the pup inside of her, but he managed to turn away and rush inside, where Adam was sitting comforting a now Changed Jesse.

Sam had a moment of pride to see it – they’d talked with Jesse before about how much less of a risk he seemed to be to himself and those around him when in his wo – dog form, and finally he seemed to be taking those lessons on, however much Sam knew his pup hated being reminded of how different he looked to his family. The dog was shivering and whining even as Sam approached and let Jesse sniff at his hand. “Hey there, buddy,” he murmured, “you’re doing great. We just need you to calm down, can you do that for me, Jesse?”

The pup looked up at him plaintively. He wanted to help, Jesse always wanted to help, but he wasn’t sure he could. And the world too big, and it was frightening him…

Jess stumbled in a moment or two later, and Changed right in front of them, still covered in blood and looking like she wanted to bite something’s head off. “Sam, I think the baby’s coming,” she growled.

Sam could feel the blood draining from his face. “You’re sure?”

Jess flopped down to the floor again, her teeth biting violently into her lip as her hand jolted to cover her belly. “I’m pretty sure!”

*

“Mom… what’ll happen to the gods?” Dean asked, changing the direction of his question from his mother to Amara but still not letting his eyes leave Mary’s face.

“I already said, I’m not sure. They’re creatures of magic, but those that remain inhabit mortal forms. I suppose they have less chance of surviving than the rest of you. I will need to take their entire essences.”

“It’s ok, Dean,” Mary said quietly, but Dean shook his head.

“No. Don’t you bow out nicely. You go down swinging -”

“Baby, if I do that I bring the world with me. Besides…” She said slowly eyeing Gabriel. “This was our fault, somewhere back along the line. Someone has to pay for the damage we caused.”

“Bullshit,” Dean said, but mostly to cover the fact that his eyes were filling with tears. Fuck, he had asked for this, and his Mom had lied to him, but that didn’t mean he was ready to put her head down on the chopping block just because she had a being a few thousand years old riding inside of her.

“You’re sure you don’t wish to join me?” The Darkness offered one last time, specifically looking at Dean.

Somehow, through the tears he didn’t want to admit were falling, Dean felt himself nod, then down at Cas, who he didn’t need to look at, he could feel the assent in the other’s mind, and then at Gabriel, who managed a nod too, even if he did roll his eyes. “Just get it over with,” Dean managed.

The woman he was still thinking of as Amara smiled vaguely. “If you insist. You may want to start running though. I imagine this might have some impact.”

*

Sam was holding his mate’s hand by the time she started screaming.

“Didn’t… didn’t we have a good plan about you… about you going into labour as a wolf?”

“Shut… your… _stupid… face_ …”

Even Jesse seemed to have managed to have finally calm at the sight of Jess with her hair matted about her red face. But Sam, despite his attempts for Jess’s sake, couldn’t calm. Cas had told him Jess was supposed to die in labour – how was he supposed to be calm for this?

Especially when outside the door there was still howling, and screaming, and Sam had no idea which side the noises were coming from.

What if any moment one of the rabids broke down that door and Sam had to leave his mate’s side again just to protect her? What if Jesse got freaked out again and –

“I love you so much, Jess. You’re doing great.”

“Well it’s not _feeling_ so great, but hey, I guess you tell me -”

Sam cut her off with a scream of his own. He felt like the blood in his veins was trying to boil under his skin, like his head was imploding, like something was being sucked out of his very soul…

“Sam?” he registered his mate asking, concern creeping into her own voice as his hand slipped out of hers, as he started hearing the screams outside change their pitch. He thought he recognised Crowley’s howl…

But nothing topped Jesse’s scream. Because even as a dog, the pup did _scream_ long and loud and terrified like his insides were being torn apart…

*

The moment Cas could move his limbs he was on his feet and grabbing for Dean’s arm, beckoning for the two gods to follow him in running from the strange woman and her strange clearing.

“Cas, if this doesn’t work -” Dean tried to say as they ran.

“It has to,” Cas told him. Whatever Dean had to say, he had a feeling from his mind that he wouldn’t be able to process it adequately and manage to keep running.

“Seriously though, Cassie,” Gabriel yelled back at him, because somehow his cousin had already managed to overtake him. “This doesn’t work out for me you look out for the Pack, right?”

“Gabe,” Cas tried to growl, but then he felt it, and couldn’t remember what he’d been about to say. Needles – it felt like needles were working over his skin, taking him apart. But he seemed to be coming out of the feeling the best off of the four of them – he was the only one who’d managed to stay on his feet. The two gods were screaming out in agony lying on the ground, while Dean was still sitting up but looked barely lucid.

“It’s ok, Dean. It’s passing,” he said aloud, but when he became worried that Dean wasn’t hearing him he switched to their mind link. _You’ve got this. You did this, you saved us, I love you –_

_Cas –_

For a moment it looked like all the colour in the world was being dragged towards the source where they’d left the woman and her dark portal, rushing past their faces with the sounds of distant screaming. Looking at it left Cas feeling like he was watching himself forget something.

But, clutching at his Mate’s arms, Cas bore out the storm. They waited it out together.

When Cas opened his eyes, realising he’d closed them at some point, the whole forest seemed brighter. Sunlight was streaming down through the canopy as it had been strangely incapable of doing before and the world looked… healthier.

 _I think it’s over,_ Cas thought tentatively at Dean, who was still staring at him with wide eyes.

When he felt or heard nothing from his Mate, Cas tried for a smile. _That didn’t seem so terrible._

Still, Dean didn’t respond, and Cas began to worry as he watched a slight frown line appear on the omega’s forehead. “Cas?” he asked aloud, before his mouth widened into an ‘O’ shape.

“What?”

“Can you hear this?”

Dean scrunched up his face and Cas waited. As he kept waiting and realised nothing was coming, Cas felt a weight drop to his stomach. “Ah. No more magic,” he said with a dry throat.

The Alpha smiled weakly at him and let his arms slip out of Cas’s now loose grip.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much again to everyone who's been following this over the course of like... uh... a year and a half, shit - the fact that it's gotten this far is all of your faults.
> 
> The next chapter should, by the virtue of being very long, start wrapping everything up, but if anyone has an idea for timestamps they'd like to be seeing soon feel free to send me on ideas!


	51. after

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I guess… we’ll have to figure that out as we go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I KNOW i promised this as a last chapter...
> 
> But it ended up a lot longer than expected?
> 
> ahhhhhh last part might finally be out by tomorrow before I go to work, apologies for leaving you guys hanging again but thank you so much for all the lovely comments!

Cas watched his cousin wake up, and found himself too tired to worry too much about who, or what was about to open their eyes.

Whatever they were, they didn’t look much like Gabriel. This person looked too frightened, too nervous for that, and looked as though they wanted to crawl back away from Cas at the sight of him.

“Hello,” Cas said, but the person that might or might not be Gabriel only blinked slowly at him.

The moment they’d sat up to see the world looking clearer, Cas and Dean had checked on Mary and Gabriel, who had remained unconscious, but to their relief they were both still breathing. As soon as they realised that, Dean had sat with his mother until she awoke, and Cas with Gabriel, neither of them speaking much. And though the silence was somewhat companionable, between the two of them it spoke of absence more than anything – there hadn’t been complete silence between them for so long, even before they knew what they were doing, even when they were trying to block each other out.

Mary had woken first, but after Cas had received a nod from Dean that at least physically she seemed to be ok, although sounding disoriented, he had remained by Gabriel’s side, allowing Dean his privacy.

“So… this is weird,” Gabriel said eventually, his voice hoarse.

“Yes,” Cas agreed easily. “How are you feeling? Do you know who you are?”

“In a few words? Like someone just bashed me over the head with a boulder and left me for dead, and, no.”

Cas frowned, and looked over to where Dean was sitting with his mother a little way away from them. She looked nervous and he looked… tired.

“Now if you could start reassuring me you aren’t the one who was beating me up that’d be fantastic.”

“No, it wasn’t me. It was the force of all Chaos Magic leaving the world, I think.”

“Huh?”

“I don’t understand it all that well, it was you who tried to explain the concept to me.”

Gabriel tried to sit up, scowling all the way. “Ok, so I hate to have to ask here, but who are you? Who are they? Who the fuck am _I_? What are any of us doing out here? And are you on something currently, because dude, I gotta tell you -”

“I’m not ‘on something’,” Cas cut him off. “My name is Castiel. You’re my cousin, your name is Gabriel. You’re also…” Gabe was raising an eyebrow at him expectantly, in a way that was so reminiscent of the old friend Cas had missed that he almost…

“Are you mocking me?”

“Dude -”

“It feels like if you remembered you wouldn’t let me know.”

Gabriel laughed. “Ok. Loving the character summation so far. Keep going. Am I your favourite cousin?”

“No, I always liked Hannah better,” Cas grumbled, sneaking another glance at Dean, who this time, caught him, and gave him an _everything ok?_ look.

Cas nodded with a slight smile and turned back to his cousin, whose eyes were flickering between the two of them as though trying to solve a puzzle. “So who he?”

“My… Dean. His name’s Dean.”

“My Dean? You realise that’s honestly what you just said, right?”

Cas ignored him. Suggesting that his cousin was retaining his personality if not his memories Gabriel did not seem to notice this.

“I have known you for literally a minute and I can say with complete confidence that you are pathetic.”

“Well, you’ve actually known me for your – well, for _my_ whole life.”

“Yeah, but my new whole life has been all of a minute long. So what’s the deal with you and him?”

Cas folded his arms. “If there is a deal, like you just pointed out, I don’t know you, and therefore I won’t be telling you any of my business.”

Gabe squinted up at him. “I don’t know if I like you much.”

Cas sighed. “I don’t know if I like you much. I think this whole mess was your fault somehow but I’m not sure if I’m allowed to blame you for it because now you can’t remember any of it.”

“Huh. Something about that disapproving, stuffy tone… I’m almost certain you sound familiar.”

“And I’m almost certain now that you’re fucking with me.”

“Cas – you guys ready to try finding the others?” Dean asked, walking over to them, but not getting too close.

Cas looked down at Gabriel, who shrugged, then back at Dean. “He’s alive anyway.”

“He remember anything?”

“He says no.”

“Mom neither.” Dean raked a hand back through his hair and Cas wished he could know more of the omega’s feelings than he was able to smell. Dean smelt only mildly anxious, but Cas knew better than anyone how talented he was at concealing himself.

“It might not be permanent,” Cas offered.

Dean looked back at Mary, who was still sitting down and staring at the palms of her hands as though trying to remember that they belonged to her.

“Yeah, maybe, they got half of their personalities ripped out of them or whatever though. That’s pretty huge.”

Gabe cleared his throat. “Yeah, someone should have led with that. Which half did I lose?”

“Your god one,” Cas said, shooting Dean a weary look.

“Now you _really_ should have led with _that_. I’m a -”

“Not anymore you’re not. Can you stand?”

Moodily, Gabriel forced himself back onto two feet. “Yeah…”

“Awesome. Let’s get moving, see if we can find the others.”

“You think they’ll be ok?”

Dean shrugged. “If the magic’s gone they should be awake, which means they should be helping each other.”

Cas placed a hand on Dean’s shoulder and simply left it there a moment. “I’m sure they’re fine, Dean.”

Dean smiled, but Cas hadn’t missed the Alpha’s slight flinch back from the touch, and he could no longer know exactly what that movement meant. As their eyes met Cas couldn’t help wondering what might have happened if they’d mated the night before, made something unbreakable between them that couldn’t be sullied.

Or maybe that would, now, feel like a mistake.

And Cas wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or disappointed that Dean couldn’t hear him thinking it over.

“Yeah, wow, you fellas are a whole mess of complicated,” Gabe commented with a shake of his head as Dean walked back over towards his mother.

“That’s mostly your fault.”

“Really? What’d I do?”

“…Doesn’t matter.”

“You think seeing home Pack things’ll start triggering me back to myself too?” the beta asked Cas after they’d been walking about ten minutes.

Cas relished the crunching sound his feet made on the icy floor of pine needles. “We’re not going back to our home.”

“How come?”

“Well, they think you’re dead and they kicked me out. We’re going back with Dean.”

“How come? Did you kill someone?” Gabriel took a theatrical step back and narrowed his eyes. “ _Did_ you kill someone? You look like you might have killed someone. Do they think you killed _me_?” Gabriel’s brows furrowed further when Cas didn’t immediately answer him. “And why are we getting bossed around by an omega in the middle of nowhere in – _ow_!”

Cas withdrew his hand from the back of his cousin’s head just as Dean looked round at the yelling.

“He still seems to be acting himself then?”

“Pretty much,” Cas agreed, and was rewarded with a smile from Dean with Gabriel eyes thoughtfully,

After about another half hour of walking they heard the voices calling out their names. Well. Mainly Dean’s name, and occasionally Mary’s – another fact that Gabriel was quick to pick up on.

“I told you, this isn’t our pack,” Cas reminded him.

If Dean looked a little hurt at that, Cas couldn’t tell what the Alpha really thought of the comment, so he pretended he hadn’t seen.

Of course, only moments late they had plenty of distraction in the form of their cured friends, who appeared behind Jo one by one as the omega ran to throw her arms around Dean. Her eyes were a little wet but everyone was kind enough not to mention that either as she went through a string of apologies and demands for Dean to recount what had happened. As he started talking her through the, slightly edited, story, Cas looked round at all the faces he’d last seen contorted into pain and rage. Though they all looked a little scratched up, no one seemed to be seriously injured.

“How come the witch is out of its cage?” Gordon asked suddenly, standing a little closer to Gabriel than Cas felt comfortable with. Cas might still be angry with his cousin but that didn’t mean he wanted to see him hurt.

“The magic has gone, and so has the danger,” Dean rushed to explain as Gabe let out a breath.

“So I’m getting that I really wasn’t anyone’s favourite person here…”

“What do you mean the magic’s gone?” Kevin asked.

Dean sighed heavily. “I’m not sure,” he admitted.

As Dean attempted to explain to his troops what had happened with the Darkness, Cas watched Meg, and the way she looked down at her hands in the same way he’d seen Mary do.

Mary, who’d still barely spoken.

So that’s why… how we’re cured?” Ruby asked hesitatingly.

“Yeah. And uh… I see some of you guys have shifted which, uh,” Dean started laughing, “is honestly a big relief ‘cause I wasn’t sure that’d still work.”

“So what does no more magic _mean_?” Charlie asked to a shrug from her Alpha.

“I guess… we’ll have to figure that out as we go.”

They all went a little quiet at that, and they remained that way as they settled into setting up to eat together. It was just all a little too polite, with everyone being very careful with one another – all except Ruby and Jo, who sat with their fingers twined neatly but firmly around each other’s all through their meal.

They hadn’t been fated to be together – no god or predestined force had looked at them and thought they needed to care about each other the way they so clearly did – but they’d found each other anyway, despite the odds, and, quietly, they were working to make each other happy.

When Cas thought he saw Ruby noticing his staring and had to start looking away, he turned to look to Meg, who was smiling like she’d just been making a study of him.

“So it was really that easy?” she asked, giving him one of her fragile, brittle little smiles he’d come to treasure.

“Well. I’m not sure Loki would agree,” Cas said, nodding at his cousin, who Charlie appeared to be taking great interest in quizzing.

She snorted. “Sure. But like the mortals among you… you came back ok.”

“Again, I’m not sure Dean would be able to agree,” Cas put in again, with a glance at the Alpha. Dean was still sat quietly talking to his mother. Cas wondered if she was remembering anything yet – there was no doubt she would, one day. If anyone could bring a person back to themselves he had faith in Dean.

“Why, because he can’t feel you in his head anymore? Because you’ve stopped smelling like his missing jigsaw piece?”

“No, because Mary – how did you know?”

She smiled again, but it was fainter this time. “You look like a puppy the world won’t quit kicking, and besides, it only makes sense. Even if you guys didn’t start off with someone’s spell, what is fairytale ending love supposed to be if it’s not magic?” She shook her head slightly. “We still got out easy, gods, the world’s still spinning, y’know?”

“Meg -”

“I thought I was supposed to die,” she told him, so quickly he thought he might have misheard at first.

“What?”

“Jesse was my thing, my fault. Basically everyone else involved in making him happen is dead already. So I figured, karmically or whatever…” she swallowed. “It was my turn, y’know? Paying off my sins and all that bullcrap. That if there was a bargaining chip we had to trade for the world instead of the kid himself it was gonna be me. I thought it was why Sam sent me.” Somehow, she managed to summon back her softly mocking smile. “Talk about self-important, right?”

“I think,” Cas said slowly, “that was a way for the story to make the most sense to you. But the world hasn’t ended and you’re still here. And there’s better and much less self-destructive ways of soothing your guilt.”

“Oh yeah? Like what?”

“Have you ever tried talking to Jesse?”

Meg flinched and eyed him with new suspicion. “I mean sure, ‘pass the water’ at a few meals, but -”

“It seems like if he’s the source of so much for you it might be worth it. Maybe for both of you.”

“Yeah well maybe I’m… I’m afraid of doing that.”

“But you’re also brave.”

She closed her eyes briefly as though it was painful to keep them open before saying, “What about you? Are you brave?”

Cas tried to smile.

“You gonna talk to our Alpha of the moment even now you don’t have your mind words to keep you going?”

Cas looked over at Dean again, who was smiling gently at something his mother had said. He’d been so angry with her, Cas knew, and he suspected that in some ways he still was, but now he’d apparently accepted her again without grudge.

“I don’t want to be one more… responsibility for him,” Cas said quietly.

“Are you really trying to tell me that last night went badly after all the pep talking I did?”

“No, no, it went… it went amazing, but… but he was, he was predetermined to want me then, and however much we said that wasn’t what was influencing us, I know we both… we both knew that there was still a chance that even without Gabriel’s involvement we might have been meant for each other anyway. And now… and we still don’t even know each other very well,” Cas finished quietly, unable to keep his eyes off of Dean.

“You know that you still love him though, right? I’m sorry but no one looks at someone else that long without love being a reason.”

“But does he still feel the same for me?” Cas shrugged, and tried to pretend the words didn’t hurt him as badly as they did. “I can’t assume I know what he feels now.”

For a long moment Meg said nothing. “What will you do if he doesn’t then?”

Cas finally tore his eyes away from Dean. “It’s not the only thought on my mind Meg, I’ll be fine.”

If Dean could still hear him he would know what a lie that was.

“Actually, what you were just saying about responsibility…”

“I thought we agreed I was a self-obsessed martyr-wannabe?”

“There’s some things I won’t feel right not knowing about the people I left behind,” Cas continued. “And Gabriel really might remember something in his own packlands. I may still be angry at the person he was, but I don’t think that person exists any longer. And… and he deserves to know who he is.”

“So you wanna go off and re-pick fights with your family?” Meg nodded and shrugged. “Cool. So what’ll you do if he asks you to stay?”

Cas said nothing, only again looked over at Dean, his eyes drawn back to the same point as surely as a compass needle. He was smiling again.

Dean had been fine before Cas had stumbled, almost as rabid as those infected creatures, trying to kill him, then to know him…

No doubt his Pack would continue to be difficult to manage at times, but in general they all adored him. And that nagging wound of not knowing what had become of his brother had finally been healed – with it, Dean’s persistent feelings of inadequacy might also begin to fade.

“I don’t know,” Cas said honestly.

*

 _Are you trying to get me to ask you to stay?_ Dean asked in the privacy of his mind out of habit, and was dully unsurprised to receive no answer from the alpha, who only continued to look at him with those fucking big blue eyes that had so _got_ to Dean the first time he’d seen him. And now they were staring at him waiting for Dean to tell him something.

Dean swallowed. “So uh, you ‘think’ it’s that direction? I dunno man, that sounds pretty sketchy to me.”

“I wouldn’t be alone,” Cas said, smiling softly. “I’d have Gabriel with me.”

“Well, no offence, but he ain’t exactly working with a full bag of monkeys at the moment, y’know?” Dean remarked, desperately clinging to reasons to keep smiling.

Of course Cas wanted to leave him. Dean was poison to be around, and Cas had finally got the clarity of mind to work out he should be getting out while he could. And that wasn’t something Dean should be able to be able to blame him for.

Of course he _did_ blame him for it, but that was because Dean was a selfish, mean-spirited dick. And also because… hadn’t their whole night together been on the premise that they wanted to be with each other, no matter what destiny or Gabriel or whatever crap was telling them – and sure, they might not have mated, but they’d… they’d had some kind of agreement right?

And Cas still smelt so fucking great…

But he was right too, wasn’t he? Dean would be going out of his mind not knowing what had happened to his pack if he’d left them this long. And sure, Cas was a long way from ‘owing’ them anything, but maybe he owed it to himself to find out.

 _But wasn’t he also supposed to owe Dean_?… no.

“I mean you’re welcome here with us,” Dean said eventually after clearing his throat. “Y’know that, right? Everyone likes you – well, anyone that matters – and people were starting to ask me back home when I was planning to make you Pack officially already.”

“But Gabriel?” Cas looked up from the patch of ground he’d been staring at again.

“What?”

“Would Gabriel have a place with you? I wouldn’t blame you for saying no, Dean. He’s done much that isn’t easily remember, even if his reasons were good, and he doesn’t now remember it.”

His Mom hadn’t remembered anything she’d ever done either, still, even Dean. Introducing himself to his own mother, and Hel, his own mother to herself, was something he could have done without the heartbreak of. Maybe Cas was right and it would wear off when they made it home, but for now she looked at Dean and still saw a stranger and that hurt more than any other pain the Darkness could have inflicted.

“Well, uh… I mean people wouldn’t be as all for it as they would be with you,” and that part made Cas smile, Dean would cling to that, “but they’d go along with it, if I vouched for him.”

“Thank you, Dean,” Cas said, tentatively reaching forward for Dean’s hand. “But I think I have to take him home. And I need to see how they all are, if by forcing me to leave them Gabriel doomed our pack further. But if I don’t feel needed… I would return to you, if you… if your pack would still have me?”

Dean nodded wordlessly and swallowed down hard again. “And if you are ‘needed’? Last time you felt like it had to be you leading them.”

“Circumstances might have changed dramatically in my absence.”

“They also mighta not. And what if that Raphael guy just straight out kills you this time?”

Cas’s eyes hardened. “I almost had him last time, even with Gabriel sabotaging me. I would not give him the chance.”

Dean looked away. He didn’t want to insult the alpha’s fighting ability, which he’d now seen for himself was more than good, but it was hard to ignore the part of him that was certain that if Cas walked away from him he was going to die. Or worse, _no, better_ , he might have to win, and stay, stay that traditional Pack Alpha looking after his people, and probably finding one or more than one of them to look after him – and then he’d forget all about Dean and coming back to him. Meanwhile Dean might never know which way it went – while Cas might be living it up with his birthrights finally handed to him, Dean might have to mourn him.

Well fuck that, he wasn’t going to wait at home mourning and pining. He was gonna…

“Ok, I get it, you need to go find out for yourself. Facing down your demons and all that.”

Cas nodded, and Dean wondered again if the alpha had wanted Dean to ask him to stay. “I also need to find out how the recent messes have affected them. I think they were sitting much closer to here than your pack was.”

“Yeah. So this is it?” Dean shrugged with a small smile and leant his back against a tree. “You’re going home, things are going back to normal after all this.”

“I guess so.” Cas curled his fists into the log he was sitting on, and clenched his jaw, and Dean wanted to know what he was thinking, wanted to cross the aching space between them and kiss him. But that wasn’t going to make this any easier, so Dean held himself back.

And besides, the same things that had kept him reluctant about letting himself fall for Cas in such a big way in the first place still stood. Dean still needed to work harder than most Alphas had to in keeping his image. With Cas in the picture, strangers would look at him and wonder why Cas didn’t openly take charge. If he ever… if there were ever children, well, governing while pregnant could be done, but it would be complicated.

Yeah. Same issues. Dean was just finding he cared about them less.

“So did you guys ever…?” Charlie started as everyone started getting Cas and Gabriel ready to leave. Dean watched with great amusement that felt painful at times as Cas continued to look surprised every time someone pulled him into a hug and said something nice to him.

“Did we ever what?” Dean asked, not as irritably as he might have normally.

“Y’know. Do the do. Sleep together.”

Dean glared at his friend. “You said that. I heard you say that.”

“Ok, I can’t talk in a straight line. But seriously. What’s actually like… been between you guys?”

Dean sighed. “A mess? Yeah, ok, we slept together a couple of times, but we kept messing things up. And we never... well, obviously we never went sealing any deals.”

“Hmm,” Charlie said, looking sympathetic, even as Dean saw a flash of something like triumph pass through her eyes.

“Did you tell him you want him to stay?”

“I mean I’m not sure I do,” Dean started, but as Charlie raised her eyebrow he gave in. “Fine. I want him to stay. But he has shit to deal with, and he wants to deal with it. So he wants to leave.”

“But he’s coming back?”

“Maybe.”

“What if… what if someone went with him to come back to you and tell you what happened?”

Dean blinked. “What are you saying?”

“What if I went with him to make sure he got there ok, and then to come back and tell you how it went?”

“Yeah but then you might have to travel back all on your own and I don’t want to risk you.”

“Not if Cas is a gentleman,” Charlie said with a smile. “And I think he is. I like him. Besides. I’ve realised I like travelling, y’know? And I feel like since I… never exactly saw the end of this quest… I’d like to see where else I could go, could see.”

“It’s a bad idea,” Dean insisted, but he could feel himself wearing down. Charlie was suggesting the ideal scenario. This way he wouldn’t need to pine pathetically, not knowing…

“It could be a good trade opportunity. If Cas does become an Alpha we’ve got great links already set up there we shouldn’t be wasting… but don’t worry, I’ll try making sure it doesn’t come to that,” Charlie added, giving Dean a slight shove in the side. “I’ll try bringing him home to you, tiger.”

Dean said nothing for a long moment. A responsible protective Alpha would tell his friend to stop being an idiot, that although, yes, this might become a lucrative opportunity in the long term, in the short term this was her risking her life for his personal issues, and that he couldn’t allow that…

“Thanks, Char.”

“No problem, Alpha. Besides, I… I think I kinda wanna be away from everyone here for a little while – nothing personal!” she added quickly. “Only… I mean I know we weren’t exactly stuck that way long, but… for a minute there I saw everyone at their worst, and, well, worse, they saw me at mine. And I know that it’s gone, but I’m not sure I’m going to feel like it is if I keep looking at the same people every day.”

Dean roughly threw an arm around his friend and pulled her closer. “C’mere,” he said.

“Ok, this is sweet, but you’re kinda squishing me now. Dean. Get off?”

“What was that?”

“ _Dean.”_

*

Jo kept close to Ruby all that night. It wasn’t exactly a conscious thing, more that apparently the whole world had changed, and Jo had seen a lot of people closest to her, including herself, turn into complete monsters – and a constant feeling through that, somehow, was that she still felt safer around Ruby. Even as she wrapped her arms around Castiel and told him goodbye, and good luck, for however long his next journey would last, Ruby was right there beside her, next in line.

Her hug with Charlie came after Dean started walking Cas away with Gabriel, his mother beside him, and it lasted much longer.

“You keep yourself safe out there.”

“Why, y’gonna miss me?”

Jo punched her friend lightly on the arm as she took a step back. “Not a bit, but I don’t trust Ash to keep the electricity working, and I want a lot of luxuries available to me when I get back.”

Charlie nodded at Ruby. “She’s gonna miss me. You’re gonna have to do a lot of comforting.”

“I’ll do my best,” Ruby told her, slipping her hand back into Jo’s with a smile.

Charlie grinned at them both, and then glanced at where Dean was about to say goodbye to the alpha that had come into their lives from nowhere, not even a month ago. Then she seemed to decide they were standing far enough away and, hissing out her words, beckoned the group close to her.

“Right. So. You’ve all placed your bets. Let me tell you who’s ended up the winners and losers in this race – because I have evidence from one of the sources himself…” Charlie drew in a huge breath which puffed up her slim chest, “that they have _slept together_ ,” there were a few groans, and a few more cheers at that, “and on _several occasions_ ,” there was some cackling coming into the mix now, along with some cursing and people rubbing their hands together hopefully, “but they _haven’t_ as might be deduced from their separation, been _mated._ Thanks for playing folks, that’s all.”

*

There were a lot of things Dean still wanted to say to the alpha in front of him by the time Charlie came running up behind them, looking slightly out of breath, and Dean wanted to panic. She was here, they were leaving, he was out of excuses.

But then, Charlie, being the incredible person she was, had her eyes droop in sympathy at the sight of Mary who she drew aside briefly to ask how she was feeling, and if she was remembering anything more. Gabriel, looking offended that their current discussion wasn’t revolving around him, moved to say something to them and Dean had suddenly snatched one more moment with Cas.

And apparently neither of them had anything prepared to do or say except stare.

“I... uh, I hope it goes well for you guys,” Dean managed to get out.

“Thank you,” Cas said, only a little hoarsely, “thank you for everything, Dean.”

Charlie was finishing saying goodbye, Dean could hear it. He only had a moment more…

Fuelled by a mystery boldness that took hold of him, Dean almost lunged forwards to grab hold of Cas’s collar and pull the alpha towards him. One last kiss, they deserved that much. Especially when they still smelt as good together as they did… or was that just to Dean?

When he pulled away, to a whistle from Gabriel he managed to ignore, it certainly looked as though Cas was affected by the moment as he was – his eyes wide with shock but his pupils dramatically diluted. “Now, make sure you come home to me,” Dean wanted to say, but the words still caught in his throat even as he continued to stare the alpha down fiercely. How could he ask that?

If Cas got back, and got to be the Alpha he was meant to be, he would get everything he was ever supposed to have had before his life had been so completely hijacked and tangled up with Dean’s. If that’s what he had waiting for him, Dean couldn’t ask him to give that up.

“Safe trip,” Dean choked out, and Cas nodded at him silently.

“And uh, remember to Change every now and again.”

Cas’s lips drew up wearily into a real smile. “I’ll remember. Thank you, Dean.”

They stared at each other another moment, or, what might have been several stacked moments, until Gabriel coughed and asked, “so we leaving or what?”

And a few moments after that, Dean was watching Cas’s retreating back, willing the alpha to turn around, and knowing Cas would not hear him anymore. Now the alpha couldn’t pick up on Dean’s longing, only the words he said aloud, and Dean had never been so great at those.

He watched the three Wolves go for longer than he’d meant to, trying to pull himself together already, be the Alpha his little group needed to bring them home in the middle of all this uncertainty and weirdness, but when he finally turned away he saw his Mom’s face was covered with tears.

“Mom,” he said, and rushed over to her, unthinking. He’d never thought of his mother as fragile before, but now, with no memories, he found himself worrying over her constantly, and sometimes looked at her and realised that she was beginning to look her age.

As his hands clutched gently at her arms, for the first time since she’d woken up she scrabbled to pull him to her. “Dean,” she breathed, and there was something different in the way she was saying his name…

“I remember you,” she said softly. “Just a little but I remember who you are.”

Of course, Dean had technically already explained to Mary who he was, but he wasn’t about to spoil the one good thing in his day with technicalities. “Oh yeah? Mom, that’s amazing.”

But when he pulled slightly back to look at her, Mary’s eyes were still haunted, and searching. “I remember you watching Sam walk away. Just like you watched him do now. And I asked you after at the time why you hadn’t just gone with him when it was so obvious that’s what you wanted to do and you said -”

“That I wasn’t going to leave you. That I wasn’t going to leave my pack. Not for anyone.”

Mary nodded, and cried a little more, allowing Dean to hold her close to him and not ask if this had been a happy, or a sad memory for his mother.

*

Sam was trying to put his daughter to bed when Victor ran in to tell him that Dean and his group were almost home.

“All in one piece?” Sam asked, trying not to hold his breath. It seemed too good to be true – it all seemed too good to be true. Jess had suffered through a painful labour, but nowhere near the fatal one Sam had built up to imagining in his nightmares based on Cas’s warning. Their attackers had all woken up – the dead and injured were not magically fixed, but those infected were suddenly able to function as normal again. Many of them, such as Christian who Sam had not found among the bodies still littering their home, had disappeared, no doubt ashamed and confused by their actions and realising that they were a long way from home. Others however, mainly the very young or very injured, had had nowhere to leave to, and the issue of what to do with them all was an issue the two cobbled packs still needed to find an answer to.

“All looking ok, but they’re missing three – though apparently nothing’s wrong there, no one’s dead,” Victor hurried to clarify at the look on Sam’s face. Then he grinned, almost shyly. “You gonna put that little lady down so we can go meet ‘em?”

Sam had scarcely wanted to put his child down since the first time he’d been able to hold her. It was almost as if without his magic he was newly consumed by fear that he wouldn’t be able to protect her unless he could see her. And it almost scared him how much he needed to know she was safe. Jesse hadn’t been quite this small the first time Sam had held him – he’d felt less breakable somehow. Or maybe Sam had grown more cautious with age about losing what he had.

Reluctantly, Sam smoothed back the tiny wisps of hair on his child’s head and walked over to where his mate lay sleeping, sandwiched in by their two dozing boys. And he wasn’t sure how to feel that he’d started to think of Adam as one of his ‘boys’ or when, exactly, that had started. Maybe when he’d started to notice that he acted with Jesse in a way that reminded Sam a little too closely of what he’d been like growing up with Dean. It was odd, but Jesse seemed to have found himself a new brother more than Sam had, on the same week he’d gained a sister.

“Hey,” Sam said softly, kissing at Jess’s curls and grinning widely when he received only a low groan in response.

“I’m putting the baby in her bed – Dean’s here, I’m just going out to meet him, ok?”

Her eyes snapped open and instantly zoned in on the baby, then she nodded. “Ok,” she told him. “Tell your brother I say hey, and also thanks, I guess? I mean we still think he caused that whole lightshow, right?”

“We still don’t know what that was.”

Crowley had become slightly hysterical in the aftermath of it, and despite the obviously cured rabids, had insisted that it more than anything else heralded the real end of the world. Sam had told everyone not to listen to him and go home to get some rest.

His pack particularly had been quiet since, Sam thought as he let Victor lead him to where Dean would soon be walking towards them. Magic had been a cornerstone of how they defined themselves as a pack for as long as any of them were able to remember, and Sam knew that even those of them who hadn’t attempted to use magic in years, like Jake, had been trying to test just how gone it was – because there was no question in any of their minds what had been taken from them, what had once been a reality that was now closed off for them.

“So who are they missing?” Sam asked as they stood at the edge of the settlement and waited.

“Charlie from us, and Castiel and his… cousin. From what they all suggested there they left together.”

“Tracy know?”

Victor gave him an ‘of course’ snort. “Yeah, she’ll be out in a bit. She did good, huh?”

“She did that,” Sam said smiling. Their casualties hadn’t been near what he’d feared they might be thanks to Tracy’s quick thinking to get guns dispersed among her weaker fighters with strong aim, and her following excellent strategising in the middle of the battle. Frank was the big loss, who they’d lost early in, and from his own pack Sam had lost Casey and Brady, and Donna was still having problems moving an arm, but in the majority they’d done much better than he’d worried they might.

And it seemed that Dean had too, if this report was to be believed. If he’d really gone off on this ridiculous mission, saved the world and lost no one that he’d left with then that was incredible.

Although Sam wondered and worried slightly about Castiel. He couldn’t really imagine the alpha wanting to leave his brother’s side.

Well, he could ask Dean that when he saw him and… and there he was. And before Sam knew what he was doing he was jogging over to his brother and pulling him into a bear hug, breathing in that family smell of home on his brother’s clothes.

“Ok, get off me.”

“Thought you were probably dead. Not happening.”

“Well I had to think that about you for _years_ and I didn’t squeeze you to death after.”

Still with a stupid wide grin taking up his whole face, Sam pulled away and looked his brother up and down. All in one piece, as it looked like the rest of them were too.

“Uh, so well done? Whatever you did it worked. I mean we were attacked, but nothing came of it after all the magic left us. If that was you guys you really saved all our asses big time.”

Sam saw Kevin smile wearily at that, as Jo grinned. “It was all Dean, and you’re godsdamned right he did.”

Dean scowled and looked down, but not so fast that Sam didn’t catch him blushing.

“And you didn’t lose anyone?”

“Uh, Charlie went off with Cas. He’s gonna take his cousin home,” Dean explained, his face and scent unreadable, but Sam had been trying hard to relearn his brother, and he felt like he knew that something wasn’t right there, that Dean was hurting. He wondered if they’d fought – but then why send Charlie?

Biting his tongue down on his questions until later, Sam nodded, and switched his attention to his mother, who seemed distracted. “You ok, Mom?”

She blinked up at him, and her mouth dropped into a small ‘o’ shape.

Dean cleared his throat. “Uh, when we said we didn’t lose anyone, that, uh, that might have been an underexaggeration.” He moved over towards their Mom and nodded towards Sam with a forced smile. “This is Sam, your other kid. Should be soon making you a grandma, actually.”

“That, uh, that’s actually already, uh, happened…”

“Jess had the baby?”

“Yeah,” Sam said, smiling awkwardly to some cheering from the tired group around him. “We’ve not named her yet. But, uh,” he took a step towards his Mom, taking in the way Jo bit down on her lip and Meg looked away, as she always tended to do when things became too emotional for her. “You ok, Mom?”

Mary tried to open her mouth but didn’t seem to be able to remember how to use words. Then just as it looked as though she might have been about to say something, Dean asked, “Has she Changed yet?”

“What?”

“The baby. Have you seen her Change yet?”

Sam dragged his focus away from their Mom and nodded. “Yes. Several times.”

Dean let his shoulders sag in relief as behind him Kevin muttered, “she might be the last though.”

“What?”

“With the magic gone,” Meg explained. “We don’t know what it’ll do, but it’ll probably get us eventually, right? Our whole species is kinda built on it, case you hadn’t noticed, Alpha.”

Sam nodded slowly. “Of course.” He’d been so busy thinking how the lack of magic would be able to help Jesse live a normal life without hurting anyone he’d scarcely thought of anything else.

“But what’s wrong with Mom?”

Dean grimaced again, and gave their mother a sidelong glance. “Long story, there.”

*

Everywhere as they travelled seemed to be showing more and more signs of spring, and it felt jarring. It had been a long, unkind winter, but a part of him almost mourned because the winter had given him Dean, and he wasn’t sure what either of them would be like in a summer together – maybe they would barely even recognise each other without their winter coats… which Cas knew was idiotic. He was just trying to find different ways of acknowledging that he missed the person he still felt in his soul was his Mate.

Charlie was better than Gabriel at keeping him out of that mindset. She talked often about the routes they passed, about the trade they were used to in Cas’s old pack with both other packs and if there were any humans nearby, and most of all she seemed to be determined to make Cas smile, or even laugh as she asked him every day about how pretty the girls were where he came from. Eventually this began an easy camaraderie between the three of them as Charlie continued on this line of questioning and it being one Gabriel wanted to hear answers to too.

“And this Alpha you left there… well, obviously a dick, since he went and threw you out like that, but how bad are they on a scale of like bully to serial rapist?” Charlie would ask, prompting a lot more nervous questioning from Gabe, who would eventually start asking why he was trusting that the two people he was travelling with were leading him anywhere sensible. Or how he was supposed to trust that neither of them were serial rapists.

Cas still kept one wary eye on his cousin because he still wasn’t sure that Gabriel wasn’t faking his amnesia somehow for reasons of his own. It just felt like a very Gabriel thing to do, even if he could accept that Loki was gone, so even when he let his cousin keep watch Cas liked to keep awake to see what he was doing.

One night Gabe called him out on it, and told him to sit up and talk if he was going to stay awake to satisfy his suspicious mind.

“I’m really that much of a shifty bastard, huh?” he asked as Cas wordlessly grunted and sat himself down beside him. The mocking tone had left his voice, and Cas realised he might have really hurt him. Even as children, he’d barely believed that was something he was able to do to his cousin.

“I’ve had a… strange few months,” Cas tried to explain. “And you have been a big part of that strangeness. So forgive me if I’m not exactly… welcoming yet.”

“Somehow I’d picked up on the ‘strange’ vibe already. Something about the talk of gods and magic tends to get that swirling in the brain, y’know?”

Cas smiled faintly, and Gabe picked up on that too. “You don’t smile much, do you?”

Cas felt taken aback. He’d never thought of himself like that before. “You used to make me smile a lot,” he admitted eventually. “When you left, that was…”

“If you try saying you stopped smiling when I left I might have to start crying.”

Cas smiled, a real one that he could feel reaching his cheeks this time.

“Ah ok, there it is. We ok then?”

“I’m still not sure I can trust you completely yet,” Cas told him, and Gabe shrugged.

“Well I still definitely don’t trust you yet because I can’t even remember who you are yet. For all I know you’ve been lying to me the whole time about being my cousin and you’re just a strange abductor guy. You really think _I’ve_ been sleeping much?”

Cas felt ashamed. “Gabriel…”

“Don’t worry about it.”

They didn’t say much after that, but the silence felt warm. But sometime before the sun was about to rise Gabriel looked over at Cas, as solemn as Cas had ever seen the beta look, and asked, “There’s no one waiting for me like that are they? Not like he is for you?”

Cas didn’t have any kind of answer for his cousin that didn’t sound like bluster, and after sitting up with him all night he didn’t want to insult Gabriel with that. So he simply looked back at him, and Gabriel nodded, looking down at his feet with a bitter smile.

Cas had spent six months wandering aimlessly in the wilderness between Dean’s packlands and his own, so it frustrated him beyond measure that he came back home to it after only three weeks of walking with Charlie and Gabriel by his side.

He was on edge the moment he could smell them passing into his old pack territory, and in his wolf form growled at the others to stay close near to him. Since they’d very casually started deferring to him as the Alpha authority in most decisions, mostly through the practicalities of Cas knowing which way they were actually going, the two obediently fell into step behind him.

They hadn’t been walking long when Cas started suspecting they were coming close to a scout. He couldn’t make out from the faint scent who it wasn’t, but he recognised Pack, and he knew that whoever it was would be on guard for strangers. And if they were close to Raphael they might simply attack him immediately as a warning, although surely with two other Wolves at his back…

Cas tensed and stopped walking when he saw the bushes start to rustle in front of him, and watched a wolf step out confident in front of him. As he watched the familiar red fur bristle up on her back he whined out in recognition and watched her eyes widen with unconcealable joy.

Anna had found them.

*


	52. Another Magic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean shrugged. “People can surprise you.”

Cas and Anna looked at each other, with that almost unnatural understanding they’d never needed to be Mates to each other to have to be able to gauge what the other was thinking and walked back, only to come back to one another, Changed.

“…Cas?”

She looked, if anything, healthier than she had the last time Cas had seen her – her skin did not cling to her cheekbones so closely as they had before, and she didn’t look quite so pale either. Her eyes hadn’t changed at all though, but for the present fact that they were filling with tears. “It’s really you?”

Cas swallowed. “It’s really me.”

And suddenly they were in each other’s arms, clinging on to each other as though they were frightened the other was about to blow away. “Thought I’d never see you again,” she murmured into his shoulder, as he brought up a hand to stroke at her hair.

“Is everything… are things ok here?”

Anna pulled away from him and to Cas’s shock he saw she was smiling. “Things are fine here, Cas, but fuck, I was missing you. I was freaked out that you were going to be alone out there – but you found _friends_ …” Anna sniffed slightly at the air and her eyes widened, then narrowed as she focused on Gabriel, who took a wary step back.

“…Gabe?”

Cas took her hand to drag back her attention, deliriously happy to be able to see his best friend again. “It’s a long story, but Gabe, he’s not… he doesn’t remember anything right now. I was actually hoping that taking home would… jolt some memories for him. Would that be safe for us to do?”

Anna tore her gaze away from Gabriel and smiled. “Of course, you don’t know… it’s more than safe, Cas. I can bring you home now.”

*

“Meg took Jesse out for hunting today,” Sam said, and took another swig of the drink in his hand as he dangled his legs off the roof they’d been helping to rebuild all day.

Dean grinned and leaned back, letting his legs swing up into the air. He couldn’t believe he was sitting up on a roof with his little brother again. As kids they’d never stopped finding things to climb to the top of, spots to watch the stars at night. Nothing made your own troubles feel smaller than looking up at the stars.

Of course, now they were grown-up, and Alphas no less, so they did their climbing in the daytime as a well-earned work-break. “What, you frightened his big sister’s going to try stealing your boy away from you?”

Sam smiled cautiously. “No. But… I’ll admit I was nervous. She’s never tried to speak much to Jesse before. Now suddenly she’s taking an interest… but Jesse came back happier than I’ve seen him in a long time. Meg’s his new favourite person, she tried teaching him to hunt like a dog, not a wolf. Apparently she’d been doing some reading.”

Dean shrugged. “People can surprise you.”

“Well, sure, but seriously, what happened to her out on that trip away? I’ve never seen that woman so mellow.”

“Still seems pretty spiky to me.”

“I guess.”

“But I suppose we’ve all had to do a lot of changing lately. Hel, you’re a father now, like a real one.”

Sam rolled his eyes, but he smiled. “Mom’s with Tracy again today. I think it helps her, having someone to look after that she’s not expected to remember anything about.”

Certainly that was something Mary had said. But Dean had seen that sometimes she was more in the mood to let Linda talk to her for a whole day about everything that had happened since their childhood, soaking up the information like if she just learned enough of the facts she’d begin to feel it again.

“Still can’t believe that’s what you called the baby.”

Sam shrugged. “Me and Jess both agreed that’s who we owed the most to. And I think your Tracy likes it.”

“My Tracy’s ego hasn’t stopped swelling since you made the announcement. What was wrong with Deanna, huh? Good family name, nice bite to it.”

Sam shook his head. “Not letting this go are you?”

“Fuck no. Bit of talking a lady down and I saved the whole world. I deserve some more credit to my name.”

“You kidding me? What action were you really seeing anyway up there, huh?” Sam teased. “Some of us were facing down armies over here.”

“And pushing out kids during,” Dean agreed. “Like fuck, Jess is a badass.”

Sam glowed. “You’re damn right.”

“You think Tracy’ll really be the last of us?” Dean asked, his voice wavering slightly. Much as he enjoyed advertising his adventure that had saved the world, his letting the Darkness take all that magic with her still haunted him. He wasn’t a magic-user, it didn’t really affect him yet as much as it did others. But Dean just knew that things were going to start changing soon, and when it did they’d be his fault.

“The last Changer?”

“Yeah.”

Sam scratched at his head and shrugged. “Maybe. Like if we have any more kids, they might just end up human, y’know? And that’s weird. Tracy was born in the middle of all that magic…” Sam smiled. “But the important part is that we’re alive to worry about that.”

“Yeah?”

“Of course. And I was thinking, if we do all end up human – like our kids?”

“Right?”

“Well we wouldn’t need to rely on the same kind of pack structure, would we? To be honest we don’t need to as is, but people like sticking to what they know. But just think of it – what if one day we had something like a human settlement joining our packs together? And maybe even others? Like, like an old fashioned human city from the stories – just think of it, Dean!”

Dean recognised that fiery spark in his brother’s eye that meant Sam had an idea he wasn’t letting go of anytime soon. “I think it’s dumb, but I think it sounds like you’re gonna make it happen. Which is… cool. So you don’t miss the magic?”

The question obviously caught Sam off guard, and that excitement in his eyes was dimmed. “Uh… in most ways no,” Sam said slowly. “Like, for the first time in a long time, I feel clean, y’know? But the… the itch for it is still here, and that’s annoying, because it’s literally this itch I can’t scratch – and like now I’ll never know if I could have held off from scratching it till its bleeding, y’know?”

Dean didn’t know, but he nodded, looking at the scars over Sam’s arms that wouldn’t ever go away.

“I think that’s why we had so much potential for it – because of Mom,” Sam went on, warming to his theme. “Even if she didn’t always know who or what she was, she got that in us.”

Dean shrugged. He wasn’t so sure he liked talking this through anymore. “Wanna get back to work?”

Sam smiled, and looked out over the still ruined camp, that was starting to look more like it used to again thanks to their repairs. If Sam and his Pack left when Spring really came in like they were planning to, they’d be dismantling half of the camp soon.

Sam stretched his arms out wide, then pulled them further up above his head, as Dean stared in horror.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

Sam shrugged his arms down so that they fell loose at his side. “Stretching. Keeps you limber, y’know?”

“That’s dumb.”

“No, it’s _smart_ , you should have a try before we start back.”

“No chance.”

“You’re getting older Dean, gotta keep that flexibility up…”

“Hey, respect your elders, asshat!”

*

Everything looked the same, but all the people in it looked so different, Cas reflected as he walked in to his old pack settlement. He’d grown up here, he’d taught children here, he’d fought for his life here… And all the people around him only seemed to look happier.

Cas wasn’t certain yet whether he could allow himself to feel comforted by that, as their curious faces turned to look at him, as the people he’d grown up with began to mutter and stare at the sight of him.

“So Raphael isn’t the Alpha anymore then?” Cas asked, trying to keep up, while at his heels Gabe and Charlie remained in their wolf forms, obviously still wary.

“No,” Anna said with a wide smile. “Raphael… It was actually Bartholomew that brought Raphael down-”

Cas kept down a growl but only just. “ _Him?_ ”

“Well, that was not long after you left. Raphael stayed though, took on a more administrative role. Actually goes by female pronouns now,” Anna added as an afterthought. “Not a great Alpha, but not such a bad administrator, even considering the way she treated you.”

“So Bartholomew -”

“No. We realised that with him we were only going to get more of the same that had kept us all so miserable for so long. So we… staged a coup.”

“A coup.” Cas felt puzzled by the old-fashioned word. “So there wasn’t just one of you challenging him?”

“No. You… you inspired us, Cas.”

“ _Me_? But I lost – I _failed -_ ”

“But you _tried_. And you’d tried to get the rest of us to listen, to rise up along with you. But we hadn’t thought we’d manage it then.”

“ _You_ ’d tried,” Cas pointed out. “They’d never managed to keep you down. Am I looking at my pack’s new Alpha?”

Anna didn’t exactly hold herself the way he’d expect an Alpha to, but he was willing to accept a lot these days without assuming anything. Making pre-emptive assumptions had been what had put him in such a mess with Dean in the first place. But Anna only laughed at him.

“Nah, real leader’s in here,” Anna said, continuing to lead Cas away from the faces that were still only watching Cas go by without saying a word to him, and up the stairs into the Alpha’s cabin. It smelt familiar, but the scent was so unexpected he couldn’t immediately identify it.

“Hannah?”

The beta looked up from her desk, and Cas could have sworn that he heard her let out a brief squeal as she got to her feet, eyes shining.

“Castiel,” she breathed, before basically falling into his arms and hugging on to him tightly. “We thought…”

“Thank you for looking after them, Hannah,” Cas said, raising a hand gingerly to her hair as she continued to speak into his chest. It was strange to meet with an Alpha that wasn’t as tall as him, or who wasn’t at least presenting herself as such. Cas wondered if his cousin’s willingness to seem small and vulnerable had more to do with the trust she held in him or the changing culture of the pack he’d left behind – either way, experiencing it warmed him.

“You came _home_ ,” she said, sounding oddly childlike as she pulled her head away from him, a wide smile taking up her whole face.

“I did. Hannah -”

“Castiel,” she cut in, saying his name at the same time he spoke her’s, “you should know that whatever it is you hoped to have in coming back here, whatever _position_ you might have hoped to win… you should know that it’s yours. None of us would have made it to where we are now without your example.”

His _example._ If only they could have known how he’d spent the time since he’d left them. He’d spent most of his time hungry, and almost as feral as the creatures infected by the Darkness, and then most of the rest of his remaining time at the mercy of a foreign pack, pining for someone who…

“We’ll have to throw you a welcome home feast…”

“Ok, if _he_ gets a feast,” Gabriel’s voice suddenly piped up, “then I really am dying to hear what _I_ get.”

*

Dean hadn’t seen Cas in forty-five days. Someway along that time he’d given up pretending to himself that he wasn’t counting, and the weather had started looking undeniably like spring, which meant that Sam would be leaving soon.

But there was one thing they’d promised they’d do before that happened. Drunkenly promised, but they’d made a decision, and they were going to stick to it.

“Seems kinda ridiculous that it’s so hard to get up here in winter,” Sam noted as he clambered over a log to get back on the slim old pathway finally visible again, offering a hand back to Adam as he did so. They’d decided that this was something their littlest brother should be there for too, and although the kid hadn’t said much since they’d left, Dean thought that he seemed pleased to have been included.

“Well, it’s not like we can’t preserve ‘em when the cold’s here,” Dean pointed out. “Or, y’know. Sometimes we burn ‘em. But Dad died in summer, so it wasn’t a problem.”

That had been a strange year.

“Tara burned my Mom,” Adam said, causing both of his brother’s to stiffen.

“Oh yeah?” Sam asked eventually.

“Yeah, then we scattered the ashes in the garden ‘cause Tara said that’s what she would have wanted. But I don’t think she wanted to die at all.”

“Sometimes we know people aren’t getting what they would have wanted,” Sam said cautiously, “but we can give them the next best thing.”

Dean nodded, glad he hadn’t been the one to have to think of something to say to their still grieving little brother. It was getting a lot easier, talking to Adam, thinking of him as a person instead of John’s mistake, but Dean still couldn’t help feeling relieved that Adam would be leaving with Sam when his pack left to find new territory. It seemed a shame to split him and Jesse up, Sam had pointed out, and Dean saw the logic in it. Both boys were… despite the magic leaving the world, still very different to everyone around them, and had formed a tight bond that was almost painfully familiar to watch.

He wouldn’t be the only one going with them. Dean had been surprised but not annoyed when Donna had asked to leave with Sam – or, more accurately, with Jody Mills, who was one of the Wolves from Sam’s pack that Dean had been able to talk to, and get to like, to respect. Apparently, Donna thought the same, and Dean was trying hard not to speculate too much on exactly what terms they were leaving with each other on. He suspected that Jo knew, but after his whole pack was still consumed with owing each other a lot of food and favours over their suspicions over Dean’s love life, he was trying his best to take the high ground on discussing other people’s.

But while Donna’s decision might still be a little mysterious, Ruby’s wasn’t. Jo had come straight to Dean with the request as soon as she’d asked the beta to stay, and, apparently, Ruby had then revealed she’d never had any intention of leaving Jo.

“If we could move up a Pack Inclusion ceremony to soon… I think my Mom would be really happy,” Jo had added when Dean sighed and told her he’d be happy to let Ruby stay. Hel, he wasn’t going to put it like that to one of his oldest friends, but he wasn’t exactly gonna question anyone too hard that made her look that godsdamn happy all the time.

“Why, you in a real hurry to mate soon or something?” he’d thrown at her as a token tease. When she’d blushed bright red he’d mostly left her alone, but he hadn’t been able to stop thinking of it without a harsh pang of envy in his chest ever since.

Gods, for the one you wanted to actually want to stay with you… what a nice thing that had to be.

“It looks the same,” Sam said when they reached the graveyard.

“’Cept for the fresh graves,” Dean reminded him, a little harsher than he’d meant to as he glanced down at the darker patch of earth. Frank’s loss especially had hit Dean harder than he’d have expected it to. Like, Hel, the guy had been nothing but a dick for ninety percent of the time Dean had known him, but his absence left a hole in the pack which had been difficult to fill. Apparently he’d gone out fighting though, which Dean could say with some certainty was something the old alpha would have been pleased with. And Ash had naturally started moving to take on all the reigns of Frank’s technical knowledge, with Kevin eagerly helping him out. Charlie would be fiercely jealous over that apprentice whenever she made it home – _if_ she ever made it home…

 _Cas wouldn’t let anything happen to her,_ Dean reminded himself in his head for the hundredth time that week.

Sam nodded grimly, and walked respectively past the graves, the new ones, and the old ones, belonging to people like their grandparents, to find John Winchester’s grave.

“Still doesn’t seem real,” Sam admitted on a sigh as he looked down at the grave, marked only by a small wooden structure, marking that the person buried under it had died as a Pack Alpha.

Dean wondered if that’s all anyone would leave behind to mark his own passing – but then wanted to kick himself for sounding so morbid. If Cas was here – if Cas was here and could still hear him, he corrected himself quickly – he would… yeah.

A lot of things would be different if Cas was there.

“I only really met him as a little kid,” Adam said as he looked dispassionately at the ground. Over his head, Dean and Sam exchanged smiles, but held back from reminding their brother that he was still very much a little kid.

“He seemed ok,” Adam said confidently, thought Dean was pretty sure Adam wouldn’t be able to remember much at all about John. It seemed like a nice ‘closure’ gesture anyway, if a little morbid, coming up here together before splitting again.

Not that it was going to be like last time they’d all be together. Dean knew where Sam was headed now, and maybe they’d be able to make Sam’s grand idea of joining packs together like humans a workable idea. But for now it was probably best that everything for their respective packs could start getting back to some kind of normal, whatever that had really been in the first place.

“Dad was…” Sam started, but bit down on his lip.

“He was a jerk, best part of every day - let’s not go making shit up now just to be nice,” Dean grunted.

“ _Dean_ ,” Sam hissed, but Adam only giggled, which made Dean smile.

“But I mean looking back,” Sam said, “I wasn’t exactly… what Dad did wasn’t right, but I wasn’t right either. I can’t regret leaving, not now, but… I am sorry, Dean.”

“Well you don’t need to be,” Dean said, looking hard at his brother and finally feeling like the words were true. “So many years there I was mad at you for taking off, but Hel, you were barely older than Kevin and your old man was telling you he expected you to take him down, or he’d get you.” Dean shrugged and looked down, feeling a little bad. “Like man, he wasn’t all bad, but I see you with your kids and I know there’s nothing they could do that’d make you treat ‘em like that. Somehow you turned out alright, even without me,” Dean added, shoving into his brother’s ribs and trying to smile.

But that was the part that stung hardest, wasn’t it? People did ok when they left him behind.

Dean felt a hand on his shoulders and looked up to see his brother’s eyes were shining. “Thanks, Dean.”

Rolling his eyes, Dean slunk away from the hand. “Ok, we’re not having a full on _moment_ here, nuh-uh.”

“C’mon, hug it out -”

“Get off of me, you needy giant -”

“Guys, can we go home now?” Adam asked, looking bored. “It’s getting cold.”

“Sure, buddy,” Sam told him. “Just let me give my big brother a hug first, then we can go home. I think he needs this.”

“I swear to all the dead gods…” But despite his complaints, Dean still allowed Sam to catch him, and for a moment, let himself be held. This was all the family Dean really had left that really remembered who he was. Sure, Mary was remembering more and more every day, and Linda had been a huge help which was still, frankly, an odd surprise, but Mary still wasn’t really his Mom yet. Sam, and Adam, would be leaving tomorrow and Dean wasn’t sure he was ready to let more people leave him behind.

So it was more like a few minutes, after giving in and patting Sam’s back, that Dean tugged himself away and melodramatically shook himself down.

“Can’t wait to get some peace and quiet around here when you guys finally get going,” Dean growled as Adam laughed. It was a new thing that, hearing the kid laugh. Dean wasn’t sure how he felt knowing that he’d assumedly be missing umpteen amounts of Adam’s other firsts.

“Yeah, keep telling yourself that,” Sam said, clapping a hand on Dean’s shoulder before moving off the way they had come, Adam at his heels.

*

“Sometimes when I hold her I remember what it was like holding you, or Sam,” Mary said when Dean came and found her that night, holding her grandchild at the sidelines of the celebration as Sam and his mate danced.

It was mostly a goodbye party, but it was also about welcoming Ruby, and a few other of the former rabids, into the pack officially, just as they were saying a particular goodbye to Donna. But there was a strong feeling of relief on the air too that had nothing to do with either of those things – it had been almost two months now, and the world was still spinning; they’d beaten off their attackers, and they’d made it through what had been a very long, hard and strange winter. It was a party for a lot of reasons, only some of them spoken about aloud.

“Oh yeah?” Dean asked as he took the empty chair beside his mother. “Who was the cutest baby?”

Mary scrunched up her face in obvious concentration. It was getting easier with time for her to remember things, Dean knew, but it still didn’t come without effort, and still he found himself consumed with worry that what she was remembering was only shades of what her body had been, and that in some ways his Mom would never really come back to him. But he didn’t like thinking about it that way so he generally tried not to.

“Objectively? Sam, I think,” Mary admitted as Dean made a face and folded his arms over.

“Ok, I don’t accept that answer, because _I_ remember what he looked like as a pup. Unless I was ugly. Was I a potato baby?”

Mary laughed, biting down on her lip. “I think… with you – you were my first, I can’t even describe the new levels of love I had to learn with you, Dean.”

“Apparently still wasn’t cute though…”

“…But you terrified me. I was young, you were my first, and I had no idea what I was doing. But you always seemed to know what you wanted,” she said, smiling as though the memories were surprising her as she related them. “Sam was a quiet baby, but you were always screaming.”

“Ok, great, so I was the asshole kid.”

“No! No, you just really knew what you wanted then. And your eyes were always open from the first. I felt as though you knew who I really was right from the first, and you weren’t sure yet whether you… approved of me yet. And then you were walking so young, and talking so young, and you had these little fists that were always grabbing for me, like you were trying to make sure I wasn’t going to put you down before you were ready, or, or demanding I pick you up.” Mary laughed again. “Looking back, I feel you were too much your own person even then for me to just think of you as cute.”

“You’re remembering a lot more,” Dean noted, trying to smile.

“Having Linda with me has… she’s been helping a lot,” Mary admitted.

“I guess having someone with you who’s known you your whole life has gotta be…”

“You know we’re sleeping together again?” Mary asked suddenly. In her arms, Tracy’s eyes snapped open, as though she could hear that the grown-ups around her had started speaking about something more interesting.

“What? You and Linda… Linda _Tran…_ Wait, what do you mean _again,”_ Dean pressed. True, he was currently finding it difficult to really think of his mother as his mother, but that didn’t mean that the thought of her sleeping with _anyone_ wasn’t jarring.

“I wasn’t sure if you knew,” Mary added, sounding somewhat detached. “But we had been something of a couple before I met your father, and now, while she’s been helping me…”

Dean coughed. “Ok, I uh, I get the picture. I, uh… I think. So you’re… happy?” he asked, sounding only a little strangled.

Mary nodded and her face softened. “She makes me very happy, Dean. I hope you’ll have someone for you like that.”

Dean shrugged. “Well. I got a pack to look out for. And it’s all their jobs to look after my happiness so… I don’t do so bad.”

“It’s strange that I’ve lived so long surrounded by Alphas,” Mary noted. “My father, my grandfather, my Mate, now both my children… and I think it’s rare that anyone’s happiness comes from that job. I’m not trying to say I don’t think you and Sam can be happy,” she added hurriedly. “Only… I think you need something outside of the work you do. Something that’s only yours.”

“Mmm.”

“What will you do if he doesn’t return to you?” Mary asked.

“I’ll be ok,” Dean told her after a short pause.

“That’s not what I asked.”

“Well, that’s all I got right now,” Dean said, and watched his brother dancing with his mate, watched Ruby and Jo dancing, Benny and Andrea, some of the pups spinning each other around, Victor twirling Bela as she tried to fake that she was holding him at arm’s length.

“Are you going to dance?” Mary asked.

“You offering?”

His mother smiled, and stood up. “I’ll see if anyone else fancies holding this little lady and then… I would love to, Dean.”

*

It felt so much more like coming home, walking over the familiar stream that would lead him back to Dean, than it had returning to his childhood packlands, Cas mused as he passed the territory line, and made the decision to Change, and examine his appearance in the water. It had been almost eight weeks since he’d last seen Dean, and he’d prefer to look as though he hadn’t just been travelling back through the wilderness alone for the last three of them, narrowly avoiding several fights along his roads. People were still tense everywhere, and strangers were even less welcome than they had been before.

Again, Cas had to try not to think about what kind of welcome he might be received when someone noticed he was here. Dean may not have left his sentries with any kind of instructions in how to treat him when they found him. Dean himself might have grown sick of waiting, might not have even wanted to wait, might have been relieved when Cas hadn’t shown sooner…

Cas shook his head and changed into the only clothes he had with him. Whatever Dean’s reaction, Cas had come this far, and he wanted, no, needed to know, what it would be. There’d been little else to think on for his journey back and the not knowing had consumed him, especially when, in the warmer weather, he was able to easily carry out a lot of his travel as a human. And human brains were treacherous for overthinking things. Cas was sure now that he had analysed every possible way their reunion might play out, and still he had his heart in his throat and continued on with no one stopping his approach.

One thought he hadn’t liked to think on much was that Dean’s pack might be sorely depleted, if any of the Darkness’ mist had got to them – perhaps in coming home, Dean had not walked back into safety, but tragedy.

But as Cas walked closer towards the camp he didn’t think it sounded as though anyone had suffered too much – that was still a large-sounding pack he was listening to, was smelling.

He thought he’d been nervous walking in to find Anna, with Charlie and Gabriel still there behind him. That had nothing on this.

He was maybe twenty metres from the nearest structure when a familiar figure walked out towards them.

“…Castiel?”

“Victor,” Cas managed, as he tried for a small smile. “Is everything ok?” he asked as, to his surprise, the other Wolf pulled him in for a hug.

“We weren’t sure we’d be seeing you back here,” Victor told him. “When I heard a howl go up about one Wolf coming back to us I thought it had to be Charlie – where is she, man? Is she ok?”

There was a slight edge to the beta’s voice that Cas sympathised with. “She’s safe. She’s back with my Pack, on invitation. I actually have a letter here from her that she wanted me to pass on to Dean.”

Victor snorted. “Well, he’ll be wanting to see you then. Come on in,” he said, throwing his arms wide, only a little mockingly.

Cas took a deep breath in, reminding himself of the scent of this place, on what he might now be able to make his home. _If Dean would have him…_ Then he took a step forward.

People were less cautious on this second return. These Wolves remembered him more freshly, and had expected him to return, and they did not suffer such mixed feelings as his old pack had been forced to go through at the sight of them – and so as Cas walked through the camp behind Victor many people waved at him, or called out his name.

Sam and his people had gone, Cas discerned. The pack had been able to return to its status quo, and to rebuild – which it looked like they certainly had been doing, judging by many of the buildings he passed.

The Alpha cabin however seemed relatively unscathed – Benny must have protected it well in Dean’s absence, Cas thought as he looked up those four intimidating stairs. One winter’s night not so long ago he had almost fallen down those stairs, unable to support himself on two legs and physically overcome by the scent of his Mate in heat – almost, because Dean had caught him. Then the Alpha had picked Cas up and taken him inside with him, and for a day or so the room had become theirs, an oasis in a very literal storm that had raged outside.

For a moment Cas could do no more than stare at those steps and the door they led to, almost allowing panic to take over entirely. What was he doing? Dean had wanted him to come back, Cas was almost sure of that. But he couldn’t be entirely sure. What if Dean had been secretly relieved to be free of him? What if Cas had to make his way home, once again, to his old pack, and find some way to make himself useful… or, worse, what if Dean was too good, too _Dean_ to turn Cas away, even if he wasn’t sure he wanted him…

“I figure you know the way in,” Cas registered Victor’s voice telling him, and he made his neck nod his head in belated response as he continued staring at the stairs, left feeling again as though his legs would not obey him all over again.

It really wasn’t such a long way up.

In a few short months, Cas had survived several attacks on both his body and mind, he’d had to teach himself how to Change safely again, he’d had to teach himself a new way of walking. Climbing four stairs was nothing.

At least, that’s what Cas told himself as he gingerly put a foot down on the first one. Three more to go… Except suddenly the stairs dropped on his list of things to focus on as the door to the Alpha cabin opened and Dean stepped out onto the wooden landing, a faded rucksack slung across one shoulder.

Cas struggled to find anything to say as the omega’s attention finally fixed on him, all of Dean’s movements seemingly delivered in slow motion. Those green eyes were unchanging, but the rest of Dean’s face had changed, in small, subtle ways. There were more freckles scattered over his nose, and the Alpha seemed to have grown in a small cropped beard. He’d always payed such close attention to his appearance, but now it seemed as though Dean had stopped noticing at what rate his facial hair was growing.

“Cas?”

Dean’s voice was a little hoarse, almost as though the omega had been, or wanted to start, crying, but those eyes looked dry, and intimidatingly wide. They almost looked hurt, angry… but there was _joy_ creeping into his scent too, and his shoulders were slumping as though finally, _finally_ , he could let down his guard, let down his burdens.

Dean licked his lips over as Cas nodded. “I’m here,” he confirmed, because he had a feeling that Dean still wasn’t sure. “I came back.”

Dean took a step down the stairs. “What happened to Charlie?”

“She’s with my old pack. I’m not entirely sure how long she intends to stay but… she wrote you a letter, here,” Cas said reaching for the paper within his bag as Dean simply watched him.

“But she’s not… she’s not in any danger? That douche isn’t the one still in charge?”

“No. My cousin Hannah runs everything now.”

“Not you.”

“No. She offered, but…”

Dean smiled tentatively, and put another foot down on the next stair. “What did she do, bribe Char with tech?”

“Not exactly. I believe a draw for Charlie was the lack of technology in my home settlement, which was something she was interested in doing something about. But I think she was also interested in doing something about, uh… Hannah herself.”

Dean grinned slowly. “Man, you are blushing hard.”

“They were really quite… a lot,” Cas admitted, remembering several occasions of finding it was the wrong moment to knock on the door of the Alpha cabin. Or the boiler’s cabin. Or the new generator cabin.

Dean shook his head at the ground. “The girl has game, but fuck, she’ll be missed around here… I thought that was her coming back,” he added quickly, and by the way the Alpha said it Cas gleaned that this was something Dean was finding painful to admit to.

“So did Victor.”

“No, but man, I _really_ thought that had to be Charlie when I heard ‘em call it. And it was like…” Dean’s fingers began to curl neatly around Cas’s cloak as he spoke, “like something snapped in me. I just… I finally thought about what it was gonna be like, you not coming back. And I knew I couldn’t do it.”

“What do you mean?” Cas asked, looking up into the omega’s eyes, hand starting to reach out in the air, waiting to be invited to touch.

Dean exhaled raggedly, like he was trying to push out all the breath inside his lungs. “I was gonna leave. I was gonna see Charlie, ask her how things went, but I had a bag packed. I was walking straight over to Tracy after, tell her to take good care of everyone, and then I was gonna… find you.” Dean raked a hand through his hair and looked up the sky and the familiarity of the gesture made something ache pleasantly in Cas, made him bold enough to grasp hold of Dean’s hand not already holding onto him.

“And then what were you going to do?”

Dean swallowed. “I… hadn’t thought that far ahead.”

Cas nodded, and tried to stand a little taller. “Well. I’ve thought a lot about what I wanted to do when I saw you again. I’ve had little else to think on.”

“Oh yeah?”

“First I was planning to beg you let me stay here with you.”

“Ok, well that’s uh… that’s done.”

It was the first time Cas could remember Dean ever looking visibly flustered, and it sent a thrill through him knowing that he’d done that to the Alpha.

“Then… well I was hoping I might have the chance to kiss you,” Cas admitted, as Dean leaned down, holding his cheeks tightly in two hands, apparently needing no more of a run in to press their lips together.

They still smelt so _right_ together it was almost enough to leave Cas feeling drunk on it – it had been so long, so long since he’d felt Dean this close to him, his teeth snagging on Cas’s lip…

And in front of anyone who might walk past and see. Dean really had grown bolder.

“Next?” Dean asked as he pulled away after what felt like a long time to have been only one kiss.

“Next, I was going to tell you again that I love you,” Cas said, suddenly confident as he snaked his arms around the omega’s waist.

“Oh. Well I… I love you too,” Dean managed slowly, but with more ease than Cas had expected from him. “And it’s got nothing to do with any of -”

“The magic. No. Although…”

“Although?”

Narrowing his eyes, Cas raised a hand to Dean’s forehead, and to the omega’s disgruntled bemusement, did his best to _push…_

 _Hello, Dean,_ he thought, feeling only a little like an idiot. Because he could already feel that it had worked, just a little.

Dean’s eyes went wider. “Cas you… you got it back? How? Wh -”

“Gabriel’s been remembering a little more,” Cas tried to explain, “and he had a theory about how the magic had worked. It could ‘open gates’, but to keep them open took ‘muscle’. So assumedly reopening a gate which had already been opened was only a matter of applying the right _amount_ of muscle… I thought, anyway, it might be worth finding out.”

Dean stared, still looking a little dazed. “I love you.”

“Dean -”

“No, like really. I love that you’d be the person to think of trying shit like that. I love that you came back. I love you. You know what the only thing I had on my agenda for if I found you?”

Cas shook his head, feeling as though he wanted to cry. Surely this couldn’t be real, this was all some new kind of magic seeping into the world, built to confuse him.

Dean leaned a little closer again, and murmured into his ear, “I was going to get you to a bed, and I was going to try making sure you mated me this time. That way you couldn’t walk away from me again, not so easy.”

Cas’s voice wanted to catch in his throat, but he forced himself to widen his eyes in mock confusion. “But, Dean. You have a bed just inside there. And now you have me.”

Dean’s lip quavered a little.

“So, I suppose what I’m asking, Alpha is… what are you waiting on?”

Dean moved so fast Cas was almost once more in danger of falling down his stairs, but it wasn’t like the time before. Dean didn’t need to wait to carry Cas into his rooms, he was able to grab the alpha’s clothes tightly and practically drag him up the stairs, trusting that Cas would follow.

And, of course, he was right.

Grinning at the thought of the moments stretching ahead of them, of the _years_ stretching ahead of them, Cas scrambled up the stairs behind his soon-to-be-mate, and felt finally, wonderfully, as though he’d made it home.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe it's actually finished.
> 
> Like I really have got some timestamps planned for this, and feel free to send on any ideas for those my direction, but its 
> 
> f i n i s h e d.
> 
> It's been roughly a year and a half since I started this... and just wow. Like huge thank you to everyone who's been leaving kudos or especially leaving comments, that honestly has never failed to brighten my day and keep me motivated. You're all the best, especially those who've been following this story since the start because I am frankly shocked and amazed at your patience in putting up with me.
> 
> For anyone looking for more of me, I have a writing tumblr under the same name - feel free to send me any prompts or ideas or messages of greeting there as well as here. I'm also going to try and go back to my long partially abandoned alive!Mary au, and have a few things I might put out for Christmas...
> 
> But seriously, thank you again for all the reading, and if you liked it please let me know it's my favourite part. I crave that validation.
> 
> <3


End file.
